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Seeking humour
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"I feel like crap and couldn't even taste my lush fried breakfast this morning as my taste buds are on holiday.
Give us a chuckle and post a joke, all are welcome even the bad ones  "
Fried Breakfast tease  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A head was born to a couple, no body or arms or legs, just a head. The head turns 8 year old and his mum shouts to him that morning, "Head, come here, I have a present for you." The head shouts back, "Not another fucking hat I hope ma" |
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"I feel like crap and couldn't even taste my lush fried breakfast this morning as my taste buds are on holiday.
Give us a chuckle and post a joke, all are welcome even the bad ones
Fried Breakfast tease "
Always  |
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"A head was born to a couple, no body or arms or legs, just a head. The head turns 8 year old and his mum shouts to him that morning, "Head, come here, I have a present for you." The head shouts back, "Not another fucking hat I hope ma" "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On their wedding night 3 men are discussing the up coming night of passion
Man 1 say” I have a idea, in the morning why don’t we order toast for the same amount of time we have sex with the wife”?
They all agree
So the next morning they all sat there with the new wives.
Man 1” waitress I will have 3 pieces of toast please”
Man 2. “ waitress I will have 4 pieces of toast please”
Man 3 “ um waitress I will have 6 pieces of toast please.......4 white and 2 brown” |
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"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft 
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.  "
Thermometer fingers |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers "
Just put your nipples under my tongue.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My grandad had alzheimer's and I'd go and visit him everyday, and every day we'd have the same conversation.
"When's your nan coming home?"
"Grandad, she's been dead 12 years now"
Every day was like this, one day my parents pulled me aside and said "you don't need to see him everyday, we can't imagine the stress it must be putting you under, having to tell him daily that his wife is dead"
I said, "it's okay, it's worth it, it's worth it just to see the smile on his face" |
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"On their wedding night 3 men are discussing the up coming night of passion
Man 1 say” I have a idea, in the morning why don’t we order toast for the same amount of time we have sex with the wife”?
They all agree
So the next morning they all sat there with the new wives.
Man 1” waitress I will have 3 pieces of toast please”
Man 2. “ waitress I will have 4 pieces of toast please”
Man 3 “ um waitress I will have 6 pieces of toast please.......4 white and 2 brown”"
|
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"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers
Just put your nipples under my tongue. "
Is that a new way of suckling |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers
Just put your nipples under my tongue.
Is that a new way of suckling "
There's more than one thing you can do with a nipple.  |
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"My grandad had alzheimer's and I'd go and visit him everyday, and every day we'd have the same conversation.
"When's your nan coming home?"
"Grandad, she's been dead 12 years now"
Every day was like this, one day my parents pulled me aside and said "you don't need to see him everyday, we can't imagine the stress it must be putting you under, having to tell him daily that his wife is dead"
I said, "it's okay, it's worth it, it's worth it just to see the smile on his face" "
That's so romantic 
And not clownish at all |
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"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers
Just put your nipples under my tongue.
Is that a new way of suckling
There's more than one thing you can do with a nipple. "
Is there... I'm vanilla. didn't you know |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers
Just put your nipples under my tongue.
Is that a new way of suckling
There's more than one thing you can do with a nipple.
Is there... I'm vanilla. didn't you know "
Now who's the one with the bad jokes. |
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"It's hardly surprising you've got a cold, you've rearly got any clothes on. Pffffft
My boobies are not blue so I'm obviously not cold
I'll check when I get my hands on them.
Thermometer fingers
Just put your nipples under my tongue.
Is that a new way of suckling
There's more than one thing you can do with a nipple.
Is there... I'm vanilla. didn't you know
Now who's the one with the bad jokes. "
According to my latest BDSM test its true.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
At 4.50am id just got up, half asleep and my lad was lamenting the loss of koby Bryant.. "dad, everyone's in bits of koby Bryant"
"not as much as him" I replied..
I know it's tasteless, it just slipped out |
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When arriving late to school, Johnny was asked why. I’m sorry miss but my grandad got burned today, he answered. Oh I’m sorry to hear that says the teacher, was he burned bad? Yes says Johnny, they don’t fuck about at the crematorium. |
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"At 4.50am id just got up, half asleep and my lad was lamenting the loss of koby Bryant.. "dad, everyone's in bits of koby Bryant"
"not as much as him" I replied..
