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Your best limerick is?

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By *appyAsLarry2014 OP Man over a year ago

Matlock

Here's mine to start you off:

There once was a cannibal, Ned

Who liked to eat onions in bed

His mother said "sonny"

"It's not very funny"

"Why don't you eat people instead?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was an old lady called Betty,

Whose armpits where hairy and sweaty,

She had a great knot,

In her stinky old twot,

And her pubes looked just like spaghetti.

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By *appyAsLarry2014 OP Man over a year ago

Matlock

ok, you win!!

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

There once was a lad in Matlock

He though he had a big cock

He looked in a mirror

And gave a shiver

Cos it was just a limp sock

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By *appyAsLarry2014 OP Man over a year ago

Matlock

There was a young man from Brighton

Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.

He said, “Oh my love, It fits like a glove.”

Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"ok, you win!!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young man from Gosham,

Who took out his balls to washem,

His mother said Jack,

If you don't put em back,

I'll stand on the buggas and squashem.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was once an old man from sprocket

Who built a nuclear rocket

The rocket went bang

His bollocks went clang

And his knob ended up in his pocket

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

There once was a woman from Thrace

Whose corsets would no longer lace

Her mother said "Nellie

There's more in your belly

Than ever went in through your face"

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

[Removed by poster at 19/01/20 19:21:20]

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

The prince desired young Cinderella

Of her beauty he'd tell 'er and tell 'er

His mind changed no doubt

When he fumbled about

And found Cinders was really a feller.

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By *ichiebigMan over a year ago

nenagh

There was a young lady from Clare

Who could not piss because of the hair

She met an Italian with a cock like a stallion

and now she can piss like a mare

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Upon the hill

There stood a coo

It went away

It's not there noo

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By *ensualbicockMan over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

There was a old man from Ealing

Who would have spontaneous feelings

When the sign on the door

Said don't spit on the floor

He looked up and spat on the ceiling

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By *L RogueMan over a year ago

London

There was a young lady from Durba,

who claimed that no man could curb her.

Till a man from Khartoum hit the top of her womb with his 15 inch kidney disturber!

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Dr ordell, fell down a well,

and broke his collar bone,

Dr's should tend to the sick,

And leave the well alone!

Spike Milligan

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By *aastyKnixWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

A nun from a convent in Kew

said,as the curate withdrew

"The vicar is quicker and thicker and slicker

and longer and stronger than you".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was an old lady in the Azores

Who's arsehole was covered in sores

All the dogs in the street came to lick the green meat

That hung in festoons from her drawers

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By *exfordMan over a year ago

The once was a woman from Ealing

Who had a peculiar feeling

She lay on her back

And opened her crack

And pissed all over the ceiling

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By *hunderstruckMan over a year ago

Northampton

[Removed by poster at 19/01/20 22:19:57]

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By *hunderstruckMan over a year ago

Northampton

There once was a man from Leeds

Who invented a wanking machine

On the ninety third stroke

The fucking thing broke

And whipped his balls into cream

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By *ink Panther 123Man over a year ago

Colnbrook

The boy stood on the burning deck

Eating red hot scallops, one bounced off his

Chin

And burnt him in the ankle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Little miss muffet

Sat on stuffed on her tuffet

She’d been on and eating binge

Along came a spider and crawl up inside her

Now a cobweb covers her minge

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a young man from China

Who wasn't a very good climber

He slipped on a rock

Split open his cock

And now he's got a vagina

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was an old lady from Ealing

Who had an incredible feeling

So she laid on her back

And opened her crack

And pissed all over the ceiling

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By *hatYorkLadMan over a year ago

York

There was a young man from Nantucket,

Whose cock was so long he could suck it,

He said with a grin,

As he wiped off his chin,

"If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it"

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By *hatYorkLadMan over a year ago

York

There once was a man called Dave,

Who dug up a whore from a grave,

She was mouldy as shit,

And missing a tit,

But think of the money he saved!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/01/20 07:43:46]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a man from Madras

Whose bollocks were made of brass

In stormy weather

They'd clang together

And sparks flew right up his ass

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By *edLionScotMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

There was a young Plumber from Lee,

Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.

She said, 'Do stop your plumbing, there's somebody coming!'.

He said, 'Yes, I know, it is me!'.

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By *aastyKnixWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

There was a young fellow named Shaun

who wished he had never been born.

Well, he wouldn't have been

if his father had seen

that the end of the condom was torn.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fear I was badly misled,

When a young lady offered me head.

Oh what a mistake,

The profile is fake,

Turns out he's a geezer instead!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I must go and see my confessor,

I am under incredible pressure.

I had sex with a lass.

She was total class.

Then I realised she is a cross dresser.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/01/20 11:51:25]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The anal sex lasted all night,

I started of lovely and tight.

But as he pounded my crack,

I got more and more slack.

And now the bed's covered in shite.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh I do love to play with my cock,

Which I wrap with my grandmother's sock.

The mess is contained,

As my balls are drained.

But poor granny is in for a shock!

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By *ebjonnsonMan over a year ago

Maldon

Needs to be read in a Scottish accent as it was told to me by an eighty year old Scot grandpa.

There was a young couple from Pitlochry

who decided to make love in a rockery

she said John you’ve cum all over ma bum

it was nae a fuck, was a mockery.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a lady named Jill

Who used a dynamite stick for a thrill

They found her vagina

In North Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

There was a monk from siberia

Whose morals were a little inferior,

He did to a nun

What he shouldn't have done

And now she's a mother superior......

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