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A dom having more than one sub...
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"Some subs like to have a helping hand, or mouth or, well you get the idea " What if they never meet? (the subs) and are kept entirely separate? | |||
"Some subs like to have a helping hand, or mouth or, well you get the idea What if they never meet? (the subs) and are kept entirely separate? " Like the other said it depends on the relationship. Also some subs may not want to do specific things the dom likes. so the dom can have a range of subs that meet their needs. | |||
"Some subs like to have a helping hand, or mouth or, well you get the idea What if they never meet? (the subs) and are kept entirely separate? " Depends on how they organize the pack, lifestyle etc. Some do, some don't, some subs don't want that part etc. I know several pack leaders. Its an interesting dynamic. | |||
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"Alternatively, can a sub have more than one dom(me)? " See my other thread... I asked exactly that | |||
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"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub?" I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P | |||
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"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P" I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? | |||
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"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? " Think it depends on respect and honesty. I’ve always known that I would not remain his only sub. We’ve actually chatted with potential subs together, so they are aware of all the dynamics involved. It can be hard, emotions obviously can come into play, but as long as there’s transparency and reassurance, it can work. I’ve never asked for exclusivity, as it’s never been required. We are open and respectful of each other, as in any relationship- should it be D/s or not. I can’t give him all his needs, I’m aware of that, and accept that. As long as everyone involved respects the dynamics, and all involved, it works. That’s my take on it anyway. I’ve been seeing him for two years, so I guess it works for us xx | |||
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"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? " Honestly, I don't know. I think the dom would need an awful lot of free time to be able to meet the needs of the subs (dependant on needs of course) Just because they get on and seemingly work well that's just the start, same as any relationship. Needs, desires and emotions can change. I worry in many cases that the sub neglects their emotional needs for fear of losing their dom. They don't want to disappoint or go from being "such a good sub" and getting "rewarded" to a pain in the arse headache who should know their place and KNOW that the dom knows what is best for them, when in truth the dom knows what's "best" for the dom. I think it really does depend on the depth of the relationship and how much is being in a bubble compared to day to day life. P | |||
"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? Think it depends on respect and honesty. I’ve always known that I would not remain his only sub. We’ve actually chatted with potential subs together, so they are aware of all the dynamics involved. It can be hard, emotions obviously can come into play, but as long as there’s transparency and reassurance, it can work. I’ve never asked for exclusivity, as it’s never been required. We are open and respectful of each other, as in any relationship- should it be D/s or not. I can’t give him all his needs, I’m aware of that, and accept that. As long as everyone involved respects the dynamics, and all involved, it works. That’s my take on it anyway. I’ve been seeing him for two years, so I guess it works for us xx" What if the dom with his many subs asked for exclusivity of the sub?? | |||
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"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? Think it depends on respect and honesty. I’ve always known that I would not remain his only sub. We’ve actually chatted with potential subs together, so they are aware of all the dynamics involved. It can be hard, emotions obviously can come into play, but as long as there’s transparency and reassurance, it can work. I’ve never asked for exclusivity, as it’s never been required. We are open and respectful of each other, as in any relationship- should it be D/s or not. I can’t give him all his needs, I’m aware of that, and accept that. As long as everyone involved respects the dynamics, and all involved, it works. That’s my take on it anyway. I’ve been seeing him for two years, so I guess it works for us xx What if the dom with his many subs asked for exclusivity of the sub?? " Depends on the person, I guess. I’m exclusive to him, as far as men are concerned. That’s fine with me as I don’t actually want another man- whether in a Dom capacity or not. It was a progressive role for me, and we’ve discussed it throughout our time together, from meeting up to present day xx | |||
