FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Interesting double standards....
Interesting double standards....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive?"
I think people apologise to infer the lack of any intention to offend. Excluding an entire race of people could seem offensive to some. |
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OP I think you will find there are many profiles that state what they want and what they don’t want, that includes being heightist, sexist, sizeist, smokerist, beardist and any other “ist” you can think of.
This is a place to find what you want and most people won’t feel the need to apologise for that, I suspect the ones that do make apologies are trying to avoid being labelled with the “ist” tag  |
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By *riple SCouple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"because tattooism doesn't bring the P.C. or the law out ...... "
There is no law about who somebody chooses to have sex with or not...
As for PC then surely it should be the same for height, body size, hair color, penis length or other physical attributes? |
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By *riple SCouple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"Because it offends some people to be excluded. "
Yep, but others can be used too...
"No fat people"
"VWE - 8 inches+"
"Tall men only"
These are examples of what else has been written in profiles which could, and probably would offend others. But no apology |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We should react to prejudice not actively seek it out?
But on the flip side, are these profiles receiving so much unwanted attention from those not fitting a preference criteria that they cant just press delete? 21st century problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Irony oh irony
I got a message from someone once questioning my loyalty ..... this person is married and meeting others
Irony oh irony
Preference, profile yadda yadda
Simply
It’s up to them |
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By *riple SCouple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"Because when people say who they don't want to fuck, some types get abusive. They are hoping the apology will stop the abuse."
And isn't this wrong?
Being abused for having a preference?
Shouldn't those giving the abuse be the ones to apologise? Isn't that how society should work?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't state my preferences on mine anymore to save going through the hate mail.
It's not nice being accused of being racist when I can't help only finding white men attractive.
It's not a personal choice to exclude anyone, it's just what I am sexually attracted to or not. |
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By *riple SCouple
over a year ago
Midlands |
"OP I think you will find there are many profiles that state what they want and what they don’t want, that includes being heightist, sexist, sizeist, smokerist, beardist and any other “ist” you can think of.
This is a place to find what you want and most people won’t feel the need to apologise for that, I suspect the ones that do make apologies are trying to avoid being labelled with the “ist” tag "
The first part of what you've written is very true. People on here are selective about who they meet, and quite right too. However, I've never seen an apology for not wanting to meet somebody who is above a certain height, or a certain body size, a smoker, etc...
I've also never seen an apology for 'BBC only', therefore excluding white people |
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I think everyone should take a step back before they get mad about what someone writes in their profile.
We're excluded by a lot of things people say on their profile and a lot of what they say on forum threads. The day we spend a moment worrying that we aren't youn/old, slim/large, light/dark enough is the day we consider booking ourselves into a retreat for stressed swingers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because it's okay to offend men, whites and straight people.
But not okay to offend women, non-whites or non straight people.
Welcome to equality 2019 "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All I see on here is no whites from white couples  I
All?
Yes that’s why I said all I
Ok.
There are loads of white couples who don't say that but perhaps you haven't seen them "
Maybe it’s a Birmingham ting  |
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"All I see on here is no whites from white couples I
All?
Yes that’s why I said all I
Ok.
There are loads of white couples who don't say that but perhaps you haven't seen them
Maybe it’s a Birmingham ting "
Maybe |
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"Because when people say who they don't want to fuck, some types get abusive. They are hoping the apology will stop the abuse.
And isn't this wrong?
Being abused for having a preference?
Shouldn't those giving the abuse be the ones to apologise? Isn't that how society should work?
"
Anyone remember a hit from over 3 decades ago by Bananarama and a boy band called Fun Boy 3?
One verse went - ‘It ain’t what you say it’s the way that you say it!’
I think that’s massively true on fab - and the crux of what causes the most upset/offence!
I say exactly what I’m looking for on my profile - and always have - in a way that offends no one!
I just wish others would do the same. I find some profiles truly awful - unfriendly, harsh and demanding! Little wonder some on here complain of abusive messages! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because it's okay to offend men, whites and straight people.
