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confused
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Just looking for others views
There is a particular guy in my life. We have been good mates and have got on quite well for years. I've always fancied him bit was married so nothing ever happened. Then my marriage broke up. He started to get really flirty and so I made a move and asked him out.
To my disappointment he said no. He sai he really liked me but couldn't take it further as he didn't see me that way. Plus my marriage finished and he didn't think it fair to take advantage of me. So fair enough a little gutted but I moved on with my life.
We still saw each other now and again as we are part of the same circle of friends. Whenever I have seen him we still got on well (obviously less flirting) and I was happy with our friendship.
Now roll the clock forward to almost a year from when I had asked him out and one particular night after a few beers we ended up sleeping together. This was not instigated by me at all. He literally jumped on me whilst we were chatting and we had sex. I didn’t really have time to think too much about it but obviously I was pretty happy for I'd liked him for years. Come morning time however we chatted and he apologised and said sorry for complicating things for he knows I felt about him.
Now all the emotions I'd bottled and pushed aside have come back and I really don't know where I stand. I'm a bit confused as to why he would want to have sex after all this time. Anyway I'm trying to move on and on Saturday night while out he was flirting with me all night and waited outside the toilets for me. He pinned me to the wall and kissed me like I've never been kissed before. He eventually pulled away and walked off. I mailed to ask if he wanted to come with me but he said he was sorry but he couldn't. I just don't understand it as we are both single. I so want to be with him but then my sensible head is telling me he has too much baggage and must be in a place where he doesn’t want to commit and frankly I'm a little too old to play games.
Anyway I really appreciate thoughts or advice from persons that may of been in a similar situation or from guys that may be able to shed some light onto the workings of his mind. |
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Wow, that’s a situation you have right there.
Probably made easier by how men like to talk about there feelings so much ??
I think from the sounds of it he isn’t entirely single himself. He clearly fancies you and wants you but is sticking with something internal that either he can’t tell you or will just complicate things further.
The only other option is that he is a nice guy, he fancies you a bit / likes the sex thing but knows you aren’t the one for him. but is sensitive to how he knows you feel for him so is trying not to lead you on.... which gets harder after a few drinks and with the knowledge of how good you are.
That’s my tuppnyworth anyhow |
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Awwww bum,
This one sounds like a biggie and to be honest I dont think it's something you could present clearly enough on a forum to get a fully detailed reply as there will be so many little things involved between you both too.
He could be scared of committing as he may think you still have feelings for your ex depending on how you split.
He may like someone else too and feel with her the same as you do about him.
He could easily fancy the pants off you and really like you but be worried he may hurt you or simply scared that you wont work out and he will lose a great friend.
The only people who can really sort this out is you two and to do that it needs an honest, open and totally frank conversation and be prepared that it could potentially hurt your friendship as well as bring you closer together.
It's a tough one and I wish you the very best of luck x |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Hmmm, I can absolutely understand your confusion OP.
I hate to say it but it sounds a little like he's enjoying knowing that you're attracted and is using you as an ego boost. You're available, you're into him and he's teasing your attraction and attention. If he actually wanted you, then he'd be there, at the moment it sounds like he's getting off on your attraction to him, rather than returning it.
In my opinion you would be best to leave him alone, set your boundaries and leave it there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow, that’s a situation you have right there.
Probably made easier by how men like to talk about there feelings so much ??
I think from the sounds of it he isn’t entirely single himself. He clearly fancies you and wants you but is sticking with something internal that either he can’t tell you or will just complicate things further.
The only other option is that he is a nice guy, he fancies you a bit / likes the sex thing but knows you aren’t the one for him. but is sensitive to how he knows you feel for him so is trying not to lead you on.... which gets harder after a few drinks and with the knowledge of how good you are.
That’s my tuppnyworth anyhow"
Thanks for the input. I know he is single and has been the last couple of years. He has been with a few women but just seems to be sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That’s NSA for you ....
This ??. I think he liked the fact you were married as it meant he did not have to commit. "
The two question marks should be a little finger pointing up but emojis escape me.  |
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He's using you.
