FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Stood up!!

Stood up!!

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I know I won’t get the reasons on here and only the guy in question really knows but its done my head in regardless. Some possibilities as to why it happened might stop me thinking what I did wrong cos this ain’t good for the old self worth!

Please don’t say it was his loss either, it was very much my loss. I get two child free nights a fortnight and one of those was wasted last night with me taking ages to get ready and waiting around only to take my makeup off and put pjs on around 10pm!

Ok so this guy was a random Facebook add, I saw him and added him at New Years cos he was good looking. Was messaging on fb messenger just general chat and I said I’ll take him out for food, he said so what do you want to do, take me out for food so you can have sex with me? I said I didn’t know how to answer that and was just trying to get to know him. Now I appreciate its a bit of a weird one like messaging some random guy on Facebook, it’s normally guys that do the creeping, I get that. But back to the conversation he said well I’m game for that if you are and that’s when the conversation was quite smutty, I was sending pics he was stating his appreciation of them. He did try and steer the convo away now I’m looking back through the messages. He was saying stuff like he’d like to take me out for food first and that he’s a nice guy and never normally does this whole sending me pictures blah blah blah. Said I seem nice and hopefully we’ll have a laugh and he’s up for maybe something more but overly keen to meet. This was all last Saturday and Sunday. Speaking to him Monday and same thing again very keen. Asked when I was free. I said Friday to Sunday this coming weekend as I don’t have my daughter. He said ok Friday and that he didn’t think he could wait that long blah blah blah.

Didn’t hear from him Tuesday or Wednesday so just thought it wasn’t happening and he’d been caught up in wank land and wasn’t horny anymore but when he messaged Thursday and said sorry not been in touch been busy in work but still okay for tomorrow. I was like yeah, plan was to go out for drinks and get a hotel room but he said Thursday night do I wanna just go to his tomorrow, said do I want to go out for food or drinks, again seemed overly keen to meet, can’t wait to see you tomorrow blah blah blah.

Yesterday in the morning cos I’m very pessimistic and think the worst anyway I messaged him at half 10 and said what’s the plans for later what time shall I come up and where. He said I’ll let you know when I finish work babe ok?xx I said ok have a good day.

Didn’t hear nothing then but assumed most people would be finished work by 6 so I’d got ready through the afternoon and was dressed and ready by half 6 cos he’s a 40 minute drive away. I messaged him and said I’m bathed and ready to leave whenever. Message wasn’t read. I start freaking out at that point but didn’t do anything. 19:38 he messaged saying just leaving work now ok hun x So then I thought ok so I’m not being blown out. I replied ok xx but the message wasn’t read. I potched about the house then to try take my mind off the fact I was waiting around. Took my arse to the McDonalds that was enroute to his just in case he messaged to say to leave. Nothing. Sat in the car lark eating my McChicken sandwich meal, nothing, by this point it’s half 9 in the night. I thought he’s had almost 2 hours to get home and showered. I messaged him saying I’ve just had a McDonald’s cos I was starving what’s happening then cos I’m in xxxxxx am I driving to you or should I go home? No answer, I was still in McDonald’s then and needing to know what direction to head, my place or his so I gave a quick call (he’d given me his number previously) rang to answer phone. I drove home, he read my last message at 9:40 didn’t respond. I said at 9:50 what should I do then cos I’m this close to putting my pyjamas on? Radio silence and message was ready at 00:35 this morning. Now I know he’s single cos we’re Facebook friends and there’s enough evidence on there to support that so him not being single isn’t a possibility. He had said when we were previously messaging that he’s not shagged anyone for a year as he just hasn’t been interested and was gagging for it. He had bigged up his skills a lot a lot, I dunno if that has anything to do with it. But like if he was gonna blow me out why confirm on the morning and let me know when he had finished work. What happened?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know I won’t get the reasons on here and only the guy in question really knows but its done my head in regardless. Some possibilities as to why it happened might stop me thinking what I did wrong cos this ain’t good for the old self worth!

Only he can tell you that but there is only so many chances you can give a bloke.

Keep smiling

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some just don’t know how to say they’re really not interested. So, as to not hurt feelings ( I know I know) they lie instead.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I appreciate that only he knows the answer but not thinking as someone on fab and just a normal person who perhaps isn’t used to the sexual forwardness of a woman. He’s almost 40 as well so shouldnt be this childish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why would he miss chance with you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I appreciate that only he knows the answer but not thinking as someone on fab and just a normal person who perhaps isn’t used to the sexual forwardness of a woman. He’s almost 40 as well so shouldnt be this childish. "

Yep he should behave like a man and not a quaver in the rain

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Some just don’t know how to say they’re really not interested. So, as to not hurt feelings ( I know I know) they lie instead.

But if not interested why be so keen and sending me pics of themselves and saying they can’t wait to do xyz and to see me and even confirm on the actual day. Like when Friday came why not just ignore me from the start when I asked what was happening?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cold feet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Cold feet"

Yeah, but why, like scared kind of thing is it, not scared like but you know he had made claims that he would be amazing! When I was sending him pictures he was like your body is insane can’t wait to blah blah blah. Like he’s seen plenty of ‘normal’ pics of me on Facebook so knew what I looked like just not what I looked like under my clothes till I sent those kind of pics.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Maybe, just maybe you’re too dominant for him, and he got cold feet. He said he wasn’t that interested in sex then he’d bigger up his skills when you moved on him, just a hunch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

If you come across half as intense and full on when speaking to him as you have in either of the 2 threads you've started about him in the last week then personally I'd have been reaching for the block button.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe, just maybe you’re too dominant for him, and he got cold feet. He said he wasn’t that interested in sex then he’d bigger up his skills when you moved on him, just a hunch. "

You beat me to it. Alot of men dont like a woman sounding so keen. Although he just sounds like a idiot and i dont think he intended on meeting at all as he was avoiding to tell you his address.

Hate to say it as i know you dont want to hear it but looking from your pictures hes a fooking fool.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They let us all down

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You really are a head fuck like

From my point of view though, blokes really aren't that complex, probably just didn't feel up to it and hasn't the emotional capacity to let you down lightly, but there's a bunch of reasons that's probably not worth worrying about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t think anyone is going to give you the reply you want.

I mean this in the nicest way.. but it was all very full on. He probably got carried away

I hope you find someone who’ll never make you doubt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a shame, I was really looking forward to hearing how the meet went.

In the last post I did mention that he might has realised he was out of his depth with you. Some guys cannot handle it when the lady takes the lead.