I know it's tasteless, it just slipped out "
Dude  |
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"When arriving late to school, Johnny was asked why. I’m sorry miss but my grandad got burned today, he answered. Oh I’m sorry to hear that says the teacher, was he burned bad? Yes says Johnny, they don’t fuck about at the crematorium. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"At 4.50am id just got up, half asleep and my lad was lamenting the loss of koby Bryant.. "dad, everyone's in bits of koby Bryant"
"not as much as him" I replied..
I know it's tasteless, it just slipped out
Dude "
I know.. Ive slapped meself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel like crap and couldn't even taste my lush fried breakfast this morning as my taste buds are on holiday.
Give us a chuckle and post a joke, all are welcome even the bad ones "
How about we just sit and have a laugh and a coffee under a fleecey blanket  |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I feel like crap and couldn't even taste my lush fried breakfast this morning as my taste buds are on holiday.
Give us a chuckle and post a joke, all are welcome even the bad ones
How about we just sit and have a laugh and a coffee under a fleecey blanket "
Is the blanket big enough for the 3 of us?  |
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This isn't a joke but it makes us laugh. It's an article from a site called AI Weirdness which is a site devoted to odd things created by artificial intelligence. I'm not allowed to post the link so here's the text. You may also want to look up the AI Weirdness article about cat names which is also very funny.
So I’ve been training this neural network to generate cookbook recipes by letting it look at tens of thousands of existing recipes.
The generated titles can get a bit odd.
There’s a creativity variable I can set when the network is generating new recipes, and when I set it low, it comes up with its best guess at the most quintessential recipe titles:
Cream Cheese Soup
-
Cream Of Sour Cream Cheese Soup
-
Chocolate Cake (Chocolate Cake)
-
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
-
Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake
-
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
-
Chocolate Chips
-
Chocolate Chips With Chocolate Chips
---
When I tell it to get creative, things get even weirder.
Beef Soup With Swamp Peef And Cheese
-
Chocolate Chops & Chocolate Chips
-
Crimm Grunk Garlic Cleas
-
Beasy Mist
-
Export Bean Spoons In Pie-Shell, Top If Spoon and Whip The Mustard
-
Chocolate Pickle Sauce
-
Whole Chicken Cookies
-
Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom
-
Star *
-
Cover Meats
-
Out Of Meat
-
Completely Meat Circle
-
Completely Meat Chocolate Pie
-
Cabbage Pot Cookies
-
Artichoke Gelatin Dogs
-
Crockpot Cold Water |
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"I feel like crap and couldn't even taste my lush fried breakfast this morning as my taste buds are on holiday.
Give us a chuckle and post a joke, all are welcome even the bad ones
How about we just sit and have a laugh and a coffee under a fleecey blanket "
Can we borrow D???? |
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"This isn't a joke but it makes us laugh. It's an article from a site called AI Weirdness which is a site devoted to odd things created by artificial intelligence. I'm not allowed to post the link so here's the text. You may also want to look up the AI Weirdness article about cat names which is also very funny.
So I’ve been training this neural network to generate cookbook recipes by letting it look at tens of thousands of existing recipes.
The generated titles can get a bit odd.
There’s a creativity variable I can set when the network is generating new recipes, and when I set it low, it comes up with its best guess at the most quintessential recipe titles:
Cream Cheese Soup
-
Cream Of Sour Cream Cheese Soup
-
Chocolate Cake (Chocolate Cake)
-
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
-
Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake
-
Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate Cake
-
Chocolate Chips
-
Chocolate Chips With Chocolate Chips
---
When I tell it to get creative, things get even weirder.
Beef Soup With Swamp Peef And Cheese
-
Chocolate Chops & Chocolate Chips
-
Crimm Grunk Garlic Cleas
-
Beasy Mist
-
Export Bean Spoons In Pie-Shell, Top If Spoon and Whip The Mustard
-
Chocolate Pickle Sauce
-
Whole Chicken Cookies
-
Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom
-
Star *
-
Cover Meats
-
Out Of Meat
-
Completely Meat Circle
-
Completely Meat Chocolate Pie
-
Cabbage Pot Cookies
-
Artichoke Gelatin Dogs
-
Crockpot Cold Water"
Ill have a google, thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Monkey walks in to a pub
Sits down and orders a pint of larger and some crisps
The barman looks at him in amazement and says " you should work at the circus "
The monkey says "why are they looking for electricians? " |
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