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Negative
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
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I think it's very fair, but also in an environment like this it's important to deliberately cultivate positivity (genuine positivity).
And some problems recur and can't be fixed... After a point, investing in them is futile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agreed look at any review of any service the written responses its almost always dominated by negative ones
People love a good moan but dont often say how brilliant something is |
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Unrelenting negativity is depressing and boring.
Unrelenting positivity can make people feel their issues are being trivialised and they're being patronised.
A nice balance of positivity tempered by realism and respect for other people's problems is my ideal |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Unrelenting negativity is depressing and boring.
Unrelenting positivity can make people feel their issues are being trivialised and they're being patronised.
A nice balance of positivity tempered by realism and respect for other people's problems is my ideal"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're a nation of negative complainers. Everywhere you look we're at it, people rarely leave positive reviews on products or services, every workplace is filled with gossip and back stabbing.
The forums reflect that and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, people come here and have a moan but are then given opinions/reasons and can then go back and self reflect or just accept how things are.
I think the negativity is only an issue when aimed at an individual not a topic. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think it's very fair, but also in an environment like this it's important to deliberately cultivate positivity (genuine positivity).
And some problems recur and can't be fixed... After a point, investing in them is futile. "
I agree about genuine positivity, how do you recognise and cultivate that though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
Can't agree tbh .. negative people always find a problem to your solutions... negative people are just soul destroying ,life draining people...and the only thing to have to do with them is absolutely Nothing...in any way . |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"No its toxic
You don't think that appraising something, recognising the bad and working through it is necessary? "
Working through something is always a good thing but some times its best keep away. |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
I'm always nice to people and I'm always positive and try and keep it that way.
If someone is rude to me I usually let it go over my head. Or I might just block them if it's really bad. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others."
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
Can't agree tbh .. negative people always find a problem to your solutions... negative people are just soul destroying ,life draining people...and the only thing to have to do with them is absolutely Nothing...in any way ."
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others.
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour. "
Not cherry picking you started the thread its very negative and draining I'm out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others.
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour.
Not cherry picking you started the thread its very negative and draining I'm out."
Don’t go oh lightness and positivity. You’re needed here  |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
Can't agree tbh .. negative people always find a problem to your solutions... negative people are just soul destroying ,life draining people...and the only thing to have to do with them is absolutely Nothing...in any way ."
I didn't say negative people, I'm talking about being negative. There's a big difference. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others.
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour.
Not cherry picking you started the thread its very negative and draining I'm out.
Don’t go oh lightness and positivity. You’re needed here "
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"We're a nation of negative complainers. Everywhere you look we're at it, people rarely leave positive reviews on products or services, every workplace is filled with gossip and back stabbing.
The forums reflect that and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, people come here and have a moan but are then given opinions/reasons and can then go back and self reflect or just accept how things are.
I think the negativity is only an issue when aimed at an individual not a topic. "
I agree with your middle paragraph.
I think that without negative emotions, clear and honest understanding of where things go wrong then we can't go forwards and get better as people. In this sense, being dishonestly positive is a bad thing |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others.
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour.
Not cherry picking you started the thread its very negative and draining I'm out."
I think you're missing the whole point of what I'm saying. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Negative has nothing to do with being fake some people are genuinely nice and care about others.
I think you're cherry picking from my OP.
Some people are genuinely nice, yes. I've never met a genuine person who doesn't moan though, no matter how pleasant their demeanour.
Not cherry picking you started the thread its very negative and draining I'm out.
I think you're missing the whole point of what I'm saying. "
So explain |
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"It’s indifferent in the lounge.
If you want it need a serious debate or chat then I’d advise the other rooms
I disagree.
That’s the beauty of the forums
Are your balls clean?
 "
they’re cleaner than that bloke with the shitty arse thread |
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Oh course everyone has negative feelings sometimes. However, it can be very draining when you see the same topic over and over, with literally the same responses.
All for voicing an issue, people adding their opinion and advising where necessary, but people that voice the same negative subjects are not learning from any advice given and just keep going down the same track
Likewise there is nothing wrong with positivity and I’m curious to see why you view it as fake and false OP. |
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Think the forum can be a negative place sometimes, and I think that there are forumites that sense it and try and lighten the mood with a new thread.
