FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should I Feel Bad
Should I Feel Bad
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now. We both agreed that it was just sexual and we were both free to see other people. I've always been open and honest with him. He knew I was on here and other sites. Never a problem between us. Then the other night I went on a date with a guy who lives near me. I hadn't mentioned the date as it was a last minute decision. Obviously someone saw us out and by the time I got home I had several massages on my phone from him. He wanted to know why i was out with someone else. He went on about how he felt cheated on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly if he likes you a lot it's going to hurt him no matter what boundaries you put out there. We are humans after all so I'd more understanding than pissed with him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Honestly if he likes you a lot it's going to hurt him no matter what boundaries you put out there. We are humans after all so I'd more understanding than pissed with him."
I wouldn't say I am pissed with him but I've seen other people during the time we were hooking up and it didn't seem to bother him. It just came out of the blue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No you shouldnt feel bad. But like someone said earlier we are all human.
After being intimate with someone I'm sure it would be quite easy to feel jealous.
Sadly for him you just have to put him straight and move him off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was just sex and you’re not a couple in the strict sense of the word, why would anyone feel they had to tell him they’d seen you with someone else? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Did you meet him on a site?
Maybe it was the fact that someone told him about it that is at issue. You obviously know the same people so could be seen as a couple. That would look like cheating to those more aligned with him.
If you have been open and honest with him then remind him of that and perhaps back off a bit to reinforce that you are not exclusive.
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
Sounds more like maybe he’s been telling porkies to others about your relationship to me & someone has seen you out & thinks you are doing the dirty on him so informed him.
Maybe the person that saw you then took the pee a bit & pissed him off which he then transferred to you with the questioning?
What you agree with him & what if anything he tells his mates might not be the same thing.
Agree with others though, time to show him a red card as it’s none of his business.
S |
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Time for a discussion though. If the dynamics have shifted for him and he’s gonna start getting funny about it then it’s either time to get together or call it quits.
I’ve been the him in this situation more than once and now I get messages saying that they found someone but she’s boring in bed. I’d like to say ‘their loss’ but deep down I admit I was gutted that i aren’t ‘enough’ for the streets. Just for the sheets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did he know about the previous dates?
I'm sleeping with someone off the site, and I also regularly meet someone from here. They know of each other and aren't bothered about each other. I also somewhat keep them up to date, like if I plan to see one the other will know that I'll be busy. I wouldn't want the off site guy to get jealous, so I'm honest. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Time for a discussion though. If the dynamics have shifted for him and he’s gonna start getting funny about it then it’s either time to get together or call it quits.
I’ve been the him in this situation more than once and now I get messages saying that they found someone but she’s boring in bed. I’d like to say ‘their loss’ but deep down I admit I was gutted that i aren’t ‘enough’ for the streets. Just for the sheets. "
Totally feel you here xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I've done something to upset someone then yes I do feel bad regardless of being right or wrong not even including the blame thing. You have done something which has upset him. Why not ask him what's going on rather than strangers in here? Only way it'll ever be sorted tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I've done something to upset someone then yes I do feel bad regardless of being right or wrong not even including the blame thing. You have done something which has upset him. Why not ask him what's going on rather than strangers in here? Only way it'll ever be sorted tbh
"
Strangers on an internet site only getting your side of the story couldn't possibly say... yet so many are so quick to judge his reaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So haven't you said to him how have a cheated when we are not exclusive and it's just sexual?
Sounds like he's thinking it's more which is where the breakdown of communication comes in and needs dealing with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I've done something to upset someone then yes I do feel bad regardless of being right or wrong not even including the blame thing. You have done something which has upset him. Why not ask him what's going on rather than strangers in here? Only way it'll ever be sorted tbh
Strangers on an internet site only getting your side of the story couldn't possibly say... yet so many are so quick to judge his reaction. "
very |
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It's easy to convince yourself that it's just sex to start with, and for one side (yours in this case) it can stay that way, but tread carefully with the chaps feelings if he's an otherwise nice guy as he probably can't help it. Obviously run for the hills if he's a weirdo or stalky type though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now. We both agreed that it was just sexual and we were both free to see other people. I've always been open and honest with him. He knew I was on here and other sites. Never a problem between us. Then the other night I went on a date with a guy who lives near me. I hadn't mentioned the date as it was a last minute decision. Obviously someone saw us out and by the time I got home I had several massages on my phone from him. He wanted to know why i was out with someone else. He went on about how he felt cheated on."
Reading between the lines it was purely because you did not tell him and it had to come from someone else regarding his reaction but his reaction to me sounds jealous and possessive. Instead he could have just asked how it went if you have an open relationship with him. You though do not belong to him nor you him unless you are bf and gf but even then you could still have that open relationship going on. I would ask him where he sees you and him. He might not have told his friends that you have an open relationship and have that relationship where you can meet and fuck anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Time for a discussion though. If the dynamics have shifted for him and he’s gonna start getting funny about it then it’s either time to get together or call it quits.