Don't worry about it, you'll be OK. I doubt you are wanting of male company.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think you hit it there - a lot of people on here are used to asking for sex very early on in communication and so it becomes the norm. But it isn’t normal outside of the swinging world. Maybe your ‘forwardness’ put him off. It’s a possibility.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Maybe, just maybe you’re too dominant for him, and he got cold feet. He said he wasn’t that interested in sex then he’d bigger up his skills when you moved on him, just a hunch.

You beat me to it. Alot of men dont like a woman sounding so keen. Although he just sounds like a idiot and i dont think he intended on meeting at all as he was avoiding to tell you his address.

Hate to say it as i know you dont want to hear it but looking from your pictures hes a fooking fool. "

Definitely agree he’s a fool, this lady is hot ! I don’t think guys mind girls who are keen , but guys definitely get nervous too. What if I can’t make her cum? What if I can’t go all night? What if I go soft? What if she constantly says harder!!! Never happens of course

but the bitter and more dominant the woman, the more pressure to perform

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m always nervous before a first meet. A couple of times I even felt this is too good to be true, what if this is a honey trap.... I was really anxious and ready to cancel. And that’s belonging to Fab ie a site where it is pretty normal to meet casually and be sexually forward.

If I had such a proposition from a Facebook stranger I’d be even more anxious.

I bet he had cold feet!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m always nervous before a first meet. A couple of times I even felt this is too good to be true, what if this is a honey trap.... I was really anxious and ready to cancel. And that’s belonging to Fab ie a site where it is pretty normal to meet casually and be sexually forward.

If I had such a proposition from a Facebook stranger I’d be even more anxious.

I bet he had cold feet!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry to hear this and given that you had other another alternative for last night. It must be really frustrating. The only logical explanations are he panicked. If he’d contacted you I might think he was a fantasist, and might still be, but it seems less likely given you contacted him. So using Occam’s razor I’m reckoning he panicked. Like POF I’d say he got Cold Feet because of an anxiety build up and didn’t know how to tell you. The other thing that makes me think this, is I seem to remember you saying that his mates rib him on FB about being single, or maybe I’m imagining that. And given your kind of criteria, If he’s good looking and eligible why is he single? Dunno but I can only think he panicked.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cold feet

Exactly. He bigged himself up to much

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Playerrr.. I don't think you should of been that fourth coming as its a big turn off for a player (let him know that u got options and he may miss his chance).. cmon u girls know that and it normally happens to men most of the time lol plenty more fish in the sea is the key to you rising above it and moving on

chin up! There is like a million men on here who would of loved to be in your company probs..

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

Have you never watched Catfish?

Anyway, regardless of all that and whatever his reasons be they genuine or not, i’d bin him off.

It takes a second to text to say you’re not coming. He couldn’t be arsed to do that. He’s not a keeper.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

I don’t know if I’ve read it right (as there was a lot of it) but the impression I got from your post was that he was trying to steer the chat sexual and was sending pics of himself and only responding when he fancied. Sounds like a case of blatant ‘give me compliments’ narcissism on his part.

I can only speak for my own behaviour but there’s 2 types of messages. Those that make a girl excited and those that make her roll her eyes. Depending on how you feel about the the sender. Don’t you agree, that you mail the ‘hot’ one back instantly?!

He doesn’t sound like much of a loss to be honest. I’m just sorry you had to waste the good foundation and could have watched a film with a wine. The selfish bastard.

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By *heLaserGuyMan over a year ago

Coventry

The guys a total tool, after chatting I'd be happy to drive the 120+ miles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It really can be the thrill of the chase (or being chased in this case). I don't think he did the gentlemanly thing by not keeping in contact with you though, there's no excuse for that these days. Xx

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By *uck-RogersMan over a year ago

Tarka trail

Prince Charming is in great demand. Sadly he can only be at one ball at a time.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

He got cold feet and didn't have the balls to to be honest.

We are used to interacting a certain way here, ultimately that may have been to much for him.

It sounds like he did want to meet but either way he's a dick..sorry...you can't treat people the way he did you.

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By *hromosexualsCouple over a year ago

Near Abercynon

He just bottled it. Spent the week telling you how good he’d be, but then when it got real he lost his nerve.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe, just maybe you’re too dominant for him, and he got cold feet. He said he wasn’t that interested in sex then he’d bigger up his skills when you moved on him, just a hunch.

You beat me to it. Alot of men dont like a woman sounding so keen. Although he just sounds like a idiot and i dont think he intended on meeting at all as he was avoiding to tell you his address.

Hate to say it as i know you dont want to hear it but looking from your pictures hes a fooking fool.

but the bitter and more dominant the woman, the more pressure to perform "

Very true. You've just described me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Umm just had a quick browse through how I conversed and all my messages were kind of short. When I look back over them there’s way more grey (him) than me (blue) an example him writing a big paragraph and at the end saying I’ll fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before, my response was that’s a bold claim, and then I’m out of practice so I’ll probably be shit.

I always under promise when messaging especially with a non fab guy. Ahh I did when pressed on how I wanted to be done I did say, quite brutally I want you to make me cry. But fuck like that’s pretty tame. But even after that it was still all oh let me take you out first. Ahh fuck it.

Moving on do I address my annoyance, how can I claw back some dignity, damage control, anything. How do I acknowledge that the circumstances were a bit strange in how we got chatting but I am in fact a nice person.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"The guys a total tool, after chatting I'd be happy to drive the 120+ miles

"
I’d not bother with the chatting.

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By *arlo82Couple over a year ago

the gym and random places

I dont think you can define someone not using fab as normal. He may well be on fab. Someone who behaves in that manner irrespective of where you meet them is not on.

Chalk it up to experience and move on held high that you're not shitty person

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Why do you wanna chat more to him when he stood you up? I’d be waiting a day or two to see if he had a valid reason (mum went into hospital, dog ate his phone or whatever) and if not, I’d just block him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or he just might have got a better offer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

The best revenge would just be to ignore him. He will expect you to rant and rave, ignoring him is akin to taking the high road and he'll re-assess the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Firstly have to say, he is bonkers to miss out. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get a message later today apologising and giving you an excuse as to why. Some people do have single,profiles on Facebook too, I know this from past experience as well unfortunately. You may never find out the reason why, but it does sound highly suspicious.

