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Are releationships based on sex
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
So many questions about being happy and not hurting other people. Finding it all a bit hard at the moment and not much fun, kids are demanding and sex is less than once a week. No kissing etc. Struggling...... |
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life..work,.kids,.money are just some of the things that impact relationships. Hopefully things will improve.
Was there much kissing before and sex well,.if you're a busy mom and other stuff is going on, it can be difficult.
Stress, tiredness can both play a part x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many questions about being happy and not hurting other people. Finding it all a bit hard at the moment and not much fun, kids are demanding and sex is less than once a week. No kissing etc. Struggling......"
Hang on in there OP, life has its ups and downs. Your up is on the way... |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
Yes we are very stressed....does not seem to be getting better. Finding hard to come home at the moment. Can't choose the right words to say or in the right way. Feeling really pissed off at the moment. As a kid I just used to walk away from things. But with a wife and kids I can't do that.....cheers peoples for being here. Much appreciated. Just keep putting my foot in it.... |
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"Yes we are very stressed....does not seem to be getting better. Finding hard to come home at the moment. Can't choose the right words to say or in the right way. Feeling really pissed off at the moment. As a kid I just used to walk away from things. But with a wife and kids I can't do that.....cheers peoples for being here. Much appreciated. Just keep putting my foot in it...."
Is a swinging site best for you? Maybe you should try some dating sites but good luck anyway x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is"
Sex without love is a meaningless experience.
.
But as meaningless experiences go, it's got to be one of the best! |
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By *opinovMan
over a year ago
Point Nemo, Cumbria |
"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is"
Indeed, for me too. The trick is in finding that right significant other... ah now there's the rub! |
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"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is
Sex without love is a meaningless experience.
.
But as meaningless experiences go, it's got to be one of the best! "
I think if you're in a relationship that isn't working then it impacts sex.
But for a nsa experience it isn't relevant in that as long as respect, consideration etc. are there the sex can be great. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is
Sex without love is a meaningless experience.
.
But as meaningless experiences go, it's got to be one of the best!
I think if you're in a relationship that isn't working then it impacts sex.
But for a nsa experience it isn't relevant in that as long as respect, consideration etc. are there the sex can be great."
great comment x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bot on a serious note, OP, sex within a relationship is an indicator of everything else going on. With all the stresses that go on ... work, kids,money ... it really takes work to find time for each other. It's hard.
Whether a single guy profile on a swingers site is a wise choice, only you can decide. I am not judging, God knows I am the last person to judge given the utter mess I made of my marriage! |
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"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is
Sex without love is a meaningless experience.
.
But as meaningless experiences go, it's got to be one of the best!
I think if you're in a relationship that isn't working then it impacts sex.
But for a nsa experience it isn't relevant in that as long as respect, consideration etc. are there the sex can be great.great comment x "
Thanks Jack, as is yours   |
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"Maybe in the early stages of a relationship but not when you've been together for ages, in my opinion.
I'd go so far to say a relationship based on sex is a recipe for disaster."
^^ What she says  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging is the antithesis of sex, its not about relationships and feelings, it's about satisfying sex surely. Yes we make good friends but it's not about relationships necessarily x "
Indeed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us no.
It's an important part of it but intimacy and feeling connected is far more important to us.
We do have the advantage we are still a fairly new couple and don't have children to consider.
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There's a matrix of qualities and needs that relationships are based on, that's unique to each couple. The importance and ranking of sex amongst them varies and typically moves over time.
In any relationship communication is the most important thing that we can do, to ensure that partners understand us and our needs. Breaking through secrecy helps bring people together even if it may help them to realise that they have unmatched needs to some degree.
As op is here, presumably to cheat, it highlights that you are potentially putting what you have at risk, when you may be better off to focus on the relationship instead. You presumably joined with her to weather the hard times together and build from there, not just enjoy the good times that were easy.
It means dedication to her, fostering the climate where you both communicate more and with better qualities than you have both been doing. It would need her to be motivated and willing to do the same but the current impasse sounds like something that everyone would prefer to go beyond. It's not always sunny blue skies that we find but increasing our mutual understanding of each other is relieving, even if it is just recognition that you are both unhappy to some extent. |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
I have not met anyone here. I am here as a more private social thing. Facebook to open chats about releationships is not a good place. Thanks everyone for commenting. Divorce and seperation has been shouted by both sides as well as not knowing why we are with each other. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to speak without it being taken the wrong way. Here is a safe space to open up a bit, to get things out, counsellers and physiciatrists are expensive. I really want and need for us to go to marriage counseling together as there is little respect between us. Thanks for everyone taking time talking with me.....we have been through tough times together but this is definately the most testing! Really not happy at the thought of being together and at the thought of seperating ( two kids, 12 & 3). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"With your significant other, sex is based on relationships rather than the other way round.
that is very true..well for me it is
Sex without love is a meaningless experience.