I'm sorry if this sounds brutal but as far as he sees it, he's horny and you're the easy option. You want him and he's taking advantage of that while totally ignoring your feelings.
Id distance myself if I was you because he's just going to play with you and you're going to get hurt.
I know you like him but you need to protect yourself here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I hate to say it but it sounds a little like he's enjoying knowing that you're attracted and is using you as an ego boost. You're available, you're into him and he's teasing your attraction and attention. If he actually wanted you, then he'd be there, at the moment it sounds like he's getting off on your attraction to him, rather than returning it.
"
I agree with this.. Sadly it happens too often. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Awwww bum,
This one sounds like a biggie and to be honest I dont think it's something you could present clearly enough on a forum to get a fully detailed reply as there will be so many little things involved between you both too.
He could be scared of committing as he may think you still have feelings for your ex depending on how you split.
He may like someone else too and feel with her the same as you do about him.
He could easily fancy the pants off you and really like you but be worried he may hurt you or simply scared that you wont work out and he will lose a great friend.
The only people who can really sort this out is you two and to do that it needs an honest, open and totally frank conversation and be prepared that it could potentially hurt your friendship as well as bring you closer together.
It's a tough one and I wish you the very best of luck x"
Thanks you've gave me some points to think about  |
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"Awwww bum,
This one sounds like a biggie and to be honest I dont think it's something you could present clearly enough on a forum to get a fully detailed reply as there will be so many little things involved between you both too.
He could be scared of committing as he may think you still have feelings for your ex depending on how you split.
He may like someone else too and feel with her the same as you do about him.
He could easily fancy the pants off you and really like you but be worried he may hurt you or simply scared that you wont work out and he will lose a great friend.
The only people who can really sort this out is you two and to do that it needs an honest, open and totally frank conversation and be prepared that it could potentially hurt your friendship as well as bring you closer together.
It's a tough one and I wish you the very best of luck x
Thanks you've gave me some points to think about "
I don't envy you being in this situation, so bloody confusing and you just want a definitive answer so you know where you stand.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
|
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Surely he would of stayed and “got his dick wet” after the kiss then though?
He’s just weird lol "
He probably had to be somewhere, otherwise he probably would have but yes, you’re right.
That man just aint no good! |
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"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
"
That’s actually quite a good summary... |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
That’s actually quite a good summary..."
Indeed. I couldn't have put it better myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This sounds to me like a narcissistic game. The Push/Pull plays havoc with your emotions so you get even more drawn to him like a moth to a flame. How to create that roller-coaster of emotions effect is now being sold as a seduction technique known as fractionation. Be very careful I think he is playing with your emotions as a control game. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
That’s actually quite a good summary..."
I agree |
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"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
"
Very wise words indeed.
Listen to this guy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
"
Very good insight. Thanks so much. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hmmm, I can absolutely understand your confusion OP.
I hate to say it but it sounds a little like he's enjoying knowing that you're attracted and is using you as an ego boost. You're available, you're into him and he's teasing your attraction and attention. If he actually wanted you, then he'd be there, at the moment it sounds like he's getting off on your attraction to him, rather than returning it.
In my opinion you would be best to leave him alone, set your boundaries and leave it there. "
Thanks your probably right. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He's using you.
I'm sorry if this sounds brutal but as far as he sees it, he's horny and you're the easy option. You want him and he's taking advantage of that while totally ignoring your feelings.
Id distance myself if I was you because he's just going to play with you and you're going to get hurt.
I know you like him but you need to protect yourself here. "
Thanks very much  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The only way to find out is to talk with each other.
He's a guy, so that might not be easy.
It might not go anywhere. There again it might, if that's what you both want.
Step back from just the sex and work out what you both really want.
But then if you dont talk to him you may never find a resolution.
Good luck OP whatever the outcome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hmmm, I can absolutely understand your confusion OP.