Your self worth is much more important, and you don’t deserve to be pied off like that. You are a great looking lady with an amazing profile on here, and you won’t be short of genuine offers that’s for sure, keep smiling, and I don’t care what you say, it genuinely is his loss xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Move on and forget about it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Could be a few things really, sounds to me he is playing you seeing how desperate you are (not saying you are just how he might be thinking).

You added him, you asked him out, offered to buy food, prepared to travel to him, you have done the chasing it's flattering for him but also empowering, he holds the cards.

Ok you are on this site I take it he does not know this ? You know how things work same as everyone on here, but in the real world he might not have a clue about what you know or your outlook is.

To him you are just a vanilla (hate that word) woman with a kid, A genuine bloke would be messaging you right now to apologise, don't contact him again wait for him to make the next move, he will be expecting some kind of response today from you, that's his power if you don't it will be frustrating for him, wait to see how long it takes for him to message you because if he is playing you he will contact you at some point with apologies. Might just see you as a lonely woman he can manipulate so he can sleep with know and again.

It could be the total opposite as well.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

forget and move on x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

From this thread and previous ones I think he got cold feet and felt out of his depth.

If I remember rightly he just wanted to take you out for drinks and dinner, but it was you that suggested a hotel room etc. In addition, your comments above of what you had messaged to him and how you wanted the sex to go, probably freaked him out.

From your various descriptions he seemed like a ‘normal’ guy and just wanted to do things the old fashioned way, but got caught up in the flowing conversation that you seemed to have led.

Too much, too early, set agenda in your mind and for him I would say, it was all way too much and just didn’t know how to say to you, not for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The waste of free time when you get so little is truly galling, isn't it?

Chalk it up to bad experience, unfriend him, move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Or he just might have got a better offer."

Couldn't see him getting a better offer than that!!

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"Or he just might have got a better offer.

Couldn't see him getting a better offer than that!!

xx"

Me neither

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would take the two days silence beforehand as concerning. He’s obviously intimidated and couldn’t handle the pressure, even before it started. He didn’t have the courtesy to let you know what time he would be finishing last night either. All red warning flags IMO.

Going forwards, and I know this will be difficult, try not to engage in sexually related chat before meeting (on Facebook, I am talking about, not on Fab

). You need to try and differentiate between the two. I expect what freaked him out was the acceleration from 0 to flat out before even meeting. Fine on Fab, not for others.

Take the positives from it. You looked great last night, and you’ve now made me want a Macdonald’s for breakfast.

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By *moothdickMan over a year ago

stoke

I wrecked you’ve answered yr own question with yr reply above ... I’d say u scarred him off due to u been sexually open, even though he was sex txting back, but how sexually graphic were his txts etc ... only my opinion, just wish I could get interest from a lady like u and have some fun ... head up on onwards babe x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yeah suppose I do look pretty desperate. But like when I added him I did say sorry I look like a creep, I just saw you and thought you were fit so added you. Like he accepted the fb add and it went from there. Suppose I did look rather forward.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"Yeah suppose I do look pretty desperate. But like when I added him I did say sorry I look like a creep, I just saw you and thought you were fit so added you. Like he accepted the fb add and it went from there. Suppose I did look rather forward. "

There is nothing wrong with making the first move. Just take things slower next time..maybe

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Would say you don't address any annoyance you have, that's just wasting energy on a negative emotion..

It happens and you've been on here long enough to know there are those who flake out when push comes to shove..

File it under hey ho and move on, you know who you are so that the circumstances were a bit strange shouldn't change anything..

Just fab life at the end of the day..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably from his point of view the idea of it all was exciting, but maybe he had second thoughts. Massive shame for you though x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He crapped himself when shit got real , horrible being stood up especially when your free time is so precious, had it done to me on more than one occasion, chin up love , Next !! Lol

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By *ustalittleKinkWoman over a year ago

in the shadows

From what I've read I'd say the minute you sent pictures and the smutty chat started he tried to steer the conversation away which suggests you were too forward and too full on for him. His intentions were probably good to start with but as time drew nearer he lost his bottle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I were you, I wouldn't bother contacting him again.

Maybe see if he can be bothered to message you at all over the next week and then block his ass.

I think that on the night, you found yourself in a bit of a catch 22 situation.

You wanted to confirm that you were still meeting, but perhaps your frequent (ish) messages put him off.

I really don't know - and you're right, only he knows why, but if I were in a similar position, they wouldn't be getting a second chance

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By *ercuryMan over a year ago

Grantham

The joys of social media land!

No matter how forward you came across as, a real man would accept it and adapt. If he was nervous, he should have said. If he had no intention of meeting, he could have let you know. If his wife/girlfriend changed her plans and made a meet impossible, he should have been honest.

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable. "

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

"
breathing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

breathing

For once I’m being serious

If a man had posted this I’m very sure he would’ve been laughed out of the forum

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

breathing

For once I’m being serious

If a man had posted this I’m very sure he would’ve been laughed out of the forum

Agree !

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

All these posts about moving to fast, moving too slow are missing the point.

The OP and the guy had engaged in a personal conversations, made arrangements, and when it came to the crunch the guy ghosted her.

There’s only one reason that happens, and it’s because the person concerned is just an inconsiderate dickhead. No finessing the methods of contact will ever change that.

It may be your loss for that particular night OP, but you’ve also surely saved yourself inevitable future disappointment and hurt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"All these posts about moving to fast, moving too slow are missing the point.

The OP and the guy had engaged in a personal conversations, made arrangements, and when it came to the crunch the guy ghosted her.

There’s only one reason that happens, and it’s because the person concerned is just an inconsiderate dickhead. No finessing the methods of contact will ever change that.

It may be your loss for that particular night OP, but you’ve also surely saved yourself inevitable future disappointment and hurt."

Nailed it!

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By *traight up guyMan over a year ago

Morpeth

Same advice / answer as always - Don't overthink, tosser, block, move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never ever get ready until you have a time and place confirmation I've learnt this the hard way.

I can get a bit like you when I like someone so I do get your eagerness but you have to tell yourself to curb it and back off a little after the first message read and not replied to you should have become unavailable to him

And don't go back now he's fucked his chances someone like that will mess with your self esteem

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Close By

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Exactly.... Message him again and he doesn't reply and how does that help the "dignity" thing?

I've had a lady stand me up three times, I was a sucker because I gave her the benefit of doubt.... I came to my senses and stopped devaluing myself and now, I have a lot more fun and have befriended some awesome people who I've taken time to get to know slowly and hope to meet this year

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

OP, this sounds like a proper crappy evening for you

No matter how forward you may have been, he is a grownup and as such should be able to say "actually this is a bit much for me" or at the very least message you to say he'd changed his mind.

