FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Unwanted advice
Unwanted advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you deal with unwanted advice?
How do you deal with it if it’s constant, unwanted advice?
And yes; I’ve explained ‘thank you, but if I want or need advice I will ask’ but nope. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends on what relation the person is to you that is giving their ‘opinion’ as it clearly isn’t advice.
You could tell them “their opinion has been noted, thank you very much”."
‘I’ll keep that in mind’ is usually my reply. But it’s the same unwanted advice every few days  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm suspecting an MiL issue ... so a jaunty STFU probably wouldn't go down well
It’s as if you know me"
In that case threaten to divorce her son and take half of everything he owns. I know it’s a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face but some people need to know the consequences of their actions.
If that’s too drastic punch her in the throat or tit. She may get the message then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell them, “as much as I appreciate and respect your help,advice and input, it has been noted and heard. Repeating the same thing is beginning to seem pushy and slightly condescending, while I take it on board and I thank you, my decisions are my own to make x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s very difficult. I’ve had it for years from people who know fuck all about special needs children. Used to infuriate me but I switch off now. Nobody’s entitled to an opinion on certain things unless they’ve experienced it in my view. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s very difficult. I’ve had it for years from people who know fuck all about special needs children. Used to infuriate me but I switch off now. Nobody’s entitled to an opinion on certain things unless they’ve experienced it in my view. "
Nora x. (Thought I was on my own profile!  ) |
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"I'm suspecting an MiL issue ... so a jaunty STFU probably wouldn't go down well
It’s as if you know me
In that case threaten to divorce her son and take half of everything he owns. I know it’s a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face but some people need to know the consequences of their actions.
If that’s too drastic punch her in the throat or tit. She may get the message then. "
Haha maybe the less drastic version would be telling MIL she needs to take a break from seeing her as it's taking a toll on her mental health as she has enough stress to deal with having a young baby as it is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well. 
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh. |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
Sometimes you just have to be brutally honest. I spent way too many years having others trying to tell me how i should live my life. Now I refuse to let them, they don't like it but that's their problem not mine. |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh. "
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime  . |
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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago
London |
"OP I get unwanted advice all the time from people telling me how I can lose weight. They mean well though. So I just smile and nod. "
Lose weight?
Errr...if they only knew that you are already doing the best thing you can for weight loss. Wall to wall sex.
And whatever you look limke, it's certainly not hindering your sex appeal. So who cares.
You can smile at them wryly knowing that you're probably having more sex than they can possibly hope for. |
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Offer a little advice back- on absolutley everything.
Dress Sense
Cooking
Hairstlyes
Make Up
Driving Style
Home Decor
Interpersonal Communication skills...all the really personal things
Go to town, be a pain in fekin arse for a few days...then tell them you learnt it from the second best- and you're willing to offer them some advice on improving that too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Offer a little advice back- on absolutley everything.
Dress Sense
Cooking
Hairstlyes
Make Up
Driving Style
Home Decor
Interpersonal Communication skills...all the really personal things
Go to town, be a pain in fekin arse for a few days...then tell them you learnt it from the second best- and you're willing to offer them some advice on improving that too "
Sounds like a plan |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime . "
I sort of hope I do snap
Spending a whole day with her this Sunday. I will probably cry |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime .
I sort of hope I do snap
Spending a whole day with her this Sunday. I will probably cry "
Could you tell her you need some time away if she won't drop it? Her motivation seems to be around what she wants regarding time with the baby so maybe the threat of less time with him might get her to shut up? |
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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago
London |
"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh. "
Ok, you know the best thing to do when it's "advice" on subject matters like this, present the authoritative information to them to counter their 'old wives tales'.
The WHO has categorically said that breastfeeding to the age of 2 is ideal for a baby's physical and mental development. There are all manner of legitimate medical resources that provide guidance to mothers for everythingg from feeding to sleep routines to bonding. Now what scientific basis does a lay person have to back up the "get him off the boob" and "feed him food" advice. I call that 'opinion'whereas WHO is actual 'advice'. |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime .
I sort of hope I do snap
Spending a whole day with her this Sunday. I will probably cry "
I
Just smile and nod and carry on doing what you want to do. I got all sorts of advice from loads of different people that I hadn't asked for but only one person gave me the one piece of advice that would have made a world of difference, that was simply saying "you're doing a bloody good job, carry on the way you are".
So, you're doing a bloody good job, carry on as you are and excuse my language, fuck everyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime .
I sort of hope I do snap
Spending a whole day with her this Sunday. I will probably cry I
Just smile and nod and carry on doing what you want to do. I got all sorts of advice from loads of different people that I hadn't asked for but only one person gave me the one piece of advice that would have made a world of difference, that was simply saying "you're doing a bloody good job, carry on the way you are".
So, you're doing a bloody good job, carry on as you are and excuse my language, fuck everyone else. "
I do adore you  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Ok, you know the best thing to do when it's "advice" on subject matters like this, present the authoritative information to them to counter their 'old wives tales'.
The WHO has categorically said that breastfeeding to the age of 2 is ideal for a baby's physical and mental development. There are all manner of legitimate medical resources that provide guidance to mothers for everythingg from feeding to sleep routines to bonding. Now what scientific basis does a lay person have to back up the "get him off the boob" and "feed him food" advice. I call that 'opinion'whereas WHO is actual 'advice'."
That’s what I’ve been doing  but ah well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Post a thread on here you’ll get tonnes of unwanted advice, even this!
I tend to try and take on all advice and see how it relates / works with the end result I want. I don’t think any advice / help could be unusable unless it’s completely unreasonable.
Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Post a thread on here you’ll get tonnes of unwanted advice, even this!
I tend to try and take on all advice and see how it relates / works with the end result I want. I don’t think any advice / help could be unusable unless it’s completely unreasonable.
Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong... "
It is wrong, for both me and my child |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Ok, you know the best thing to do when it's "advice" on subject matters like this, present the authoritative information to them to counter their 'old wives tales'.
The WHO has categorically said that breastfeeding to the age of 2 is ideal for a baby's physical and mental development. There are all manner of legitimate medical resources that provide guidance to mothers for everythingg from feeding to sleep routines to bonding. Now what scientific basis does a lay person have to back up the "get him off the boob" and "feed him food" advice. I call that 'opinion'whereas WHO is actual 'advice'.
That’s what I’ve been doing but ah well. "
Bloody MILs. Maybe try laxatives in her tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it’s advice from an in law, I generally tell them that I’ve taken in board what they’ve said and appreciate their comments but not everything is the way now as it was, then.
You have a right to raise your child the way you want to and if she doesn’t agree with that, asking her to leave is not out of the question.
Put yourself and your thoughts and feelings first. A stressed out and unhappy parent shouldn’t be because of what an in law thinks. |
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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago
London |
"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Ok, you know the best thing to do when it's "advice" on subject matters like this, present the authoritative information to them to counter their 'old wives tales'.
The WHO has categorically said that breastfeeding to the age of 2 is ideal for a baby's physical and mental development. There are all manner of legitimate medical resources that provide guidance to mothers for everythingg from feeding to sleep routines to bonding. Now what scientific basis does a lay person have to back up the "get him off the boob" and "feed him food" advice. I call that 'opinion'whereas WHO is actual 'advice'.
That’s what I’ve been doing but ah well.
Bloody MILs. Maybe try laxatives in her tea "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's crazy the amount of unwanted advice you get when you become a parent. It's like everyone knows your child better than you do.
I usually just nod and smile if I like the person and if I can see they mean well, but if they are persistent and just talking to you like you're stupid I think it's important to stand your ground and be firm, even to be rude to them sometimes to let them know it's not OK to talk to you like you're an idiot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell her someone else gave you advice that really upset you , yes tell a lie. Say your so offended about anyone daring to give you advice on how to look after your healthy and happy baby that if anyone else tries it you’ll never speak to them again. He’s your baby. No one even his dad knows him like you. Enjoy him. Tell your mother in law your really worried about her as she’s seems to be repeating herself a lot. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tell her someone else gave you advice that really upset you , yes tell a lie. Say your so offended about anyone daring to give you advice on how to look after your healthy and happy baby that if anyone else tries it you’ll never speak to them again. He’s your baby. No one even his dad knows him like you. Enjoy him. Tell your mother in law your really worried about her as she’s seems to be repeating herself a lot. Xx"
Oh I’ve done this! Went on a big rant about how unwanted advice is so annoying, I don’t need it and if I did I’d ask etc. She slagged off the imaginary person - then gave me advice
My husband pointed the irony out and she said ‘well yeah, but he’s a bit old to be attached to her boob isn’t he?’
Yep |
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"It's crazy the amount of unwanted advice you get when you become a parent. It's like everyone knows your child better than you do."
