FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ghosting and being stood up...
Ghosting and being stood up...
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By *avess OP Man
over a year ago
London |
Twice in a week I've had meets arranged with (genuine, verified) women, and was stood up and ghosted. Been stood up previously as well but it's becoming rife!
Why do people feel the need to do that? It's just a waste of everyones time and effort, my poor chap gets all excited about the prospect then he doesn't take the rejection well bless him.
Sorry it's a rant but if people can explain peoples mindset that would be wonderful!
P.s. Can imagine guys being just as bad so I'm not solely picking on women here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've read a few local statuses lately from women saying they have been stood up. I was stood up for a date years ago and it felt awful. I think those that arrange meets should have a separate site option to relate this to admin. If one party doesnt turn up then they should get a site timeout or there could be a 3 strike rule or summit. |
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"I've read a few local statuses lately from women saying they have been stood up. I was stood up for a date years ago and it felt awful. I think those that arrange meets should have a separate site option to relate this to admin. If one party doesnt turn up then they should get a site timeout or there could be a 3 strike rule or summit."
You can report someone for not showing up on here. It’s not something I’d personally ever use, but the functionality is there |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I've not had this problem before but then I dont meet many people anyhow. Time spent before I think avoids this happening. Talking on the phone over a period of time etc. You get out what you put in. Afterwards is a different story then the true person comes out it's not normally pretty. |
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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
The world is full of self obsessed dickheads as well as wonderful people so you’ve just been unlucky. Treat everyone as you would want to be treated and don’t let the bad ones cloud your better judgment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've read a few local statuses lately from women saying they have been stood up. I was stood up for a date years ago and it felt awful. I think those that arrange meets should have a separate site option to relate this to admin. If one party doesnt turn up then they should get a site timeout or there could be a 3 strike rule or summit.
You can report someone for not showing up on here. It’s not something I’d personally ever use, but the functionality is there "
I did not know this, I'm glad the option is there. |
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By *avess OP Man
over a year ago
London |
"I've not had this problem before but then I dont meet many people anyhow. Time spent before I think avoids this happening. Talking on the phone over a period of time etc. You get out what you put in. Afterwards is a different story then the true person comes out it's not normally pretty. "
I think this is a very fair point, the ones I've spoken too for longer periods tend to be far more reliable!
It's just frustrating,do all my hair and make up real pretty just to stare in the mirror! XD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Verified doesn't always mean genuine.
They changed their mind for whatever reason and didnt have the guts to tell you. Its shit, but onwards and upwards  "
This...  It's happened to many of us. Just move on, confirm on the day and before you set off.
x N |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been stood up once, she was chatty here, switched the WhatsApp and then FaceTime, arranged a meet next day, I then found I had been blocked off here and phone number and WhatsApp blocked. Left me wondering what I did wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Twice in a week I've had meets arranged with (genuine, verified) women, and was stood up and ghosted. Been stood up previously as well but it's becoming rife!
Why do people feel the need to do that? It's just a waste of everyones time and effort, my poor chap gets all excited about the prospect then he doesn't take the rejection well bless him.
Sorry it's a rant but if people can explain peoples mindset that would be wonderful!
P.s. Can imagine guys being just as bad so I'm not solely picking on women here. "
Sorry to hear and and sorry to say you’re not the only one this has happened to judging by the number of similar forum threads. Keep trying OP. Success is sweet when it comes  |
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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North of Okehampton, South of Bideford |
We have been stood up lots of times..Both by Couples and Single Guys. The reporting button, doesn't do anything.
It just makes us sceptical of adding a meet request, We won't meet unverified people, or those that are hiding verifications.
Any profiles that start off with
'I am back' or 'been on and off here a few times' are also avoided as far as we are concerned.
What else can anyone do ? If people are going to sod around, they will.
We either leave or accept it..
We accept we are to old and ugly and dont really blame them anyway.
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I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since) |
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By *avess OP Man
over a year ago
London |
"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since) "
At least you had that back up! Wish I had one of them! Ha.
Getting blocked after a meet, ooosh that's a tough one! Shows him up for who he is though! X |
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"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since)
At least you had that back up! Wish I had one of them! Ha.
Getting blocked after a meet, ooosh that's a tough one! Shows him up for who he is though! X"
His excuse for the block was erm... questionable ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Twice in a week I've had meets arranged with (genuine, verified) women, and was stood up and ghosted. Been stood up previously as well but it's becoming rife!
Why do people feel the need to do that? It's just a waste of everyones time and effort, my poor chap gets all excited about the prospect then he doesn't take the rejection well bless him.
Sorry it's a rant but if people can explain peoples mindset that would be wonderful!
P.s. Can imagine guys being just as bad so I'm not solely picking on women here. "
=====================================
Sadly, it happens to everyone. Just write it off to experience. I had it happen to me twice in succession, having booked a terrific hotel each time. Losing £250 makes you wary, and I no longer book hotels. Shame, as there are lots of nice people on this site. C'est la vie |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
=====================================
Sadly, it happens to everyone. Just write it off to experience. I had it happen to me twice in succession, having booked a terrific hotel each time. Losing £250 makes you wary, and I no longer book hotels. Shame, as there are lots of nice people on this site. C'est la vie"
Blimey, that's so rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s so frustrating. I think a lot of people get cold feet or find they can’t get away from their partners, especially at Christmas. I also think that there are a lot of game players on here who like the chat and attention but have no intention of meeting. |
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By *avess OP Man
over a year ago
London |
"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since)
At least you had that back up! Wish I had one of them! Ha.
