FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Meeting at Home, am I being unreasonable?
Meeting at Home, am I being unreasonable?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
God no, your home is you and your child sanctuary. Totally agree with you. Any guy who tells you different is a shunt |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Heck no this is the reason why we won't accommodate as it's our kids home "
Thank God. I was starting to feel like I was strange. But I do not think it is safe or fair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not unreasonable at all I'm a single guy and I won't accommodate I don't even let my parents in there the unreasonable ones just block move in safety first |
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"Heck no this is the reason why we won't accommodate as it's our kids home
Thank God. I was starting to feel like I was strange. But I do not think it is safe or fair. "
Totally agree with you, it isn't safe with an unknown. Use it as a filter to get rid of the weirdos |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
You set the rules
You decide
It’s your choice
These guys who get ‘shitty’ with you are selfish so just block the dingbats!
Also on the other end of the scale be careful visiting single guys homes even if they do seem nice when messaging.
Take care x |
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You do what is right for you not them it's that simple.
I personally would never allow anyone to visit my home come hell or high water,and the same now for visiting other swinger's home, you never know who's going to be in those room's or were the hidden cameras are  |
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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago
London St Helier Trier |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Completely reasonable. I would only meet a Lady (after Social etc...) where both would be comfortable to play e.g. a Hotel. |
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We do accommodate at home, and we do play with the kids upstairs
If we didnt we would never get to play ! We have 3 young kids finding a sitter is a nightmare
Kids come first always, only ever had 1 wake up in 5 years and he didnt even reach the living room door before i was up the stairs to him
We play in the living room only with the door locked
Its not sutited to everyone but those that do come round leave with smiles on there faces |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
It’s never unreasonable. Family first always. Anyone who has a problem with it is not worth the air it takes to respond. I have met single mothers in the past and even if there has been a last Minute cancellation because of a sick child I don’t get arsey. When I have kids they will be my world and my everything. So don’t feel down or bad just except use the block button on the arseholes who have an issue with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope not unreasonable. We don’t meet at home and we don’t have children. You are allowed to do what you feel comfortable doing and shouldn’t fee pressured into anything you’re not happy with x"
Agree with this and the other sentiments voiced above. Its not unreasonable. Yours and your childs safety comes first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will meet at my place when my son's not here, when he is not a chance in hell. Whether he's awake or asleep it's a hard no, no exceptions. It's not unreasonable at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God no kids first and obviously your safety delete and block any arse that tries to sway you
Even me a big scary bloke insist on a public social first you can't be too careful  |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
I wouldn't necessarily want to meet in someone's own home on first meet anyway, social or hotel ideally. Just a safety/comfort thing more then anything...But after that, it's up to the woman.
You're not being unreasonable. Should only meet with guys who agree with your terms |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Not unreasonable at all. If meets aren’t respectful enough to care about your wishes before meeting who’s to say what else they won’t respect during or after it. Stick to your guns and kick em into touch. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s a great way of filtering out the idiots. If they throw a strop over something like that, then it’s a red flag.
I don’t accom at mine for the same reason.
Whatever your choices are, they are your choices and you don’t have to justify them to anyone. |
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When I have profile text the last line reads:
I never accomodate. I don't want you in my house.
That's all the explanation needed. Stick to your guns op. You're the Queen of your castle and what you say goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn’t have anyone in my home regardless of how many times I’ve met them. Nobody on fab knows exactly where I live and they never will. This is my children’s home. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I have profile text the last line reads:
I never accomodate. I don't want you in my house.
That's all the explanation needed. Stick to your guns op. You're the Queen of your castle and what you say goes."
Love this!! Xx |
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Definitely reasonable if anyone doesn’t understand that, they aren’t worth bothering with.
I’m a single mum and in the last five years I’ve only had two people I n my home and never when my child was here. Both were FWB, one I had known for 15 years; and the other didn’t come to my home or even suggest it, until I did after seeing them for 6 months.
