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New relationship and children
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
Been talking to my moral compass about how long you should/need to wait before you introduce a new partner to your children.
I think there needs to be a minimum time as to see if you are getting on etc. I dislike the thought of loads of different partners meeting my daughter and then disappearing. Thoughts or comments |
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cant speak for anyone else but this is what i did.
If i knew a relationship was gettig pretty serious, i would start mentioning their name in conversation and if the phone rang id say it was them on the phone ect. Then after awhile i got them to say hello and havea phone chat. Then after about 6 months id arrange for callum to meet them but it would always be for a day out away from the home. Once he got used to them id ask if he minded them staying over.
It worked well for me and he never felt left out but would get a bit clingy when they where around. When i say they i only introduced him to two guys apart from jay and he had grwon up then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was a good month or so before I met my ex's daughter properly.
When I say that I mean in respect of doing things together meal, day out in the park etc. Obviously if I picked her up i'd say hello etc if she was there but it wasnt more than being introduced as a friend.
To be honest I never personally saw it as an issue it was just something we discussed and took further once we were both comfortable with everything.
You'll both know when the time is right |
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I struggle with even getting to that point because I think something in me self sabotages the relationship before it gets to him meeting the winks as I am so protective of them and would hate them to get attached to someone and the relationship not work out. So pretty much anyone I have seen has been on the weekends when they are at their dad's |
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
Diamond you great with the advice as always. I always say to anyone that I start seeing that I have a daughter that lives with me and that I always put her before myself. Think it is important to be straight from the start |
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"Diamond you great with the advice as always. I always say to anyone that I start seeing that I have a daughter that lives with me and that I always put her before myself. Think it is important to be straight from the start"
and anyone who doesnt except/understand that isnt worth getting to know.
If the person is worth it they will go at your pace and what you think is right for your daughter |
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"Diamond you great with the advice as always. I always say to anyone that I start seeing that I have a daughter that lives with me and that I always put her before myself. Think it is important to be straight from the start
and anyone who doesnt except/understand that isnt worth getting to know.
If the person is worth it they will go at your pace and what you think is right for your daughter"
Good point diamonds  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle with even getting to that point because I think something in me self sabotages the relationship before it gets to him meeting the winks as I am so protective of them and would hate them to get attached to someone and the relationship not work out. So pretty much anyone I have seen has been on the weekends when they are at their dad's"
+1... after splitting with my ex, i dont want my kids to have to deal with any more heartache as it's something that really pains me..... so when my kids are with me I'm just Dad, and I only meet/go out when they are with their mum...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think everyone is different and only you and your daughter will know when the times right,im a single parent never ever did i rush a partner into her life saying that shes only ever met my late partner and now my lush new man,she will always come first i spoke to her about meeting my oh and she was fine, very wary at first as loosing my last partner and my new partner had a few health issues,she was very protective and kept herself at a distance.But now alls good and they get on great and even when he stays over i still see if shes ok with it as this is her home aswell as mine.
So if and when the time is right for you ,only you know that but good luck with the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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". I always say to anyone that I start seeing that I have a daughter that lives with me and that I always put her before myself. Think it is important to be straight from the start
and anyone who doesnt except/understand that isnt worth getting to know.
If the person is worth it they will go at your pace and what you think is right for your daughter"
Is 100% correct ! This place needs a like button!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive a right crap track record when it comes to men and relationships.. so realistically id probs never get to that stage where id introduce a man to my daughter..
longest 'relationship' (if i can call it that) was 6 months.. im just useless haha |
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"Ive a right crap track record when it comes to men and relationships.. so realistically id probs never get to that stage where id introduce a man to my daughter..
longest 'relationship' (if i can call it that) was 6 months.. im just useless haha "
It's because you never met me yet 
Sure things will work out in the end |
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". I always say to anyone that I start seeing that I have a daughter that lives with me and that I always put her before myself. Think it is important to be straight from the start
and anyone who doesnt except/understand that isnt worth getting to know.
If the person is worth it they will go at your pace and what you think is right for your daughter
Is 100% correct ! This place needs a like button!!"
 Try this |
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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago
Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree |
You will be able to gauge when the time is right. One word of advice, is take it slowly and talk things through with your daughter. Make sure that she doesn't feel left out when you eventually introduce a new partner to her and she knows how much you love her.
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"You will be able to gauge when the time is right. One word of advice, is take it slowly and talk things through with your daughter. Make sure that she doesn't feel left out when you eventually introduce a new partner to her and she knows how much you love her.
