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Women. What does it mean to you to be a woman?
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I'm not particularly tied to any of my characteristics as being female or feminine. I am unquestionably a cis woman, I feel that into my bones, but apart from the mundane realities of bras, periods etc, nothing about me is exclusively female. And I'm ok with that. |
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"I'm not particularly tied to any of my characteristics as being female or feminine. I am unquestionably a cis woman, I feel that into my bones, but apart from the mundane realities of bras, periods etc, nothing about me is exclusively female. And I'm ok with that."
Damn misspoke. Nothing about me is exclusively cis female (obviously trans men still menstruate to a point) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I self identify as a woman on Saturday nights when bouncers charge me to get in clubs. "
I dress up as brian potter when I go to asda. Hate parking far away
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It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense? "
But is it still OK to want to reproduce and be a good, obedient wife and mother. If I'm intelligent and self aware and know what makes me happy and functional is it OK to choose that for myself? |
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"It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense?
But is it still OK to want to reproduce and be a good, obedient wife and mother. If I'm intelligent and self aware and know what makes me happy and functional is it OK to choose that for myself? "
Absolutely. But it never used to be that way for cis women sadly. |
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"It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense?
But is it still OK to want to reproduce and be a good, obedient wife and mother. If I'm intelligent and self aware and know what makes me happy and functional is it OK to choose that for myself? "
Yes!!! And thrice yes.
I was going to write that being a woman also means accepting all those things traditionally associated with the feminine if that is your nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense?
But is it still OK to want to reproduce and be a good, obedient wife and mother. If I'm intelligent and self aware and know what makes me happy and functional is it OK to choose that for myself?
Absolutely. But it never used to be that way for cis women sadly. "
No and I wouldn't go back to that for anything. I love the fact that women have so much more scope for success and fulfilment. Kweens supporting kweens  |
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"It's such a good question actually. I'm trans female, not cis woman, so won't experience periods and child birth, but from my perspective it's about empowerment. Up until, say, the late 60s, and the development of the "pill" and at the same time the growth of women's independence (liberation?) women had one function in life, to reproduce and to be a good obedient wife and mother. Thankfully those days have gone, and despite the "power" that women hold on here this still isn't reflected in real life. Hope that makes sense? "
well said ..  |
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In a way, themore interesting perspective is what is a woman? When we as people are all totally unique, the concepts of masculine or feminine are largely crude herdings of individuality into socially influenced perspectives that people have been encouraged to identify with.
I'm soft and tender, yet forthright, largely loving and nurturing, whilst firm and passionately stable. I yield to masculinity in many ways though meet as an equal. I'm organic, like the small and daintiness of things, the soft and and am gentle, feeling the tenderness of my character and body. I'm emoionally touched by the lightness of what's around, even if I'm clumsy too. My strength is my dependability and my resilience even if I will fight you hard, against injustices, it won't be physical. I feel a comradeship with other women, that's absent for men.
It's quite peculiar identifying somewhat polar aspects of self, when everyone has traits of all genders. Men seem like the others, though not as much as a different species. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What does it mean to me to be a woman?
I'm not sure if being a woman exaggerates these "qualities" but this is me, and I'm a woman.
Being a woman to me is knowing I'm strong, stronger than I give myself credit for most of the time.
It means caring, and in some cases being a surrogate mum/auntie/sister to those who may need one.
It means standing up, at times on my own for things I believe in, for I am me, and that something is important to me.
It's knowing I matter, not to everyone that's for sure, but I do matter to some.
It's treating other peoples children as I would/do my own.
It's being true to myself, it's owning my fuck ups, it's looking in the mirror and asking myself how I could be a better human.
But most of all, it's loving others with all my heart, being fiercely loyal and giving others the comfort of me, yet loving myself enough to walk away if it's called for.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it's centered around biology, chromosomes, periods, sex characteristics. That's what a woman is. An adult human female.