"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? Think it depends on respect and honesty. I’ve always known that I would not remain his only sub. We’ve actually chatted with potential subs together, so they are aware of all the dynamics involved. It can be hard, emotions obviously can come into play, but as long as there’s transparency and reassurance, it can work. I’ve never asked for exclusivity, as it’s never been required. We are open and respectful of each other, as in any relationship- should it be D/s or not. I can’t give him all his needs, I’m aware of that, and accept that. As long as everyone involved respects the dynamics, and all involved, it works. That’s my take on it anyway. I’ve been seeing him for two years, so I guess it works for us xx What if the dom with his many subs asked for exclusivity of the sub?? " This is starting to hurt my head... I think that the cornerstone of any good active D/s relationship and dynamic is communication and trust. Clarity is essential to get what both sides want and the power shift during 'play' doesn't preclude the needs and desires of both parties. As with any relationship, situations can and will change, needs develop and lines move. If one person wants something that the other can't give, then they either compromise or the relationship fails. | |||
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"I don’t want to sound ignorant as I have no real idea about real D/s relationships but don’t the Dom’s supposed to make the subs feel really secure and wouldn’t being one of many subs make you feel a bit shitty? I dunno, sounds like there’s a risk the sub could lose themselves trying to please the Dom. " It’s all about trust and if trust goes in any form the relationship does too ... so I’d suggest one only for complete submission | |||
"I don’t want to sound ignorant as I have no real idea about real D/s relationships but don’t the Dom’s supposed to make the subs feel really secure and wouldn’t being one of many subs make you feel a bit shitty? I dunno, sounds like there’s a risk the sub could lose themselves trying to please the Dom. " I haven’t, can’t speak for anyone else xx | |||
" What if the dom with his many subs asked for exclusivity of the sub?? " Then it is for the sub to decide if that is what he/she is comfortable with and accepting of - it's no different from any other relationship on earth - yes there's a specific dynamic to a D/s relationship, but that doesn't mean that both halves of the coin are equals and unable to make informed decisions for themselves, just the same as a "vanilla" relationship. Ultimately it comes down to communication and agreement between all concerned to what the specifics of that individual relationship and dynamic are. If agreement can't be reached, you either have to find compromises, or agree that the relationship is not one that is going to work. | |||
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" What if the dom with his many subs asked for exclusivity of the sub?? Then it is for the sub to decide if that is what he/she is comfortable with and accepting of - it's no different from any other relationship on earth - yes there's a specific dynamic to a D/s relationship, but that doesn't mean that both halves of the coin are equals and unable to make informed decisions for themselves, just the same as a "vanilla" relationship. Ultimately it comes down to communication and agreement between all concerned to what the specifics of that individual relationship and dynamic are. If agreement can't be reached, you either have to find compromises, or agree that the relationship is not one that is going to work."  | |||
"I’d find it very difficult and upsetting to be one of a stable of subs. It would make me very anxious as I’d always be worrying if the others were “better” than me. I do understand the point about the Dom having desires that a particular sub can’t or won’t fulfil, but honestly I’d rather do my best to meet all my Dom’s needs than feel I was competing with other subs." It’s not a case of competing, and if I lived closer I’d fill every desire, there’s nothing I won’t do, as I enjoy what’s asked of me. If it’s something I don’t like the sound of we compromise or I don’t do it. That would be abusive, and that’s not our way. I’m not in competition with anyone, have no need or desire to be xx | |||
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"Surely it is dependent on the needs and wants of the people involved. There are no absolutes in any relationship. What works for some people will not work for others. And people change, just like everything else in life. What matters is the commitment, from the Dom to his sub, from the sub to her Dom. If they can both be at peace with the broader context and influences in each other’s lives, then it can work. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice. For myself, I could not imagine sharing a sub with another Dom, nor could I imagine having multiple subs. I see the relationship as a deep and committed one, not something to entered casually and lightly with multiple people. But that’s just me. Others will think differently and find their own way. " I guess some people feel the same way towards couples, for example, a cuckhold one, where there is a regular fuck buddy. I think, that as long as there’s honesty and transparency, and that the feelings of everyone involved are considered, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. It’s naive to say there won’t be issues, of course there will, but it’s how they’re resolved that establishes if the dynamics will work and can continue. It should never be entered into casually, that will lead to problems, as in any relationship xx | |||