.
But as meaningless experiences go, it's got to be one of the best!
I think if you're in a relationship that isn't working then it impacts sex.
But for a nsa experience it isn't relevant in that as long as respect, consideration etc. are there the sex can be great."
Love this! So true |
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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
"Yes we are very stressed....does not seem to be getting better. Finding hard to come home at the moment. Can't choose the right words to say or in the right way. Feeling really pissed off at the moment. As a kid I just used to walk away from things. But with a wife and kids I can't do that.....cheers peoples for being here. Much appreciated. Just keep putting my foot in it...."
You need to find some time and sit down and have an honest chat. You need to tell her how you are feeling. Kids, work amd hectic stressful lives can drive a couple apart. You need to communicate and find a way to make it work, if that's what you both want. Relationships need working at to keep them healthy. Good luck OP. |
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"So many questions about being happy and not hurting other people. Finding it all a bit hard at the moment and not much fun, kids are demanding and sex is less than once a week. No kissing etc. Struggling......"
I am a bit further down the road than you age wise. My thoughts were the same as you at your age, unfortunately you are at the midlife crisis age. You are looking back and forward. Life gets better and easier as you get older, you mellow and realise what is important. Stick with it and dont worry, everything will be ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have not met anyone here. I am here as a more private social thing. Facebook to open chats about releationships is not a good place. Thanks everyone for commenting. Divorce and seperation has been shouted by both sides as well as not knowing why we are with each other. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to speak without it being taken the wrong way. Here is a safe space to open up a bit, to get things out, counsellers and physiciatrists are expensive. I really want and need for us to go to marriage counseling together as there is little respect between us. Thanks for everyone taking time talking with me.....we have been through tough times together but this is definately the most testing! Really not happy at the thought of being together and at the thought of seperating ( two kids, 12 & 3). "
I think you just answered your own question. It sounds like you still have feelings for your wife and don’t want to separate so communication is the key to get past this. As someone else has said get the kids packed off for the evening and cook her a meal and take the time to talk to her and get it all out in the open in a calm manner.
On another note I would love to be in a position to have sex every couple of weeks lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Relationships are based on everything in moderation, sex isnt the be all in a relationship i used to think it was but theres so much more.
The best thing you can do is try and focus on putting the spark back in what you have.
Make a day in the week where its just the two of you, get a baby sitter & do somthing just the two of you.
When did you last buy her flowers?
When did you last pay a compliment to how shes looking?
Do you do many chores or cook a meal for her when the kids are in bed or to take some pressure off?
Im not having a dig by any means but its very easy to fall into a 'parent trap'
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think they can be no, sex has to be just a small, but I suppose no less important part. I think men tend to get their feelings of being loved and wanted from the act of having sex, and for women its the first thing they take away when things are less than well elsewhere. Doesnt mean the man is particulary less loved and wanted but it signals problems.
Maybe she wants to leave but doesnt really know how to tell you. Relationships going bad are the hardest thing to accept and sit down and talk about, so I do feel for you. There are no easy answers. X |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
I think we are bith at breaking point and don't want to admit it. A simple 'hello, good morning' is an insult....not a happy house at the mo. Your opening comments ring true. I know I had a bit if a neglected childhood....not sure what the future brings. Don't really have a social life our individual friends to go out with so feeling lobely and beating myself up...... |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"Sex doesn't happen that often. Only happening because we fight.....really helps to be here and hear others opinion. Thanks.
Are you able to discuss this when you're not fighting?"
Yes I have noticed this and pointed it out. At our wits end. Our life gas worn us down and we are at our wits end. I think it has been on the cards for a long time. Got to get some fresh air inside if me..... |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
You've been together for 20 years and have 2 kids, that's worth fighting for.
You definitely need to try and have a level headed chat. I know it's hard, I've had to do it recently.
Just get how you're both feeling out on the open. Ask each other if you want to try and work things out and go from there.
Think about tone of voice when you're talking. Women read into that, well, I do anyway.
Be prepared to keep sex on the back burner so your wife doesn't feel pressured into it. It really isn't a priority.
