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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
As a follow on from the self worth thread, I felt that this might warrant a further discussion.
How important to you are the labels that you give yourself and that others give you in terms of defining your self worth?
Do you feel that the things that you see yourself as being define you?
If you had one of those things taken away, what do you think the result would be? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't think I really label myself. Maybe I did in the other thread by saying I was a people person. Actually I probably did there... How could it be removed? I dunno.
Stream of consciousness and not quite a useful input ftw. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don't think I really label myself. Maybe I did in the other thread by saying I was a people person. Actually I probably did there... How could it be removed? I dunno.
Stream of consciousness and not quite a useful input ftw."
It's not just that, it's things like; father, mother, professional, breadwinner, etc. The things that we use to define ourselves to ourselves and to others. People person fits in that I guess. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I don't think I really label myself. Maybe I did in the other thread by saying I was a people person. Actually I probably did there... How could it be removed? I dunno.
Stream of consciousness and not quite a useful input ftw.
It's not just that, it's things like; father, mother, professional, breadwinner, etc. The things that we use to define ourselves to ourselves and to others. People person fits in that I guess. "
I don't really define myself as those things though. Maybe I'm odd by not doing so. I do say I'm Aspie but that's part of who I am. Not the whole thing but part of it. |
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I see labels as descriptive, not prescriptive. They help me understand the context in which I find myself, and give a (flawed) shorthand for others. But it's not, I'm X, and therefore I'm only (list of characteristics of X). It's more like, X is the closest known label to describe me. I differ in the following ways (if it's important for me or others), but I can find a lot of commonality with X and it's a good way to shorten any discussion I need to have.
I take or leave these labels as they're useful to me. |
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Think we all label ourselves to a point. Some will label themselves pretty, nerdy, goth, intelligent or funny the list is endless. And it's when people question those labels I think they tend to upset us the most.
We all in our own way seek to find like-minded people or people who value our traits. It's more important for us not to presume those who don't like or agree with our labels are correct |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure I label myself as anything, I am just me
Not sure what others would label me as either, and in truth I do not care... They would have to mean something to me for their opinion to be validated
What about placing judgements on people? Is that the same as labelling someone? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don't think I really label myself. Maybe I did in the other thread by saying I was a people person. Actually I probably did there... How could it be removed? I dunno.
Stream of consciousness and not quite a useful input ftw.
It's not just that, it's things like; father, mother, professional, breadwinner, etc. The things that we use to define ourselves to ourselves and to others. People person fits in that I guess.
I don't really define myself as those things though. Maybe I'm odd by not doing so. I do say I'm Aspie but that's part of who I am. Not the whole thing but part of it."
I don't think it's odd, I think it's very healthy. It was kind of my point, that I think it should be guarded against.
I know it's something that I used to do and when I lost some of those labels, I really struggled. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx"
This  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I see labels as descriptive, not prescriptive. They help me understand the context in which I find myself, and give a (flawed) shorthand for others. But it's not, I'm X, and therefore I'm only (list of characteristics of X). It's more like, X is the closest known label to describe me. I differ in the following ways (if it's important for me or others), but I can find a lot of commonality with X and it's a good way to shorten any discussion I need to have.
I take or leave these labels as they're useful to me."
Fully agree with this. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I see labels as descriptive, not prescriptive. They help me understand the context in which I find myself, and give a (flawed) shorthand for others. But it's not, I'm X, and therefore I'm only (list of characteristics of X). It's more like, X is the closest known label to describe me. I differ in the following ways (if it's important for me or others), but I can find a lot of commonality with X and it's a good way to shorten any discussion I need to have.
I take or leave these labels as they're useful to me."
I see what you mean, they result in finding a commonality with others and help to build bonds socially. I think that the issues can arise when situations or we change, the labels don't fit and our definition of ourselves can be in flux.
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Think we all label ourselves to a point. Some will label themselves pretty, nerdy, goth, intelligent or funny the list is endless. And it's when people question those labels I think they tend to upset us the most.
We all in our own way seek to find like-minded people or people who value our traits. It's more important for us not to presume those who don't like or agree with our labels are correct "
I agree. I think there's a difference between the things that we are and the things that we do. It's definitely when we question those labels that there can be self worth or self esteem issues. |
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"I see labels as descriptive, not prescriptive. They help me understand the context in which I find myself, and give a (flawed) shorthand for others. But it's not, I'm X, and therefore I'm only (list of characteristics of X). It's more like, X is the closest known label to describe me. I differ in the following ways (if it's important for me or others), but I can find a lot of commonality with X and it's a good way to shorten any discussion I need to have.
I take or leave these labels as they're useful to me.