And the difficulties or posotives which can experienced because of that. |
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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago
norwich |
I'm a transvestite so I'm not a woman or female, but i am feminine, this allows me to wear pretty things, show emotions, not be the "in charge" alpha male that my male world and society expects. Would I want to be a real woman or 24/7 lady ,periods and uncomfortable boobs ?? NO !!! Xxx |
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I've been predominantly a tomboy until up to a year ago when I started dating again after the relationship break down, and I am on my feminine reliazationship journey. Being a woman to me is being a mum the rest I am still learning as I go along. |
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It's a fascinating topic to me, because I think it means both everything and nothing to me.
I am a woman, cis female. It's true, one of the truest things about me.
And yet when I try to consider what it means to be a woman... I can't think of a single characteristic that matters to me that is inherently and exclusively feminine.
So does it matter at all? Yes. But I don't know why |
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I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have never really thought about it, its inherent.
I am not stereotypical and have worked in all sorts of jobs that have been traditionally seen as more masculine (welding, skin fitting, transport clerk, warehouse work) as well as some more traditionally female roles.
I suppose being a mother and being caring and nurturing would be what makes me feminine, although being caring isnt an exclusively female trait. |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male "
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men? |
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It's probably very different as someone with no children with no plans to have children. That definitely means that certain equipment is required, that I have as a cis female (although obviously at least one trans man has had a baby). But having children is not part of my identity. For me it's another health issue, a thing to avoid like a medication interaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a fascinating topic to me, because I think it means both everything and nothing to me.
I am a woman, cis female. It's true, one of the truest things about me.
And yet when I try to consider what it means to be a woman... I can't think of a single characteristic that matters to me that is inherently and exclusively feminine.
So does it matter at all? Yes. But I don't know why"
I would say this too, I know Im a woman but there is nothing I could say particulary makes me feel that way that compared to what a man could feel or do too. Only apart from the different biology obvs, but in terms of thought or actions , none.
I'll have another cuppa and think about it  |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?"
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am loving reading this thread and as a man cannot say what it means to be a woman but I read this article and thought it was relevant to your inquiry. Forgive me for the intrusion.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jan/02/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-woman-it-is-not-just-about-femininity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was built to last and to care for those closest to me. And I'm allowed to be scared of spiders. "
In this modern age of equality, if women weren't scared of spiders men would be completely redundant. Or are we allowed to be scared of them too?  |
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This is such an interesting question. Because I'm actually have no clue, beyond my biology. Both me and M have the same kind of jobs, we care and nurture our children in exactly the same way, so I'm struggling to define the differences between us based on gender.
I have advantages over him in some respects as society sees it more acceptable to show my emotions etc, where he can often be taken more seriously than me with for eg tradesmen or in the workplace. Now my brain is in a pickle because I don't know
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I think I’ve been defined by being a woman most of my life - but via motherhood rather than femininity as such.
I’ve never been particularly ‘girlie’ - don’t do nails, no fake eyelashes or eyebrows - and I tend to wash and leave my hair unless I’m going out.
However - being a mum - that’s everything and has been since the day I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest at 22. My life has never been my own since - particularly now as my youngest has mental health issues - but I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
As the men in their life haven’t been great (my fault for my relationship choices) I’ve parented alone even in relationships - and partly because of that have never had a career - just jobs.
A small part of me yearns for an alternative life where I got to be something else - but my main job is watching and helping my kids grow into the amazing adults I know they can be.
Other than that - being nurturing - I think I’m quite manly at times.
I can separate sex and relationships - generally a male trait - and I’m guilty of detaching myself emotionally at times and compartmentalising when life gets really hard.
I guess I’m all woman - but with a healthy dose of man too! |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
"
Don’t you think that’s typical of many fab women though?
I’ve found that I’ve had more in common with my female fab friends than most - if not all - of the women I know in the ‘real’ world!
I know I may get lambasted for this - but I think the very fact that we can separate love/relationships and sex - a traditionally male trait - may mean that we are more masculine in our thought processes generally - and rarely concentrate on traditionally feminine things. I’m probably generalising a lot though - and perhaps just considering the women I tend to get on well with - which are similar to me! X |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
"
But plenty of men like those things, and plenty of women think like you do. Some of us do both. |
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I just think a lot of this is what we're told men and women are. Not what is inherently male or female. And that that's society, culture, not innate.