It does sound like he got cold feet. I've had that on here a few times. Or guys who like to keep their options open and decide last minute. It's immature and selfish behaviour.

Sounds like he's no loss, so block and move on.

Mrs TMN x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"All these posts about moving to fast, moving too slow are missing the point.

The OP and the guy had engaged in a personal conversations, made arrangements, and when it came to the crunch the guy ghosted her.

There’s only one reason that happens, and it’s because the person concerned is just an inconsiderate dickhead. No finessing the methods of contact will ever change that.

It may be your loss for that particular night OP, but you’ve also surely saved yourself inevitable future disappointment and hurt."

Yes!

Mrs TMN x

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By *ollee78Man over a year ago

HARROGATE

He’s a cunt full stop. He’s got no integrity and karma will serve him well. See it as a blessing that you didn’t meet an A hole like that. Any good friendship lover or potential partner is built on good communication. Sounds like he just wasn’t that interested in you. You over pursued and came across a bit too needy, that possibly made him back off and treat you like that. The decent thing to do would of been to tell you from the offset that he isn’t interested.

Happy hunting??

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By *onderstuff73mMan over a year ago

Brum

[Removed by poster at 18/01/20 09:39:16]

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By *ercuryMan over a year ago

Grantham

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

One that accepts that people have different wants and desires in the swinging world.

One that shows respect in order to get respect back.

One that appreciates that people's time is precious and doesn't dick people about.

You could say that it's all good old fashioned common courtesy but sometimes people really do beggar belief.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Disregarding anything else you made arrangements with someone and they didn't keep to them. That's crappy behaviour.

Ever watched catfish? This kind of behaviour is rarely about the person being catfished and more often about the person doing it and their issues. It's possible that you weren't even messaging the guy whose life you saw represented on Facebook.

You invested an awful lot of time and energy in somebody you barely knew, it's going to hurt when it's clear they weren't doing the same.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

That being said if an average looking guy had posted this be would be told that he'd come on way too strong and pushy with the sex talk.

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By *onderstuff73mMan over a year ago

Brum

Firstly, love that for once the roles were reversed and a woman got in touch and showed that she was interested etc! Fair play to you, wish it happened more often!

Secondly, I’m sorry this happened, again, role reversal, I’ve had this lots and I start questioning my motives, confidence, the messaging, everything.

Thirdly, I think he was enjoying the attention, almost narcissistically, loved that a very attractive woman was making advances towards him and didn’t know how to, or want to say no.

Fourthly, whilst you had a poor evening, he displayed all week that he wasn’t too bothered and that he has no regard for other’s feelings....hard to see now, but probably the best outcome.

Fiftly, he’s a cock and doesn’t deserve you.

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

It doesn’t come across that it’s worth spending time thinking about him or what happened. You wasted one of your rare free nights on him, don’t spend any more trying to analyse what his reasons were. Block him and forget it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That being said if an average looking guy had posted this be would be told that he'd come on way too strong and pushy with the sex talk."

i agree. If a male posted this can ypu imagine the abuse he’d get.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That being said if an average looking guy had posted this be would be told that he'd come on way too strong and pushy with the sex talk.

i agree. If a male posted this can ypu imagine the abuse he’d get. "

He wouldn’t get abuse. He just wouldn’t get as many women saying ‘aww it’s her loss’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

This.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

You came on as way too strong. Shitty thing to not have the balls to say they have changed their mind and waste your time, but bombarding him with messages, and even thinking of contacting him after he has bombed you out comes across as desperate. If you are after a vanilla relationship you may have to reign it in cos rightly or wrongly chasing men will not work if you are after a decent loving relationship. If you are after a quick shag go for one of the sychophants on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Did you get cold feet? Maybe I was a bit too sexual. You got carried away when you had a hard on but the reality of it was different? Last night annoyed me because I only get two free nights a fortnight and don’t like when people mess with my time. So what happened? I know the focus was on sex but it was you as a person I was looking forward to seeing and getting to know. I didn’t really care if we had sex or not. I do understand the way everything went about was a bit fucking weird like, I just thought you were fit and worth getting to know.

Yeah no or do nothing?

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By *reya73Woman over a year ago

Whitley Bay

He got cold feet for some reason and is probably dying inside today.

So sorry for you! It's really rubbish and cowardly not to even bother to let you know.

I really hear how frustrating it is when you only get a couple of child free nights!

Remember..don't judge your own self worth on the actions of others. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Didn’t he book a hotel and send you a screenshot of it?

What happened about that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

Do nothing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Quite happy to recieve some sexual forwardness from you xx lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

Personally , do nothing. If you send it and get no response you’ll be checking for one all day.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "
what

Do nothing

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By *reya73Woman over a year ago

Whitley Bay

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

Which option feels the most peaceful to your state of mind? Do that.

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Given your track record do you think you need to re-evaluate the type of men you go for?

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By *ex HolesMan over a year ago

Up North

Personally I wouldn’t of met a random from FB no matter how much I liked then but that’s just me. I understand your time is limited and it’s been a harsh lesson you’ve experienced but you need to dust yourself down and go again. You need to take comfort in the fact that it just ain’t men that do this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You say he is definitely single. People can have more than one fb account. Ever seen the program Catfish?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He was a 'random Facebook ad' there's your problem.

I have 'Russian beauties' waiting for me, and have won the Kenyan lottery 3x according to my spam email folder. Do I trust any of it/act on it? No.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ahh I already know the answer before even reading it. Why am I such a fucking dick like. Why haven’t I got that thing that everyone else has to be able to say hang on, no you’ve treated me like a dick so fuck off. I’ll give chance after chance when a normal person wouldn’t do that. Like I can be an absolute cunt and nasty, but why can’t I fuck people off that don’t treat me with respect. Like where do I get that ability from?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm not as interested in HIS reactions or reasons as I am in YOURS.

Seawitch ...... ffs read through your own thread....

I remember my dad telling me when I was small that if I wished hard enough then anything I wanted would appear in my hand. I did try but I was about seven.

It's time for you to grow up and protect yourself from your own childish wishes and wants. It's not him who is childish.

Learn to read the signs and know your worth a bit more.

Seriously. You are well liked here and intelligent but totally fucking stupid as well. x

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing?

Which option feels the most peaceful to your state of mind? Do that.