I hope it works out for you |
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"Sex doesn't happen that often. Only happening because we fight.....really helps to be here and hear others opinion. Thanks.
Are you able to discuss this when you're not fighting?
Yes I have noticed this and pointed it out. At our wits end. Our life gas worn us down and we are at our wits end. I think it has been on the cards for a long time. Got to get some fresh air inside if me....."
That's sad, it must be awful for both of you.
Life can be horribly tough can't it.
I hope you can both find a resolution |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex doesn't happen that often. Only happening because we fight.....really helps to be here and hear others opinion. Thanks.
Are you able to discuss this when you're not fighting?
Yes I have noticed this and pointed it out. At our wits end. Our life gas worn us down and we are at our wits end. I think it has been on the cards for a long time. Got to get some fresh air inside if me....."
Ive been there myself buddy, its all too easy to give up. Remember the early days and try and rekindle what was there, it takes effort from both sides but try to be girlfriend & boyfriend.. not husband/wife/perants. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many questions about being happy and not hurting other people. Finding it all a bit hard at the moment and not much fun, kids are demanding and sex is less than once a week. No kissing etc. Struggling......"
relationships are based on communication, love, loyalty, sex, affection, honesty, reliability, flexibility etc   |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"Sex doesn't happen that often. Only happening because we fight.....really helps to be here and hear others opinion. Thanks.
Are you able to discuss this when you're not fighting?
Yes I have noticed this and pointed it out. At our wits end. Our life gas worn us down and we are at our wits end. I think it has been on the cards for a long time. Got to get some fresh air inside if me.....
Ive been there myself buddy, its all too easy to give up. Remember the early days and try and rekindle what was there, it takes effort from both sides but try to be girlfriend & boyfriend.. not husband/wife/perants. "
Thank you so much! For some reason that reply is making me cry....must be something there!!! Cheers. |
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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
Imagine life without her. The practicalities and emotional side...
Is that what you want?
You both need time to be yourselves, try and find time where you both get a bit of kid free time a week. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
"There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag "
That might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever seen you say! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship LOVE as in being in love not like you love the family cat lightning compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag
That might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever seen you say! "
oh and i fucked it up too lol |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
"There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag
That might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever seen you say! oh and i fucked it up too lol"
I preferred the original. I’m not sure what cat lighting is! It sounds like the RSPCA wouldn’t approve though. |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
I really would recommend marriage counselling. I think Relate only charge what you can afford and it is worth it. It helps to have an impartial person there and means it won’t end up in yet another argument. At least you can both say you tried! |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag
That might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever seen you say! oh and i fucked it up too lol"
Balance is hard, very hard. We are acrobats and work together touring our work worlwide. Not making any money from it. We have been through a lot of hard times.....I suppose we are not getting the recognition that we need to survive mentally in this World....close to packing it all in. Better the devil you don't know.... |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"I really would recommend marriage counselling. I think Relate only charge what you can afford and it is worth it. It helps to have an impartial person there and means it won’t end up in yet another argument. At least you can both say you tried!"
x yep x better this than the other....
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
As stated above I have not met anyone here. Forums are helpful as I can be open....but yes, I do punish myself, mental self harm I supose!
"
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"Just me, I go as a technical manager. We had a trapeze accident last year and we are still unable to perform together due to injuries."
While it's good to get your worries and problems out by discussing them with other people I think you're now running the very real risk of being identified. While you might not be bothered your partner might be and he very hurt by this discussion of your relationship difficulties on a forum that is open to non members.
It's your call and I know that things can get to a point where there seems that you have nothing to lose. However you're not the only one in this situation.
Maybe consider some counselling away from a public forum.
Good luck |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"Just me, I go as a technical manager. We had a trapeze accident last year and we are still unable to perform together due to injuries.
While it's good to get your worries and problems out by discussing them with other people I think you're now running the very real risk of being identified. While you might not be bothered your partner might be and he very hurt by this discussion of your relationship difficulties on a forum that is open to non members.
It's your call and I know that things can get to a point where there seems that you have nothing to lose. However you're not the only one in this situation.
Maybe consider some counselling away from a public forum.
Good luck"
cheers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are many things that create a strong sustainable relationship compromise friendship genuine care honesty trust and suited sexual compatibility are the foundations in my opinion not just 1 thing oh shes a good shag
That might be the most sensible thing I’ve ever seen you say! oh and i fucked it up too lol
I preferred the original. I’m not sure what cat lighting is! It sounds like the RSPCA wouldn’t approve though. "
 |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Just me, I go as a technical manager. We had a trapeze accident last year and we are still unable to perform together due to injuries."