This is my child’s safe haven and I would never put that at risk |
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By *hav02Man
over a year ago
Glasgow/London |
"Wow great response, so glad Iasked. Feel like arranging a great big gang bang to celebrate!!!  
Are you hosting at yours? 
You coming?! "
Only if we've met before, and your kid's not at home..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely reasonable if anyone doesn’t understand that, they aren’t worth bothering with.
I’m a single mum and in the last five years I’ve only had two people I n my home and never when my child was here. Both were FWB, one I had known for 15 years; and the other didn’t come to my home or even suggest it, until I did after seeing them for 6 months.
This is my child’s safe haven and I would never put that at risk "
I have a fwb (although he is not as regular as I’d like!) and I have also known him for 15 years, he sometimes comes over late at night but that is only because I 100% trust him. Even as a friend he has never met my child. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Not at all, men have tried to bully me into accommodating, I just block them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yet if a single guy can’t accommodate he’s a cheating scumbag 
And a guys home is he’s kids aswell  "
Well, surely you should take the same advice as I’ve been given. I don’t judge people on if they can accommodate or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
No you are been a wonderful caring responsible mum.. Well done |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I wouldn't dream of suggesting meeting at someones home let alone get shitty about it and if anyone did that to me I'd immediately know we weren't a good match.
A decent hotel doesn't have to be hugely expensive if you split the cost and plan in advance and frankly if someone is too tight to pay that it would suggest to me they were just looking for a free fuck without consideration for anything else and again would be a massive red flag. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I think if someone reacts negatively towards you based on your reasons for not accommodating then it tells you everything you need to know about them. Avoid them at all costs. You’re absolutely making the right decision OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yet if a single guy can’t accommodate he’s a cheating scumbag
And a guys home is he’s kids aswell
Well, surely you should take the same advice as I’ve been given. I don’t judge people on if they can accommodate or not. "
I doubt a single guy would have got the same feedback as yourself  |
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"I think if someone reacts negatively towards you based on your reasons for not accommodating then it tells you everything you need to know about them. Avoid them at all costs. You’re absolutely making the right decision OP "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I choose not to accommodate. No ifs buts or maybes.
My home my choice.
Let's go to yours if you want a homely experience. No? Didn't think so when the tables turned x |
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This is exactly normal. Whats not normal is anyone who does have a meet let alone a first one while children are home regardless of if their in bed or not. Its also not normal for any man to suggest its ok. |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
NO |
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"Yet if a single guy can’t accommodate he’s a cheating scumbag
And a guys home is he’s kids aswell
Well, surely you should take the same advice as I’ve been given. I don’t judge people on if they can accommodate or not.
I doubt a single guy would have got the same feedback as yourself "
If a single man's reason for not accommodating was because it was his children's home I don't think the responses would be any different |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Nope not unreasonable. Any guy getting shitty about it isnt worth your time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your home, your rules!
I have children too and never meet when they're in the house. I do when they are not here but that is my choice as I feel safer here than going back to someone else's. That's only after conversation, social etc when I feel comfortable.
You play your way and block anyone that doesn't respect that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
I wont accom due to kids being at this house if people have prob with it then thats their choice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t even have kids at home and I don’t accommodate.
Kids first - always! "
Back when I was single I lived alone in one of the worst parts of Liverpool. That on it's own was making me anxious. I can't imagine bringing strangers back to my place, Not worth it. |
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Rule one of swinging. Never, ever, ever do anything you don't want to do.
Rule two. Never, ever allow anybody to tell you that you're unreasonable because you don't want to do something they want you to.
These things come under the rule of respect, respect for yourself and other people's respect for you. |
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"Rule one of swinging. Never, ever, ever do anything you don't want to do.
Rule two. Never, ever allow anybody to tell you that you're unreasonable because you don't want to do something they want you to.
These things come under the rule of respect, respect for yourself and other people's respect for you."
Which I summarised as ‘tell ‘em to do one’ |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
No, none of it is..
