FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > grrrrr stubborn people
grrrrr stubborn people
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me  |
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Remember if you accept money or kind off her it becomes a contract. I would say your best course is the charity route. Explain that you prefer not to charge her at all but if she feels so strongly about giving that a charity is best for all. Remind her that friendship is not measured in money but the love and deeds you do for each other and that you never want money to change that.
Hope you are key and pitch prefect  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she's determined to pay you and won't give it to charity, after the wedding see what wasn't bought from her gift list and buy her an extra wedding gift. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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and yes im aware that i too am being stubborn by refusing payment.
Just out of interest is it classed as taxible earnings so how would that work if im not working? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me "
have you thought of asking her how much she would offer you... and using that money to buy them a wedding present... that way your conscience is clear...
or if she really wants to pay you.... say 1 pound.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember if you accept money or kind off her it becomes a contract. I would say your best course is the charity route. Explain that you prefer not to charge her at all but if she feels so strongly about giving that a charity is best for all. Remind her that friendship is not measured in money but the love and deeds you do for each other and that you never want money to change that.
Hope you are key and pitch prefect "
Any agreement or promise constitutes a contract |
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"Say it is your wedding gift to her.
i tried that one.. thats what i mean she's stubborn and wont budge on the 'no payment' thing "
so just tell her you really wont do it for free and that she is offending you by not allowing her to employ you and refuse point blank to do it |
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whilst i think it is lovely for people to want their friends involved in their weddings, i also think the idea is a dangerous one.
what if you are ill and cant sing? what if she has a favourite version of the song she wants and you do it wrong? what if you fall out over money  ?
It also might spoil your experience of the wedding, worrying about singing in front of friends and family, having to ask someone to look after your child while you prepare etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"and yes im aware that i too am being stubborn by refusing payment.
Just out of interest is it classed as taxible earnings so how would that work if im not working? "
Its called "Cash" in hand...
It would be an arse of a taxman who gave a toss about a one off payment which at professional rates should be no more than £200...
Mates rates is a lot less, to zero... And a couple of 20s in ya right bra cup is no ones business...
Its her day... Take the money and dispense of it how you will afterwards...
Dont fall out over such a small thing... ;-) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"whilst i think it is lovely for people to want their friends involved in their weddings, i also think the idea is a dangerous one.
what if you are ill and cant sing? what if she has a favourite version of the song she wants and you do it wrong? what if you fall out over money ?
It also might spoil your experience of the wedding, worrying about singing in front of friends and family, having to ask someone to look after your child while you prepare etc"
Luckily ive known this mate for best part of 7 years and knows pretty much all the songs i sing, she'd spoke to me about a few song ideas already and id let her hear my versions before the day. Id not take a chance and surprise her by a version she wouldnt like.
See what you mean about it might be difficult, naturally id get nervous its one of my good friends and im thrilled she even asked me, but as ive stated i just sing at karaoke and for fun, never done a 'gig' before |
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"I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me "
If you really want her to not pay you you just say no and mean it. Otherwise your friend could be confused.
She can't force you to do sing or take payment. You really are in control in this one.
Then put a line under conversations and don't enter into any more convo's about payment.
To keep talking about it can sound like false modesty and rather than really meaning no - the 'chat' is perpetuated to keep the adulation and elation going.
Generally I find that when people are really against something then the NO is firmly delievered and the message clearly understood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" im thrilled she even asked me, but as ive stated i just sing at karaoke and for fun, never done a 'gig' before"
If ya nervous tell her theres a gang of up from Fabs coming to help ya with ya top notes... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me
If you really want her to not pay you you just say no and mean it. Otherwise your friend could be confused.
She can't force you to do sing or take payment. You really are in control in this one.
Then put a line under conversations and don't enter into any more convo's about payment.
To keep talking about it can sound like false modesty and rather than really meaning no - the 'chat' is perpetuated to keep the adulation and elation going.
Generally I find that when people are really against something then the NO is firmly delievered and the message clearly understood."
Yeah i will head down that route |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
See what you mean about it might be difficult, naturally id get nervous its one of my good friends and im thrilled she even asked me, but as ive stated i just sing at karaoke and for fun, never done a 'gig' before"
If you really don't want paid for it...tell her you won't do your karaoke if she pays you.
Simple.
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"and yes im aware that i too am being stubborn by refusing payment.
Just out of interest is it classed as taxible earnings so how would that work if im not working?
Its called "Cash" in hand...
It would be an arse of a taxman who gave a toss about a one off payment which at professional rates should be no more than £200...
Mates rates is a lot less, to zero... And a couple of 20s in ya right bra cup is no ones business...
Its her day... Take the money and dispense of it how you will afterwards...