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"Surely it is dependent on the needs and wants of the people involved. There are no absolutes in any relationship. What works for some people will not work for others. And people change, just like everything else in life. What matters is the commitment, from the Dom to his sub, from the sub to her Dom. If they can both be at peace with the broader context and influences in each other’s lives, then it can work. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice. For myself, I could not imagine sharing a sub with another Dom, nor could I imagine having multiple subs. I see the relationship as a deep and committed one, not something to entered casually and lightly with multiple people. But that’s just me. Others will think differently and find their own way. I guess some people feel the same way towards couples, for example, a cuckhold one, where there is a regular fuck buddy. I think, that as long as there’s honesty and transparency, and that the feelings of everyone involved are considered, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. It’s naive to say there won’t be issues, of course there will, but it’s how they’re resolved that establishes if the dynamics will work and can continue. It should never be entered into casually, that will lead to problems, as in any relationship xx " I agree. The only absolute in life is that things change. We are all growing and changing. And what works for us today might not be working for us tomorrow. Communication, honesty, integrity and respect are the tools we have to navigate complex relationships. Everybody is different and has different needs and desires. Our friends out there in the real world would struggle to understand how our marriage survives our presence here and the freedoms we enjoy as a couple and individually, but that’s okay. It works for us. Whatever works for people is all that matters. | |||
"It's not so different to any other relationship - as long as everyone is on the same page and their needs are being met, then go for whatever constellation works! And communicate, communicate, communicate. Poly or open D/s scenarios can work, just be clear with the boundaries and expectations. I'm not so keen on situations where one person (typically the Dom, as subs can feel like they have to go along with it as part of the dynamic - but not always!) demands one-sided exclusivity, regardless of the partner's needs/desires. Outside of total power exchange, the relationship is there to be negotiated by both/all parties. If it's making you unhappy, talk about it - you always have the right to say no, that doesn't work for me. Take the time to understand what your needs are, and make sure the relationship is meeting them. It can be easy to be swept up in the D/s dynamic but keep true to your self too!" I’ve been asked many times if being exclusive is still what I want, and every time I say yes. I genuinely do not want any other man. I guess being bi makes that decision easier for me, as I still meet women. We also talked at length, over a period of time, before taking the step to my being his sub, and exclusive to him. I genuinely feel, that as long as respect is shown, by all, and that includes anyone entering the dynamics, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. The problem arises when the wants of the Dom and sub aren’t in sync with the other, as in any poly relationship x I’m lucky, I’ve never lost me, or changed who I am to suit, this is who I am xx | |||
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"Surely it is dependent on the needs and wants of the people involved. There are no absolutes in any relationship. What works for some people will not work for others. And people change, just like everything else in life. What matters is the commitment, from the Dom to his sub, from the sub to her Dom. If they can both be at peace with the broader context and influences in each other’s lives, then it can work. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice. For myself, I could not imagine sharing a sub with another Dom, nor could I imagine having multiple subs. I see the relationship as a deep and committed one, not something to entered casually and lightly with multiple people. But that’s just me. Others will think differently and find their own way. I guess some people feel the same way towards couples, for example, a cuckhold one, where there is a regular fuck buddy. I think, that as long as there’s honesty and transparency, and that the feelings of everyone involved are considered, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. It’s naive to say there won’t be issues, of course there will, but it’s how they’re resolved that establishes if the dynamics will work and can continue. It should never be entered into casually, that will lead to problems, as in any relationship xx I agree. The only absolute in life is that things change. We are all growing and changing. And what works for us today might not be working for us tomorrow. Communication, honesty, integrity and respect are the tools we have to navigate complex relationships. Everybody is different and has different needs and desires. Our friends out there in the real world would struggle to understand how our marriage survives our presence here and the freedoms we enjoy as a couple and individually, but that’s okay. It works for us. Whatever works for people is all that matters. " Totally agree. I have a few very close friends who know I’m on here, and that I’m a sub, most of my friends, and definitely my family wouldn’t understand or approve. Yet, what I share is far more honest and open than many of the relationships they are in/embark on. I have the freedom to be me, and that’s very empowering. Haha, not a word some would equate with a sub xx | |||
"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure." I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx | |||