I hate to say it but it sounds a little like he's enjoying knowing that you're attracted and is using you as an ego boost. You're available, you're into him and he's teasing your attraction and attention. If he actually wanted you, then he'd be there, at the moment it sounds like he's getting off on your attraction to him, rather than returning it.
In my opinion you would be best to leave him alone, set your boundaries and leave it there. "
I agree with the above, sounds like he wants to hold you on a shoe string on his terms which is a total head fuck!
I would personally not want to be played with like that and tell him he is either in or he's out and if he's out move on entirely and don't put yourself through that turmoil each time he decides he is in the mood. You deserve better than that xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good."
That's the plan anyway. |
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"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good.
That's the plan anyway."
It can only go wrong if you let it. Don't let it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good.
That's the plan anyway.
It can only go wrong if you let it. Don't let it."
It's easier said than done. |
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I don't want to be mean but he's had a drink both times. Doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. It's a head fuck...I'd back off, stop flirting with him..I k ow you like him but I would need to take control of the situation to feel better about it.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to be mean but he's had a drink both times. Doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. It's a head fuck...I'd back off, stop flirting with him..I k ow you like him but I would need to take control of the situation to feel better about it.. "
Thank you. |
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"I don't want to be mean but he's had a drink both times. Doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. It's a head fuck...I'd back off, stop flirting with him..I k ow you like him but I would need to take control of the situation to feel better about it..
Thank you. "
Good luck with it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't want to be mean but he's had a drink both times. Doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. It's a head fuck...I'd back off, stop flirting with him..I k ow you like him but I would need to take control of the situation to feel better about it..
Thank you.
Good luck with it x"
Thank you very much x |
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"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good.
That's the plan anyway.
It can only go wrong if you let it. Don't let it.
It's easier said than done."
Why?
If you're happy to be his go to woman for a fuck or an ego boost that's fine but if you are hoping for more I think you'll be disappointed.
Don't let him string you along unless you're happy for that to happen |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good.
That's the plan anyway.
It can only go wrong if you let it. Don't let it.
It's easier said than done.
Why?
If you're happy to be his go to woman for a fuck or an ego boost that's fine but if you are hoping for more I think you'll be disappointed.
Don't let him string you along unless you're happy for that to happen "
In theory I'm all oh I'm not gonna flirt with him but that all changes as soon as I see him. |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
OP I could have written that post myself.
You have my every sympathy.
I spoke to mine. He said "I'm not what you need"
I'm not sure if he meant "you're not what I need"
Either way, it's very frustrating. I need to be strong too....but I'm a failure in this regard and he bloody knows it!
 |
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"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right  "
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP I could have written that post myself.
You have my every sympathy.
I spoke to mine. He said "I'm not what you need"
I'm not sure if he meant "you're not what I need"
Either way, it's very frustrating. I need to be strong too....but I'm a failure in this regard and he bloody knows it!
"
I'd be the same. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
"
I want him that I'm sure of. I'm meeting him Friday so hopefully I can get it sorted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
I want him that I'm sure of. I'm meeting him Friday so hopefully I can get it sorted."
It doesn't sound like you want to keep your dignity really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hes playing games. If he cant be straight then he shouldn't be considered.
Then again emotions are a funny thing. Hope you work it out.
He sounds like hes being a douche though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
I want him that I'm sure of. I'm meeting him Friday so hopefully I can get it sorted.
It doesn't sound like you want to keep your dignity really "
I do that's why I asked him to meet. I want to put it all put there and trash it out. |
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"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
I want him that I'm sure of. I'm meeting him Friday so hopefully I can get it sorted."
Ok as who or what type of relations do you want him ?
To shake a guy like this , you need to be better at his game than he is .
The only way to do it now , as you let him in a bit too far in the control part , is a push to a limit from your side , a push to a limit of truth and transparency that you don't have at the moment from him |
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By *idan31Man
over a year ago
ashby |
Hmmm does he want his cake and to eat it too?
Either he is really confused, or he’s getting the better of you. Or even scared about what he really wants?
Maybe he’s really into you, but he’s just scared about taking things further? Has he been hurt in the past? |
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"So what are you going to do op?