I perform feminity when I choose to, both because I get less pushback and sometimes I want to. But I also just do what I want, and it makes not a bit of difference to my intrinsic sense of womanhood. Traditional femininity is a performance, one I can very much take or leave. |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
But plenty of men like those things, and plenty of women think like you do. Some of us do both."
Ok. If you were to see me in a pub, I’m likely to be stood at the bar talking nonsense and laughing with the guys, than say at the table with the women who are discussing as above or having the same woo is me conversation over and over.
It’s rare I get emotional or indeed emotionally attached. Example, I can be with someone socially & sexually and at that moment they are all that matters, but the minute I walk away it’s done until the next time, if there is a next time.
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
But plenty of men like those things, and plenty of women think like you do. Some of us do both.
Ok. If you were to see me in a pub, I’m likely to be stood at the bar talking nonsense and laughing with the guys, than say at the table with the women who are discussing as above or having the same woo is me conversation over and over.
It’s rare I get emotional or indeed emotionally attached. Example, I can be with someone socially & sexually and at that moment they are all that matters, but the minute I walk away it’s done until the next time, if there is a next time.
"
I know. I've seen you in action! But those roles are constructed. There's nothing about the Y chromosome that makes someone more likely to be blokey or allergic to gossip.
I'm more likely to be sitting with the women because it's easier, because I've been trained that that's how it goes, because I get taken more seriously even when I know nothing about the topic at hand. |
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"I might have boobs, the gypsies, the ability to have children and a nurturing motherly nature, that is about as far as I think as a woman. My thought process and the things I enjoy are definitely more male
But I suppose this is it. Plenty of men can be nurturing. And your thought processes being male... Why? What makes them the domain of men?
My thoughts are male dominated as they determine how I live my life and the things I enjoy doing.
I despise girlie things and the topics they discuss, dolls, pink, make up, clothes, celebrities, latest trend etc.
But plenty of men like those things, and plenty of women think like you do. Some of us do both.
Ok. If you were to see me in a pub, I’m likely to be stood at the bar talking nonsense and laughing with the guys, than say at the table with the women who are discussing as above or having the same woo is me conversation over and over.
It’s rare I get emotional or indeed emotionally attached. Example, I can be with someone socially & sexually and at that moment they are all that matters, but the minute I walk away it’s done until the next time, if there is a next time.
I know. I've seen you in action! But those roles are constructed. There's nothing about the Y chromosome that makes someone more likely to be blokey or allergic to gossip.
I'm more likely to be sitting with the women because it's easier, because I've been trained that that's how it goes, because I get taken more seriously even when I know nothing about the topic at hand."
Nothing constructed or taught about my behaviour at all. Even as a child, my folks always commented you don’t play with other girls. No because they are boring and just want to play tea. I want to be outside building dens, climbing trees etc.
Female ways weren’t forced on me, I was allowed to be me and I embraced my full tomboy side. We joke my grave will say ‘should have been born a boy’
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But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught. |
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Or. I get told semi regularly that I'm masculine because I lift weights or not a real woman because I'm child free by choice.
I think those people who are threatened by my gym work should examine how comfortable they are with their identity rather than criticise mine.
And the idea that you can't be a woman without motherhood is offensive to those who can't, and reduces gender identity to a form of parenthood. Gender identity and parenthood are not intrinsically linked. |
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"But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught."
Yes I taught myself to be me ! |
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"But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught.
Yes I taught myself to be me ! "
But probably there were external factors. Building identity is challenging. I saw, as a girl, an image of what I was meant to be, and both hated it and felt resigned to my destiny. I initially taught myself about makeup as a way to be taken more seriously (because it's arbitrary but unfortunately there are femme appearance expectations to navigate). Obviously I developed a love for it as a form of art from there. But we're all influenced by certain norms around us and choose how to navigate those. |
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This is a fascinating thread, I'm really enjoying it. Thanks OP!
