FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Doms and Dommes
Doms and Dommes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have no clue what your talking about.  "
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what. "
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it "
Well I’m this world of being PC shall we just call them Dooms? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx"
 |
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"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death "
In some instances it is, take breath play for instance. Done without understanding and emergency medical knowledge one mistake is death. Some things should be left until they've researched and understood and gradually gained experience. Also know how to perform CPR! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx"
How so? Is their D/S relationship not valid because it's not what the kink community accepts as one?
Surely it's all down to individuals?
P.S. I've never seen the movie/read the books. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it "
It can't be defined, different dynamics have thier own definitions of what it is and what's it means to them, there's no singular answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing "
Then read up on it there's plenty to read online. And read forums everywhere and chat to people about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it "
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
It can't be defined, different dynamics have thier own definitions of what it is and what's it means to them, there's no singular answer. "
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
You're too vanilla 
Surely that's a punishable offence? "
That will be 10 whip...ped cream covered buns you have to it now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing "
You may "want" to, but to learn you have to truly listen, and that ain't something you're a class A student at.
Do actual research perhaps, learn about peoples experiences and accept them for what they are.
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Well I’m this world of being PC shall we just call them Dooms?"
Now you are confusing me even more.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sometimes I don't get the whole d/s thing either, why would anyone want to choose between domino's and subway? Surely it's always gonna be domino's, no wait, subway, no, domino's... Oh now I'm even more confused |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Sometimes I don't get the whole d/s thing either, why would anyone want to choose between domino's and subway? Surely it's always gonna be domino's, no wait, subway, no, domino's... Oh now I'm even more confused"
Meatball pizza? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
"
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But what if I wanted a woman to Dom me?
I'm here for you sweetie xxx
Prick tease!
Tease my prick anytime xx
I'll prick your tease if you're not careful Sonny Jim!"
Sounds equally delightful Mrs xx |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here. "
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sometimes I don't get the whole d/s thing either, why would anyone want to choose between domino's and subway? Surely it's always gonna be domino's, no wait, subway, no, domino's... Oh now I'm even more confused
Meatball pizza?"
Yes please   |
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"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here.
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan"
Oh yes - Darth Vader style breath play mask! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx
How so? Is their D/S relationship not valid because it's not what the kink community accepts as one?
Surely it's all down to individuals?
P.S. I've never seen the movie/read the books."
Not at all, but because it becomes the go to reference for so many, and yet so many within the kink community found it caused more issues than created any insight.
After it so many people claimed to be Dom’s, with none of the insight into how they should conduct themselves.
Many enjoyed it, it opened the door for exploration, which can’t be a bad thing- if done with fully informed consent and understanding of D/s dynamics.
I personally read a few chapters of the first book, couldn’t cope with how badly written it was. The films haven’t appealed after that.
My issue, is that the franchise has caused belittling of people like me, as people see that as gospel, and judge accordingly xx |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here.
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan
Oh yes - Darth Vader style breath play mask! "
Bring it on big boy! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing "
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand."
This xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here.
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan
Oh yes - Darth Vader style breath play mask!
Bring it on big boy!"
Love to experience your dark side xx |
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"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here.
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan
Oh yes - Darth Vader style breath play mask!
Bring it on big boy!
Love to experience your dark side xx"
It’s dark... very dark... it’s Vanta Black - she uses the force in strange ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx
How so? Is their D/S relationship not valid because it's not what the kink community accepts as one?
Surely it's all down to individuals?
P.S. I've never seen the movie/read the books.
Not at all, but because it becomes the go to reference for so many, and yet so many within the kink community found it caused more issues than created any insight.
After it so many people claimed to be Dom’s, with none of the insight into how they should conduct themselves.
Many enjoyed it, it opened the door for exploration, which can’t be a bad thing- if done with fully informed consent and understanding of D/s dynamics.
I personally read a few chapters of the first book, couldn’t cope with how badly written it was. The films haven’t appealed after that.