I've mailed him to ask him if we could meet up and chat.
Hope you make it clear that sex and kissing is off the table, for good.
That's the plan anyway.
It can only go wrong if you let it. Don't let it.
It's easier said than done.
Why?
If you're happy to be his go to woman for a fuck or an ego boost that's fine but if you are hoping for more I think you'll be disappointed.
Don't let him string you along unless you're happy for that to happen
In theory I'm all oh I'm not gonna flirt with him but that all changes as soon as I see him."
Its your choice, you know the likely outcome. |
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As I saw further up the thread, this may be a narcissistic thing on his part.
If so, be very careful if you back away from him that he doesn't go all out at you again to win you over as that can easily be a part of the game a narcissist plays.
Like others have said, try to stand back and look at it as if it was you hearing this dilemma from a friend and giving them your advice, that's your gut instinct talking and more often than not it's the right thing to go with |
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"He's using you.
I'm sorry if this sounds brutal but as far as he sees it, he's horny and you're the easy option. You want him and he's taking advantage of that while totally ignoring your feelings.
Id distance myself if I was you because he's just going to play with you and you're going to get hurt.
I know you like him but you need to protect yourself here. "
Exactly my thoughts. |
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I haven't read all the comments, but my gut says move away, fast. It's fun, it feels good when it's good, but it won't stay good.
I know nothing about his issues but he has them, or he'd be up front and honest with them, and stick with just friends -- or more.
Not vacillating between the two.
Unless you want to just be the one he calls up when he's horny (nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want, but sounds like you don't) and be set aside when he finds someone he wants to be with long term, stick with a distant friends only attitude with him.
Good luck.
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Too much over thinking going on.
The op is happily being used by a man she knows is not into her. Pride and self preservation should be strong enough to keep her away but alas hope is springing eternal.
No matter what we say the op will continue seeing this man on his terms.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Game player. Taking advantage of your feelings for him to get his dick wet.
Words of a wise women OP
Your probably right
Agree to a point , it's not only a game play , it's a power play Kandi.
At the moment , he thinks he has that power , if you wanted you could take it back from him , it's a psychological play and could cost you the friendship too but would give you closure on the situation .
But you would have to be 100% sure what you want .
I want him that I'm sure of. I'm meeting him Friday so hopefully I can get it sorted.
Ok as who or what type of relations do you want him ?
To shake a guy like this , you need to be better at his game than he is .
The only way to do it now , as you let him in a bit too far in the control part , is a push to a limit from your side , a push to a limit of truth and transparency that you don't have at the moment from him "
Thanks I'll take it into consideration when meeting him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Too much over thinking going on.
The op is happily being used by a man she knows is not into her. Pride and self preservation should be strong enough to keep her away but alas hope is springing eternal.
No matter what we say the op will continue seeing this man on his terms.
"
If he isn't into me then why have sex with me? |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
"Too much over thinking going on.
The op is happily being used by a man she knows is not into her. Pride and self preservation should be strong enough to keep her away but alas hope is springing eternal.
No matter what we say the op will continue seeing this man on his terms.
If he isn't into me then why have sex with me?"
Because he was horny and you let him |
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"He's using you.
I'm sorry if this sounds brutal but as far as he sees it, he's horny and you're the easy option. You want him and he's taking advantage of that while totally ignoring your feelings.
Id distance myself if I was you because he's just going to play with you and you're going to get hurt.
I know you like him but you need to protect yourself here. "
this get rid and find yourself somone who deserves you because you certainly deserve better xx |
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"Too much over thinking going on.
The op is happily being used by a man she knows is not into her. Pride and self preservation should be strong enough to keep her away but alas hope is springing eternal.
No matter what we say the op will continue seeing this man on his terms.
If he isn't into me then why have sex with me?"
Because he's horny and you let him: dah! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
"
This is sound advice right here although you may have feelings for him he clearly is using them to get to you I would say it's best to avoid him because your only going to get hurt in the long run x |
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"Too much over thinking going on.