It's something I've not considered too deeply until relatively recently. I'm not a particularly girly girl and I haven't really felt myself defined by being a woman, until I had my children. Suddenly the balance shifted - in terms of my career, because I breastfed my children, because my husband's career made pretty much no allowances for him being a father, whereas mine was utterly transformed. It was a huge wake up call to the realities of "having it all" as a woman in this country. There is no such thing, to my mind.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with our family balance currently - but for me it was the first time that being a woman had really thrown up obstacles and expectations.
Mrs TMN x |
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I had a religious upbringing which probably alters things slightly. Ideas of womanhood tied up in motherhood, submission, sacrifice, sin and temptation. I've overtly rejected them but they still rattle around inside my head.
The cultural ideas are just norms that many of us reject. I'm not sure they're intrinsically female except that we're trained to expect them to be so.
And yet, I'm a woman. That's the truest thing about me. And what does that mean? I don't know. |
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By *zQTWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere |
I don’t know. As a child and growing up I was a tomboy. Even wore boys/men’s jeans because I found them more comfortable. I would shave my dolls head and colour their legs black with a marker for some odd reason.
Around the age of 23 I saw a shift in myself and I started wearing dresses and putting a little makeup on. Then became obsessed with having the perfect nails (I use to bite my nails).
In the last two years I have seen a major shift. I have learnt how to do makeup ‘properly’ and my collection has grown. I have taken the opportunity to learn to cook and have just become a bit more domesticated.
What it means for me to be a woman? I wouldn’t know. But recently it seems to have shifted to being the one that makes the house run and keeps all the pieces together. Looking after everyone and ensuring food is always on the table and the fridge/cupboards are never empty. Keeping on top of home life and work life. Probably, the definition of what society expects a woman’s role to be.
Did that answer your question in any way? |
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I think it's more about self examination. I'm not looking for answers per se.
I just can't think of anything outside biological facts (for cis people) that is tied to gender or biological sex. Men keep houses together, raise children, are emotionally nurturing. Women are strong and can be rational. Men can certainly be irrational!
My personal puzzle is how something so deeply true to me seems to lack deeper meaning. |
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By *zQTWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere |
"I think it's more about self examination. I'm not looking for answers per se.
I just can't think of anything outside biological facts (for cis people) that is tied to gender or biological sex. Men keep houses together, raise children, are emotionally nurturing. Women are strong and can be rational. Men can certainly be irrational!
My personal puzzle is how something so deeply true to me seems to lack deeper meaning."
I don’t think a gender has anything to do with what people can be. As you said men can raise children and cook and run a household. Women are capable of doing what use to be deemed a mans job.
I think it’s just that cis people don’t need to match a gender stereotype of behaviours and appearances, so long as they identify as their birth sex.
Therefore being a woman or a man doesn’t really need a meaning or characteristic. It is just what you identify as.
(That all made sense in my head no idea if it did typed out)
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Oh no it makes perfect sense!
I find it easier to perform femininity as expected of me. Less pushback. There can be a balance of crap from others being female and lifting heavy in the gym, and while it's their problem, it becomes mine to manage. To give the other side of it. |
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"It's how I was born. I get on with it, there are inconveniences and benefits. "
I chose, choose, to examine what it means. I've had points where I wanted to be male, or wanted to want it. But deep down I'm a woman. Despite the fact that my identity isn't tied to anything other than that knowledge. |
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"But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught.
Yes I taught myself to be me !
But probably there were external factors. Building identity is challenging. I saw, as a girl, an image of what I was meant to be, and both hated it and felt resigned to my destiny. I initially taught myself about makeup as a way to be taken more seriously (because it's arbitrary but unfortunately there are femme appearance expectations to navigate). Obviously I developed a love for it as a form of art from there. But we're all influenced by certain norms around us and choose how to navigate those."
The only external factors was my parents occasionally putting me in a skirt / dress and every photo I was sulking in. Other than that I was just myself... jeans, t shirt. I didn’t wear make up until 17 and no different than I do now. |
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"But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught.
Yes I taught myself to be me !