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"I think it really all depends on the people involved. Where one sub may be willing to be one of a number of subs to their dom, another may not be comfortable with this." True xx | |||
"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure. I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx" Thank you for your kind words | |||
"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P" I think in a sub - dom situation/dom-stable situation or even in a 1-1 relationship truth and trust are a must for in my eyes. I'm not the most experienced dom but for these positions for the sub to trust the dom to only push her as far as her limits will let her without feeling betrayed and bullied | |||
"Surely it is dependent on the needs and wants of the people involved. There are no absolutes in any relationship. What works for some people will not work for others. And people change, just like everything else in life. What matters is the commitment, from the Dom to his sub, from the sub to her Dom. If they can both be at peace with the broader context and influences in each other’s lives, then it can work. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice. For myself, I could not imagine sharing a sub with another Dom, nor could I imagine having multiple subs. I see the relationship as a deep and committed one, not something to entered casually and lightly with multiple people. But that’s just me. Others will think differently and find their own way. I guess some people feel the same way towards couples, for example, a cuckhold one, where there is a regular fuck buddy. I think, that as long as there’s honesty and transparency, and that the feelings of everyone involved are considered, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. It’s naive to say there won’t be issues, of course there will, but it’s how they’re resolved that establishes if the dynamics will work and can continue. It should never be entered into casually, that will lead to problems, as in any relationship xx I agree. The only absolute in life is that things change. We are all growing and changing. And what works for us today might not be working for us tomorrow. Communication, honesty, integrity and respect are the tools we have to navigate complex relationships. Everybody is different and has different needs and desires. Our friends out there in the real world would struggle to understand how our marriage survives our presence here and the freedoms we enjoy as a couple and individually, but that’s okay. It works for us. Whatever works for people is all that matters. Totally agree. I have a few very close friends who know I’m on here, and that I’m a sub, most of my friends, and definitely my family wouldn’t understand or approve. Yet, what I share is far more honest and open than many of the relationships they are in/embark on. I have the freedom to be me, and that’s very empowering. Haha, not a word some would equate with a sub xx" Only those who don’t really understand what it means 
I’m glad you have a few people in your real life who knows you fully. It’s something I wish we had Xx | |||
"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure. I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx Thank you for your kind words " You’re welcome, I truly hope that you’ve been able to put this behind you and heal xx | |||
"Surely it is dependent on the needs and wants of the people involved. There are no absolutes in any relationship. What works for some people will not work for others. And people change, just like everything else in life. What matters is the commitment, from the Dom to his sub, from the sub to her Dom. If they can both be at peace with the broader context and influences in each other’s lives, then it can work. All relationships require compromise and sacrifice. For myself, I could not imagine sharing a sub with another Dom, nor could I imagine having multiple subs. I see the relationship as a deep and committed one, not something to entered casually and lightly with multiple people. But that’s just me. Others will think differently and find their own way. I guess some people feel the same way towards couples, for example, a cuckhold one, where there is a regular fuck buddy. I think, that as long as there’s honesty and transparency, and that the feelings of everyone involved are considered, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. It’s naive to say there won’t be issues, of course there will, but it’s how they’re resolved that establishes if the dynamics will work and can continue. It should never be entered into casually, that will lead to problems, as in any relationship xx I agree. The only absolute in life is that things change. We are all growing and changing. And what works for us today might not be working for us tomorrow. Communication, honesty, integrity and respect are the tools we have to navigate complex relationships. Everybody is different and has different needs and desires. Our friends out there in the real world would struggle to understand how our marriage survives our presence here and the freedoms we enjoy as a couple and individually, but that’s okay. It works for us. Whatever works for people is all that matters. Totally agree. I have a few very close friends who know I’m on here, and that I’m a sub, most of my friends, and definitely my family wouldn’t understand or approve. Yet, what I share is far more honest and open than many of the relationships they are in/embark on. I have the freedom to be me, and that’s very empowering. Haha, not a word some would equate with a sub xx Only those who don’t really understand what it means