Maybe a bit of time apart will help you both to realise what's important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
"
First three paragraphs being judgy whilst saying no judgement? He had said he was here to just talk,and having a profile and being here has been a lifeline to many people, so whyever not.
Giving without expecting anything in return runs the risk of letting yourself be a doormat, and ignore all your own needs. There is nothing wrong with saying well actually I am important too, why just work at keeping only one person happy in a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just me, I go as a technical manager. We had a trapeze accident last year and we are still unable to perform together due to injuries.
While it's good to get your worries and problems out by discussing them with other people I think you're now running the very real risk of being identified. While you might not be bothered your partner might be and he very hurt by this discussion of your relationship difficulties on a forum that is open to non members.
It's your call and I know that things can get to a point where there seems that you have nothing to lose. However you're not the only one in this situation.
Maybe consider some counselling away from a public forum.
Good luck"
Id echo the less details stuff too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone is stuck in a sexless relationship ... does that mean it's just become a friendship ?
Especially if one partner doesn't really want sex anymore...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone is stuck in a sexless relationship ... does that mean it's just become a friendship ?
Especially if one partner doesn't really want sex anymore...
"
Yes I would say so. That’s what happened to me anyway. We are the best of friends and still love each other very much but are not in love. I guess we’re lucky we have that. It’s a good situation for us and our children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you considered writing her a letter OP?
Get all your feelings out in the open and ask her how she's feeling, what she's thinking.
Use it to recall happy times, and all the things you fell in love with about her.
Reassure her you believe in your relationship and each other. My guess is she is feeling just as lost as you are x |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
First three paragraphs being judgy whilst saying no judgement? He had said he was here to just talk,and having a profile and being here has been a lifeline to many people, so whyever not.
Giving without expecting anything in return runs the risk of letting yourself be a doormat, and ignore all your own needs. There is nothing wrong with saying well actually I am important too, why just work at keeping only one person happy in a relationship."
There was no judgement, just questions. In part based on past experience, mine, and a girl I was once close to.
Yes being here can be a lifeline, a way to connect and explore ideas. Dont we all do that in some form on here in either forums or pm's?
We are all unique our individual needs are important and if we value ourselves then a real relationship is not just about keeping our significant other happy. Its something much more mutual than either one being a doormat. Relationships to me are about mutuality, each sharing the good and not so good both never letting the other fall, and if they do picking that other up holding them close and facing their problems together. Sometimes it fails too. But that's the nature of life.
Wanting what's good for another isnt being a doormat unless we lose ourselves in the process...
Love is gentle kind peaceful long suffering wants not for itself....many have that read at their weddings.
Love isnt always easy, but it's worth fighting for....
Sometimes.
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
Knew H for three years before we started dating, she's one of my best mates younger sister but she was seeing another at the time but we hung out as a big group & got on well as mates.
So we were friends first & it built from there..looking back most of my relationships have started like that, probably why i've had very few for my age & why they've all lasted a relatively long time even when I was young.
S |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
I'd add that i was in a sexless marriage for four years..But I didn't walk or go elsewhere because I loved her & knew she was having issues all round not just with us.
You try & remedy first, but we couldn't in the end.
S |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
Relationships are about being a team. You work together to conquer any problems, you support, you uplift, you’re a shoulder to lean on for each other.
Sex supplements that by bonding, healing and bringing you closer together.
It’s a two way thing. Personally I need both components to be happy in a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Relationships are about being a team. You work together to conquer any problems, you support, you uplift, you’re a shoulder to lean on for each other.
Sex supplements that by bonding, healing and bringing you closer together.
It’s a two way thing. Personally I need both components to be happy in a relationship. "
i have shoulders |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not for me. It’s the connection. Companionship. Being there for each other. And sex in a relationship is totally different to getting you’re end away with someone that’s not in you’re head. |
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By *evyn69 OP Man
over a year ago
Staines |
"Thats a crumbly relation if the foundation is sex. The pyramid of priorities to me should be bit different. "
Totally agree. Foundations are strong but the whole is shakey at the moment. Long time stress build up, it has come to the surface and we are struggling to cope.... |
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"A relationship without physical intimacy is a friendship only.
I suppose it is if you think with your cock."
Its not about thinking with your cock and physical intimacy doesnt have to be sex. I have very close friendships with females and males but none of them are my partners! The defining feature is physical intimacy otherwise younare essentially pals who spend a lot of time together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
First three paragraphs being judgy whilst saying no judgement? He had said he was here to just talk,and having a profile and being here has been a lifeline to many people, so whyever not.