But not okay to offend women, non-whites or non straight people.
Welcome to equality 2019 "
What rubbish! It is a personal issue whether to take offence or not.
Sexual preference is not reliant on diversity or equal opportunities rulings |
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A lot of people, typically men, associate anything that they can - except for their own responsibility - for their lack of the sex results meeting their expectations. A lot of others want to spell out that they have preferences, to save everyone a lot of bother. Many here deplore bigotry and racism and want others to know their preferences aren't due to them being racist and also have empathy for those having a tough time: this isn't exclusively related to race but that gets a lot of posts here.
A lot of people here would probably be better off adjusting their expectations and never insulting others |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive?"
So they are not chastised or pillared for being racist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive?"
We're a funny nation where apologies are concerned. Some people will be sorry for everything and others nothing. Most of us fall in between. There are those who apologise only if they are guilty of something and others who want to placate others. This can be useful in conflict resolution, such as saying sorry with no admission of guilt, but for what the other person has gone through. |
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"Because it's okay to offend men, whites and straight people.
But not okay to offend women, non-whites or non straight people.
Welcome to equality 2019 "
Can we get a moment's silence for the poor persecuted straight white men of the world. Truly they have it the hardest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive?
So they are not chastised or pillared for being racist."
Because there are self righteous sanctimonious people in ths world who get on their soap boxes and create public outcry. Which makes people feel they have to apologise. Free speech is dead in this country, even in the forums people are sarcastic and judgemental on people who have a different opinion than theirs.
In Scotland a female academic has made claim that mister men books are sexist and dictate how kids will treat females in future life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone messages me, and I read on their profile “no blacks”, it immediately makes me less inclined to talk to that person.
I’m being honest here. I agree that people are entitled to preferences, but there’s something about explicitly saying you don’t want to talk to an entire race that instinctively makes me uncomfortable.
We could all make a very long and specific list of what we like and dislike attraction wise. But maybe if we did that our profiles wouldn’t be appealing.
Why not just delete or block messages from people you aren’t attracted to? I wonder how much time and bother it really saves you having “no blacks” on your profile.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone messages me, and I read on their profile “no blacks”, it immediately makes me less inclined to talk to that person.
I’m being honest here. I agree that people are entitled to preferences, but there’s something about explicitly saying you don’t want to talk to an entire race that instinctively makes me uncomfortable.
We could all make a very long and specific list of what we like and dislike attraction wise. But maybe if we did that our profiles wouldn’t be appealing.
Why not just delete or block messages from people you aren’t attracted to? I wonder how much time and bother it really saves you having “no blacks” on your profile.
"
What about a profile that states no whites or Asians |
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Lots say no beards and lots like tattoos and beards. Some don't want overweight or bald or over 30. Some prefer black and some want white only.
I think it saves wasting everyone's time. I personally do not find it offensive. Sometimes it might be direct racism or it might be pure choice after all everyone should have choice. Best not to get hung up on it. Move along and find someone whose profile you fit.. |
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The difference is that black people experience racism and people with beards don't experience beardism, so people are more likely to be wary of expressing their preference on race.
I'll never understand why people insist on comparing two things without including any context at all. |
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"If someone messages me, and I read on their profile “no blacks”, it immediately makes me less inclined to talk to that person.
I’m being honest here. I agree that people are entitled to preferences, but there’s something about explicitly saying you don’t want to talk to an entire race that instinctively makes me uncomfortable.
We could all make a very long and specific list of what we like and dislike attraction wise. But maybe if we did that our profiles wouldn’t be appealing.
Why not just delete or block messages from people you aren’t attracted to? I wonder how much time and bother it really saves you having “no blacks” on your profile.
What about a profile that states no whites or Asians "
Well if I was white or Asian I would not contact them..
Find the ones that do like whites and Asians |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As an Asian male all I can say is that everyone is of course welcome to their preferences but to say you aren't attracted to every single black/Asian man/woman is - to me - insane.
I can understand completely that you'll have preferences: I myself have a thing for blondes.