"
,

There is no option that will achieve that

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

So basically that is you wanting to give him a second chance. Have some dignity and self respect, forget, learn and move on.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Ahh I already know the answer before even reading it. Why am I such a fucking dick like. Why haven’t I got that thing that everyone else has to be able to say hang on, no you’ve treated me like a dick so fuck off. I’ll give chance after chance when a normal person wouldn’t do that. Like I can be an absolute cunt and nasty, but why can’t I fuck people off that don’t treat me with respect. Like where do I get that ability from?"

He didn't treat you like a dick. You did.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Low self esteem is where you get that ability from!

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

For a lot of guys you will be way too scary & challenging OP. As someone else said you maybe move the convo too fast as you’re confident & know what you want.

The age of the person has diddly squat to do with it, at forty I’d only slept with about seven women & two of those I married.

He’s still a dick for wasting your time though & a bigger dick for not letting you know. I wouldn’t contact them again but if they did miraculously come up with a reasonable excuse then make him travel nearer to you to make up for fucking you about, tell him to send a pic from inside xyz pub whatever & then you’ll leave.

Be a test, he’ll think either you’re automatically going to leave him there or he’ll think “I fucked her about, only fair”. Probably a bit of both..

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By *ollee78Man over a year ago

HARROGATE

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

Do nothing, move on find someone who sees you as high value.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

He's not going to miraculously come up with a reasonable excuse

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

How do people work out that he is the dick?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

"
,

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?"

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

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By *epsonWoman over a year ago

Biddulph

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?"

I would be pretty annoyed to be fair if someone was still saying at 19.40 they were still intending to meet. I personally wouldn't have ventured out to McDonald's in anticipation of being half way there when he was ready, but that is personal choice.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

I think if you make plans with someone and message them on the day, then ghost them, that's a dick move. Laying aside anything else about the situation.

Mrs TMN x

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because he arranged to meet someone, then ghosted them.

That’s what a dick does.

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By *onderstuff73mMan over a year ago

Brum

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because it was all spelt out, the itinerary etc etc and he went a long with it until ghosting.

Nothing to do with male/female, attractive/not....I get fucked off with ‘mates’ who plan things and don’t keep me informed when they don’t stick to what we’ve planned.

That’s why.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably married, likes the chat and the messing around but never follows through. It's the internet I'm afraid!!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm not as interested in HIS reactions or reasons as I am in YOURS.

Seawitch ...... ffs read through your own thread....

I remember my dad telling me when I was small that if I wished hard enough then anything I wanted would appear in my hand. I did try but I was about seven.

It's time for you to grow up and protect yourself from your own childish wishes and wants. It's not him who is childish.

Learn to read the signs and know your worth a bit more.

Seriously. You are well liked here and intelligent but totally fucking stupid as well. x"

I was trying to read the signs. When Monday was the last time I heard from him I had resigned our conversations to wank chat and not messages. When he messaged Thursday to confirm for the next day and again on the morning we were supposed to meet what other signs should I have looked for. He said he’ll let me know when he finishes work and then he did message me to say he’d finished work.

The vagueness of the messages then should have been more of a sign?

I treated him like a guy off here, assumed all guys want sex so led with that to try and entice him to want to meet when he’d already said he would take me out even before I’d sent any pics.

He is single it’s not a catfish thing, all his family post on his Facebook, I know a legit Facebook account compared to a fake one, it was made in 2007 like mine was has over 1000 friends all family members there 1000’s of pictures. It would take someone a hell of a long time to create a few 100 fake profiles to comment on his stuff or like his pictures and each of those people having 100’s of friends each. It’s a real person, I have 2 mutual friends in common with him whom I know are all real people. Plus all the many pics he sent me privately on WhatsApp, it’s a real person that isn’t what I’m questioning.

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By *onderstuff73mMan over a year ago

Brum

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

I have done the same sort of thing...still thinking the best of people and how to get the best out of the evening.

Practically, I totally get why she did this.

After the fact, I see how I have low self worth and fall over myself to please others.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Yeah, I'm often in trouble for pointing out that taking personal responsibility for guarding yourself against certain things might be a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There were more than enough indications to realise he had no real interest in meeting you

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

"I wanna message, what’s this like as a message or should I just not do anything.

Yeah no or do nothing? "

Do nothing, Have some self worth. If you message & he doesn’t answer you feel shittier, if he answers you then question whether he only answered because you messaged first.

Walk away & leave it with him to fix. He will either try or he won’t.

You don’t need to know why from a random stranger, so if he doesn’t message he doesn’t end of. You just need to take a breath say “Fuck you, I’m better than that!”.....and move on..

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By *epsonWoman over a year ago

Biddulph

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Yeah, I'm often in trouble for pointing out that taking personal responsibility for guarding yourself against certain things might be a good thing."

You ? In trouble ?

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty."

Which is all irrelevant, because you specifically said people accused the guy of being a dick because she’s, in your words, ‘an extremely attractive woman’.

Your insinuation was quite clear.

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By *edVelveteenCouple over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

I wouldn't be contemplating anything with a random add from Facebook. I'm too afraid they'd be grooming me for some cult or something.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty."

I agree. Totally.

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By *ex HolesMan over a year ago

Up North

I’m confused now???? You said you’ve Whatsapp’d him but when you went to call him he’s give you an old number??????

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty.

I agree. Totally. "

And you are also making a nasty insinuation.

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By *epsonWoman over a year ago

Biddulph

"I’m confused now???? You said you’ve Whatsapp’d him but when you went to call him he’s give you an old number??????"

Two phones possibly ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty.

I agree. Totally.

And you are also making a nasty insinuation."

No i'm really not and if you'd like to tell me what nasty insinuation you think im making i'll point out the difference between our understandings of what has been said.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

They both are, just for different reasons.

Sorry CF

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

I don't know the OP and have never had any dealings with her but during my time on Fab have read several threads from her along these lines. People can blame low self esteem, cuntish men and various other variables for this outcome. At the end of the day however, how many times do you need to get burnt before you realise sticking your hand in the fire is a bad idea?

It's irrelevant why the guy stood the OP up as she has no control over other's behaviour.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I'm not as interested in HIS reactions or reasons as I am in YOURS.

Seawitch ...... ffs read through your own thread....

I remember my dad telling me when I was small that if I wished hard enough then anything I wanted would appear in my hand. I did try but I was about seven.

It's time for you to grow up and protect yourself from your own childish wishes and wants. It's not him who is childish.

Learn to read the signs and know your worth a bit more.