I’ve been the him in this situation more than once and now I get messages saying that they found someone but she’s boring in bed. I’d like to say ‘their loss’ but deep down I admit I was gutted that i aren’t ‘enough’ for the streets. Just for the sheets.
Totally feel you here xx"
So do I but I didn't realise it until now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh boy, it's a toughy. I can see both sides of the argument, and I would base how I react if the tables was turned...but there is no right or wrong in this. He might of still got pissed had you of hold him.
Good luck however you handle this clearly awkward situation |
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"do you feel bad? if no then you've stuck by your feelings on the matter. If yes, then you feel you've upset him unnecessarily " I've felt bad when people have got hurt just because I dont commit. Even though I've been honest. As in my mind i should have walked away at the first sign of issues x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd hazard a guess at because you've been open with him all the other times and because he found out second hand this time he feels like it's been hidden.
No you've done nowt wrong but maybe he felt he deserved a heads up.
It's only the same as on here when you're seeing someone, are an open book with them and the first thing you know about them seeing someone else is when a veri pops up. It can smart a little. Not because you're jealous or possessive, but just coz you'd have told them if you were meeting someone and it comes as a shock if they've not told you. Not everyone of course, but I reckon it depends how close you are.
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you meet him on a site?
Maybe it was the fact that someone told him about it that is at issue. You obviously know the same people so could be seen as a couple. That would look like cheating to those more aligned with him.
If you have been open and honest with him then remind him of that and perhaps back off a bit to reinforce that you are not exclusive.
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I never thought if it this way. We are from the same town but would rarely be out together. When we meet it's usually at mine. We have sex and then he usually disappears. |
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" We are from the same town but would rarely be out together. When we meet it's usually at mine. We have sex and then he usually disappears."
So why did the person who "reported" you assume you are a couple ? |
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When you set boundaries within your relationship did you agree to tell him that you were going to meet someone on a date every time in happened?
If you did then maybe he could send you a message asking you about it but still not being upset after all there are no commitments here, no feelings other than friendship.
If not then it is totally nothing to do with him, he may ask you about it at a future date if you have that kind of open relationship and ask how it went, for the sexy details.
Remember you are a single lady, these guys we play with are just that, guys we play with. Until we invite them to be more and they help to wash the dishes and pay the rent that is all they are
Chelle x |
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There's a difference between going on a date with someone and meeting someone... Maybe that's what he has an issue with. A date tends to imply that you're looking for something more to develop, whereas a meet is generally just that, even if it's a regular arrangement. He may simply be concerned that if you're looking to date someone and pursue a relationship, you might decide to become exclusive with that person somewhere down the line, and you won't be his booty buddy anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" We are from the same town but would rarely be out together. When we meet it's usually at mine. We have sex and then he usually disappears.
So why did the person who "reported" you assume you are a couple ?"
I have no idea. He didn't say who it was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a difference between going on a date with someone and meeting someone... Maybe that's what he has an issue with. A date tends to imply that you're looking for something more to develop, whereas a meet is generally just that, even if it's a regular arrangement. He may simply be concerned that if you're looking to date someone and pursue a relationship, you might decide to become exclusive with that person somewhere down the line, and you won't be his booty buddy anymore. "
Think you've hit the nail on the head. He is probably just a touch worried maybe you are going to go away from him if you are meeting someone you haven't mentioned about.
A bit of reassurance thst you still are interested in no strings sex might ease his worry. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
It's about treating others how you would like to be treated. It's just being a little respectful to someone you have been involved with for a few months. It's always far nicer to hear anything from the horses mouth and not someone else even if its just nsa.
Personally I wouldn't have done this. I would have at least let him know if thats what we had agreed. It doesn't take long to pop someone a message.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" We are from the same town but would rarely be out together. When we meet it's usually at mine. We have sex and then he usually disappears.
So why did the person who "reported" you assume you are a couple ?
I have no idea. He didn't say who it was."
maybe he saw you (not a friend) maybe that caused the sting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bit of a red flag tbh. He knew the rules of your situation.
You need a chat with him but not sure if he is in the right direction as you are.
Good luck x
MsD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know."
Glad it's sorted |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know."
That's cool if you are happy to do so, Personally we wouldn't as he's pointed out it's just sex but everyone is different & has differing rules & boundaries. It's what makes life so interesting sometimes
Best wishes
S
S |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know.
That's cool if you are happy to do so, Personally we wouldn't as he's pointed out it's just sex but everyone is different & has differing rules & boundaries. It's what makes life so interesting sometimes
Best wishes
S
S"
I'm not sure what to make of it. I wouldn't want to know if he met someone. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know.
That's cool if you are happy to do so, Personally we wouldn't as he's pointed out it's just sex but everyone is different & has differing rules & boundaries. It's what makes life so interesting sometimes
Best wishes
S
S
I'm not sure what to make of it. I wouldn't want to know if he met someone."