Nobody ever gives you the good, useful advice though, like envelope neck vests can be pulled down off the baby so that exploding shite doesn't get in their hair. Oh no, that you have to work out for yourself! (I found this out when my 3rd child was already out of nappies ) |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Jesus. You may already have done but maybe try saying medical professionals (Drs, health visitors, etc) are telling you the exact opposite.
It must be so frustrating! My friend is still breastfeeding at 2 1/2. You do you and what's best for you and your baby and she'll eventually have to get over it. I hope you don't snap and kill her in the meantime .
I sort of hope I do snap
Spending a whole day with her this Sunday. I will probably cry I
Just smile and nod and carry on doing what you want to do. I got all sorts of advice from loads of different people that I hadn't asked for but only one person gave me the one piece of advice that would have made a world of difference, that was simply saying "you're doing a bloody good job, carry on the way you are".
So, you're doing a bloody good job, carry on as you are and excuse my language, fuck everyone else. "
This, this, this! Everyone has an opinion on babies. Especially if you're breastfeeding. You do you. Easier said than done, I know.
Xx |
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"Tell her someone else gave you advice that really upset you , yes tell a lie. Say your so offended about anyone daring to give you advice on how to look after your healthy and happy baby that if anyone else tries it you’ll never speak to them again. He’s your baby. No one even his dad knows him like you. Enjoy him. Tell your mother in law your really worried about her as she’s seems to be repeating herself a lot. Xx
Oh I’ve done this! Went on a big rant about how unwanted advice is so annoying, I don’t need it and if I did I’d ask etc. She slagged off the imaginary person - then gave me advice
My husband pointed the irony out and she said ‘well yeah, but he’s a bit old to be attached to her boob isn’t he?’
Yep "
A bit old!? . I was barely out of hospital at his age. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes we are too close to ourselves to see what's around us.
When someone offers advice I listen and say thank you. They usually stop repeatedly asking even though I don't actually do what they say. |
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I had this with my MiL. I just politely told her, thanks for the advice but what I’m doing is working for us.
A previous one always used to turn up around tea time and inspect what I was cooking, normally accompanied with the words ‘oh he won’t eat that’  well actually he does and so much more, I’ve awakened his taste buds !
It’s a tough one, just take deep breaths, count to ten and smile.... inside you will be screaming but hey it’s better than showing they are winding you up. |
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"I had this with my MiL. I just politely told her, thanks for the advice but what I’m doing is working for us.
A previous one always used to turn up around tea time and inspect what I was cooking, normally accompanied with the words ‘oh he won’t eat that’ well actually he does and so much more, I’ve awakened his taste buds !
It’s a tough one, just take deep breaths, count to ten and smile.... inside you will be screaming but hey it’s better than showing they are winding you up. "
My parents had the food thing. They fed us the same as them from a young age. When we were toddlers we had blended versions of their food. They found it very frustrating that most children's menus at restaurants were all fish fingers, chicken nuggets, beans, chips, etc. |
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I've been thinking about the unsolicited advice I used to receive when our kids were little. I was breast feeding our six month old at my mums house when one of her friends took it upon herself to advise me that they were too old for that and I should wean her. Another complete stranger advised me on how to control my child by putting it in reins while I was standing in a library queue with my well behaved toddler who was chatting to me quite animatedly I was 41 weeks pregnant at the time and was experiencing early labour and could actually have done with the old bag saying "let me return your book for you so you don't need to stand there waiting". There are countless other examples and it was always other women who could have made a positive difference.
There was one friend of my mums though who used to say to both our kids "haven't you got a lovely mum" that's all it takes. |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh. "
Have you ever considered moving far far away?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Have you ever considered moving far far away? "
So so so tempting. Unfortunately, my family live a few doors away from my in laws. And we like my family. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There was one friend of my mums though who used to say to both our kids "haven't you got a lovely mum" that's all it takes. "
This!
I love hearing that. It’s comforting |
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"Hubby has had a word with her. Many times. It’s selfish advice as well.
‘Get him off the boob’ - she thinks breastfeeding is wrong (yep..) and because I hardly ever get to express milk, it means she can’t have baba. Not that I want her to have him anyway...
‘Get him on food’ - no. He’s not even four months old. Not happening.
Its bloody stupid shit, we’ve both spoken to her and made it clear. Fuck, I wanna breastfeed until he’s two (I know it might not be possible but that’s the goal) and he will get food when he’s ready - probably the recommended age of six months old.
She just wants to have him on her own, even though she has a dodgy knee and can barely walk, meaning she won’t take him out the house, she can’t sit on the floor with him, lean down to pick him up etc.