My issue, is that the franchise has caused belittling of people like me, as people see that as gospel, and judge accordingly xx"
Know it’s off subject, but take the film Rain Man. Amazing film, but referenced constantly when my daughter was being diagnosed, always the same thing- is she good with numbers. My daughter is non verbal with a severe learning disability too. The principal with 50 Shades is the same. Just as no one autistic person is the same/a savant, no one D/s relationship can be defined by that franchise. It can open up debate, but shouldn’t be used as a stand alone point of reference xx |
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Most importantly , this not only can't be defined in just one way , it should not be attempted to be defined , it will define itself but definitely won't be defined by others , only the two inside will ever get a chance to define it , or is it a chance to define themselves ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand."
Or does interest me |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Know it’s off subject, but take the film Rain Man. Amazing film, but referenced constantly when my daughter was being diagnosed, always the same thing- is she good with numbers. My daughter is non verbal with a severe learning disability too. The principal with 50 Shades is the same. Just as no one autistic person is the same/a savant, no one D/s relationship can be defined by that franchise. It can open up debate, but shouldn’t be used as a stand alone point of reference xx"
A very good analogy indeed - D/s relationships are as unique as the individuals that define them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Know it’s off subject, but take the film Rain Man. Amazing film, but referenced constantly when my daughter was being diagnosed, always the same thing- is she good with numbers. My daughter is non verbal with a severe learning disability too. The principal with 50 Shades is the same. Just as no one autistic person is the same/a savant, no one D/s relationship can be defined by that franchise. It can open up debate, but shouldn’t be used as a stand alone point of reference xx
A very good analogy indeed - D/s relationships are as unique as the individuals that define them "
Thank you x Precisely! Our D/s relationship is based upon us, any my Dom has with someone else is based upon them. It won’t be the same, as no one relationship is ever the same xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx
How so? Is their D/S relationship not valid because it's not what the kink community accepts as one?
Surely it's all down to individuals?
P.S. I've never seen the movie/read the books.
Not at all, but because it becomes the go to reference for so many, and yet so many within the kink community found it caused more issues than created any insight.
After it so many people claimed to be Dom’s, with none of the insight into how they should conduct themselves.
Many enjoyed it, it opened the door for exploration, which can’t be a bad thing- if done with fully informed consent and understanding of D/s dynamics.
I personally read a few chapters of the first book, couldn’t cope with how badly written it was. The films haven’t appealed after that.
My issue, is that the franchise has caused belittling of people like me, as people see that as gospel, and judge accordingly xx"
So it works for some and not for others, got it. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
Why are you talking about it?
Because I can't define it
Why do you need to?
I get it, if you want to actually discuss and debate it, but if it’s just a post to try and belittle/criticise someone’s else’s lifestyle choice, then that’s actually going to be counterproductive to what you’re seeking xx
Why not?
I feel like I'm missing something here.
Yes, knowledge, young pandawan
Oh yes - Darth Vader style breath play mask!
Bring it on big boy!
Love to experience your dark side xx
It’s dark... very dark... it’s Vanta Black - she uses the force in strange ways."
Only for you  |
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"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what. "
It's because I can get men to let me use their balls as squeaky toys |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand.
Or does interest me "
Then in it's most basic form the above still applies - from there it's down to you to give some thought as to where you might fit into such a dynamic, what exactly interests you about it, and more besides and that can only come from truly examining yourself and getting a level of self-understanding - once you have done that I'd suggest seeking out the many good blogs and books on the subject and informing yourself as much as you can before even considering getting involved in any kind of play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
It's because I can get men to let me use their balls as squeaky toys "
Heaven !! |
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"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death "
It can be life or death. BDSM play involves many aspects that can potentially lead to death (eg. Breathplay) or severe injuries through bondage or punishment. It's extremely important that both parties know what they are doing and that trust exists. I've not read the entire thread so this may have been covered but unless you are involved in the scene you won't "get it" |
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"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand.
Or does interest me
Then in it's most basic form the above still applies - from there it's down to you to give some thought as to where you might fit into such a dynamic, what exactly interests you about it, and more besides and that can only come from truly examining yourself and getting a level of self-understanding - once you have done that I'd suggest seeking out the many good blogs and books on the subject and informing yourself as much as you can before even considering getting involved in any kind of play."
There's more to BDSM than D/s it's a wide subject. Personally I'd recommend reading about the many types of roles and even watching fetish porn see what causes arousal and why it causes arousal, is it the idea of doing something to someone or receiving.