Exactly, He says it’s just sex then that it what it is, as you say, you don’t want to know if he meets someone so why should you tell him? “It’s just sex”. His words!
Now maybe he was hoping you would say “Well are you going to tell me when you see someone else?” If you did then the questions about whether “This is more” might start, maybe he just doesn’t want to start them.....
Or he’s just a bit controlling, or at least trying to be?
Our gf has a poly gf & bf, We don’t ask her what she is doing unless it’s to discuss a meet. None of our business, although we know of their existence.
S
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Then tell him that. Tell him that it feels too posessive. He has two choices he walks away or he works within your boundaries. There is no reason why he should know if you are seeing someone else. There is no commitment in place. The only excuse I could think of would be that of STD's but, as all in the scene, we should all be using protection and getting regular checks anyway.
Would he tell you before going on a date with someone else do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know.
That's cool if you are happy to do so, Personally we wouldn't as he's pointed out it's just sex but everyone is different & has differing rules & boundaries. It's what makes life so interesting sometimes
Best wishes
S
S
I'm not sure what to make of it. I wouldn't want to know if he met someone.
Exactly, He says it’s just sex then that it what it is, as you say, you don’t want to know if he meets someone so why should you tell him? “It’s just sex”. His words!
Now maybe he was hoping you would say “Well are you going to tell me when you see someone else?” If you did then the questions about whether “This is more” might start, maybe he just doesn’t want to start them.....
Or he’s just a bit controlling, or at least trying to be?
Our gf has a poly gf & bf, We don’t ask her what she is doing unless it’s to discuss a meet. None of our business, although we know of their existence.
S
"
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now. We both agreed that it was just sexual and we were both free to see other people. I've always been open and honest with him. He knew I was on here and other sites. Never a problem between us. Then the other night I went on a date with a guy who lives near me. I hadn't mentioned the date as it was a last minute decision. Obviously someone saw us out and by the time I got home I had several massages on my phone from him. He wanted to know why i was out with someone else. He went on about how he felt cheated on." yes feel very very bad buy him flowers and seduce him infront of an open fire |
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Just let him know before next time.
Or dont.
Maybe he was just annoyed cause someone else phoned him up and was like "where is that girl youre with?" and he was like "I dunno at home?" and they were like "Nah she is out here with some lad, and hes all over, here have some photos of it"
And now he is like "i look a bit silly now, and its hurt my ego, so I will be angry".
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"I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months now. We both agreed that it was just sexual and we were both free to see other people. I've always been open and honest with him. He knew I was on here and other sites. Never a problem between us. Then the other night I went on a date with a guy who lives near me. I hadn't mentioned the date as it was a last minute decision. Obviously someone saw us out and by the time I got home I had several massages on my phone from him. He wanted to know why i was out with someone else. He went on about how he felt cheated on." no he don’t own you |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"I've chatted to him and he said that his feelings haven't changed and he still wants just sex but if I'm meeting someone else he wants to know."
He has no right to no unless that's agreed btw the two of u if it's just sex why does he want to know I say there more in it feelings often do come into it I'm afraid unless the two involved are robots lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like he's developed feelings for you and whereas it may not have bothered him in the past, maybe it does now.
Sounds like you need to talk and figure out if you want to carry on as you were - with him understanding exactly what the deal is - or to go your separate ways, if he can't handle it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. " I as a man want just what your offering, It's hard to meet a lady that can be considered openly to enjoying ourselves and still have the guy involved in the background, Your completely in the right OP he should be thankful
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. I as a man want just what your offering, It's hard to meet a lady that can be considered openly to enjoying ourselves and still have the guy involved in the background, Your completely in the right OP he should be thankful "
Thanks |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. I as a man want just what your offering, It's hard to meet a lady that can be considered openly to enjoying ourselves and still have the guy involved in the background, Your completely in the right OP he should be thankful
Thanks " Your very welcome, You always talk to a older guy about anything x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. I as a man want just what your offering, It's hard to meet a lady that can be considered openly to enjoying ourselves and still have the guy involved in the background, Your completely in the right OP he should be thankful
Thanks Your very welcome, You always talk to a older guy about anything x "
I don't know if I'd go that far |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. I as a man want just what your offering, It's hard to meet a lady that can be considered openly to enjoying ourselves and still have the guy involved in the background, Your completely in the right OP he should be thankful
Thanks Your very welcome, You always talk to a older guy about anything x
I don't know if I'd go that far Ha ha smiling happy new year to you sexy "
Happy New Year |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He has definitely developed feelings for you. The question is, if its mutual? But if you have both pre-agreed that you will meet when you both free, then he cant really call you out on it. Just my opinion though. "
Not mutual. I don't do feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Men lie...and tell women what they want to hear to get what they want.....he told he was fine with NSA to get you in the sack....and he clearly wasn’t...."
Thanks |
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