I see what you mean, they result in finding a commonality with others and help to build bonds socially. I think that the issues can arise when situations or we change, the labels don't fit and our definition of ourselves can be in flux.
"
Definitely. Finding your identity, forging it, redeveloping it, etc... it's hard work. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Not sure I label myself as anything, I am just me
Not sure what others would label me as either, and in truth I do not care... They would have to mean something to me for their opinion to be validated
What about placing judgements on people? Is that the same as labelling someone?"
I think that judging and labelling others is associated but a different thing. That's about reflecting our values and morals onto others.
I'm talking specifically about our own definitions |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Labels? I’m me.
I’m also a mum, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, colleague, friend and pain in the arse  
"
It's those kind of labels that I'm talking about. Do you feel that they define you, are part of who you are and lend value to you? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx"
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort.  |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"My labels define who I want to be at this point in time, they are ever changing on my life journey to suit how I am feeling or what I want from each different situation. "
So you chose your labels to suit? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I see labels as descriptive, not prescriptive. They help me understand the context in which I find myself, and give a (flawed) shorthand for others. But it's not, I'm X, and therefore I'm only (list of characteristics of X). It's more like, X is the closest known label to describe me. I differ in the following ways (if it's important for me or others), but I can find a lot of commonality with X and it's a good way to shorten any discussion I need to have.
I take or leave these labels as they're useful to me.
I see what you mean, they result in finding a commonality with others and help to build bonds socially. I think that the issues can arise when situations or we change, the labels don't fit and our definition of ourselves can be in flux.
Definitely. Finding your identity, forging it, redeveloping it, etc... it's hard work."
It is. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort. "
You are biased |
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I don’t label myself, I’m just me
The labels I hear from others I just see as normal human traits... single mum, hard working, brave, strong, stubborn, independent, caring etc. It’s just what they see and what you as a person choose to show others |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort.
You are biased "
I reject that label, I say that I'm a person of discerning taste |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort.
You are biased
I reject that label, I say that I'm a person of discerning taste "
If I were to label you itd be 'partially sighted '  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort.
You are biased
I reject that label, I say that I'm a person of discerning taste "
You two are too cute |
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"Think we all label ourselves to a point. Some will label themselves pretty, nerdy, goth, intelligent or funny the list is endless. And it's when people question those labels I think they tend to upset us the most.
We all in our own way seek to find like-minded people or people who value our traits. It's more important for us not to presume those who don't like or agree with our labels are correct
I agree. I think there's a difference between the things that we are and the things that we do. It's definitely when we question those labels that there can be self worth or self esteem issues. "
Questioning the ones attributed to you is healthy though. For example in school I was labelled as thick as I dyslexic (undiagnosed until I was an adult) and I wouldn't pass my GCSEs, could have listened decided not to have a PhD. We are a massive mix of labels which makes us all individuals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Labels help us find where we fit in society though, the people we identify with and the groups we belong to.
The labels I place on myself help me to live my life the way I should, I prioritise the ones that are important and acknowledge those that aren't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've spent a long time trying hard to not be the stereotypes of the categories I fell into. (daughter of alcoholics, teenage mum,school drop out, single mum, divorced woman, the other woman) As such I've constantly battled my own judgments of myself too and in turn probably made some harsh ones of others.
I do know though that being a mother/wife for me wasn't enough on its own. Probably one of the big reasons I left my husband. My career or trying to establish one has always been a vital part of my identity, oddly though my job titles have never been a thing I think about.
Ultimately I am me, a whole mix of things because I refuse to be identified as just one or some of them.
Not sure if that makes any sense.. |
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"I've spent a long time trying hard to not be the stereotypes of the categories I fell into. (daughter of alcoholics, teenage mum,school drop out, single mum, divorced woman, the other woman) As such I've constantly battled my own judgments of myself too and in turn probably made some harsh ones of others.
I do know though that being a mother/wife for me wasn't enough on its own. Probably one of the big reasons I left my husband. My career or trying to establish one has always been a vital part of my identity, oddly though my job titles have never been a thing I think about.
Ultimately I am me, a whole mix of things because I refuse to be identified as just one or some of them.
Not sure if that makes any sense.. "
Makes perfect sense to me. Breaking beyond the confines of the roles we find ourselves in. We're all more than that. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t label myself, I’m just me
The labels I hear from others I just see as normal human traits... single mum, hard working, brave, strong, stubborn, independent, caring etc. It’s just what they see and what you as a person choose to show others "
Personally, I think that's a very healthy way to be. I think it's when we use labels as defining characteristics that we can give ourselves problems. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've probably lots of labels but they only give you an idea of who I am.
If you want to actually know me then that takes time and effort, not a label xx
I agree, I think that labels give others a 'rough guide' but don't provide the actual story. Not being defined by them is the key.