Giving without expecting anything in return runs the risk of letting yourself be a doormat, and ignore all your own needs. There is nothing wrong with saying well actually I am important too, why just work at keeping only one person happy in a relationship.
There was no judgement, just questions. In part based on past experience, mine, and a girl I was once close to.
Yes being here can be a lifeline, a way to connect and explore ideas. Dont we all do that in some form on here in either forums or pm's?
We are all unique our individual needs are important and if we value ourselves then a real relationship is not just about keeping our significant other happy. Its something much more mutual than either one being a doormat. Relationships to me are about mutuality, each sharing the good and not so good both never letting the other fall, and if they do picking that other up holding them close and facing their problems together. Sometimes it fails too. But that's the nature of life.
Wanting what's good for another isnt being a doormat unless we lose ourselves in the process...
Love is gentle kind peaceful long suffering wants not for itself....many have that read at their weddings.
Love isnt always easy, but it's worth fighting for....
Sometimes.
"
And martydom can be just another form of manipulation. Words are easy and sprinkling everything with hearts just wont work. |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Simple questions OP....
Why do you think your going to find a solution on fab. Is random fucking really what you want behind your wife's back?
Are you prepared to see how fucked up a relationship can get when one partner is off fucking behind the others back?
What would you be saying if you discovered your wife was on here doing what you are doing?
None of the above is a judgement on you OP. I'm in no place to.
LOVE....is gentle kind peaceful long suffering ( written 2000 years ago)
Or perhaps its just accepting that another can be so important in our lives that giving without expecting anything in return makes two people's world a better place.
It may not always be easy OP but what in life worth having ever is....
First three paragraphs being judgy whilst saying no judgement? He had said he was here to just talk,and having a profile and being here has been a lifeline to many people, so whyever not.
Giving without expecting anything in return runs the risk of letting yourself be a doormat, and ignore all your own needs. There is nothing wrong with saying well actually I am important too, why just work at keeping only one person happy in a relationship.
There was no judgement, just questions. In part based on past experience, mine, and a girl I was once close to.
Yes being here can be a lifeline, a way to connect and explore ideas. Dont we all do that in some form on here in either forums or pm's?
We are all unique our individual needs are important and if we value ourselves then a real relationship is not just about keeping our significant other happy. Its something much more mutual than either one being a doormat. Relationships to me are about mutuality, each sharing the good and not so good both never letting the other fall, and if they do picking that other up holding them close and facing their problems together. Sometimes it fails too. But that's the nature of life.
Wanting what's good for another isnt being a doormat unless we lose ourselves in the process...
Love is gentle kind peaceful long suffering wants not for itself....many have that read at their weddings.
Love isnt always easy, but it's worth fighting for....
Sometimes.
And martydom can be just another form of manipulation. Words are easy and sprinkling everything with hearts just wont work. "
Martyrs end up dead.
Words may be easy, life is rarely that way. Words they are actions to. Even if the words are forgotten, how those words made us feel is always remembered.
If we dont have hearts, (not just a muscular pump) sprinkled with words or not, then life is just that little bit greater dont you think?
Which would you rather have, words, or even actions, that sprinkle joy into a life, or...?
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"A relationship without physical intimacy is a friendship only.
I suppose it is if you think with your cock.
Its not about thinking with your cock and physical intimacy doesnt have to be sex. I have very close friendships with females and males but none of them are my partners! The defining feature is physical intimacy otherwise younare essentially pals who spend a lot of time together"
Fair enough, now you've expanded on your post! |
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"I have not met anyone here. I am here as a more private social thing. Facebook to open chats about releationships is not a good place. Thanks everyone for commenting. Divorce and seperation has been shouted by both sides as well as not knowing why we are with each other. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to speak without it being taken the wrong way. Here is a safe space to open up a bit, to get things out, counsellers and physiciatrists are expensive. I really want and need for us to go to marriage counseling together as there is little respect between us. Thanks for everyone taking time talking with me.....we have been through tough times together but this is definately the most testing! Really not happy at the thought of being together and at the thought of seperating ( two kids, 12 & 3). "
Well suggest counselling and why you want to save the relationship, if she isn't willing to work on then there really isn't anyting worth saving, and in the long run you will probably both end up bitter and miserable. If you really want to save yr relationship then I'm sorry but there is no way that being on a swingers site will help. |
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