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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Something that got my brain ticking over.
How do you feel about those in a relationship that don't live together.
Does it make them less of a couple than those that do?
We had a message that admittedly may have got somewhat lost in translation, but ultimately said it's a shame we don't live together as they thought we were a couple.
That kind of insinuated that we aren't a couple because we don't.
In your view does that make us not in a 'serious' relationship?
No right or wrong answers, just viewpoints.
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple
What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!  "
Could be many reasons I guess.
I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.
Maybe he's living a secret life.
Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.
Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.
Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.
Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour
P
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple
What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!
Could be many reasons I guess.
I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.
Maybe he's living a secret life.
Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.
Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.
Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.
Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour
P
"
Bit sexist to assume its all his fault isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple
What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!
Could be many reasons I guess.
I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.
Maybe he's living a secret life.
Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.
Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.
Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.
Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour
P
"
I think it’s the last option |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don’t think they’re less of a couple
What I don’t understand however, is a couple, who have a child, who don’t live together. Why?!
Could be many reasons I guess.
I'm assuming it's the lady who has the bambino living with her.
Maybe he's living a secret life.
Maybe he snores so bad she can't have him around.
Maybe his parents are unwell and he's helping them.
Maybe they can't stand each other and the happy family is all for show.
Maybe he's been contracted not to live together and at the end of the 10 year contract he'll inherit a million off his wrinkled old bitter aunt who had a twisted sense of humour
P
Bit sexist to assume its all his fault isn't it?"
It’s always men’s fault |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been together for almost seven years but we've not been able to live together as family commitments have meant we both need to stay where we are. Maybe one day we will but right now there's kids and grandkids and dogs and they all have to be put before what we want. We're together because we love each other, not because it's convenient. We're also both people who value our own space and also value our time together and never take it for granted. This is how it has to be and neither of us could bear any of the people that count on us being let down. The rest we cope with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course not. There are many reasons why couple don't live together.
It doesn't make you any less of a couple. If your in a loving relationship your a couple ( in our eyes anyway).
X |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?
So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.
My ideal relationship would be with someone who kept their own place. My homelife is chaotic, not many would be able to cope with that, but a bit of distance and a breather would make all the difference. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?
So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.
My ideal relationship would be with someone who kept their own place. My homelife is chaotic, not many would be able to cope with that, but a bit of distance and a breather would make all the difference."
Apologies for spelling, my dog is sat on my arm and i’m holding and typing with the phone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think so long as you have someone that loves tou, cares for you, thinks your the bees knees and would walk over hot coals to dip antwig in tour shit, does it really matter?
So long as there is trust and communication and both parties are happy and it works then who cares.
My ideal relationship would be with someone who kept their own place. My homelife is chaotic, not many would be able to cope with that, but a bit of distance and a breather would make all the difference."
That's what he says. Coming here is his sanctuary, his port in a stormy sea. When we were first together and he was driving trucks he'd drive miles out of his way to spend ten minutes at the end of my road. I still feel as excited now waiting for him to get here as I did then and still feel the same pleasure getting ready. I guess it wouldn't work for everyone but it does for us.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Origin of the word couple..
Middle English: from Old French cople (noun), copler (verb), from Latin copula (noun), copulare (verb), from co- ‘together’ + apere ‘fasten’.
I believe you are 'fastened' together by love not a location. Two of the kind. Love doesn't become void by not sharing a roof. Maybe just harder to nourish. Living together is seen as 'next inevitable step' by most, so maybe it comes from that belief of society? |
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Well ive been with my partner nearly 14 years. We do all the normal stuff like parties, weddings nights out with friends. Short breaks,.holidays. He comes over every week sometimes he.stays sometimes he doesnt. But we both just love our own space. We never argue or get on each others nerves its like one long honeymoon. It works perfectly for us. Plus its only about 40years since its been common to live together before marriage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.
I don't think living together or apart denotes a 'serious' relationship. |
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I think, as most of the comments above do, that living together does not make anyone more or less of a couple.
In fact I firmly believe (at the stage I've reached in my life), that that little bit of separation /distance removes some of the household management minutia that can be damaging. And keeps the feeling of dating, and excitement more alive.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Denis Leary said the recipe for a good marriage was talk to each other, listen to each other, respect each other and stay the fuck away from each other. I related to that a lot. I know some people can spend almost all their time together and make it work and it's brilliant. I just don't think me and him are like that  |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I think it would depend on the circumstances. If it was a loving couple who don't live together because they are happy as they are then no it doesn't make a couple any less of a couple. If they are a loving couple who don't live together because there are other partners in the mix then that might be different for some people.
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(Lou) We dont live together as such as I still spend 2 nights a week at mine, we are planning to live together one day but in our own time when we feel it is right as there are kids to consider.
It doesn't mean we are any less of a couple than those who are living together or married or that we love each other any less.
As with anything, what works for one couple might not work for another x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a load of bull!!!
MrD and I dont live together. We are both seperated with kids. But we are very much a couple. More so than some people living under the same roof!!!
MsD |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.