Just as with anyone, finding the real person is important but you're definitely worth any effort.
You are biased
I reject that label, I say that I'm a person of discerning taste
If I were to label you itd be 'partially sighted ' "
I might be short sighted but I've seen you up close |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I don't think so much of labels .. but more aspects of myself that come to play, work and support who I am and my roles I have in my life. My roles definitely give shape to who I am. Create a kind of map of me.
I can see how we can lose our sense of identity if a major role shifts.
I'm in a transitional place in life, there is lots in flux .. I feel quite surrendered and also sometimes a little jarred and wide eyed!! Lots of readjusting which sometimes feels easy and sometimes not so.
X |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Think we all label ourselves to a point. Some will label themselves pretty, nerdy, goth, intelligent or funny the list is endless. And it's when people question those labels I think they tend to upset us the most.
We all in our own way seek to find like-minded people or people who value our traits. It's more important for us not to presume those who don't like or agree with our labels are correct
I agree. I think there's a difference between the things that we are and the things that we do. It's definitely when we question those labels that there can be self worth or self esteem issues.
Questioning the ones attributed to you is healthy though. For example in school I was labelled as thick as I dyslexic (undiagnosed until I was an adult) and I wouldn't pass my GCSEs, could have listened decided not to have a PhD. We are a massive mix of labels which makes us all individuals"
That's very true. That's very much the heart of the matter. It's very easy to say 'labels are for tins' and there's a certain truth to it but we do all do it to ourselves and others. It's how or whether we're defined by them. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Labels help us find where we fit in society though, the people we identify with and the groups we belong to.
The labels I place on myself help me to live my life the way I should, I prioritise the ones that are important and acknowledge those that aren't. "
Very true, much as Swing said. They do help to identify others but it's a balance. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've spent a long time trying hard to not be the stereotypes of the categories I fell into. (daughter of alcoholics, teenage mum,school drop out, single mum, divorced woman, the other woman) As such I've constantly battled my own judgments of myself too and in turn probably made some harsh ones of others.
I do know though that being a mother/wife for me wasn't enough on its own. Probably one of the big reasons I left my husband. My career or trying to establish one has always been a vital part of my identity, oddly though my job titles have never been a thing I think about.
Ultimately I am me, a whole mix of things because I refuse to be identified as just one or some of them.
Not sure if that makes any sense.. "
That makes perfect sense to me, I had similar struggles in the past, especially if one of the labels I gave myself wasn't sufficient or peeled off.
I found it very hard to recognise that I was more than the sum of those labels and actually know *who* I am beneath that. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don't think so much of labels .. but more aspects of myself that come to play, work and support who I am and my roles I have in my life. My roles definitely give shape to who I am. Create a kind of map of me.
I can see how we can lose our sense of identity if a major role shifts.
I'm in a transitional place in life, there is lots in flux .. I feel quite surrendered and also sometimes a little jarred and wide eyed!! Lots of readjusting which sometimes feels easy and sometimes not so.
X "
I know exactly what you mean. It can be and is, trying when rigid concepts require flexibility. |
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I have never felt the need to conform so I don't label myself as such.
For example, the fact that I am a woman and a mother doesn't define me.
I'm bisexual and it's not something that I hide. Equally I don't feel the need to shout it from the roof tops.
Things change in life so how I see myself evolves. That doesn't negativity impact on my self worth.
Does that make sense? |
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"I've spent a long time trying hard to not be the stereotypes of the categories I fell into. (daughter of alcoholics, teenage mum,school drop out, single mum, divorced woman, the other woman) As such I've constantly battled my own judgments of myself too and in turn probably made some harsh ones of others.
I do know though that being a mother/wife for me wasn't enough on its own. Probably one of the big reasons I left my husband. My career or trying to establish one has always been a vital part of my identity, oddly though my job titles have never been a thing I think about.
Ultimately I am me, a whole mix of things because I refuse to be identified as just one or some of them.
Not sure if that makes any sense.. "
This is such an important point! Labels can be a help when they come to understanding your self, developing an identity, establishing values etc. But they can be a hindrance if they tie you to a certain narrative, do you down, or make you feel not good enough/bad. They can both empower or disempower you.
I rarely see myself in practical label terms and tend to define myself by personality traits - I'd be far more upset if someone tried to take away 'compassionate' from me than 'daughter'. But perhaps that's because one is a fact and one is a belief/action so more vulnerable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Other people labelling me has no affect on my self worth. My self esteem doesn't depend in external validation, although it can be a pleasant thing to receive.
Initially I thought I didn’t define myself with labels but on reflection I do. I use positive labels which probably reinforces my self esteem. |
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