Seriously. You are well liked here and intelligent but totally fucking stupid as well. x

The vagueness of the messages then should have been more of a sign?

I treated him like a guy off here, assumed all guys want sex so led with that to try and entice him to want to meet when he’d already said he would take me out even before I’d sent any pics.

Yep, definitely the vagueness was a huge sign. You had no concrete arrangements. The only thing he told you was that he'd left work.

I'd have got myself ready too cos I knew there was a loose arrangement but I wouldn't have budged until there was something more solid on the cards.

Nothing wrong with you wanting some human company but you never handle a let down well. x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

It's irrelevant why the guy stood the OP up as she has no control over other's behaviour.

Correct. We can only control our own behaviour - wise words.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Right so because I’m ‘attractive’ other people’s words not mine, I should’ve spotted the signs more. Were the signs cos I hadn’t heard from him the Tuesday and Wednesday even though on the Thursday he messaged first thing saying sorry been mega busy in work we still okay for tomorrow? Or on the actual day when I said what’s the plans and he said he’ll let me know when he finishes work. Should the vagueness around that have been a sign even though the previous day we’d said we’d go for drinks but would stay at his.

Moving forward, I don’t do shit unless they say they’re on their way and then I’ll get ready quick and make them wait in the car outside for me?

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By *ex HolesMan over a year ago

Up North

"I’m confused now???? You said you’ve Whatsapp’d him but when you went to call him he’s give you an old number??????

Two phones possibly ?"

Then why not ring both phones?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m confused now???? You said you’ve Whatsapp’d him but when you went to call him he’s give you an old number??????"

No the number worked it just rang until the answerphone kicked in.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yeah. You could be ready for action say bar the lippy n heels then when someone is ready to go ...... meet them at the corner of your road or just five mins away from yours.

In a busy well lit place - for his safety

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because she's an extremely attractive woman so he must be, right?

Take your tongue out of your cheek lady. She is indeed a very attractive and intelligent woman ...... but there are sooooooo many buts and they can't all be laid at his door.

My tongue isn't in my cheek. She is beautiful and a lot of the answers on here disregard many factors in this situation that might help going forward precisely because of her beauty.

I agree. Totally.

And you are also making a nasty insinuation.

No i'm really not and if you'd like to tell me what nasty insinuation you think im making i'll point out the difference between our understandings of what has been said. "

You are smart enough not to need to pretend you need it pointed out, but if you wish to play that game you’re on your own, sorry. You both made yourselves very clearly understood.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Please please don't contact him. That will come across to him that your needy but he may think well I've got her just where I want her and treat you like shit. Walk away now it's easier to walk away at this stage than If you start a relationship with him remember that and if someone can't give you what you want from the off. Then don't embark in anything with them. Always remember it's harder the further you go down the line

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Because he arranged to meet someone, then ghosted them.

That’s what a dick does."

Being devil's advocate - We don't know this guy yet he's hung out to dry. However we do know that the OP does not take rejection well. Maybe he picked up on this and didn't know how to let her down. She also has personal responsibility for getting a grip of the situation. In an ideal world people would say 'I've changed my mind' or 'not for me', instead of wasting time and people would respect this.

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

Know matter what anyone says you're do you own thing. Like you always do. If you want him, keep messaging until he blocks your number. Then you're know he not interested.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Cold feet

If he made claims that he would be amazing I would say that It's likely he's worried he might not live up to it. Especially if you say he's said he hasn't had sex for a long time. I was once talking to a guy from here for weeks who then cancelled on me literally hours before saying he didn't think he was what I wanted or needed. He had a bit of a freak out about my previous BDSM experience. He'd bigged himself us as able to be Dominant but at the last minute wobbled and said he'd "only really had rough sex before not the things I was into". I felt pretty bad and tried to reassure the guy that I did enjoy sex without BDSM too and we did start to rearrange and have briefly spoken a few times since but nothing has ever come of it. I think once the seed of doubt in their ability to please you sexually is planted there's no coming back from it unfortunately. Now I try to avoid too much chat about that side of things in the build up. As I like repeat meets I've found it's been better to introduce more adventurous ideas over time so neither party feels the pressure to be an all singing, all dancing kinky sex god(ess) from the get go.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Cold feet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Cold feet

That’s the thing thigh I didn’t say any stuff I was into. I said I would probably be shit as I’m out of practice. Was him claiming he’d make me cum over and over and that I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for and that he was quite naughty and I’ll be fucked like I’ve never been fucked before. Was him that was saying he can’t believe how horny he was when we were messaging and can’t believe he’s sending someone pictures of himself, how he couldn’t wait to have me blah blah blah. Like he was the one that seemed overly excited.

I tried real hard not to be my normal self, like when I hadn’t heard off him Tuesday and Wednesday I didn’t even send any messages, I’d just put it down to him having the horn. So when he messaged to confirm on the Thursday I thought ok maybe he is serious about meeting. But I should have taken the vagueness of his message Friday morning as a sign he wasn’t going to turn up. Lesson learned!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

None of us ever really know what is going on in anothers mind. Trying to second guess why others do what they do is an exercise in futility.

And getting so stressed over analysing others actions and motives is totally pointless, we can never really do so from anothers perspective.

Experience teaches us that others will do what they do, and we can't change that no matter how their actions may affect us.

No one here can tell you why, just the guy. You either talk with him and try and find a way through, or just put it down to experience and walk away OP.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

There is nothing wrong with making the first move. Just take things slower next time..maybe "

Nope definitely nothing wrong with making the first move. I've approached a couple of my fab meets before and a fwb I had from outside here. But I think these things should always be two way, like a game of tennis. If I felt I was the one making the first move in all aspects I'm either pushing the pace of things to fast for the other party or they're not as interested as me. I've had a few guys I've approached first on here who have seemed keen and told me they'll get back to me about when they can meet and then I never hear from them again. It tells me all I need to know really. Those who aren't willing to match your effort aren't worth chasing after regardless of the reasoning behind it.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Right so because I’m ‘attractive’ other people’s words not mine, I should’ve spotted the signs more. Were the signs cos I hadn’t heard from him the Tuesday and Wednesday even though on the Thursday he messaged first thing saying sorry been mega busy in work we still okay for tomorrow? Or on the actual day when I said what’s the plans and he said he’ll let me know when he finishes work. Should the vagueness around that have been a sign even though the previous day we’d said we’d go for drinks but would stay at his.

