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Opinions please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I would wonder why he was buying these things and what his game was but if you trusted your partner then take the gifts bigger fool him if he isnt getting anything in return |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That would probably bother me... great to get some nice things but it sounds like it was coming with a motive rather than out of kindness (though I could be wrong).
I suppose it all depends on how secure you guys were; but if she is an ex I suppose that answers that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh that's really strange and would make me very uncomfortable. If a child was involved I could understand it but if not then it would cause some issues in my relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Money is great but you can't take it with you, I'm guilty of spending plenty and treating the ladies I've dated in the past. White goods maybe not, unless he's broke say in which case why not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?"
Id be thinking “why is he trying to buy me” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Money is great but you can't take it with you, I'm guilty of spending plenty and treating the ladies I've dated in the past. White goods maybe not, unless he's broke say in which case why not. "
Hers broke  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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None of the things bought were replacements for something that was broken or even just a bit old. He did have more money than her but she wasn’t on the breadline.
I’m glad I’m not the only one though who thinks it was a bit weird |
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I wouldn't like it to be honest. But I personally refuse things from my ex, except if he's bought something with the kids for my birthday or something. And that is only because my kids have chosen the gift. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would depend.
Was there a child involved therefore the things were making the childs life more comfortable? If so I could understand it.
He may have left her without a pot to piss in when they split and felt guilty?
I would find it bizarre myself and it would sit uncomfortably with me, BUT, I know if my sons dad fell on hard times and I could help out then I would.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"None of the things bought were replacements for something that was broken or even just a bit old. He did have more money than her but she wasn’t on the breadline.
I’m glad I’m not the only one though who thinks it was a bit weird "
If they weren't broken then yeah, that's not really cricket I don't think especially if they have someone new in their life.
Game of one upmanship showing the new guy he still has a place in her life or some bullshit like that.
P |
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I would find that odd, it’s my household not his.
I’d never accept anything from the ex, with the exception of him having our kid if I’m ill and can’t look after him, or him dropping food round for that reason, which I give him the cash for |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
If there was no underlying reason for him to do so (kids, separation agreement etc) then yes a little odd.
Some people when they split do maintain a level of amicability or even friendship to the point they still buy each other things, but from what you've said this goes way beyond that.
Was any reason ever offered for why he did so? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If there was no underlying reason for him to do so (kids, separation agreement etc) then yes a little odd.
Some people when they split do maintain a level of amicability or even friendship to the point they still buy each other things, but from what you've said this goes way beyond that.
Was any reason ever offered for why he did so? "
‘It’s what he does’ is all I ever got before it got a bit heated and I gave up arguing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I wouldn’t accept gifts from an ex. Firstly he’s your ex for a reason. Second he’s obviously trying to piss all over my new relationship. Are you still with this lady ? Maybe dint argue but tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she’s now your Ex, let it go and move on, doesn’t matter anymore...
If she’s still your partner, I’d be giving out an ultimatum - return or don’t accept “gifts” or your out the door! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally I wouldn’t accept gifts from an ex. Firstly he’s your ex for a reason. Second he’s obviously trying to piss all over my new relationship. Are you still with this lady ? Maybe dint argue but tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable x "
Unfortunately we aren’t but my mind is drawn to it now and then |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Unless he was the father of my kids (I.e giving me something for the kids benefit) then I wouldn’t accept. Especially large items, you’d feel a bit beholden to them. I know some folk are just kind and generous, but there are those that give but often a catch...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Honestly, I am letting it go but thought a footnote would be quite funny.
I get home from work and she’s on Facebook showing off her new car bought by her boyfriend - the ‘ex’
As some of you said, he was clearly playing a long game there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?"
wouldn't bother me in the least shes with you now and ok youre tight but she loves you anyway, winner winner chicken dinner   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?wouldn't bother me in the least shes with you now and ok youre tight but she loves you anyway, winner winner chicken dinner "
You need to read it again  |
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"Honestly, I am letting it go but thought a footnote would be quite funny.
I get home from work and she’s on Facebook showing off her new car bought by her boyfriend - the ‘ex’
As some of you said, he was clearly playing a long game there "
Years ago we met an older couple on holiday. She had left her ex husband for her current one but still cooked for him every day, her new husband seemed OK with it. People are all different in what they find acceptable |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Honestly, I am letting it go but thought a footnote would be quite funny.
I get home from work and she’s on Facebook showing off her new car bought by her boyfriend - the ‘ex’
As some of you said, he was clearly playing a long game there
Years ago we met an older couple on holiday. She had left her ex husband for her current one but still cooked for him every day, her new husband seemed OK with it. People are all different in what they find acceptable "
That’s a good point and I can see how that can work. Shelling out thousands on a car is a little different, in my eyes, to cooking |
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"Honestly, I am letting it go but thought a footnote would be quite funny.