I think on an on line forum it's easier to see the negatives rather than the positives. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
Its human nature to mean and whinge.
I agree it's better to moan occasionally rather than fake it and pretend everything is candy coated.
Xx |
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"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
I don't think the opposite of negativity is fake and false positivity.
Nor do I think that all negativity is bad.
I think the problem (for me at least) can arise when people are deliberately provocative or rude. That kind of negativity I definitely don't consider useful or natural.
Mrs TMN x |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It’s indifferent in the lounge.
If you want it need a serious debate or chat then I’d advise the other rooms
I disagree.
That’s the beauty of the forums
Are your balls clean?
they’re cleaner than that bloke with the shitty arse thread "
Lol |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It’s indifferent in the lounge.
If you want it need a serious debate or chat then I’d advise the other rooms
I disagree.
That’s the beauty of the forums
Are your balls clean?
they’re cleaner than that bloke with the shitty arse thread "
That wasn't me |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Unrelenting negativity is depressing and boring.
Unrelenting positivity can make people feel their issues are being trivialised and they're being patronised.
A nice balance of positivity tempered by realism and respect for other people's problems is my ideal"
Indeed. Too much of one or the other is just bad.
As the OP said, forced positivity is no different than fake positivity.
Balance is needed for all things. While positivity is nicer to see than negativity (who would have thunk it!) it can go over the top and just becomes eye roll worthy.
If it was all positive and happy friendly in here I'd have left a long time ago, same if it were all hate filled doom and gloom.
The overwhelming difference is the manner in which the "negativity" is conducted. Politeness, respect, and manners go out the window with some. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Oh course everyone has negative feelings sometimes. However, it can be very draining when you see the same topic over and over, with literally the same responses.
All for voicing an issue, people adding their opinion and advising where necessary, but people that voice the same negative subjects are not learning from any advice given and just keep going down the same track
Likewise there is nothing wrong with positivity and I’m curious to see why you view it as fake and false OP. "
I'm not saying that positivity is fake, when it's genuine.
I think that we need both sides, the eternal balance and negative is the equal share of that.
The key is to learn and reflect from the negative. I don't believe that anyone is ever eternally positive. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
So basically your saying deal with the negative to find the positive like a gold nugget a lot of people I know are positive you see negativity is draining I'm out again but might mingle back in. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
Its human nature to mean and whinge.
I agree it's better to moan occasionally rather than fake it and pretend everything is candy coated.
Xx"
Pretty much my point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a huge difference between being constantly negative and occasionally having a bad day or a bit of a moan.
There are people who will always see the negative in everything but that's normally because they are deeply unhappy so whilst it can be draining I say just do your best to remember everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. |
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"Oh course everyone has negative feelings sometimes. However, it can be very draining when you see the same topic over and over, with literally the same responses.
All for voicing an issue, people adding their opinion and advising where necessary, but people that voice the same negative subjects are not learning from any advice given and just keep going down the same track
Likewise there is nothing wrong with positivity and I’m curious to see why you view it as fake and false OP.
I'm not saying that positivity is fake, when it's genuine.
I think that we need both sides, the eternal balance and negative is the equal share of that.
The key is to learn and reflect from the negative. I don't believe that anyone is ever eternally positive. "
How are you to tell within the forum world if someone’s positivity is fake ?
Agree we all have both sides and it’s how we each choose to view them and use them in every day life, that is what makes us who we are. All part of being a human being
However, like there are some that choose to be more outwardly positive in their outlook on life and try to pass that on to others; there are also those who seem to thrive on the negativity and no matter what is said to them are always negative and don’t or want to take any positive steps
I know which I prefer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh course everyone has negative feelings sometimes. However, it can be very draining when you see the same topic over and over, with literally the same responses.
All for voicing an issue, people adding their opinion and advising where necessary, but people that voice the same negative subjects are not learning from any advice given and just keep going down the same track
Likewise there is nothing wrong with positivity and I’m curious to see why you view it as fake and false OP.