Getting blocked after a meet, ooosh that's a tough one! Shows him up for who he is though! X
His excuse for the block was erm... questionable ha "
You have me intrigued now! Haha
Yeah think it's just all a combinstion of things, like to think I'm a decent enough guy not to do it too! |
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"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since)
At least you had that back up! Wish I had one of them! Ha.
Getting blocked after a meet, ooosh that's a tough one! Shows him up for who he is though! X
His excuse for the block was erm... questionable ha
You have me intrigued now! Haha
Yeah think it's just all a combinstion of things, like to think I'm a decent enough guy not to do it too! "
"my supporter pass was running out so i blocked everyone before i deleted the account" - Account was never deleted and he is still a site supporter but stands by this reason all the same, and has asked me to meet him again .... hmmmm let me think about that one .... |
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"That doesn't even make sense! What an absolute clown! Haha there are some characters on here thats for sure."
Ha oh i know! ... didn't appear to be having a shit time when he was cumming down my throat like ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since) "
It hadn't occurred to me you could get blocked after a meet. That's awful. That's either a knock to your confidence or showing them up as a tosser that only wanted a one off but perhaps didn't communicate that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I also think that there are a lot of game players on here who like the chat and attention but have no intention of meeting."
Yes. Which is a shame as I used to like to give unverified a chance but not anymore. |
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"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since)
It hadn't occurred to me you could get blocked after a meet. That's awful. That's either a knock to your confidence or showing them up as a tosser that only wanted a one off but perhaps didn't communicate that.
"
I got over it. It was a while ago. I can't have been that bad as he has since tried again. Very odd ha |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
|
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"It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
"
Does this actually happen? ... in my instance i didn't have a "back up" I just happened to be chatting to someone who i was intending to meet at a later date. Even after this happened i would never arrange to meet someone and a back up just in case... I don't let people down unless it's necessary not cos i got a "better offer" |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
Does this actually happen? ... in my instance i didn't have a "back up" I just happened to be chatting to someone who i was intending to meet at a later date. Even after this happened i would never arrange to meet someone and a back up just in case... I don't let people down unless it's necessary not cos i got a "better offer""
I've got no doubts it does sometimes as I've seen it admitted to here on the forums.
I would expect it's done more often by women purely because the numbers mean they have more likelihood of finding a back up but I'm sure men and couples do it too. |
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By *avess OP Man
over a year ago
London |
"That doesn't even make sense! What an absolute clown! Haha there are some characters on here thats for sure.
Ha oh i know! ... didn't appear to be having a shit time when he was cumming down my throat like ha"
Haha I'm sure he wasn't! Just a shame all this shit happens! Why can't we all just get along and have some organised fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
"
I've never arranged a back up guy. NEVER. I find that disrespectful. I've been stood up a few times and just deal with it and take it on the chin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
I've never arranged a back up guy. NEVER. I find that disrespectful. I've been stood up a few times and just deal with it and take it on the chin."
Yeah, honestly, if I find myself talking to someone on here or even over on POF, they'll be the only person I talk to. I'd rather take the time to get to know one person on a deeper level than ten people superficially if that makes sense.
The idea of being someone's second choice makes me feel shit, so I wouldn't want someone else to feel the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens.
I’ve been stood up and ghosted too.
Sometimes people do chicken out and it’s understandable as we are strangers but I tend to arrange a social first to ease the nerves.
Goes well that way. We need to feel comfortable first.
Some get horny and act in the need for that itch to be scratched and then suddenly they just switch off.
Try social meets first. Gives them some space to see and understand each other first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're right, ... but onwards and upwards. I've had some terrific meets in my time on Fabswingers, and they really do offset the disappointments. On balance, most Fab members are great fun and honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never happened to me and I would never do it either but a simple message from either party would go a long way.
As bob hoskins once said "it's good to talk " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've read a few local statuses lately from women saying they have been stood up. I was stood up for a date years ago and it felt awful. I think those that arrange meets should have a separate site option to relate this to admin. If one party doesnt turn up then they should get a site timeout or there could be a 3 strike rule or summit."
its always one word against another though   |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"It's a viscous circle, woman gets stood up so next time arranges a back up meet in case it happens again. This time her first choice shows so she stands up the back up.
The back up guy arranges a meet but as he got stood up the first time he arranges a back up.... And so on and so on and so on...
This could be addressed with a slightly more sophisticated Veri system to at least highlight the serial offenders, but it won't be.
I've never arranged a back up guy. NEVER. I find that disrespectful. I've been stood up a few times and just deal with it and take it on the chin."
That's how it should be and how I would do things but not everyone has the same outlook. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had an appalling fab week..2 meets & pretty much ghosted afterwards..it happens. Not great for the confidence at all but everything happens for a reason   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had this happen to me. We had chatted for a good while just never got the same free time. One day it was all working out so we arranged something. Kept in touch the whole morning. Just as I’m about to leave to meet him (ten mins after his last message) I messaged him to see where he was at. No reply. I checked fab. Blocked!! Wtf!! Luckily in was chatting to another guy about it while it happened and he was like fuck him. Come see me. Went to see him instead and had a great time ha ....... months later I got message from original guy apologising said his mates all turned up and he didn’t know what to do hmmm
Also around the same time I got blocked straight after a meet - does nothing for your confidence that one haha. (He has also apologised since)
At least you had that back up! Wish I had one of them! Ha.
Getting blocked after a meet, ooosh that's a tough one! Shows him up for who he is though! X"
Even better when they block you the day after and you find out they are married, whoops! Their loss! |
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