I get home from work and she’s on Facebook showing off her new car bought by her boyfriend - the ‘ex’
As some of you said, he was clearly playing a long game there
Years ago we met an older couple on holiday. She had left her ex husband for her current one but still cooked for him every day, her new husband seemed OK with it. People are all different in what they find acceptable
That’s a good point and I can see how that can work. Shelling out thousands on a car is a little different, in my eyes, to cooking "
I wouldn't be happy about either scenario unless children were involved. But I'm very much an ex is an ex type of person and once it's over that's it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?wouldn't bother me in the least shes with you now and ok youre tight but she loves you anyway, winner winner chicken dinner
You need to read it again "
ahhh ex oh well hey always look on the bright side of life, theirs a woman here who only wants your body nothing else just your body |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I split up with my wife, now ex
I loved her, cared for her but needed my freedom, and the love I felt for her was the love you shared with family, not a partner (if you can understand that)
when we parted, we split everything, I gave her half of everything we had and ensured she was in a new build 3 bed home fully paid off
we still talk, but as friends, not lovers
I will still look out for her and help her if I can,
.
perhaps that is the same as the "ex" above is doing
.
in no way would I try to move in on my ex again and I would be pleased if she found new love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I split up with my wife, now ex
I loved her, cared for her but needed my freedom, and the love I felt for her was the love you shared with family, not a partner (if you can understand that)
when we parted, we split everything, I gave her half of everything we had and ensured she was in a new build 3 bed home fully paid off
we still talk, but as friends, not lovers
I will still look out for her and help her if I can,
.
perhaps that is the same as the "ex" above is doing
.
in no way would I try to move in on my ex again and I would be pleased if she found new love."
That’s fine but would you be buying her big expensive things knowing she has a new partner? |
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It depends on your agreement and responsibility with your partner. She ultimately can refuse or accept the gifts but this would typically be done with your joint agreement. I can appreciate that a newer relationship won't likely be such that you'd communicate and agree on such things but most people would, once involved over a substantial time period.
Ultimately it's her decision. Common sense would see most people reaching an agreement on whether to accept or decline goods, with her fulfilling that agreement.
If there were extraordinary circumstances, it may influence things but emotional strangeholds or trying to harm her current relationship, wouldn't cut it. It's still her decision though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on your agreement and responsibility with your partner. She ultimately can refuse or accept the gifts but this would typically be done with your joint agreement. I can appreciate that a newer relationship won't likely be such that you'd communicate and agree on such things but most people would, once involved over a substantial time period.
Ultimately it's her decision. Common sense would see most people reaching an agreement on whether to accept or decline goods, with her fulfilling that agreement.
If there were extraordinary circumstances, it may influence things but emotional strangeholds or trying to harm her current relationship, wouldn't cut it. It's still her decision though. "
Very much and she had no issue with it. Thank you for responding  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a similar experiance. met a wonderful lady who was seperated from her husband who was a big accountant and bought her anything and everything she wanted no matter the cost, I said to her well you wont get that from me cos im just a normal working guy dont earn half as much ( and thats putting it mildly) i said i got bank loans to pay as well. She said that doesnt matter its how we feel for each other and how we treat each other that counts because you just can't buy love.
she also said hes a prick and money is his god because he thinks every problem can be solved by throwing money at it. which is well wrong. On my part wouldnt mind the money but i wouldnt let it bother you. my point is who is she with same goes for a he  |
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?"
Not enough information.
Were you living with her.
Were you both keeping house together.
Did she and her ex have children together.
Did she ask for the goods.
Did they part good friends and still helped each other out.
Did she say to you that it made her uncomfortable.
Was she leading him on ?
To be honest with you .... I don't think it's odd. But there isn't enough information to say for sure.
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"I think I would wonder why he was buying these things and what his game was but if you trusted your partner then take the gifts bigger fool him if he isnt getting anything in return"
There are those who help others without expecting anything in return. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Something that happened to me in the past that I mull over now and then and, while I wait for my soup to cook at work, I thought I’d canvas opinion
I had a partner, hence the mulling over now, and her ex used to buy her things. Not small things like a card on her birthday or chocolates at Xmas. Big stuff - furniture, white goods and even a car at one point. She wasn’t fussed by it but it really bothered me. It caused a good deal of friction.
Was I just being overly sensitive or would others feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing?
Not enough information.
Were you living with her.
Were you both keeping house together.
Did she and her ex have children together.
Did she ask for the goods.
Did they part good friends and still helped each other out.
Did she say to you that it made her uncomfortable.
Was she leading him on ?
To be honest with you .... I don't think it's odd. But there isn't enough information to say for sure.
"
Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Not really
No
No idea
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just been reading through this thread and some of the replies I don't get.
When I have a partner I want to provide her with nice things. Sure like i said earlier it would bother me if i couldn't afford to get her the things which her ex could.
But for people to say it's weird doesn't seem right to me. |
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