Dont fall out over such a small thing...;-)"
So exactly when do undeclared earnings become acceptable when someone is on benefits?.....One wedding....one wedding every month?....every Saturday night in clubs and pubs?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"have you asked WHY she is so intent on paying you?"
Its because she's always believed i had it in me to venture out and start making money from singing. I toyed with the idea before my daughter came along and she knew this.
Its just not practical to continue with that dream anymore. |
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"I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me
If you really want her to not pay you you just say no and mean it. Otherwise your friend could be confused.
She can't force you to do sing or take payment. You really are in control in this one.
Then put a line under conversations and don't enter into any more convo's about payment.
To keep talking about it can sound like false modesty and rather than really meaning no - the 'chat' is perpetuated to keep the adulation and elation going.
Generally I find that when people are really against something then the NO is firmly delievered and the message clearly understood."
Couldn't agree more..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" So exactly when do undeclared earnings become acceptable when someone is on benefits?.....One wedding....one wedding every month?....every Saturday night in clubs and pubs?
"
Legally and morally it is never acceptable...
But as Cute is posting about a one off wedding at mates rates, then I dont feel that the British Taxman is going to give a flying foxtrot about it...
Of course if the occurrences were to change... Then naturally a discussion based around the new facts would have different connotations...;-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lol, the per lassie that posted this op was just saying that her pal wanted to pay her for singing at her wedding! now she is getting accused of being a dole scrounger for some reason! dont you just love it when people jump in, open their mouth and a lot of crap comes spillin out!! lol,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've a friend getting married and she foolishly wants me to sing at her wedding and asked me how much... as if i'm going to charge my friend money for singing at her wedding!
Im not a professional singer, have no major experience in it just a bit of fun. She is insisting i take a fee, but i really couldn't do it or accept it. Wish she'd back down on the idea of paying me "
I can sing just find it hard in front of people .. i wish i could get over this as i would love too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lol, the per lassie that posted this op was just saying that her pal wanted to pay her for singing at her wedding! now she is getting accused of being a dole scrounger for some reason! dont you just love it when people jump in, open their mouth and a lot of crap comes spillin out!! lol, "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Woahhh excuse me but wtf!! Why should i expect my elderly grandparents to look after my daughter?? My personal circumstances are non of your business"
its your life you do as you wish . xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Woahhh excuse me but wtf!! Why should i expect my elderly grandparents to look after my daughter?? My personal circumstances are non of your business"
I think it was a suggestion on how you could make singing a professional reality, that was the way the thread as a whole looks. |
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"lol, the per lassie that posted this op was just saying that her pal wanted to pay her for singing at her wedding! now she is getting accused of being a dole scrounger for some reason! dont you just love it when people jump in, open their mouth and a lot of crap comes spillin out!! lol, "
If I have spouted crap, it's only based on the stuff posted by the OP. The OP brought not being able to work as a singer because of having a kid into the thread... if you look closely. |
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"Woahhh excuse me but wtf!! Why should i expect my elderly grandparents to look after my daughter?? My personal circumstances are non of your business"
Well as you have posted before about them having a room for her to stop over, I used it as just ONE of the suggestions.
Henry Ford had a point.... "whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right."
It appears you have decided you won't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" So exactly when do undeclared earnings become acceptable when someone is on benefits?.....One wedding....one wedding every month?....every Saturday night in clubs and pubs?
Legally and morally it is never acceptable...
But as Cute is posting about a one off wedding at mates rates, then I dont feel that the British Taxman is going to give a flying foxtrot about it...
Of course if the occurrences were to change... Then naturally a discussion based around the new facts would have different connotations...;-)"
seriously?
My friend had a litter of kittens and she advertised them and sold them for £20 each, she only had 3 kitttens but her ex reported her for selling kittens to the dole office, who interviewed her and passed her details onto the tax man
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did sing at weddings up until recently... & anytime I done 4 friends it was always as ther gift... If shes insisting on paying u mayb u shud take it... Otherwise do as I did & play thegift card!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lol, the per lassie that posted this op was just saying that her pal wanted to pay her for singing at her wedding! now she is getting accused of being a dole scrounger for some reason! dont you just love it when people jump in, open their mouth and a lot of crap comes spillin out!! lol,
If I have spouted crap, it's only based on the stuff posted by the OP. The OP brought not being able to work as a singer because of having a kid into the thread... if you look closely."
so, having a kid makes you a dole scrounger nowadays does it? according to jobcentre figures, there are more working mothers LEAVING full time employment due to the cost of childcare than there are moving INTO employment! doesnt make it the mothers fault she cant afford childcare! or do we just dump our kids on family as you suggest? if we do, doesnt that mean that those family members are unable to work due to watching OUR kid! lol. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?"