I'm not saying that positivity is fake, when it's genuine.
I think that we need both sides, the eternal balance and negative is the equal share of that.
The key is to learn and reflect from the negative. I don't believe that anyone is ever eternally positive. "
And how do you know when the positivity is genuine? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
I don't think the opposite of negativity is fake and false positivity.
Nor do I think that all negativity is bad.
I think the problem (for me at least) can arise when people are deliberately provocative or rude. That kind of negativity I definitely don't consider useful or natural.
Mrs TMN x"
I agree. As I touched on in my OP, the trolling, nay saying and as another stated, the personal attacks are unnecessary and counter productive.
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
So basically your saying deal with the negative to find the positive like a gold nugget a lot of people I know are positive you see negativity is draining I'm out again but might mingle back in."
To a certain degree, yes.
I agree that negative people are draining. I do think though that without negative emotions and recognising the bad things that go on, processing them and resolving them, we can't be genuinely positive. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Oh course everyone has negative feelings sometimes. However, it can be very draining when you see the same topic over and over, with literally the same responses.
All for voicing an issue, people adding their opinion and advising where necessary, but people that voice the same negative subjects are not learning from any advice given and just keep going down the same track
Likewise there is nothing wrong with positivity and I’m curious to see why you view it as fake and false OP.
I'm not saying that positivity is fake, when it's genuine.
I think that we need both sides, the eternal balance and negative is the equal share of that.
The key is to learn and reflect from the negative. I don't believe that anyone is ever eternally positive.
How are you to tell within the forum world if someone’s positivity is fake ?
Agree we all have both sides and it’s how we each choose to view them and use them in every day life, that is what makes us who we are. All part of being a human being
However, like there are some that choose to be more outwardly positive in their outlook on life and try to pass that on to others; there are also those who seem to thrive on the negativity and no matter what is said to them are always negative and don’t or want to take any positive steps
I know which I prefer "
I agree with you. Believe it or not!
I'd much rather be positive and use any negative words as a way to be better. I think that any personal growth comes from both aspects. |
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Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx"
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference? "
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt. |
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People do have several aspects of their personality and behaviour that's got a negative bias and this will also influence how we perceive negativity in the forum. We'll probably have an exaggerated perception of the amount of negativity here plus some of us will have an undue focus on what's negative here. The negative stuff will reinforce our perceptions of it and other people. We're creatures of habit and typically blind to how biased we are - it's natural!
Some negative things can help to degrade fab, our experience here or deter people from staying have. People who are very critical of others, their tastes or lifestyle don't add much that's positive - alienation, scapegoating or driving honesty undercover aren't particularly enlightened or helpful.
We do each have choice, over what we focus on, add to and specifically the content that we add and cultivate. Some may state that they say things like it is but the reality is that there are many perspectives on most things and we each know that reasonable responses and understandings of what we do will often be very different from what our expressed intentions are purporting to be. We're not generally naive to the harm and distress that will be reasonably caused by our statements of the 'truth', or whatever the spade is a spade exclamation that we've spewed out.
In a public forum we need to take the reasonable care that we would normally be expected to take amongst a wide spectrum of the general population. It's in our own interests to improve the quality of the forum. We can helpfully be srlf-critical to the extent of ensuring our input meets the objectives of ensuring that fab use is improved for others. The worst experiences for others would be akin to them feeling bullied or excluded.
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"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt. "
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life. |
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I concur.. you know me I’m a right moaning cow in private. On here I do find it interesting how people react rather than actual negative posts... we all have days, times and subjects that make us negative. Sometimes it’s about venting or opening something up to discussion. What I dislike is the way that some will use a ‘discussion’ to be a personal dig or a way to drop in dismissive comment. It’s not constructive so not necessary. The art of conversation is a wonderful thing whether it’s about a positive or negative subject. We can all learn by simply considering another point of view. A balance of reality is good |
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"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life. "
Totally agree. You are still you on here, however you interact. Even if you only show a small part of yourself. Still you. |
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"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack. "
Personally I don’t see any sniping or evidence of people taking it personally at all, just individuals voicing their opinions on the original question asked |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life. "
I agree. I think that often people forget that there are real people behind the words on their screen. That's a different topic though! |
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"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life.