It's your boundaries, rules etc that your setting and if people don't respect you for them then delete, block and move on.. |
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"Rule one of swinging. Never, ever, ever do anything you don't want to do.
Rule two. Never, ever allow anybody to tell you that you're unreasonable because you don't want to do something they want you to.
These things come under the rule of respect, respect for yourself and other people's respect for you.
Which I summarised as ‘tell ‘em to do one’ "
Yeah but I'm a wimmin innit. I like to use ten words to your one. |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
I think you’re being very sensible. I met a guy here who was a single dad and he couldn’t get why I wouldn’t go to the house where he had a young child. It’s just an accident waiting to happen on many levels |
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"Yet if a single guy can’t accommodate he’s a cheating scumbag
And a guys home is he’s kids aswell
Well, surely you should take the same advice as I’ve been given. I don’t judge people on if they can accommodate or not.
I doubt a single guy would have got the same feedback as yourself "
If a guy had posed the same question, he would have got the same response.
I agree men who can’t accommodate are quickly judged, but again would you want someone so judgemental who hasn’t bothered to ask you why you can’t accommodate |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
I remember one couple used to have on their profile that they only ever met at their house while their 4 kids were asleep upstairs!!! It turned my stomach..... it’s just an absolute no for me. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Yet if a single guy can’t accommodate he’s a cheating scumbag
And a guys home is he’s kids aswell
Well, surely you should take the same advice as I’ve been given. I don’t judge people on if they can accommodate or not.
I doubt a single guy would have got the same feedback as yourself "
A single guy posting that he had had women insisting they meet at his and throwing a tantrum when he refused in a similar way to the OP would have got *exactly* the same response.
A single guy posting cannot accommodate on a profile with "need to be discreet" plastered all over it is completely different - and yes *some* guys do get a raw deal for not being able to accommodate but those with genuine reasons for not being able to generally don't. |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Block any man who objects. Seriously I have a child protection background. There are reasons you don't even want to think about for blocking, blocking and blocking again
Ms Icebreaker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only accompdate when my kids aren't around. I blocked a guy the other day cos he pushed and pushed at 2 am saying that it would be fine cos my kids would be asleep I even blocked someone earlier who started questioning if my kids had wandered in when I had a meet they dont even do that when my partners here let alone a random guy off the internet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's always your choice OP. Anyone trying to force you to do anything should be ringing loud alarm bells for you. It's not worth it and just shows a lack of empathy or worse on their part. I suggest that you block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's my sons home too. Yeah he's an adult now but I still wouldn't bring anyone into my home for just a meet.
If it was a full blown relationship that's different.
Stick to what you feel is right for you OP. If it's a problem for others that's for them not you to address
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So grateful for all responses. Relatively new to the world of Fab and so far 60% of guys have been nice but tbh I am definitely a poor judge of character!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. Tell them to fuck right off.
That's a little bad mannered.
Its:- "please fuck right off"
Hey kinky freak from the interweb.....I don't want you knowing where I live, now cock off "
Completely off topic but hey honey bee, Hope you’ve been well in my absence.
Back to the op, no you’re not wrong to tell a guy you won’t have anyone at your home for a first meet or when your children are there. You are completely within your rights to say fucking no chance mate, to anyone who asks. Most guys wouldnt even dream of it or take it badly that you wouldn’t have them there.
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"No. Tell them to fuck right off.
That's a little bad mannered.
Its:- "please fuck right off"
Hey kinky freak from the interweb.....I don't want you knowing where I live, now cock off "
OK. You win.  |
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"No. Tell them to fuck right off.
That's a little bad mannered.
Its:- "please fuck right off"
Hey kinky freak from the interweb.....I don't want you knowing where I live, now cock off
Completely off topic but hey honey bee, Hope you’ve been well in my absence.
Back to the op, no you’re not wrong to tell a guy you won’t have anyone at your home for a first meet or when your children are there. You are completely within your rights to say fucking no chance mate, to anyone who asks. Most guys wouldnt even dream of it or take it badly that you wouldn’t have them there.