But probably there were external factors. Building identity is challenging. I saw, as a girl, an image of what I was meant to be, and both hated it and felt resigned to my destiny. I initially taught myself about makeup as a way to be taken more seriously (because it's arbitrary but unfortunately there are femme appearance expectations to navigate). Obviously I developed a love for it as a form of art from there. But we're all influenced by certain norms around us and choose how to navigate those.
The only external factors was my parents occasionally putting me in a skirt / dress and every photo I was sulking in. Other than that I was just myself... jeans, t shirt. I didn’t wear make up until 17 and no different than I do now. "
Other girls at school, teachers, this is how young ladies behave (in some instances they've done studies on children and shown boys and girls are treated differently for identical behaviour), etc. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure no one is immune to gendered assumptions, particularly in their impressionable youth.
We find ourselves. But it all has background and context we can't entirely escape. |
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It means... Absolutely nothing to me.
This is the body I was born with. I don't feel like it's the wrong body, it's just mine. This is what I got.
I don't think there's any characteristics or traits that make anyone female or male. Women come in all shapes, sizes, sexualities, personalitits and have different fertility levels. None of those things make us female.
I think my lack of understanding my own gender identity simply comes from being happy and comfortable in the sex I was given. I don't understand why people put these traits with one gender because I've never struggled with my own. |
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"It means... Absolutely nothing to me.
This is the body I was born with. I don't feel like it's the wrong body, it's just mine. This is what I got.
I don't think there's any characteristics or traits that make anyone female or male. Women come in all shapes, sizes, sexualities, personalitits and have different fertility levels. None of those things make us female.
I think my lack of understanding my own gender identity simply comes from being happy and comfortable in the sex I was given. I don't understand why people put these traits with one gender because I've never struggled with my own. "
That's where I think I'm coming to. I'm a woman because I'm a woman. That means I'm not a man. Does it mean anything else? Not really. Just how I'm treated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or. I get told semi regularly that I'm masculine because I lift weights or not a real woman because I'm child free by choice.
I think those people who are threatened by my gym work should examine how comfortable they are with their identity rather than criticise mine.
And the idea that you can't be a woman without motherhood is offensive to those who can't, and reduces gender identity to a form of parenthood. Gender identity and parenthood are not intrinsically linked."
I couldn't agree more with this. Lifting weights doesn't make anyone masculine ffs, that's ridiculous. And anyone who chooses not to have children should have that choice respected, judging them for it is just wrong. Motherhood and womanhood aren't the same thing at all. |
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"But many girls have these kinds of things forced on them. I mean, I decapitated most of my dolls, but I was told that this was what it meant to be a girl and was punished for years for not playing along (I perform femininity now in my way and on my terms. I was a tomboy for a very long time).
You weren't, you had freedom to choose, you rejected it, your womanhood is intact.
I don't think what you describe is intrinsically male or female. It's taught.
Yes I taught myself to be me !
But probably there were external factors. Building identity is challenging. I saw, as a girl, an image of what I was meant to be, and both hated it and felt resigned to my destiny. I initially taught myself about makeup as a way to be taken more seriously (because it's arbitrary but unfortunately there are femme appearance expectations to navigate). Obviously I developed a love for it as a form of art from there. But we're all influenced by certain norms around us and choose how to navigate those.
The only external factors was my parents occasionally putting me in a skirt / dress and every photo I was sulking in. Other than that I was just myself... jeans, t shirt. I didn’t wear make up until 17 and no different than I do now.
Other girls at school, teachers, this is how young ladies behave (in some instances they've done studies on children and shown boys and girls are treated differently for identical behaviour), etc. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure no one is immune to gendered assumptions, particularly in their impressionable youth.
We find ourselves. But it all has background and context we can't entirely escape."
I get where you are coming from. However in my school, a forced boarding school, the only thing that defines us as girls is we had to wear a skirt and of course separate dorms, other than that we played rugby, the boys played hockey, and we all did full on cadet force etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What does being a woman mean to me?
Being a woman means I have the total priveldge of being able to carry a child and bring small people onto the planet. And all the things about being a mum make me feel feminine and soft and a woman.
With everything else or anyone else it's rare I'm that soft and barriers go up.
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