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough |
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Debates grow naturally....when someone opens a thread it will evolve, but may not always end up like the Op (any Op) hoped it would.
I have read the thread in full and see some very good and valid points throughout....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough "
quite right! no-one knows your circumstances! and p.s. just give the money your pal gives to a good charity! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough
quite right! no-one knows your circumstances! and p.s. just give the money your pal gives to a good charity! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" seriously?
My friend had a litter of kittens and she advertised them and sold them for £20 each, she only had 3 kitttens but her ex reported her for selling kittens to the dole office, who interviewed her and passed her details onto the tax man
"
Then I stand corrected and with deep sadness admit that I hadnt realised that this country had descended to such a level of poisonous pettymindedness...
Makes you proud to be British...
In which case Cute... You cant take the money in case one of your countrymen rats you out...
*Sigh* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it only illegal if it's actual cash? are 'gifts' acceptable? just curious.. like if someone gave ya diamonds... or what about expensive stamps? cos stamps are s'posedly legal tender aren't they? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just tell her you want £30k in used bank notes, that should put her off "
Cash up front then don't turn up  A lovely girl like you must have lots of friends |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?"
Just to let people know, being personal about others on the forums is not allowed, as per the forum rules.
I am sure people could get their point across without doing so.
Below is pasted from the forums rules.
"Don't be personal
Personal attacks against other site users aren't allowed, even if you don't name them. If you've got a problem with someone on the site, block them. If you've got a problem with what someone writes on the forum just skip over their messages or report to admin if you think they need to take action."
You can find all other rules on the link above the box you type your message in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say it is your wedding gift to her.
i tried that one.. thats what i mean she's stubborn and wont budge on the 'no payment' thing "
Tell her you only sing for fun and if she insists on paying you then you won't sing. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough "
If you started a thread saying you were going to leave your daughter with your elderly Grandparents while you sang in pubs and clubs all over the country , no doubt you would get people objecting to that too.
I personaly wouldn't do the above while my child was young, as then you are putting yourself above your own children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure quite how this thread got to where it is but my two pence worth
1) You can earn a small amount on benefits anyway.. same as you keep the first £15 of any maintenance paid.. So sure you would be fine.
2) I would firmly say to my friend I will sing for you but you are insulting me by offering me money. Its your day and I dont want to fall out with you.. so please.. let me do this for you.
Just have fun with it.
Cali |
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get yer facts right maintence used to be the first £20 took effect but thats chnaged 2yrs ago it does not effect benefits now
and ANY INCOME DOES EFFECT BENEFITS depends what sort of income in most cases the first £20 is disregarded on jsa the first £5
and re gifts if someone ie yer parents give you £50 say per mth to help you out that is also classed as income |
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I don't know all the ins and outs of benefits and the DWP but as far as tax is concerned, any earnings are added to taxable benefits for tax purposes and as the annual for JSA currently stand a bit under £4K and tax free personal allowance at over £8K, an extra £60 from the sale of kittens or a few quid from singing at a wedding won't make any difference even if it's declared. |
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it takes effect on a weekly benfit ! they dont allow you a yearly income like you suggest because your claim is paid in arrears and you only get paid in case your claim is closed or INCOME becomes more thanthe weekly allowance
so if you are a single person on £71 per week and you do a car boot and earn £50 then first £20 is disregarded so £30 would be income so that benefit week you would only get £41.0
please check tomorrow with yer local jobcentre u will see i am correct |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough
If you started a thread saying you were going to leave your daughter with your elderly Grandparents while you sang in pubs and clubs all over the country , no doubt you would get people objecting to that too.
I personaly wouldn't do the above while my child was young, as then you are putting yourself above your own children."
PS...the "you " and "your" wasn't meant you personally....it was a general comment to anyone who was doing this . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just came onto this thread, curious about the outcome and actually thought I had come to the wrong thread. How did we get to dole scrounging when the thread was about the OP wanting to do something nice for her friend's wedding and not be paid for it? What am I missing?
lol its just the way it goes in the forums, but i don't feel i have to explain my decisions so haven't replied. Hopefully it will get closed soon enough
If you started a thread saying you were going to leave your daughter with your elderly Grandparents while you sang in pubs and clubs all over the country , no doubt you would get people objecting to that too.
I personaly wouldn't do the above while my child was young, as then you are putting yourself above your own children.
PS...the "you " and "your" wasn't meant you personally....it was a general comment to anyone who was doing this ."
Why? What is wrong with someone doing what they can to make a living rather than expect the state to support them?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why? What is wrong with someone doing what they can to make a living rather than expect the state to support them?
"
Nothing wrong with that, like i stated just wasn't practical for me and im not going to put my career above the needs of my very young child. |
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let her have her way on her Big Day , but just remind her she owes you one 