I agree. I think that often people forget that there are real people behind the words on their screen. That's a different topic though! "
You can go off topic on your own thread, surely?  |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"
Some negative things can help to degrade fab, our experience here or deter people from staying have. People who are very critical of others, their tastes or lifestyle don't add much that's positive - alienation, scapegoating or driving honesty undercover aren't particularly enlightened or helpful.
"
I agree with you 100% on this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm one of those annoyingly positively optimistic people in real life and people do find it seriously not fun when I can be seen as belittling their problems, I just always seem to find a non negative way of looking at things. But when shit hits the fan I get turned to a lot because negativity does seem to breed negativity tbh
I would love to know if you thought I wasn't genuine because I have this personality? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life.
I agree. I think that often people forget that there are real people behind the words on their screen. That's a different topic though!
You can go off topic on your own thread, surely? "
If I start meandering, I'll end up talking about penguins. |
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"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life.
I agree. I think that often people forget that there are real people behind the words on their screen. That's a different topic though!
You can go off topic on your own thread, surely?
If I start meandering, I'll end up talking about penguins. "
Ooh, penguins!
|
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"Seeing the negatives mean we can improve. There are people using today's example upset about the notion of a clique here. This is a common occurrence, therefore, should we sweep this issue under the carpet and ignore it? Or try and see where those negative points are coming from and see if we can make a difference?
I agree, it's only really negative if nothing is learnt.
That's something we should do in all aspects of our lives. Sometimes I think people think being here is different to "real life" but then being here is part of their real life.
I agree. I think that often people forget that there are real people behind the words on their screen. That's a different topic though!
You can go off topic on your own thread, surely?
If I start meandering, I'll end up talking about penguins.
Ooh, penguins!
"
Sorry, sorry... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack.
Personally I don’t see any sniping or evidence of people taking it personally at all, just individuals voicing their opinions on the original question asked "
I totally agree.
There have been no attacks or snide remakes. Just different opinions. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack.
Personally I don’t see any sniping or evidence of people taking it personally at all, just individuals voicing their opinions on the original question asked
I totally agree.
There have been no attacks or snide remakes. Just different opinions. "
Maybe I worded it wrong then?
I didnt intend to upset anyone xx |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I concur.. you know me I’m a right moaning cow in private. On here I do find it interesting how people react rather than actual negative posts... we all have days, times and subjects that make us negative. Sometimes it’s about venting or opening something up to discussion. What I dislike is the way that some will use a ‘discussion’ to be a personal dig or a way to drop in dismissive comment. It’s not constructive so not necessary. The art of conversation is a wonderful thing whether it’s about a positive or negative subject. We can all learn by simply considering another point of view. A balance of reality is good "
Very nicely phrased.
Also, we both know that you're not really grumpy |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad."
I think we are all wired the same..with subtly different pathways according to our nature, experience, wounds, skills, mood, capacity etc.
We are naturally a bundle of projections and perceptions of each other with lots of subconscious elements at play .. in that respect, psychologically, I think it IS natural behaviour to judge, belittle and display 'negative' processes towards ourselves or eachother. Its how the psyche expresses limits or finds a way to release difficult feelings on the road to emotional intelligence.
It's easy to judge 'negativity' as wrong but really it's just another part of the human condition. How we receive it is filtered by our own perception and limits.
Places like this where there's a large cross section of people with different needs, opinions, experience, skills, capacity, wounds etc. It's gonna happen.
And mostly, we can only really have influence over our OWN responses and actions in the forums and in life.
Mostly we are all just operating from where we are at.
Mostly were all doing our best from where were at. I try to apply this mindset whether I'm comfortable or uncomfortable with others behaviour or a situation. It helps. I find 'you do you,you do me' a healthier way of going about life and relationships these days. Less draining. But hey, that's just me.
In the end we are all a bunch of perceptions and projections and mirrors to eachother. In a fab forum AND in our little lives.
Good sex can sort alot out though, so well done everyone for making it here to attract exactly what it is you need to move forward.