Being involved in a fetish lifestyle takes knowing yourself and if your new it's a journey of discovery. Try things it's the only way to know if you like something or not. If your doing things with another make sure they are trust worthy and understand your learning. Don't rush into something extreme either take each step at a time and enjoy the progress. You'll discover things that may shock you that you couldn't believe you liked or find some things just really aren't for you at all that's all fine. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Why do you need to get it?
I want to get everthing
If it doesn't interest you then all you really need to understand is that some people enjoy a lifestyle where dominance and submission play a part - it's like any other fetish or kink in that there is no simple definition - it may be character related, might have been moulded by life experiences, might just be because they read something about it, tried it and found they enjoyed it, or like me found their interest was natural and instinctive.
Either way it's what they enjoy, just the same as I am sure you have things that you enjoy, that others may not understand.
Or does interest me
Then in it's most basic form the above still applies - from there it's down to you to give some thought as to where you might fit into such a dynamic, what exactly interests you about it, and more besides and that can only come from truly examining yourself and getting a level of self-understanding - once you have done that I'd suggest seeking out the many good blogs and books on the subject and informing yourself as much as you can before even considering getting involved in any kind of play.
There's more to BDSM than D/s it's a wide subject. Personally I'd recommend reading about the many types of roles and even watching fetish porn see what causes arousal and why it causes arousal, is it the idea of doing something to someone or receiving.
Being involved in a fetish lifestyle takes knowing yourself and if your new it's a journey of discovery. Try things it's the only way to know if you like something or not. If your doing things with another make sure they are trust worthy and understand your learning. Don't rush into something extreme either take each step at a time and enjoy the progress. You'll discover things that may shock you that you couldn't believe you liked or find some things just really aren't for you at all that's all fine. "
Wise words |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
"
I'm not sure what you're asking for clarity on, is it the actual terms and what they mean or is it the dynamic that you're wanting explaining?
Either way, it requires an open mind and being approached without judgement if you're going to get answers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
"
I personally think that these terms are used when someone has their own perceived ideas of what that means. It’s subjective, and what they may want could be completely different to what someone else wants.
I don’t believe there is a “true/real” definition as it depends entirely on your own expectations.
Someone else’s Dom may be completely opposite to my idea of what I’d like a Dom to be. It’s can’t be defined by a generalised/blanket definition as it changes according to the Dom/sub involved.
The use of the words “true/real” suggest that someone who falls short of those expectations isn’t genuine, but that’s purely down to their expectations. I hate the terms, they pigeon hole people.
Apologies if that isn’t helpful to you, it’s obviously just my take on it, it may differ for others xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
"
I have no idea what makes a " real Dom " its not my dynamic .. I can only tell you what makes up our dynamic Dominatrix / submissive. and that is quite simply in its simplist purest form , making me squeal makes her drip ... And im not even a masochist ! . Sometimes " kink " gets taken way out of all proportion , and people add far to much complication in it .. Do you know ,how you know your into it ? ... Its what you wank over . Just the same as Big Tits ,
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
I personally think that these terms are used when someone has their own perceived ideas of what that means. It’s subjective, and what they may want could be completely different to what someone else wants.
I don’t believe there is a “true/real” definition as it depends entirely on your own expectations.
Someone else’s Dom may be completely opposite to my idea of what I’d like a Dom to be. It’s can’t be defined by a generalised/blanket definition as it changes according to the Dom/sub involved.
The use of the words “true/real” suggest that someone who falls short of those expectations isn’t genuine, but that’s purely down to their expectations. I hate the terms, they pigeon hole people.
Apologies if that isn’t helpful to you, it’s obviously just my take on it, it may differ for others xx"
Again spot on - the only thing I'd add is that "true/real" usually preceded by "not a" are usually used in a derogatory way to put someone down that the user of the term either disagrees with, or is butt hurt from having been rejected.
It's true that there are those (both Dom/me and sub) who it is used about who don't understand the dynamic, or who have read *those* books or seen BDSM porn and think they understand it based on purely having done so, but whilst they *can* be dangerous and indeed abusive, they just lack knowledge and a level of informed-ness, and to those that possess that knowledge and awareness (of the dynamic and themselves) are easily spotted - but are no less "true" or "real" because of it. |
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"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
"
Yes there was a thread about this before and if you read trough it in detail you will notice that just because words like "true" or "real" were used part of it went off the rails into a debate over words meaning.