"
I suppose that could happen even with married couples. I think it is more an issue of thinking being married is a more stable relationship, which of course doesn't mean that at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We’ve had that accusation as well. We don’t live together, family circumstances mean we need to keep in our own homes but that doesn’t mean we’re not a couple x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My best relationships have been those where we’ve lived apart.
In today’s world a couple/trouple is whatever the people involved want it to be. I know two people in Japan who are getting married online and they have never physically met each other. Another is marrying his pillow. Yes, you read correctly. He will be living with it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a load of bull!!!
MrD and I dont live together. We are both seperated with kids. But we are very much a couple. More so than some people living under the same roof!!!
MsD"
Couldn't of put it better myself. Why not judge them on what you see and hear rather assuming or jumping to conclusions |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I think it would depend on the circumstances. If it was a loving couple who don't live together because they are happy as they are then no it doesn't make a couple any less of a couple. If they are a loving couple who don't live together because there are other partners in the mix then that might be different for some people.
"
PS having read your OP again I realise you are asking about you rather than a general question so I want to clarify I was giving a general answer.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it would depend on the circumstances. If it was a loving couple who don't live together because they are happy as they are then no it doesn't make a couple any less of a couple. If they are a loving couple who don't live together because there are other partners in the mix then that might be different for some people.
PS having read your OP again I realise you are asking about you rather than a general question so I want to clarify I was giving a general answer.
"
It was kinda both, ours or others that don't live together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bit of an odd way to look at it, I think. I am not in a "proper" relationship with the man I do live with, so we could meet them but you, who are actually a couple, couldn't because you have separate abodes?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses  "
We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal. It's not fair to him and it doesn't bother me at all. And I can have a hot water bottle, he hates them |
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"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses
Haha I think my fwb probably thinks that about me tbf 
"
I never sleep well when someone stays. I much prefer the bed all to myself.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses
We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal.
)"
Blimey, are you sure you are not Mr Ruggers? You sound just like him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some couples have issues within their own relationship and only want to meet married (to each other!) couples. They are afraid that anyone less than that will run away with their partner.
I suppose that could happen even with married couples. I think it is more an issue of thinking being married is a more stable relationship, which of course doesn't mean that at all."
I agree.
And yes, some married couples cheat too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think, as most of the comments above do, that living together does not make anyone more or less of a couple.
In fact I firmly believe (at the stage I've reached in my life), that that little bit of separation /distance removes some of the household management minutia that can be damaging. And keeps the feeling of dating, and excitement more alive.
"
I think some people who live apart have better, more secure relationships (than some who live together) for this exact reason. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We've been together for almost seven years but we've not been able to live together as family commitments have meant we both need to stay where we are. Maybe one day we will but right now there's kids and grandkids and dogs and they all have to be put before what we want. We're together because we love each other, not because it's convenient. We're also both people who value our own space and also value our time together and never take it for granted. This is how it has to be and neither of us could bear any of the people that count on us being let down. The rest we cope with. "
See a lot of this reminds us so much of us. It's actually a relief in a way to know that we're not the only ones as P was feeling a bit isolated by our circumstances?
B |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
Living arrangements make no difference to us, we would be hypocrites if they did.
We've been together long enough and have been swinging together exclusively long enough that we would hope people thought we were a proper couple.
I think that there's quite a lot of couples profiles that pop up and only last a matter of days or weeks because they aren't really a couple outside fab but just have a couples profile together as a means to an end, when it doesn't work out for whatever reason they're back swinging as singles again in no time.
There's not necessarily anything wrong with doing that but it makes some couples who are couples in the more traditional sense a bit wary as there's legitimate reasons they may not wish to meet those people.
A crude way of ing those faux couples out is excluding those who don't live together, so I do understand it although don't think it's the best approach. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All I know is when Mr Ruggers snores and keeps me awake I wish we had separate houses
We sleep in separate rooms because I'm a nightmare to sleep with. I spend ages fidgeting and when I finally fall asleep I snore like an elephant seal.
)
Blimey, are you sure you are not Mr Ruggers? You sound just like him"
You wouldn't have put up with me that long |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've been together for almost seven years but we've not been able to live together as family commitments have meant we both need to stay where we are. Maybe one day we will but right now there's kids and grandkids and dogs and they all have to be put before what we want. We're together because we love each other, not because it's convenient. We're also both people who value our own space and also value our time together and never take it for granted. This is how it has to be and neither of us could bear any of the people that count on us being let down. The rest we cope with.
See a lot of this reminds us so much of us. It's actually a relief in a way to know that we're not the only ones as P was feeling a bit isolated by our circumstances?
B"
It's hard sometimes when you miss each other but I don't think anyone has it 100% easy. We met at a stage in life where we already had baggage and responsibilities. I fell for him partly because of his devotion to his children and he'd never allow me to put anything before my son. It's part of who we are and why we can't be happy without each other, and we've put that to the test. You're definitely not alone, I've known numerous people who live like this and make it work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're a couple who don't live together. We both have children from our previous relationships and they will always come first for both of us. We try to spend at least 2 maybe 3 nights a week together, if we can. We both like our own space too. We would also agree that our relationship is strong because we don't spend all our time together and appreciate the time we have together more than we might if living together full time.
There is a saying that familiarity breeds contempt.
Lee |
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