Btw this is all butterfly psychology ie: I'm totally making it up as I go along.
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'm one of those annoyingly positively optimistic people in real life and people do find it seriously not fun when I can be seen as belittling their problems, I just always seem to find a non negative way of looking at things. But when shit hits the fan I get turned to a lot because negativity does seem to breed negativity tbh
I would love to know if you thought I wasn't genuine because I have this personality? "
I'm not saying that you're not genuine. I'm saying that there's a big difference between turning a negative around, as you say, and dismissing it.
I think what you're talking about to a certain degree is the difference between sympathy and empathy. That's how I read it
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I make a conscious effort to be positive.
Negativity can be a lazy default position, or a learned bad habit.
How you feel about situations or how you react is your choice.
If you're not happy with something then change it, avoid it or reframe it.
Bitching and moaning about it over and over again solves nowt.
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"The art of conversation is a wonderful thing whether it’s about a positive or negative subject. We can all learn by simply considering another point of view. A balance of reality is good "
Mmmm the art of good conversation. Easier for some than others, but a beautiful thing to listen to each other with a deeper compassion even when disagreeing. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think there's a number of strands to this...
Firstly I think the nature of the site, and the number imbalance we all know and love so much, leads to some of the negativity that abounds of the "why can't I get a meet", "why are all single guys so awful" type
Then, tying in with that, you have the fact that so many seem to focus on what others are doing or not doing rather than concentrating on their own experience which often comes across as negative.
Add to that the fact the interaction is text based and open to misunderstanding, or people expressing an opposing opinion are seen to be being rude, on the attack etc.
Personally I try and rise above any negativity, although like everyone I have my moments, and try to focus on the positives, and more importantly my personal experience of the site, and think if a lot of others chose to do the same it would only be an improvement.
Yes more positive threads would always be welcome and there *are* plenty of them about - trouble is like the news we tend to remember the bad ones rather than the good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very true, i try and avoid negatives, avoid posts and bite my lip more than i used too on here. Certain forumers seem to be het up on causing a ruckus... i dont think that will ever change. Good old t'internet |
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Often , the so called 'positive' people are self labelled.
Often, the so called 'positives' label others who don't agree with them as negatives.
There is room for everyone in the world really ....... I'm bloody sure when I need someone to talk to I wouldn't be asking a giggly candy floss who wants to tell me how lovely I am and that everything will be alright cos the fairies will sprinkle dust over me.
I'm like Grandgrind. What I want is FACTS I want facts in my sack so my sacks will stand up.......
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"Often , the so called 'positive' people are self labelled.
Often, the so called 'positives' label others who don't agree with them as negatives.
There is room for everyone in the world really ....... I'm bloody sure when I need someone to talk to I wouldn't be asking a giggly candy floss who wants to tell me how lovely I am and that everything will be alright cos the fairies will sprinkle dust over me.
I'm like Grandgrind. What I want is FACTS I want facts in my sack so my sacks will stand up.......
"
' there is room for everyone in the world'
True that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make a conscious effort to be positive.
Negativity can be a lazy default position, or a learned bad habit.
How you feel about situations or how you react is your choice.
If you're not happy with something then change it, avoid it or reframe it.
Bitching and moaning about it over and over again solves nowt.
"
but i wanna tho karl pilkington got his own telly show cos he was sp good at moaning hes my idol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your have such a cross section of society here that ideas, opinions, values, understanding, humour and just about everything else will vary... so one persons idea of being negative, is another persons idea of just being honest...
Humour is a great example...some people don't get irony....they will probably think someone is rude when the person is just being ironic....
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"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack.
Personally I don’t see any sniping or evidence of people taking it personally at all, just individuals voicing their opinions on the original question asked
I totally agree.
There have been no attacks or snide remakes. Just different opinions.
Maybe I worded it wrong then?
I didnt intend to upset anyone xx"
and you haven’t, it’s just a discussion and sharing of views |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think maybe that there is such s wide demograph of people, different ages, brought up in different eras, all having differing experiences and viewing life through their own lens...
It is what it is.
