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Needing a lift today...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Gatsby needs a lift up today lets hear your best dad jokes

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

Oh, I thought you meant to work

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your dad is so ugly, they dip his face in the doe at your local bakery to make gorilla biscuits

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's brown and sticky?

A stick. "

No fair, I just came here to post that one

Ok then, what's red and invisible?

No tomatoes

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By *uriousscouserWoman over a year ago

Wirral

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

When is a door not a door....

When it’s a...jar!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My boss told me to have a great day, so I went home...

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

What is a blind reindeer called..

No eye deer

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Where too?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What is a blind reindeer called..

No eye deer"

What's a blind reindeer with no legs called?

Still no eye deer

What's a blind reindeer with no legs or head called?

Matt.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"Oh, I thought you meant to work

So did I

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just found out that 'Aaarghh' isn't a real word.

I can't express how angry I am!

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"What is a blind reindeer called..

No eye deer

What's a blind reindeer with no legs called?

Still no eye deer

What's a blind reindeer with no legs or head called?

Matt. "

Brilliant

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By *entleman55Man over a year ago

S’th West Mc/r

Grandad joke

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back

A stick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Taxi for 1 please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

No fair, I just came here to post that one

Ok then, what's red and invisible?

No tomatoes"

This made me laugh way more than it should have.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a superhero who has been run over by a steamroller?

Flatman

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Someone stole my mood ring.

I don't know how I feel about that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos

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By *ntrigued32Couple over a year ago

Nottingham

What’s blue and smells like red paint?

......

Blue paint

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

AYE MATEY

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wtf just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out. Must of been from my uncle ben

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

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By *forfun500Couple over a year ago

walsall

2 gold fish in a tank one says to the other how the fuck do you drive this thing

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

Loving all these!

So here’s the only one I ever remember:

What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow lady?

Snow Balls!

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit

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By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit "

Now that should be on a valentine card!

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By *xperimentalistMan over a year ago

East Yorkshire

What do you call a gun with three barrels?

A trifle.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He sat down with a piece of paper and a pencil and worked it out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What cheese would you use to hide a horse?

Mascapone

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london

What brand of crisps do the walking dead cast eat, walkers

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By *ourayloversCouple over a year ago

chesterfield

What do you call a blind deer

No eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs

Still no eyed deer

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london

One dildo to the other " sorry I didnt hear your call, i was on vibrate"

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By *ot-AshMan over a year ago

London

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a blind deer

No eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs

Still no eyed deer "

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking eyed deer

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By *ourayloversCouple over a year ago

chesterfield

"What do you call a blind deer

No eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs

Still no eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking eyed deer"

In all the years I've told that joke I've never heard that one

Fantastic xxx

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By *affeine DuskMan over a year ago

Caerphilly

I'd love to add to this thread, but unfortunately I'm not in much of a positive mood... last night's storm blew a quarter of my roof off.

oof.

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By *scouple07Couple over a year ago

louth, Ireland

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

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By *ourayloversCouple over a year ago

chesterfield

Man goes to see his Geordie doctor and says "doctor my armpit smells of coconut"

Doctor says "why I man it's bounty"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What is a blind reindeer called..

No eye deer

What's a blind reindeer with no legs called?

Still no eye deer

What's a blind reindeer with no legs or head called?

Matt. "

What do you call a blind,no legged reindeer having sex?

Fucking still no eye deer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a blind deer

No eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs

Still no eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking eyed deer

In all the years I've told that joke I've never heard that one

Fantastic xxx"

You're welcome

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By *ourayloversCouple over a year ago

chesterfield

"What do you call a blind deer

No eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs

Still no eyed deer

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking eyed deer

In all the years I've told that joke I've never heard that one

Fantastic xxx

You're welcome

xx"

Love the Christmas decorations

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A monkey walks into a pub

Sits at the bar and orders a pint of larger and a packet of crisps

the barman says "that's amazing, you should work at the circus "

The monkey asks " why, are the looking for electricians "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

thanks all thats given me a giggle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you get peekachew on a train??

poke him on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Filled the escort with diesel last night.

She ended up in hospital.

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london

I've recently decided to give up masturbating, I've not felt myself since

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between a Prostitute and a Cadbury's Crème Egg?

You can lick out a crème egg for 59p

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know I use the forum mainly for sharing my jokes and spreading some cheer, but I'm asking you all to wish me luck!! Tomorrow morning I'm on my way to the bank to speak to the manager and if everything goes well my life will change dramatically, I'm talking millions here!!! I'm so excited I can barely get my balaclava over my head.

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london

My girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in, that's how small my cock is

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By *utley71Man over a year ago

Stockport

"The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Oh gawd, the best on yet.

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By *33dfulthingsMan over a year ago

london