But you surely understand that it's an incredibly sweeping generalisation to discount people based simply on the colour of their skin? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone messages me, and I read on their profile “no blacks”, it immediately makes me less inclined to talk to that person.
I’m being honest here. I agree that people are entitled to preferences, but there’s something about explicitly saying you don’t want to talk to an entire race that instinctively makes me uncomfortable.
We could all make a very long and specific list of what we like and dislike attraction wise. But maybe if we did that our profiles wouldn’t be appealing.
Why not just delete or block messages from people you aren’t attracted to? I wonder how much time and bother it really saves you having “no blacks” on your profile.
What about a profile that states no whites or Asians "
I have the same feeling. Just for me, personally, preferences explicitly stated based on race are uncomfortable to read. I’m not saying those people should apologise, or that they can help their attractions, but I can’t help my gut reaction or it either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The first part of what you've written is very true. People on here are selective about who they meet, and quite right too. However, I've never seen an apology for not wanting to meet somebody who is above a certain height, or a certain body size, a smoker, etc...
I've also never seen an apology for 'BBC only', therefore excluding white people "
I've seen profiles that apologise for wanting "BBC only" and go into a lot of detail to explain why, saw one just last night.
Tbh it doesn't offend me when I see no blacks or white only and I also don't feel some sort of pride when I see BBC only either. Like others have said you can't force a sexual preference.
I can't imagine anyone getting abusive because a woman they haven't met refuses to fuck them because of their colour but that maybe because I'm normal 
Can't we all just play together  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We do not state preferences on our profile as we treat people on their individual merits and not colour, race, sexual preference, dress sense. If they are an arse they still are whatever ever the above.
Oh sorry we do not meet people in trakki bottoms, sports shirts, poor body hygiene, just our preference
On that our "no" solo males is across the board |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All of this could easily be avoided if people just read profiles in the first place and moved on! "
On the contrary, I thought it was the content of the profiles causing offence in the first place |
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Unfortunately there will always be sad people on here that take offence to what is written in profiles. This is mainly due to the fact that they message people without reading the profiles first. I get lots of messages from white/Asian men - usually ‘lets fuck’ or ‘empty my balls’. When I reply that I’m black men only and to actually read my profile I get tons of abuse.
One guy called me a racist white slut, another said my grandad went to war for me and I disgrace him by fucking dirty black men, he would be turning in his grave. Been asked not to attend a party anymore as I would only play with black men (a white man I rejected complained to the host that I was racist lol) |
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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago
Near the River |
Personally I think it’s better to be up front with what you are looking for. This is a “free” service and guys should just move on graciously when they read a preference that they don’t fit into. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a plethora of profiles on here which are looking for BBC, a few profiles even indicate they prefer Asians. This is normally detailed within the text without any apology...
However, in contrast to that, a significant number of profiles on here also say "No blacks or Asians" but then almost always follow it with an apology or rationale of some description.
Why do people feel the need to do that? There's not apologising for any other physical attribute.
I've not seen any profile apologising for not wanting short men, unclean people, gingers, large build, beards, tattoos, small dicks, etc..
So why do people feel they need to apologise for not find Black people attractive?"
you get very handsome Asian men and gorgeous Asian women its the feeling guilty about discounting a whole continent that makes them feel guilty   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately there will always be sad people on here that take offence to what is written in profiles. This is mainly due to the fact that they message people without reading the profiles first. I get lots of messages from white/Asian men - usually ‘lets fuck’ or ‘empty my balls’. When I reply that I’m black men only and to actually read my profile I get tons of abuse.
One guy called me a racist white slut, another said my grandad went to war for me and I disgrace him by fucking dirty black men, he would be turning in his grave. Been asked not to attend a party anymore as I would only play with black men (a white man I rejected complained to the host that I was racist lol)"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples "
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
"
Hope they get some fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are two races that I discount completely. I have never found their looks attractive. Not even one. I don't publish that. Why offend?"
Can you see why people might find the way you speak about others a bit offensive though?