I’m glad you have a few people in your real life who knows you fully. It’s something I wish we had Xx"Thank you, I hope that friends you’ve made on here, at least, give you the support you need to be you and to be happy xx | |||
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"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure. I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx Thank you for your kind words You’re welcome, I truly hope that you’ve been able to put this behind you and heal xx" It was an eye opening experience and a learning curve. However since being on this site I have met some wonderful people and made good friends. Opened up a doorway to a hole new chapter in my life and still dipping my toes into the fet side of things now and then. x | |||
"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure. I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx Thank you for your kind words You’re welcome, I truly hope that you’ve been able to put this behind you and heal xx It was an eye opening experience and a learning curve. However since being on this site I have met some wonderful people and made good friends. Opened up a doorway to a hole new chapter in my life and still dipping my toes into the fet side of things now and then. x " Wonderful!! That’s such a fantastic thing to read, glad that things are so much more positive for you now, and that it hasn’t totally put you off the fet side of things. Unfortunately some people don’t behave as they should and it puts people off, but a bad Dom isn’t a true representation of this lifestyle, just a reflection of them lacking as a person and a Dom x Respectful hug being sent your way xx | |||
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"Think it would depend on the D/s dynamic, this wouldn't work with a DD/lg dynamic for example. But can see how it could in others. " I disagree, it has for me. | |||
"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub? I think lots of things are variable depending on each persons needs. I knew one guy who kept his subs separate at all times. Turns out it was coz a lying bastard who wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the arse. Borderline abuser actually, wanting them isolated so they didn't find out the truth. They knew about each other, that was never the issue, but the intentions and keeping the carrot dangling for each was so wrong. I think it's much the same as anyone though, sub/dom or romantically together. If you don't know what's going on in the other relationships they're having, you won't know for certain if you're being fed lies, being taken for a muppet, dedicating yourself to someone who doesn't actually respect it or revels in the fact you give yourself to them whilst they're using and abusing your trust. P I was heading towards this myself and going to make a further thread. But sod it... What happens if a sub and dom meet, work great together but along the way the sub finds out the dom has multiple subs but they themself are a sub that is only interested in having one dom?????? Surely it's never going to work. Is there any kind of compromise where both needs are met or should the sub simply do as instructed to please the dom??? And the sun doesn't do as instructed does that mean they aren't a sub?? " If a sub meets a Dom and finds out they're not compatible, they don't enter into a dynamic with that person. Simple as that. It doesn't mean they're not a sub. | |||
"When I first got into this lifestyle I spent some time in a SD relationship. the Dom has two subs and I was the slave, “ not something I would wish to experience again”. Felt like a spare toy to the Dom to use at his pleasure. I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience. Your feelings should always have been of paramount importance, as part of a Dom’s role is to care for the emotional and psychological well being of their sub/slave too xx Thank you for your kind words You’re welcome, I truly hope that you’ve been able to put this behind you and heal xx It was an eye opening experience and a learning curve. However since being on this site I have met some wonderful people and made good friends. Opened up a doorway to a hole new chapter in my life and still dipping my toes into the fet side of things now and then. x Wonderful!! That’s such a fantastic thing to read, glad that things are so much more positive for you now, and that it hasn’t totally put you off the fet side of things. Unfortunately some people don’t behave as they should and it puts people off, but a bad Dom isn’t a true representation of this lifestyle, just a reflection of them lacking as a person and a Dom x Respectful hug being sent your way xx" Hug most welcomely accepted. Thank you | |||
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"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs " A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx" I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing "Anytime. The sub in me, always try to be helpful, haha x I’m also glad someone agrees with me. Sorry to anyone if I can’t across as shouty xx | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing
Anytime. The sub in me, always try to be helpful, haha x I’m also glad someone agrees with me. Sorry to anyone if I can’t across as shouty xx"Came across! Predictive text sucks x | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing "And me, I was going to reply to this but said everything. | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing "Same here. I don't feel in competition with my Dom's other sub. In fact she's usually on my side. Teamwork bratting is the best  . | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing
And me, I was going to reply to this but said everything. "Woohoo! Someone else who agrees xx | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing
Same here. I don't feel in competition with my Dom's other sub. In fact she's usually on my side. Teamwork bratting is the best ."Glad you have a good relationship with your Dom’s other sub. Haha, getting a power rush here, people agreeing with me xx | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I certainly don't - nailed it and saved me a lot of typing
Same here. I don't feel in competition with my Dom's other sub. In fact she's usually on my side. Teamwork bratting is the best ."I miss that. I had a great relationship with my Doms other sub. I'm not in a D/S relationship now. | |||
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"I don't think it's about out doing the other sub/s, it's more about the dynamic of the relationship. I feel that it's the Dom's right to have who he wants and I accept that. As a sub my feelings are secondary to those of my Master/Mistress. If you have previously agreed that it's a 1to1 relationship, then no, the Dom should not have anyone else, however if you do not have that understanding then you should just accept what you are; a submissive and that your Doms pleasure is what matters,if not the only thing that matters." I agree to a certain extent, but I would never sacrifice my own mental and emotional wellbeing for anyone. A Doms pleasure is one thing, but if it impacts severely on your ability to function within the relationship then I think it should be discussed. A Dom has a duty of care to their sub, and that includes their wellbeing, and so will attend to their needs. If, as a sub, they’ve agreed, in a contract, that their feelings etc don’t count at all, that is between them and their Dom. It’s certainly not something I’d agree to. It’s all personal choice and preference, between the sub and their Dom. What suits one, may not suit another xx | |||
"I don't think it's about out doing the other sub/s, it's more about the dynamic of the relationship. I feel that it's the Dom's right to have who he wants and I accept that. As a sub my feelings are secondary to those of my Master/Mistress. If you have previously agreed that it's a 1to1 relationship, then no, the Dom should not have anyone else, however if you do not have that understanding then you should just accept what you are; a submissive and that your Doms pleasure is what matters,if not the only thing that matters. I agree to a certain extent, but I would never sacrifice my own mental and emotional wellbeing for anyone. A Doms pleasure is one thing, but if it impacts severely on your ability to function within the relationship then I think it should be discussed. A Dom has a duty of care to their sub, and that includes their wellbeing, and so will attend to their needs. If, as a sub, they’ve agreed, in a contract, that their feelings etc don’t count at all, that is between them and their Dom. It’s certainly not something I’d agree to. It’s all personal choice and preference, between the sub and their Dom. What suits one, may not suit another xx" You lady are spot on again. Thank you for saying exactly what I'm thinking. X | |||
"Like Gemini and GeorgeAilsa have said.. any unique dynamic is to be shaped by all parties with care. An approach which I like to take with every connection, whatever the dynamic. Some things can be left to unfold and that has its own beauty..but with a complex dynamic like sub/dom, a little more communication at respectful human level.. less expectation/performing monkey. And if things in life shift and move, as they often do..it needs to be addressed as and when. Ultimately we create our own boundaries and are responsible for them. When handing over the controls, we can still have a finger on our own power switch. My small experience of such a dynamic always has had time built in to step out and explore what is working, what doesn't and how to go forward..that includes capacity and poly situations. In any relationship. " We do, as our D/s relationship has developed over time. I’ve been seeing him just over two years, and it became part of us, not how we started out. It’s developed as we’ve developed. I was never submissive until I met him, but he brought that out in me, in a natural progression. We’ve spoke at length about it, and agreed to what happens within our dynamic. I’m not saying him taking on a other sub hasn’t been difficult at times, of course it has, I’m only human, but he’s chatted with me, reassured me as needed, and it’s helped. Adjusting to a change in the dynamics of any relationship takes time, and as long as everyone within it, shows respect to all involved, and any concerns are addressed, and worked upon, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work x that’s how I feel anyway x | |||