"
Next they start asking for breakfast and then it all goes tits up.
Don't shit on your own doorstep, make them pay for a hotel.
Hey lady- I'm well, how are you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. Tell them to fuck right off.
That's a little bad mannered.
Its:- "please fuck right off"
Hey kinky freak from the interweb.....I don't want you knowing where I live, now cock off
Completely off topic but hey honey bee, Hope you’ve been well in my absence.
Back to the op, no you’re not wrong to tell a guy you won’t have anyone at your home for a first meet or when your children are there. You are completely within your rights to say fucking no chance mate, to anyone who asks. Most guys wouldnt even dream of it or take it badly that you wouldn’t have them there.
Next they start asking for breakfast and then it all goes tits up.
Don't shit on your own doorstep, make them pay for a hotel.
Hey lady- I'm well, how are you?"
I’m good. Glad there’s still some familiar faces knocking about here! |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
I agree with all the other comments. I don't meet strangers in my home and I don't have kids.
If they don't like it, then we don't meet. Simple.
Having said that I used to meet a couple that had two young kids. I couldn't get there until they settled, it felt weird but always good fun. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Unreasonable is for them to expect anything less. Their reaction to this serves as a useful filter Op. |
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If the men are so insistent on meeting indoors, they can furnish hotel accommodation etc, which is likely better after a social meet.
You must set the rules that are right for you op. Safety and well-being first. |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
OP.
Not only is your own safety & well being important, but that of your family is too.
In the early days of being on here (almost 10 years ago), I'd a lady who invited me over to hers, but said her 1 year old daughter would be sleeping in the cot, in the same room!
That was a No-No for me, creeped me out 100%, and I turned down the meet.
Any guy who tries to say it's ok with him, isn't worth meeting.
Look after yourself and your family first! |
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By *ushy 99Man
over a year ago
somewhere nearby |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
No definitely not unreasonable. Very respectful and expected! |
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Him even suggesting coming round to you without you inviting him is an instant block in my book.
First meet def somewhere safe and neutral. His attitude and reaction to coming round to you is an excellent filter for you to use |
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Your home, your choice OP. Anyone wanting to meet you should respect your wishes and not be disrespectful. Empathy is the ability to share another person's feelings or emotions as if they were their own. This is something they sorely lack and sets off big alarms. |
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"Your home, your choice OP. Anyone wanting to meet you should respect your wishes and not be disrespectful. Empathy is the ability to share another person's feelings or emotions as if they were their own. This is something they sorely lack and sets off big alarms."
This exactly! If that's what someone says or they have specific requirements to meet then that should be respected! Pushing or getting funny just goes to show even more how much someone should think twice about continuing communicating with you...let alone meeting! |
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
If it's such an issue for them why don't they invite you to their homes?!
Ps and remind them you're here for purely selfish reasons and not to provide personal services to entitled men! |
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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago
A box at end of your bed |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable?
"
Hell no. It's yours and your children's home in which you all have to feel safe.
I am in a similar situation as my son lives full time with me now. He used to live between my ex and myself every other week this give me a free week to myself. Now this has made meeting up with ladies very difficult but my son safty and happiness comes first before needs, but luckily I meet my FwB before this happened still took 6 months before she meet my son at my home. As far as he is concerned she is my new girlfriend much easier to explain than a FwB situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course it isnt unreasonable.
I'm surprised the OP has to ask.
The family home is just that. For the family.
And if someone gets shirty because some outsider isnt permitted shows what kind of inconsiderate Arsehole he/she is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Not at all unreasonable. You have your priorities sorted. |
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By *abat40xWoman
over a year ago
North Lincolnshire |
"Can I just ask opinions. I’m a single mum and obviously my child needs comes well before my own. I’ve had a lot of guys get shitty with me as I won’t meet at my home for first meet and I will definitely not entertain a man in my home whilst child here (even if asleep) is this unreasonable? "
Definitely not I never meet when my child is home |
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