Ugh.
Have you ever considered moving far far away?
So so so tempting. Unfortunately, my family live a few doors away from my in laws. And we like my family. "
Not a problem tell your family you're all moving and not to tell a soul  |
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"There was one friend of my mums though who used to say to both our kids "haven't you got a lovely mum" that's all it takes.
This!
I love hearing that. It’s comforting "
I honestly don't understand why women dish out unsolicited advice like you mention when they surely must remember how vulnerable they felt when their children were babies. I do think a lot of older women feel that different parenting methods to their own are somehow a criticism of them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There was one friend of my mums though who used to say to both our kids "haven't you got a lovely mum" that's all it takes.
This!
I love hearing that. It’s comforting
I honestly don't understand why women dish out unsolicited advice like you mention when they surely must remember how vulnerable they felt when their children were babies. I do think a lot of older women feel that different parenting methods to their own are somehow a criticism of them. "
I’m also not one to let my baby cry (he’s four months old, he’s crying for a reason) and that’s met with criticism too. And I rock him to sleep - a rod for my own back! Oh well. He sleeps 10+ hours a night. I’ll take that |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
There's always someone who thinks they know better than you, more so when it comes to babies.
When my mil visited me and my first son in the hospital she had really high heels on, I made her take them off because he was walking up and down with him. When I popped to the loo she had given him a dummy that she had in her handbag. I was livid!!
I'd say someone like 'I appreciate you're trying to help but things have moved on a lot since you've had your children and I'm more comfortable following the advice of my health visitor. If you don't like that then I suggest you don't come round so often'.
Good luck! |
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"There was one friend of my mums though who used to say to both our kids "haven't you got a lovely mum" that's all it takes.
This!
I love hearing that. It’s comforting
I honestly don't understand why women dish out unsolicited advice like you mention when they surely must remember how vulnerable they felt when their children were babies. I do think a lot of older women feel that different parenting methods to their own are somehow a criticism of them.
I’m also not one to let my baby cry (he’s four months old, he’s crying for a reason) and that’s met with criticism too. And I rock him to sleep - a rod for my own back! Oh well. He sleeps 10+ hours a night. I’ll take that"
We wouldn't let ours cry, they both slept in bed with us, I didn't enforce potty training from an early age, I let them eat sweets, I let our daughter play football, I let our son eat more or less what he wanted to avoid him eating nothing at all, when our son obviously hated nursery I stopped sending him, if they were very tired I kept them away from school and numerous other terrible parenting errors that people advised me were wrong. Hell our neighbours once told me I made them walk too much .
New parents, well all parents really need support and unless they're making dangerous decisions complete acceptance of their skills. |
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Also I used to sit them in front of the telly from an early age when I should have spent every waking moment doing interesting things with them
Frankly I'm amazed that social services weren't visiting on a daily basis. |
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Too many people want to give advice or their opinions, not enough want to lend a listening ear without interruption and then leave you to decide yourself what you need to do.
If you find a listener, keep hold of them as they're very rare people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s your baby, you do what is right for you. Just ignore them, they’ll get the message eventually.
I breast fed my son until he was 18 months old .x"
I wish I was still breastfed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take it on board. Its up to you how you respond to suggestions. My young cousin said "Craig why dont you be a cowboy like woody!"
Great suggestion!! Although I'll pass... you are gonna do what you want no matter the suggestion! |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
If it's to do with my child I simply tell them 'she came out of my vagina, I decide what's happening'.
Kindly explain that advice is appreciated when it's only once per 'issue', after that it becomes nagging and nobody wants to nag a new mother. |
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It feels like parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't. My friend got loads of criticism for nor going back to work after having her kids as it wasn't financially worthwhile as childcare was so expensive. Her parents live 4 hours away and his mum is sadly dead and his dad is disabled so they don't have any family support. My mum on the other hand had endless criticism for going back to work full time after having me and my brother but she was the main earner and also wanted to go back to work. My dad was self employed and quite happy being at home with us. He says he'd love to do it again. People can be very judgemental. |
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"Right only one thing for it. Next time she pops in for a cuppa use breast milk xx
"
I laughed my socks off when the Ricky Gervais character in After Life interviewed a woman who used beast milk in cooking and vaginal secretions to make bread. |
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My ex's mum used to be exactly the same, until I popped...
Turns out she was jealous of the bond we had from co sleeping and extended breast feeding, her mum never allowed her to enjoy her son like that, once I slotted in quality time with her grandson (with me always present) she calmed down loads
Good luck x |
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