"
First thing I tell her in a morning and the last thing at night always have and always will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others above have said themselves, there wouldn't be any strict timescale for my kids meeting a new partner.
Whenever they've asked about it(well, when they're not asking when I'm getting back together with their mom), I always tell them that if I do find someone, it'll be someone that I feel is nice enough to introduce them to. From there, it'd be a matter of whenever everyone's comfortable with meeting |
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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago
Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree |
"Does the age of the child matter? "
I don't think it does. All children will experience feeling fear of being excluded, that the new partner will be loved more than them. Just like in divorce the children wonder if they had been 'good' their parents would still be together.
From experience of my ex's introduction of a new partner to the children, and it all going massively wrong as he was so loved up with her, you need to actually listen to what children are saying and not saying.
In other words, it's a bloody minefield ....... but if you get it right, and the children are happy, it can work out well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i don't remember the transition from my biological dad to my step dad.. i was 3. Ive always known he was my step dad and i chose to call him dad for all those years
but when my mum and my dad (step dad) split when i was 16 i hated with a passion my mums new/current partner and still think he's a dick |
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"Does the age of the child matter?
I don't think it does. All children will experience feeling fear of being excluded, that the new partner will be loved more than them. Just like in divorce the children wonder if they had been 'good' their parents would still be together.
From experience of my ex's introduction of a new partner to the children, and it all going massively wrong as he was so loved up with her, you need to actually listen to what children are saying and not saying.
In other words, it's a bloody minefield ....... but if you get it right, and the children are happy, it can work out well."
It going to be hard for any child to go from having 100% of time and love to having it subdivided in there eyes. The challenge is probably to show them that love does not deminish and time spent including other can improve and be fun. To me that is a challenge to any parent |
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"i don't remember the transition from my biological dad to my step dad.. i was 3. Ive always known he was my step dad and i chose to call him dad for all those years
but when my mum and my dad (step dad) split when i was 16 i hated with a passion my mums new/current partner and still think he's a dick "
That is what I do not want to happen having the wicked step mom |
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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago
Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree |
"It going to be hard for any child to go from having 100% of time and love to having it subdivided in there eyes. The challenge is probably to show them that love does not deminish and time spent including other can improve and be fun. To me that is a challenge to any parent"
I totally agree, however some parents take the line of 'like it or lump it' when introducing a new partner. It's a fine balancing act you have to juggle to make sure that a child's needs and opinions are taken into account, but that they aren't totally dictating the moves and wanting to sabotage a relationship due to being scared of losing a parent.
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By *ucspark OP Man
over a year ago
dudley |
"It going to be hard for any child to go from having 100% of time and love to having it subdivided in there eyes. The challenge is probably to show them that love does not deminish and time spent including other can improve and be fun. To me that is a challenge to any parent
I totally agree, however some parents take the line of 'like it or lump it' when introducing a new partner. It's a fine balancing act you have to juggle to make sure that a child's needs and opinions are taken into account, but that they aren't totally dictating the moves and wanting to sabotage a relationship due to being scared of losing a parent.
"
My child's mother comes in and out of her life like the wind which I dislike. In the pass I have set up days for them to spend together and she cancelled. It really upsets her when mommy does not show up etc, hard to explain to a young child that at the moment their mom is not that bothered. Hence the being so careful of introducing a outsider into the family as it were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It going to be hard for any child to go from having 100% of time and love to having it subdivided in there eyes. The challenge is probably to show them that love does not deminish and time spent including other can improve and be fun. To me that is a challenge to any parent
I totally agree, however some parents take the line of 'like it or lump it' when introducing a new partner. It's a fine balancing act you have to juggle to make sure that a child's needs and opinions are taken into account, but that they aren't totally dictating the moves and wanting to sabotage a relationship due to being scared of losing a parent.
My child's mother comes in and out of her life like the wind which I dislike. In the pass I have set up days for them to spend together and she cancelled. It really upsets her when mommy does not show up etc, hard to explain to a young child that at the moment their mom is not that bothered. Hence the being so careful of introducing a outsider into the family as it were. "
thats is even more difficult then so i would say if u do introduce make sure all arrangements r firm and make sure your partner knows about her mums history and how important it is to keep to promises but i would also make sure if she is young the first few meets there is no phyiscal contact between u to so your daughter doesn't feel threatened. so its like you are friends xxxx that would be my way of doing it xxx |
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