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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol. "
I got myself to a club initially and made some friends- that helped put me at ease before I actually played with anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I ask OP what are you nervous about, bear in mind fear doesn't exist until we create it. Is there an underlying issue that might be triggering the fear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always have a social first. If I can't relax around them for that then it goes no further.
Meet somewhere I feel comfortable and safe.
Lots of conversation beforehand if necessary until I feel comfortable meeting them.
If they are not making you feel like you want to meet them then maybe that is a sign they are not the right person? Just a thought. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Try a social event ?"
Yep. Going to a social is a good way of meeting people in a no pressure environment. If you're nervous about going in the first time (which I completely understand), message someone who is also going and more often than not they are happy to go in with you (meet for a coffee or something beforehand). Hosts are really good at making newbies feel welcome as well.
Having a coffee with someone you fancy and making it as run of the mill as possible is another way of doing it, people are lovely and often more than happy for a coffee and a chat.
Talk to people as well! People have their own insecurities and doubts and getting to know someone and build that connection can help to alleviate the anxious thoughts. You can have lots of interesting chats that don't revolve around fucking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can honestly understand how you feel.
It took me months to finally meet someone the first time I was on here. It still does. I guess it doesn’t help when people you think are genuine, aren’t.
I very rarely chat to anyone new.
Broke my own rule this weekend and ended up regretting it. Now my anxiety is through the roof.
I fully sympathize OP
xxx |
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"Try a social event ?
Yep. Going to a social is a good way of meeting people in a no pressure environment. If you're nervous about going in the first time (which I completely understand), message someone who is also going and more often than not they are happy to go in with you (meet for a coffee or something beforehand). Hosts are really good at making newbies feel welcome as well.
Having a coffee with someone you fancy and making it as run of the mill as possible is another way of doing it, people are lovely and often more than happy for a coffee and a chat.
Talk to people as well! People have their own insecurities and doubts and getting to know someone and build that connection can help to alleviate the anxious thoughts. You can have lots of interesting chats that don't revolve around fucking."
This is first class advice from the lovely Meli, you won’t go far wrong following it x |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Just socials with no expectations to go easy? Fess up that you are nervous and find the ones that can put you at ease.
And maybe give some love and attention to the part of you that is so fearful. What's that?
X
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"Just social anxiety I think "
It probably depends on how bad the anxiety is. If you think you can work past it, then "feel the fear and do it anyway". If not, then you might want to consider other outlets.
Remember they're nervous too, or likely understand that people get nerves. Most people are understanding. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
We each have our own ways of overcoming anxiety and nerves - some dive in feet first, some take their time until they feel relaxed and any number of other ways - none of them are the *only* way, and the only right way is your way OP
Attending group socials, or insisting on a social only meet (or two) first are both good ways to help you relax and feel comfortable - taking your time to get to know someone and be relaxed about them is another.
It's key not to feel pressured, or allow yourself to be pressured, too - remember this is about you just as much as the other person, and if they're not willing to play by the way you do things, then they weren't right for you |
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"Finding it hard to meet because the thought makes me too nervous, high sex drive but havnt found anyone that puts me at ease enough to meet them. How do other shy/anxious people do it? It feels like so much effort and I usually just end up having a wank lol. "
Ewooooooo!
You've just got to adjust your thought process a little. The fact that you've admitted it and posted on here infront of a thousand people shows me that you're actually fine. 
I used to be painfully shy and anxious but I'm not anymore. I do get performance anxiety though sometimes.
Here's one key point to bear in mind: if you've chatted with a man or woman non-sexually, and he/she hangs on - that person likes you. You do not need to be afraid.
Just take it easy, meet up for a social thing. You do not have to be nervous about social meets. If you think about it, if you bollocks it up, just block that person. Ha!
And for me, I became more confident with practice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find *pretending* to be confident helps. Fake confidence looks a lot like the real thing to the casual observer! Plus what others have said by starting with a social. If you've set those boundaries up front, the expectation isn't as high, so the pressure is off.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find *pretending* to be confident helps. Fake confidence looks a lot like the real thing to the casual observer! Plus what others have said by starting with a social. If you've set those boundaries up front, the expectation isn't as high, so the pressure is off.
"
That assumes you know what confidence feels like in the first place. You can't fake what you don't know. |
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Ignore the people who message you and take the positive messages that help you. Those messaging you are looking to gain something from it.
Confidence comes from within, with the help of those you trust. The mob in your inbox aren't to be trusted, for the most part. |
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