You have asked here for definition , I have left you my thoughts on that last night.
You have asked about life and death, I loved the answer your got.
You asked for everything too , no one will give you that .
Some won't because if you got a key to everything that you are not ready to use , you might open a door you are not ready for .And this you should respect because it means protection.
Plenty of people here that will help you find what you're looking for.
So have s closer look.
Not all will answer in public.
I left a public call out that was answered .
Also met someone here that just with words got me over what was a limit once.
It's a beginning of a new journey now.
Movie reference was used, I'm going to give you another one .
I robot , find the part with doctors hologram questions puzzle, get your head around that, if you're just looking for answer you could use Google , if not try to find it yourself.
Have good trip wherever it may take you .
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"And to all.
Can we just drop the boring unimaginative 50 shades comments please ."
I agree that they do get churned out a lot but think there's a relevance to that - because 50 Shades, and as I referred to above, BDSM porn (as presented in the mainstream) have led to a rise in those showing an interest in the dynamic and not always in a positive way |
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"Sometimes I don't get the whole d/s thing either, why would anyone want to choose between domino's and subway? Surely it's always gonna be domino's, no wait, subway, no, domino's... Oh now I'm even more confused"
No your just a switch |
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"And to all.
Can we just drop the boring unimaginative 50 shades comments please .
I agree that they do get churned out a lot but think there's a relevance to that - because 50 Shades, and as I referred to above, BDSM porn (as presented in the mainstream) have led to a rise in those showing an interest in the dynamic and not always in a positive way"
Not questioning the relevance and effect the movie had .
Not commenting on that , wasn't around here at that time , can imagine what happened though.
What I meant was how 50 shades is used by some to look down on others.
I hate labels in general ,not only because I got few incorrect ones here myself , don't like words like "category" .
Love others words, for example the magic between collared and uncollared ,
and it's not even about the words , but the fact it takes me back in time to a moment the "un" was removed for the first time, and mind was gifted with new understanding of the word collared.
I try to use descriptive language and avoid sometimes on purpose terminology.
Met different kinds of people here , negativity is shown more often in public , positive correctly identified interest is more discussed in private. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn't spend a second wondering about a kink I don't have or "don't get". What a gigantic waste of my time. Plenty of other subs do things I don't understand or get but I don't give it any thought. I just do what I do as a sub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And to all.
Can we just drop the boring unimaginative 50 shades comments please .
I agree that they do get churned out a lot but think there's a relevance to that - because 50 Shades, and as I referred to above, BDSM porn (as presented in the mainstream) have led to a rise in those showing an interest in the dynamic and not always in a positive way
Not questioning the relevance and effect the movie had .
Not commenting on that , wasn't around here at that time , can imagine what happened though.
What I meant was how 50 shades is used by some to look down on others.
I hate labels in general ,not only because I got few incorrect ones here myself , don't like words like "category" .
Love others words, for example the magic between collared and uncollared ,
and it's not even about the words , but the fact it takes me back in time to a moment the "un" was removed for the first time, and mind was gifted with new understanding of the word collared.
I try to use descriptive language and avoid sometimes on purpose terminology.
Met different kinds of people here , negativity is shown more often in public , positive correctly identified interest is more discussed in private. "
I haven’t put anyone down, simply highlighted that it is used as a go to reference. As I said, it opened the doors for some, but had a negative effect as well. Obviously it is referenced as it brought the scene into the mainstream domain. See my analogy about Rainman- but obviously everyone reads things into what people say, and makes their own minds up as to their agenda/meaning.
I personally don’t like the reference to the franchise as the negative backlash was awful. Not just by kinksters, but by people who then used it as proof we’re all abusers and enjoy inflicting pain upon others, and so they felt further justified that they could belittle and attack us. Obviously that’s not true.
If it opens the door to pleasure, then good, many people have gained from it, but it’s also open to practice that’s unsafe and emotionally damagingly that’s not so good xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And to all.
Can we just drop the boring unimaginative 50 shades comments please .
I agree that they do get churned out a lot but think there's a relevance to that - because 50 Shades, and as I referred to above, BDSM porn (as presented in the mainstream) have led to a rise in those showing an interest in the dynamic and not always in a positive way
Not questioning the relevance and effect the movie had .