Some troll because they can because it is easy to do behind the anonymity of a screen. That is not Fab's fault, it is a by product of using the internet. All sites have it.
I personally do not think the forums are as bad as they used to be.
I don't post threads often, I did last night and had some amazing responses on thread and in PM, positive and concerning, and even if that was fake sentiments it did make me feel better, so where is the harm... It can't be fake if it makes someone feel better surely.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
No we only are wired based on what we repeatedly do , it’s habit. What you do each day , how you respond detainee your future. I think you’re also confusing authenticity. You can be very authentic (real) but not be negative |
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"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
No we only are wired based on what we repeatedly do , it’s habit. What you do each day , how you respond detainee your future. I think you’re also confusing authenticity. You can be very authentic (real) but not be negative"
Very well put |
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"I think it's very fair, but also in an environment like this it's important to deliberately cultivate positivity (genuine positivity).
And some problems recur and can't be fixed... After a point, investing in them is futile.
I agree about genuine positivity, how do you recognise and cultivate that though? "
A solid bullshit detector, being cautious about what you accept, and being true to yourself in your own positivity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
I phrased it specifically like I did as a way of looking at things from the other direction. I find peoples reactions interesting, I think that some see my post as an attack.
Personally I don’t see any sniping or evidence of people taking it personally at all, just individuals voicing their opinions on the original question asked
I totally agree.
There have been no attacks or snide remakes. Just different opinions.
Maybe I worded it wrong then?
I didnt intend to upset anyone xx
and you haven’t, it’s just a discussion and sharing of views "
And I concur with spurs. Its only a difference of opinion and I still think you are brilliant. |
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""I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad."
I think we are all wired the same..with subtly different pathways according to our nature, experience, wounds, skills, mood, capacity etc.
We are naturally a bundle of projections and perceptions of each other with lots of subconscious elements at play .. in that respect, psychologically, I think it IS natural behaviour to judge, belittle and display 'negative' processes towards ourselves or eachother. Its how the psyche expresses limits or finds a way to release difficult feelings on the road to emotional intelligence.
It's easy to judge 'negativity' as wrong but really it's just another part of the human condition. How we receive it is filtered by our own perception and limits.
Places like this where there's a large cross section of people with different needs, opinions, experience, skills, capacity, wounds etc. It's gonna happen.
And mostly, we can only really have influence over our OWN responses and actions in the forums and in life.
Mostly we are all just operating from where we are at.
Mostly were all doing our best from where were at. I try to apply this mindset whether I'm comfortable or uncomfortable with others behaviour or a situation. It helps. I find 'you do you,you do me' a healthier way of going about life and relationships these days. Less draining. But hey, that's just me.
In the end we are all a bunch of perceptions and projections and mirrors to eachother. In a fab forum AND in our little lives.
Good sex can sort alot out though, so well done everyone for making it here to attract exactly what it is you need to move forward.
Btw this is all butterfly psychology ie: I'm totally making it up as I go along.
"
You're making it up much better than me, well put! X |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx"
No sniping its peoples opinions people are chatting. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
No sniping its peoples opinions people are chatting."
As my previous post says if I've taken it wrong I apologise x |
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"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
"
I only tend to be negative about myself but I am really trying to lighten up. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Theres a bit of 'sniping' on some posts on this thread.
I think the OP had just asked a valid question which is being overlooked.
I'd rather SOME negativity than constant candy coating xx
No sniping its peoples opinions people are chatting.
As my previous post says if I've taken it wrong I apologise x"
Xxxxx |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
I only tend to be negative about myself but I am really trying to lighten up."
Good xx |
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"I've been having a conversation with another forumite about this and I thought I'd see what others think.
In general the forums can be a negative place, people moaning and complaining, bitching, back biting, trolling but a fair degree of that is natural, surely?
I think that people are wired to respond and identify issues, if only to assess and problem solve, a large part of that is to recognise the bad.
Being negative is a natural process and in some ways I'd rather see that than fake and false positivity, a genuine anything is better than a fake pretty lie...
Thoughts?
I only tend to be negative about myself but I am really trying to lighten up.
Good xx"
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