The op is happily being used by a man she knows is not into her. Pride and self preservation should be strong enough to keep her away but alas hope is springing eternal.
No matter what we say the op will continue seeing this man on his terms.
If he isn't into me then why have sex with me?"
Because you willingly agree in the full knowledge that is all he wants. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Try reading your post as if it's your best friend that wrote it. What would you say to her?
My reading from your post screams that he knows exactly what he's doing, and that he really enjoys knowing he can pick you up and put you down at will. You're never going to refuse him, and he knows it.
When you said he started to get flirty with you, so you asked him out, and he said no, that's the key moment where he gained power and control, and he knows it. Then a year later he instigated sleeping with you, then next morning apologised and said "I know how you feel about me". Yeah, he definitely knows.
Then you said you're trying to move on (he knows you are, he'll sense it) and that you saw him Saturday night, and he pinned you against the wall and kissed you, then walked off. That's his attempt to keep your feelings flowing so you cannot move on. Because if you do, he's lost control, and he can't allow that.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world that play these sorts of games, both men and women. If you want my advice, you should try your best to think of him as somebody who does not have your best interests at heart, somebody who doesn't respect you, and who is one of millions playing the same game. Hopefully by framing him this way in your mind, you'll eventually kill the feelings you have for him, and then be able to move on.
This is sound advice right here although you may have feelings for him he clearly is using them to get to you I would say it's best to avoid him because your only going to get hurt in the long run x"
Thanks  |
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I'd recommend arranging to meet and talk with him on just this. Decide you will only talk and not have sex, kissing etc. Agree those terms with yourself and then him.
Speak openly as it seems like rational communication has been missed out. D*unken etc behaviour makes little clear.
After you have had your discussion, take your own time to think and decide about what to do. Don't do it that night, if you see the value in a step back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the advice. I met him him for a coffee and explained that I had feeling for him and asked him if he did for me. He told me he did but we have been friends for so long and he doesn't want to fuck that up. I was honest and told that being friends is not really possible when he flirts with me or has sex while d*unk. We have both agreed to just keep away from each other for while. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Now he is texting me asking me to meet. I've been ignoring the texts but it's getting harder
Had he been drinking?
I know how hard you're finding it but try and stay focussed x"
It was last night so it's possible. Them again tonight. |
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"Now he is texting me asking me to meet. I've been ignoring the texts but it's getting harder
Had he been drinking?
I know how hard you're finding it but try and stay focussed x
It was last night so it's possible. Them again tonight."
Aww bless you. He's naughty, you put your cards on the table and made an agreement.
Sounds like a booty call and that is selfish on his part. You deserve better than that x |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
"
Solid advice |
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"Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
"
This may apply to the likes of you and I but I doubt there's anything anyone can say that will keep her away from this man.
She knows she's only a booty call but she's prepared to accept that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
"
I've done just that. |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
I've done just that."
Well done OP. I can only guess how hard it was.
I have a switch, when someone flicks it then I'm done. Sounds like he flicked your switch.
I hope you feel like a weight has been lifted x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Meh. See if this was me i’d be mighty fucked off by now.
I’d block him. Once you tell a fella what’s what and he persists with that shitty flaky behaviour then he just becomes a selfish twat.
His only concern is him.
You’ve told him how you feel and he’s just ignoring it. He’s disrespecting you and invalidating your feelings.
I’d tell him to stop harrassing me and then block him everywhere he could contact me.
Then i’d find myself a fella who wanted me for the whole package, not just because i was a blowjob queen and have a fanny that can turn copper into gold.
You deserve better. But you won’t get better until you make yourself and your feelings a priority.
And No dick is EVER that good.
I've done just that.
Well done OP. I can only guess how hard it was.
I have a switch, when someone flicks it then I'm done. Sounds like he flicked your switch.
I hope you feel like a weight has been lifted x"
Yah it definitely does. Onwards and upwards |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great to hear Kandi .
Closure , even if it means a "no" , at least for me is more important than hanging in the "maybe" zone .
You got yours and can move on with a smile and head up high
"
Thanks |
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