FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Guys some advice please....
Guys some advice please....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Have been on here before my recent profile under a different one. I had heard several stories of bad experiences on here and just thought it was bad luck to those that had them.
I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet. Without boring it made me take a break and delete my profile.
Thing is I missed the genuine Fabbers on here and the majority are great honest and genuine people, I am on the verge of a meet and am somewhat wary, I know I am probably being extra cautious due to past experience and I know that this person is gonna be so much fun but am still anxious and worried it will ruin any experiences.
I just would be intrigued to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things or any advice would be great guys, wish you all Happy Fabbing xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'? "
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong"
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone "
That's how I read it too, he didn't want anything further to happen, and the other person got nasty. |
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"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone "
That's how I read it as well |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone "
That’s how i read it to. Someone wanted to see him again and he said no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone
That’s how i read it to. Someone wanted to see him again and he said no."
Ahh yes. I read it in a different context. Like they refused to do anything other than a social with the op |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about."
Not at all, we met for a social, didn’t connect, told them so...they refused to accept that nothing was gonna happen after the social and it got to the point of stalking.
Hence my original post. I know what this site is about, I think said individual who refused to accept things, doesn’t. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone
That’s how i read it to. Someone wanted to see him again and he said no.
Ahh yes. I read it in a different context. Like they refused to do anything other than a social with the op"
Absolutely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong
I read it the other way around ie OP refused to shag someone "
Me too. That is what he’s saying isn’t it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for a little clarification here; how do you mean 'refused to accept anything further would happen after a social'?
This threw me a little as one. Sounds like you got huff on because someone wouldn't shag you.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong"
isn’t that part (most) of the point of a social anyway? |
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""I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about.
Not at all, we met for a social, didn’t connect, told them so...they refused to accept that nothing was gonna happen after the social and it got to the point of stalking.
Hence my original post. I know what this site is about, I think said individual who refused to accept things, doesn’t. "
I've been told about this a few times before, one was to the point of her shouting at him in a public place  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
"
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
""I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about.
Not at all, we met for a social, didn’t connect, told them so...they refused to accept that nothing was gonna happen after the social and it got to the point of stalking.
Hence my original post. I know what this site is about, I think said individual who refused to accept things, doesn’t.
I've been told about this a few times before, one was to the point of her shouting at him in a public place "
Same. To be honest the only bad experiences/ stalking/nastiness I’ve ever had on fab have been from women. |
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Contrary to popular belief Fab is real life, it's just a part of it. Many people talk about "real life" as opposed to "fab life" but they are one in the same.
With that in mind, manage interactions through fab as you would when meeting a stranger in real life, be aware of the pitfalls but also the rewards. If you are concerned about someones language or online behaviour, then do not meet them. If you are nervous or concerned with ALL potential meets then only give out the information you are comfortable giving, meet somewhere that is neutral and far enough away from home that you can retreat safely.
Most of all don't play games with people, don't spin a narrative that says one thing when you intention is another, stringing someone along by promising things you will not keep can lead people to behave in irrational ways.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Contrary to popular belief Fab is real life, it's just a part of it. Many people talk about "real life" as opposed to "fab life" but they are one in the same.
With that in mind, manage interactions through fab as you would when meeting a stranger in real life, be aware of the pitfalls but also the rewards. If you are concerned about someones language or online behaviour, then do not meet them. If you are nervous or concerned with ALL potential meets then only give out the information you are comfortable giving, meet somewhere that is neutral and far enough away from home that you can retreat safely.
Most of all don't play games with people, don't spin a narrative that says one thing when you intention is another, stringing someone along by promising things you will not keep can lead people to behave in irrational ways.
"
And I never ever did that. As most people know I’m honest and very specific and up front about what I’m looking for. When I was looking my profile was very specific. People will behave irrationally whatever you do. You just have to be very very careful which I’ve now learned. |
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I read it that the O.P. didn't want a further meet and the other person didn't accept that.
O.P. - Get a second phone. That way if it ring you know it's a fabster.
2. NEVER give out your address or take someone home until you trust them.
Thank you. My bill is in the post. |
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"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on..."
Yes. Posters have misunderstood you.
( i'm being polite there  ) |
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"Have been on here before my recent profile under a different one. I had heard several stories of bad experiences on here and just thought it was bad luck to those that had them.
I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet. Without boring it made me take a break and delete my profile.
Thing is I missed the genuine Fabbers on here and the majority are great honest and genuine people, I am on the verge of a meet and am somewhat wary, I know I am probably being extra cautious due to past experience and I know that this person is gonna be so much fun but am still anxious and worried it will ruin any experiences.
