Can’t imagine that this post will reflect well on me so I shall preface with “asking for a friend”
So if you are a singleton and you are meeting (through fab or other places) other singletons you go through a process of messaging, teasing and a degree of seduction to hopefully meet likeminded people and share a fab time with.
You both make it clear from the outset that it is NSA and this is reiterated at every subsequent meeting. Yet slowly over time and perhaps because of familiarity, and your seduction “technique” a commitment is assumed by one of you which will lead to a painful discussion and ultimately guilt, unhappiness or becoming trapped in a “relationship” which one of you doesn’t want.
As a caring person that enjoys seduction and the “art” associated with getting to meet someone where is the line that should not be crossed to prevent such an occurrence? How do you indulge in this lifestyle without creating “feelings” in another that will lead to a situation you do not want? How does one truly find “NSA”?
Ultimately. How much “sugar” is too much? It’s now approaching Christmas and I confess I am in this situation (not with a fabber), due to a number of crises over the last few months, it’s never been “the right time” and now as Christmas is here this also isn’t the right time. I have tried to be honest, without being cruel and it is inevitable that soon I will have to be an arsehole as I am so dreadfully unhappy with the situation. I am not indulging in physical dalliances with said person but the message has not got through.
There you go, I’m crap (you already knew that) but that dear forumers is my dilemma. I want to back to being “me”.
Phew that was cathartic. S’okay you don’t have to respond but now I have been honest with myself and fab and it feels better. I bet I won’t post this!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the only way to do it is to have no involvement in each others day to day lives. You can be there for each other on the end of a phone and you can enjoy the time and the intimacy you have when you're together and you can grow close as friends but I think it needs to end there to risk it not turning into a relationship. I'm sorry you're in this situation and I don't envy you. It sounds like you're trying to be honest but not being heard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man you gotta be honest with the other person and tell them a relationship or exclusivity is not something you want. That you cant see them anymore because you both have gotten closer than you had intended and it's not fair to carry on and feel like your trapped in a place you dont want to be. Christmas is a shit time to be dumped, I have experience in this, but it's also a time the other person is gonna wanna spend with you getting even closer. I think you gotta say something sooner rather than later. This is just my point of view however so please listen to what everyone else has to say before making any decisions cause it's you that's gotta live with them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes O.P you find the solution just by actually voicing your feelings. You've written so succinctly. Surely the other person deserves your honesty. I'm not implying you haven't been honest in any way I just think personally if it was me and I had caught the feels for a playmate I'd rather be told than not. There's never ever going to be a right time to have this conversation, but you already know this I think. Whatever or when ever you tell them, it's not going to be easy for either of you.. just suck it up and ya know what do it for you .. you've been open about it from the get go. It's obviously eating you up. It will continue to eat you up .. do it and stop procrastinating.. for both your sakes. |
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Thank you for those responses, I didn’t expect that. I have been guilty of sleep walking into this, and for being cruel I think. But you are all right. There is a need to bite the bullet and there will never be a “right time”. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah I feel for you, it is a shite state of affairs to be in. I am of the opinion that regular nsa isnt really possible, I know people will swear blind it is, but perhaps its not them but the person they are meeting that harbours more feelings. The whole art of seduction is getting to be in love isnt it. How do you just stop that and say whoa hang on, not that much love only this much.
You seem to pretty much know what needs to be done though, so I feel for you. Sometimes that final No, although brutal is what is needed.
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