Not commenting on that , wasn't around here at that time , can imagine what happened though.
What I meant was how 50 shades is used by some to look down on others.
I hate labels in general ,not only because I got few incorrect ones here myself , don't like words like "category" .
Love others words, for example the magic between collared and uncollared ,
and it's not even about the words , but the fact it takes me back in time to a moment the "un" was removed for the first time, and mind was gifted with new understanding of the word collared.
I try to use descriptive language and avoid sometimes on purpose terminology.
Met different kinds of people here , negativity is shown more often in public , positive correctly identified interest is more discussed in private.
I haven’t put anyone down, simply highlighted that it is used as a go to reference. As I said, it opened the doors for some, but had a negative effect as well. Obviously it is referenced as it brought the scene into the mainstream domain. See my analogy about Rainman- but obviously everyone reads things into what people say, and makes their own minds up as to their agenda/meaning.
I personally don’t like the reference to the franchise as the negative backlash was awful. Not just by kinksters, but by people who then used it as proof we’re all abusers and enjoy inflicting pain upon others, and so they felt further justified that they could belittle and attack us. Obviously that’s not true.
If it opens the door to pleasure, then good, many people have gained from it, but it’s also open to practice that’s unsafe and emotionally damagingly that’s not so good xx
"
Emotionally damaging xx |
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"And to all.
Can we just drop the boring unimaginative 50 shades comments please .
I agree that they do get churned out a lot but think there's a relevance to that - because 50 Shades, and as I referred to above, BDSM porn (as presented in the mainstream) have led to a rise in those showing an interest in the dynamic and not always in a positive way
Not questioning the relevance and effect the movie had .
Not commenting on that , wasn't around here at that time , can imagine what happened though.
What I meant was how 50 shades is used by some to look down on others.
I hate labels in general ,not only because I got few incorrect ones here myself , don't like words like "category" .
Love others words, for example the magic between collared and uncollared ,
and it's not even about the words , but the fact it takes me back in time to a moment the "un" was removed for the first time, and mind was gifted with new understanding of the word collared.
I try to use descriptive language and avoid sometimes on purpose terminology.
Met different kinds of people here , negativity is shown more often in public , positive correctly identified interest is more discussed in private.
I haven’t put anyone down, simply highlighted that it is used as a go to reference. As I said, it opened the doors for some, but had a negative effect as well. Obviously it is referenced as it brought the scene into the mainstream domain. See my analogy about Rainman- but obviously everyone reads things into what people say, and makes their own minds up as to their agenda/meaning.
I personally don’t like the reference to the franchise as the negative backlash was awful. Not just by kinksters, but by people who then used it as proof we’re all abusers and enjoy inflicting pain upon others, and so they felt further justified that they could belittle and attack us. Obviously that’s not true.
If it opens the door to pleasure, then good, many people have gained from it, but it’s also open to practice that’s unsafe and emotionally damagingly that’s not so good xx
"
You just wrote what I was thinking, thank you |
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Twilight . Not going to use "quote& reply" let's end the 50 derail.
My comment had no personal aim.
Let's not turn this thread to shady thread.
What I posted above that I believe to be more important for what OP has asked and his own questions .
Want to reply to someone , reply to him , use your knowledge and experience to help him determine if he's just curious and looking for answer or intersted and looking for understanding that he can find with guidance.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I personally don’t like the reference to the franchise as the negative backlash was awful. Not just by kinksters, but by people who then used it as proof we’re all abusers and enjoy inflicting pain upon others, and so they felt further justified that they could belittle and attack us. Obviously that’s not true.
If it opens the door to pleasure, then good, many people have gained from it, but it’s also open to practice that’s unsafe and emotionally damagingly that’s not so good xx
"
Again perfectly put - I've often said the internet (and the ease of access to a wealth of information on so many topics not just BDSM) has opened the door to so much for so many - but that has it's upsides and it's downsides.
For me, without the internet I'd never have truly discovered my submissive side (always knew there was "something" there but didn't know what until a lightbulb moment 20 odd years ago) so that to me of course is a positive - but just as there are positives there are negatives too - those that stumble across BDSM see it depicted in porn and think they'll "have some of that" and that lifting a paddle or kneeling because someone says they have to is what it's about.