"I don't think it's about out doing the other sub/s, it's more about the dynamic of the relationship. I feel that it's the Dom's right to have who he wants and I accept that. As a sub my feelings are secondary to those of my Master/Mistress. If you have previously agreed that it's a 1to1 relationship, then no, the Dom should not have anyone else, however if you do not have that understanding then you should just accept what you are; a submissive and that your Doms pleasure is what matters,if not the only thing that matters. I agree to a certain extent, but I would never sacrifice my own mental and emotional wellbeing for anyone. A Doms pleasure is one thing, but if it impacts severely on your ability to function within the relationship then I think it should be discussed. A Dom has a duty of care to their sub, and that includes their wellbeing, and so will attend to their needs. If, as a sub, they’ve agreed, in a contract, that their feelings etc don’t count at all, that is between them and their Dom. It’s certainly not something I’d agree to. It’s all personal choice and preference, between the sub and their Dom. What suits one, may not suit another xx You lady are spot on again. Thank you for saying exactly what I'm thinking. X" Welcome. Lol, think I may understand me and this dynamic more than I thought xx | |||
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"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx" I agree with you 100%. Security, care, respect and support should be the core of all D/s relationships. Without these essential ingredients it can too easily stray towards emotional and physical abuse. I think people often underestimate the importance of empathy, and focus too much on the allure of ownership. | |||
"Like Gemini and GeorgeAilsa have said.. any unique dynamic is to be shaped by all parties with care. An approach which I like to take with every connection, whatever the dynamic. Some things can be left to unfold and that has its own beauty..but with a complex dynamic like sub/dom, a little more communication at respectful human level.. less expectation/performing monkey. And if things in life shift and move, as they often do..it needs to be addressed as and when. Ultimately we create our own boundaries and are responsible for them. When handing over the controls, we can still have a finger on our own power switch. My small experience of such a dynamic always has had time built in to step out and explore what is working, what doesn't and how to go forward..that includes capacity and poly situations. In any relationship. " This. As eloquent and insightful as always Xx | |||
"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I agree with you 100%. Security, care, respect and support should be the core of all D/s relationships. Without these essential ingredients it can too easily stray towards emotional and physical abuse. I think people often underestimate the importance of empathy, and focus too much on the allure of ownership. " That’s why I’m lucky, no matter what, he looks after all my needs. He’s the perfect Dom for me xx | |||
"Humour me here... Thoughts on a dom having more than one sub? Would it not have his subs feeling less valued if they knew about other subs being in the picture? Or would you say it falls into a more polyamorous thing having more than one sub?" They case can be made for any situation when someone is seeing more than person (sub or not). How you or they might feel ultimately depends on the approach you have to fab. You either want exclusivity and seek that only, or resign yourself to the fact that people talk to more than one person with a view to potentially meet. If this makes you uncomfortable, you have your answer. | |||
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"I think its good for a Dom/me to have more then one sub. Keeps the subs on their toes wanting to impress more then the other subs A big no from me! A sub shouldn’t be made to feel they’re in competition with anyone! Respect of the feelings of a sub shouldn’t go out of the window because of someone else being in the picture, and a sub should want to please because they want to, not because they feel they have to! That’s tantamount to emotional and psychological abuse, and shouldn’t enter into a D/s relationship. I please because I want to, it pleases me in return, not because I worry someone may take my place! I’m not a toy, I’m a person, before any role I take on in a relationship. Making someone jealous, insecure etc, is not how a Dom should behave. They should ALWAYS make their sub feel secure and wanted. That’s my take on it anyway. Many may disagree xx I agree with you 100%. Security, care, respect and support should be the core of all D/s relationships. Without these essential ingredients it can too easily stray towards emotional and physical abuse. I think people often underestimate the importance of empathy, and focus too much on the allure of ownership. " Agree too and with your comment also | |||
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"Empathy and a common understanding are vital. Head games will kill any sort of dynamic, particularly one with that sort of level of trust. That doesn't mean exclusivity is needed, though." Disagree with head games comments. Each person has to be in the others head. | |||
"Empathy and a common understanding are vital. Head games will kill any sort of dynamic, particularly one with that sort of level of trust. That doesn't mean exclusivity is needed, though. Disagree with head games comments. Each person has to be in the others head. " No, I mean, malicious manipulation of psyche. | |||
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"Empathy and a common understanding are vital. Head games will kill any sort of dynamic, particularly one with that sort of level of trust. That doesn't mean exclusivity is needed, though. Disagree with head games comments. Each person has to be in the others head. No, I mean, malicious manipulation of psyche." Instead of cognitive manipulation of sex? Some will manipulate, suppose it depends on what people project. | |||