Moving forward, I don’t do shit unless they say they’re on their way and then I’ll get ready quick and make them wait in the car outside for me?"

No, because you're attractive a lot of people will not be trying to help you get past this by pointing out how you could have avoided if happening in the first place.

What he did in standing you up was entirely his responsibility, you are not to blame for that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Honestly, and I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will, but you probably scared him off.

I take no offence and appreciate honesty.

Okay of you appreciate honesty every tinevtgere is a bloke on the horizon this happens. There is just so much drama. And there is no point laying that at his door because it was always going to happen whoever he was. The drama was guaranteed.

You need to ignore the desperate 'pick me, pick me' posters on here and you probably need to accept that as a longstanding attractive female forumite you are cut a lot of slack, as said elsewhere a bloke this would get a very very different response.

You need to figure out why you get so obsessed with people, why you overthink everything and why you really really cant cope with a hint of rejection let alone rejection of being stood up. It was a first date with someone you took a punt on on Facebook. Thats all. Yet uou are talking about a need to claw back dignity? You have no sense of perspective.

And when you've figured that out maybe this endless cycle of pointless drama will end?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

YOU ATTEMPTED TO MEET A RANDOM PERSON FROM FACEBOOK.

Why are people over analysing this crap....snowflake society. Truth is you made a stupid choice and you've paid a small price. Move on, don't do it again. Life goes on.

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By *hickennchipsWoman over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

You reap what you sow

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By *ecadent_DevonMan over a year ago

Okehampton

It wasn't a fab meet it was a facebook meet, with someone that wasn't used to that kind of thing (one would suppose).

As such you came across as rather one-dimensional in that you were the one that steered the conversation around to the things you were interested in, one could argue you run rough-shod over him a little.

Because it wasn't a fab meet, the guy in question may have had a different idea of where things could go, even if he didn't articulate that or you didn't promise that, but as your conversations became more and more focussed on sex and regardless of how he tried o steer you away from that it always returned to this point.

For many people that don't use fab (and for some that do), sex with another person requires an element of emotional investment, you may be used to guys on fab telling you all kinds of bollocks to get into your knickers, but you cannot judge all men by the way that men on these sites behave (in fact it would probably surprise you that even men on fab, may behave totally different when meeting with a woman not through fab). As such maybe his first thought was not "how do I get in this woman's knickers" but "how do I get to know this woman"? Hence his steering of the conversation towards a social narrative where he could do just that.

When analysing how people respond to us, we should always try and put ourselves in their shoes and see things from their perspective. Here is a guy (nearly 40) who is getting a very obvious sexual come-on from a random person that he has met just once, he is interested in getting to know this person but she seems very focussed on sex. If he was looking for something more, then going with someone that seems to hand out sex at the drop of a hat (remember, he doesn't really know you) may not fill him with confidence that this is going to happen. If it wasn't him, it would just be another random.

So why did he stand you up and why did he go along with the intimate conversations in the first place? To answer the second question first is quite easy, Ego; here was an obviously sexually experienced woman, forthright and straight forward and his ego would just not let him play the meek and mild one, he had to "play the game" as his manhood would/could be questioned. Why did he stand you up? I couldn't say for certain, I think he was partly intimidated, not emotionally invested and probably felt that if you weren't meeting him, you would find someone else, to him he may have felt that it was no big deal to you whether he turned up or not.

I mean no disrespect by this post, I am sure you are a great person, but not all straight men are focussed on sex, although their ego won't allow them to state this explicitly, I would guess that this is a guy that likes to take things at a slower pace and you are someone that has become used to a faster one. If I was you and I liked the guy a lot (aside from just his looks as you have intimated), I would say, "lets meet for a coffee and get to know one another", maybe that's the way he does things?

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

You're probably just trying to see the best in people which is a nice trait but sometimes people aren't good. Just try to check yourself if you're looking for hidden meanings and motivations you're usually grasping at straws to give them the benefit of the doubt. Actions speak louder than words and even if someone does have their own struggles, they still know when they're treating others badly and he definitely did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It happens.

Best not to dwell on it and just move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your gorgeous, snap your fingers and you'd have a 100 guys at your door. There has to be some kind of deceit on his part as theres no excuse for the radio silence, takes just a minute to explain a genuine drama.

Dont over think this as his actions could have no explanation and no reflection on you. Advice? Go snap your fingers...

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Cold feet

Regardless of what you said he was all big talk and likely felt he'd created high expectations for himself. That's on him though. If he's got himself in a mental pickle that resulted in him leaving you hanging then that's his mess to sort out. At the end of the day he knows he left you waiting for him which is pretty shitty and personally my first thought wouldn't be messaging him again. You asked about retaining dignity earlier and I would retain mine by putting no further thought or effort into someone who doesn't respect my time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that."

Op bites back

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By *moothdickMan over a year ago

stoke

I’d like the chance to be stood up, at least it showed a bit of interest at one stage lol

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By *ecadent_DevonMan over a year ago

Okehampton

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that."

Because if a man came on here, said he added a random woman on facebook because he liked the look of her, engaged in a dialogue which he steered towards sexual, sent her pictures of his knob and then alluded to the fact that he just wanted to meet her for sex, which she went along with (for whatever reason), then complained he got stood-up when she didn't show up, even though she had gone along with all the sexy chat. People WOULD respond differently.

No one likes being stood up and I feel for the OP, it hits hard sometimes, but considering the way that this engagement/interaction began it had a high chance of ending that way, regardless of the gender of the gender in either scenario, was he rude, yes he was, he could have been honest, but for whatever reason he didn't feel inclined to give a reason to someone that randomly added him on facebook and whether explicitly or implicitly offered him sex.

If this was a bloke posting this, the responses like it or not would be very different, this is not a reflection on the OP, but just on the duplicity that is prevalent on the forums, just as in life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What I've got from reading your posts is that he was all talk and then chickened out at the last minute. I wouldn't give him another chance anyway. It's a pain and so unfair to waste your time like that, but it happens so try not to dwell on it. I don't think we will ever know his reasons, maybe there was a genuine rrason

But remember that your time is worth more than someone who doesn't even give you a small text to let you know what's going on!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Moving forward, I don’t do shit unless they say they’re on their way and then I’ll get ready quick and make them wait in the car outside for me?"