Fifty shades is no different - for some it will have caused lightbulb moments and true journeys of exploration and discovery, for others it will have been a signal that it was ok to behave abusively or dangerously.
The key is being able to recognise which is which and where possible encourage the latter to educate and inform themselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
Yes there was a thread about this before and if you read trough it in detail you will notice that just because words like "true" or "real" were used part of it went off the rails into a debate over words meaning.
You have asked here for definition , I have left you my thoughts on that last night.
You have asked about life and death, I loved the answer your got.
You asked for everything too , no one will give you that .
Some won't because if you got a key to everything that you are not ready to use , you might open a door you are not ready for .And this you should respect because it means protection.
Plenty of people here that will help you find what you're looking for.
So have s closer look.
Not all will answer in public.
I left a public call out that was answered .
Also met someone here that just with words got me over what was a limit once.
It's a beginning of a new journey now.
Movie reference was used, I'm going to give you another one .
I robot , find the part with doctors hologram questions puzzle, get your head around that, if you're just looking for answer you could use Google , if not try to find it yourself.
Have good trip wherever it may take you .
"
Love the irobot reference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What defines a "real dom" or a true domme"?
I've seen people asking for these before.
"
When you see people using these terms it's often that are using them to explain that they want someone who is genuinely dom or sub and not someone who uses the term or identity as a front or tool to actually gain sex acts etc that they want and don't understand the dynamics.
There are cases of sub and dom using these identities and turning out to be abusers among other things and this results in bad experiences all round. And as such can have some shying away from it all. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what.
Lol, that there says you don’t get it- as 50 shades is not really anything to measure a D/s relationship by xx
How so? Is their D/S relationship not valid because it's not what the kink community accepts as one?
Surely it's all down to individuals?
P.S. I've never seen the movie/read the books.
Not at all, but because it becomes the go to reference for so many, and yet so many within the kink community found it caused more issues than created any insight.
After it so many people claimed to be Dom’s, with none of the insight into how they should conduct themselves.
Many enjoyed it, it opened the door for exploration, which can’t be a bad thing- if done with fully informed consent and understanding of D/s dynamics.
I personally read a few chapters of the first book, couldn’t cope with how badly written it was. The films haven’t appealed after that.
My issue, is that the franchise has caused belittling of people like me, as people see that as gospel, and judge accordingly xx
Know it’s off subject, but take the film Rain Man. Amazing film, but referenced constantly when my daughter was being diagnosed, always the same thing- is she good with numbers. My daughter is non verbal with a severe learning disability too. The principal with 50 Shades is the same. Just as no one autistic person is the same/a savant, no one D/s relationship can be defined by that franchise. It can open up debate, but shouldn’t be used as a stand alone point of reference xx"
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Everyone just needs to do what works best for them.
As long as all play sessions or lifestyle choices are consensual, safe and enjoyed by both/all its all good.
A bit like saying to some that football is just a game, which it is - I'm braced for the onslaught of saying that all things bdsm are just sex.
Its not brain surgery, just individual sexual tastes...all of which are best explored and enjoyed lightheartedly.
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death "
For some people it's fundamental to their sexuality as much (or more so) than being gay or straight.
For me, it's an intrinsic part of who I am. All my relationships have some bdsm elements to a greater or lesser degree. They are different with each person and each relationship but they are there.
I don't 'get' vanilla. But I don't need to in order to appreciate it really works for those who do. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"What then?
Some people online talk about it like its life and death
For some people it's fundamental to their sexuality as much (or more so) than being gay or straight.
For me, it's an intrinsic part of who I am. All my relationships have some bdsm elements to a greater or lesser degree. They are different with each person and each relationship but they are there.
I don't 'get' vanilla. But I don't need to in order to appreciate it really works for those who do. "
One post that perfectly sums up the previous 104 of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no clue what your talking about.
I just don't get it. The way people talk about it, like it's 50 shades of grey nonsense to me.
I mean a man is a man and a woman is a woman. What defines them as a Dom or a domme? Is there a cut off point or what. "
Being dominant male or female is nature however it takes a submissive to nurture sadly the likes of 50 shades has created a wave of people who don't really understand its more or a yin and yang thing one needs the other to be compleate.. (gets out of the zen spotlight :p) |
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