I just would be intrigued to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things or any advice would be great guys, wish you all Happy Fabbing xx"
Yeah, a challenging meet or social can put you off, best thing is to remind yourself frequently that this is a different person and situation but also, each crappy lesson should give you a new rule to stick to like "agree clear parameters before social"
"No spontaneous meets" and "nae bunny boilers of either gender." |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I understand you (now) OP. Sadly bad experiences do happen.
Whilst I can't say I've had any horror stories per se, I know lots of people who have, varying from stalking through to physical and sexual assault. Sometimes it can shake your faith in people and it takes a little time to get that back (if at all). The fact that you're meeting someone again is good though.
Try and enjoy it for what it is, if you're feeling nervous about it because of what happened, tell the person you're meeting. Most people will understand and be supportive of that sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on...
Yes. Posters have misunderstood you.
( i'm being polite there ) "
"someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet" is totally non specific and can be taken two ways.
But blame the people who read it. It's their fault. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have been on here before my recent profile under a different one. I had heard several stories of bad experiences on here and just thought it was bad luck to those that had them.
I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet. Without boring it made me take a break and delete my profile.
Thing is I missed the genuine Fabbers on here and the majority are great honest and genuine people, I am on the verge of a meet and am somewhat wary, I know I am probably being extra cautious due to past experience and I know that this person is gonna be so much fun but am still anxious and worried it will ruin any experiences.
I just would be intrigued to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things or any advice would be great guys, wish you all Happy Fabbing xx"
the secret to this place accept nothing, expect nothing and when you get nothing you won't be disappointed   |
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"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on...
Yes. Posters have misunderstood you.
( i'm being polite there )
"someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet" is totally non specific and can be taken two ways.
But blame the people who read it. It's their fault."
I think the key element of the post was "someone who refused to accept", i.e. not the OP but the other person. I think most people understood that he was not referring to himself in the third person..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Remember not everyone is the same, one bad experience shouldn't taint the whole community.
Just remember to listen to your gut and take steps to minimise the risks, as others have said don't give out personal info or any way for them to keep connecting with you then if things go sour it's just a case of blocking them. |
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"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on...
Yes. Posters have misunderstood you.
( i'm being polite there )
"someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet" is totally non specific and can be taken two ways.
But blame the people who read it. It's their fault."
It's VERY specific.
|
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If I chose not to do something again because of a bad experience previously I would never do anything - go on a date, work in a job, catch a train, open a bank account, buy a mobile phone...
You had a bad experience. That's life. Move on and find a good one. |
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"If I chose not to do something again because of a bad experience previously I would never do anything - go on a date, work in a job, catch a train, open a bank account, buy a mobile phone...
You had a bad experience. That's life. Move on and find a good one. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sounds like a bunny boiler.
Sex should never be expected from both parties.
The whole point of a social right....if it clicks great, if not move on...
Yes. Posters have misunderstood you.
( i'm being polite there )
"someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet" is totally non specific and can be taken two ways.
But blame the people who read it. It's their fault.
I think the key element of the post was "someone who refused to accept", i.e. not the OP but the other person. I think most people understood that he was not referring to himself in the third person....."
Yeah get that the someone was the other person. Which party expected something to happen is unclear.
If it had been OP who wouldn't take no for an answer you could have used the exact same posting.
Its ambiguous. And as such not the fault of people who misinterpreted. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
""I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about.
Not at all, we met for a social, didn’t connect, told them so...they refused to accept that nothing was gonna happen after the social and it got to the point of stalking.
Hence my original post. I know what this site is about, I think said individual who refused to accept things, doesn’t. "
Unusual for a women to act like that! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for all your views and comments it is appreciated. As for the confusion of my post, apologies if not understood, will try harder next time.
I am genuinely excited by meeting this person and can’t wait to have some great times, just a little wary is all but def will not tarnish everyone with that brush.
Good luck everyone and thanks again xx |
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As a baby learning to walk, you probably fell over hundreds of times before you could walk much distance in a straight-ish line.
You had 1 meet and expected a different outcome? That's part of life's lessons.
Single men here should expect that most of their messages to others won't get a reply and from those that do, they will generally not have mutual attraction, via photos. Out of the small minority that it may seem to be a match, you will not meet socially and end up being long term fuck buddies, as most people aren't compatible.
It's always worthwhile calibrating your expectations against the reasonably likely realities. We can also adjust our behaviour, so that we may get a different outcome. |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
""I then unfortunately had an experience with someone who refused to accept anything further would happen after a social meet."
This is called choice. Consent is the cornerstone of swinging. I think perhaps you have the wrong impression of what this site is about.
Not at all, we met for a social, didn’t connect, told them so...they refused to accept that nothing was gonna happen after the social and it got to the point of stalking.
Hence my original post. I know what this site is about, I think said individual who refused to accept things, doesn’t.
Unusual for a women to act like that!"
You would be surprised! |
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