I hate it when I’ve invited someone over for a lush dinner prior to some filthy fun, that I’ve spent a hour or so preparing, (I’m a chef) making sure my home is mint clean with the wood fire roaring fresh clean sheets & get a message ‘sorry not coming now’ message,

We all get it, it’s disappointing & kinda makes you feel like your not worth there time & effort,

It’s hard not to take it personally especially as times limited to everyone

Try to keep positive & learn the hard lesson & move forward in your own way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And when you've figured that out maybe this endless cycle of pointless drama will end?"

Ahh fuck here we go. Okay so I think I have abandonment issues from childhood. My father has never been involved. Was an only child till I was 11 and then when my sister came along I was kind of cut out of the family. Like my mother my new sister and step dad did their thing, holidays abroad with his family, Xmas eves they would stay with his family. I was sent to stay with my Grand parents who adored me till they passed away I was loved but I think you need a mother or fathers love to make you turn out okay. So not being wanted by my father and then being pushed away by my mother I think that’s where my main issues are from with regards to not handling rejection well.

There’s been quite a traumatic few years 2016-2019 which I was fighting a court battle alone to keep my child safe which I won without going into detail, but that took all my strength, like I feel I have nothing left in the tank now.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

And when you've figured that out maybe this endless cycle of pointless drama will end?

I'm really sorry to hear that OP. Do you think maybe you need some time away from meeting people to work on you as it's quite obvious that it isn't helping your feelings of self worth. While they shouldn't be wrapped up in whether random men off the internet want you or not, if it's having an effect on you it's not helpful to your current state of mind.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And when you've figured that out maybe this endless cycle of pointless drama will end?

Damage is done like, I know where it comes from and I’m not reacting to the guys like I would in the past, I’m sticking all my shit in here

like if I hadn’t posted this thread I probably would have sent him some right shitty messages by now.

I went about things all wrong, like yeah if some guy had added me on Facebook and made it seem like he just wanted to fuck me I’d be like nah mate.

I will keep myself to myself for a bit now but like I have this urge to be a cat as well, wanna be smoothed and looked after for a bit.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I don't know why obviously, but when he didn't give you a rough time when he was finishing work my spidey senses would of been twitching.

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By *dam_TinaCouple over a year ago

Hampshire

I will keep myself to myself for a bit now but like I have this urge to be a cat as well, wanna be smoothed and looked after for a bit.

That's the spirit. Go and shit in his garden.

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

Op bites back

I see

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

If this was a bloke posting this, the responses like it or not would be very different, this is not a reflection on the OP, but just on the duplicity that is prevalent on the forums, just as in life."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

Op bites back

I see

Glad my pain amuses people.

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By *UNKIEMan over a year ago

south east

"I don't know why obviously, but when he didn't give you a rough time when he was finishing work my spidey senses would of been twitching.

agreed ...you'd think over chatting a definite time would have been agreed.. "finish work at xx will meet you at ..

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By *eoeclipseWoman over a year ago

glasgow

He's possibly a catfish, sounds very similar excuses used. he probably didn't show cos he's nothing like his pics.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

If this was a bloke posting this, the responses like it or not would be very different, this is not a reflection on the OP, but just on the duplicity that is prevalent on the forums, just as in life.

Agree with this

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Did this guy come up on the 'people you might know' bit on Facebook? I'm asking because if he did those people are friends of friends on there aren't they? You could of done a bit of digging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

TLDR

However, you have cracking boobs Op

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He could be a person that isn’t used to attention. The fact that you made the move could have been something he wasn’t used to. Over time self doubt may have built and built leaving him to feel worried he’d disappoint and let you down. Or you’d stand him up.

Many factors could have amplified the situation and resulted in him bailing out of fear.

I’ve been in similar situations but I’m lucky to have had a friend push me in to going. So what I’ve said is me looking at it from my perspective. He may not have had that friend to help him find the nudge he needed to meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The joys of social media land!

I know what it's like to be left dangling. It's not nice when, like you, your time is valuable.

A real man would accept it? And adapt it ?

Define a real man please

breathing

For once I’m being serious

If a man had posted this I’m very sure he would’ve been laughed out of the forum

"
and i agree with you on that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How do people work out that he is the dick?

Thanks for this question! On the previous Post I had already indicated to the OP that he had lost his nerve.

The guy has been single for years, his friends make fun of him about it, he isn't a player, he's awkward around women.

A woman contacts him out of the blue, (fine!) She comes on to him (minor panic, but still fine), she then sends him an unsolicited picture of herself topless (panic), he thinks "I can still handle this, let me try to slow things down", then she suggests booking a hotel so that straight after dinner he can show her his skills in bed (Defcon level disaster!!! ).

It was never going to happen, he's probably recounted an exaggerated version of the proceedings to his friends and they've warned him off you. Remember he's from the vanilla world

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"If it wasn’t you that posted this op I think that a few comments would be very different.

Why do you say that.

Op bites back

I see

Glad my pain amuses people. "

If it's that bad why post it on here. Your the one given yourself the pain and make it hard on yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Did this guy come up on the 'people you might know' bit on Facebook? I'm asking because if he did those people are friends of friends on there aren't they? You could of done a bit of digging."

Yeah I have two friends in common with him, one being my best mate who said she added him ages ago after seeing him in her gym, but he never messaged her after the add.

The other and I only noticed this one since I unblocked him but the other person in common is the last guy I was with, now with that one I’m assuming it’s because this guy used to work at the same place as him but hasn’t been there for a year. I’m hoping that the connection is loose, like I haven’t seen last guy like or comment on anything this guy has posted recently and he likes everyone’s shit. I only noticed this last night and went to have a look if it looks like they have contact.

I highly doubt that’s the reason as we’d been talking for two weeks. I think it’s the fact I came on too strong, probably looked like a slag who had my finger in loads of pies and was sending my arsehole out to any Tom dick or Harry.

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

One possibility is that he didn't have to work for it. He wasn't invested in you. He's a good-looking guy so he presumably can get interest from other women.

My guess is he found the chatting situation fun but when push came to shove the reality didn't seem so appealing.

If he had grown to like you and found for himself that he wanted you he would have had more desire to take an opportunity he wanted. In reality you did all the work so he didn't feel he had to do anything including committing.

He should have been more respectful and told you he had changed his mind. Some people (men and women) are like that sadly.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple over a year ago

West Wales

"Did this guy come up on the 'people you might know' bit on Facebook? I'm asking because if he did those people are friends of friends on there aren't they? You could of done a bit of digging.

Yeah I have two friends in common with him, one being my best mate who said she added him ages ago after seeing him in her gym, but he never messaged her after the add.

Damn my parents for giving me the wrong name!

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