It's pretty dehumanising language. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As an Asian male all I can say is that everyone is of course welcome to their preferences but to say you aren't attracted to every single black/Asian man/woman is - to me - insane.
I can understand completely that you'll have preferences: I myself have a thing for blondes.
But you surely understand that it's an incredibly sweeping generalisation to discount people based simply on the colour of their skin?"
It's no more sweeping than those men who specify they won't women above a size 12.
By your logic it's equally insane to say your not attracted to all women above size 12.
It's preference end of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because when people say who they don't want to fuck, some types get abusive. They are hoping the apology will stop the abuse.
And isn't this wrong?
Being abused for having a preference?
Shouldn't those giving the abuse be the ones to apologise? Isn't that how society should work?
"
Clearly I'm agreeing with the abusive person here. People should fuck whoever asks. No apology. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are two races that I discount completely. I have never found their looks attractive. Not even one. I don't publish that. Why offend?
Me too. "
Agree. There’s no need to specify certain things. It’s common sense! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are two races that I discount completely. I have never found their looks attractive. Not even one. I don't publish that. Why offend?
Me too.
Agree. There’s no need to specify certain things. It’s common sense!"
I used to think it was common sense but apparently not.
Uncommon sense!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are two races that I discount completely. I have never found their looks attractive. Not even one. I don't publish that. Why offend?
Me too.
Agree. There’s no need to specify certain things. It’s common sense!
I used to think it was common sense but apparently not.
Uncommon sense! "
Yep!  |
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
"
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a difference between stating a preference for something, and saying you don't have a preference for something. One is positive the other is negative hence they feel the need to apologise. |
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If you read a profile that states I don't want to meet people who support Manchester utd, Drink coffee or listen to slipnot and you are one them why would it bother you, Move on to another profile, Same if it says I don't want to meet people of a certain race or size etc,
Even if they say something racist on their profile report it let admin deal with it and move on, Why would you want to meet a people who think like that |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
Everyone has preferences which is ok, sometimes it’s a hair,skin or eye colour.
I do find dismissing anyone purely on race as essentially racist by definition. There’s ways to say what you’re after and some people aren’t eloquent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out "
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal. "
Could say the same about bisexual events and bbw events. They aren't saying they are better than everyone else just they cater for specific tastes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal.
Could say the same about bisexual events and bbw events. They aren't saying they are better than everyone else just they cater for specific tastes. "
I don't understand why anyone would feel excluded. I don't feel excluded from bbw nights. I just wouldn't want to go. *shrugs* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal.
Could say the same about bisexual events and bbw events. They aren't saying they are better than everyone else just they cater for specific tastes. "
True but a straight guy or someone that prefers slim wouldn’t be going to them nights/clubs. I’ve never heard of a wmfc or bwc night. Or amfc it bas nights. I guess we’re not in demand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal.
Could say the same about bisexual events and bbw events. They aren't saying they are better than everyone else just they cater for specific tastes.
True but a straight guy or someone that prefers slim wouldn’t be going to them nights/clubs. I’ve never heard of a wmfc or bwc night. Or amfc it bas nights. I guess we’re not in demand "
No. There's no need for them because I think you'll find that the majority of the UK population is white. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out
So why just have the event named after black guys. I wouldn’t go being white as it’s not a black/white fan club or bwc/bbc night. That’s the problem. Making it sound like one race is above/better then the other. Everyone is equal.
Could say the same about bisexual events and bbw events. They aren't saying they are better than everyone else just they cater for specific tastes.
True but a straight guy or someone that prefers slim wouldn’t be going to them nights/clubs. I’ve never heard of a wmfc or bwc night. Or amfc it bas nights. I guess we’re not in demand
No. There's no need for them because I think you'll find that the majority of the UK population is white. "
Come to Birmingham or London then |
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"There are two races that I discount completely. I have never found their looks attractive. Not even one. I don't publish that. Why offend?
Can you see why people might find the way you speak about others a bit offensive though?
It's pretty dehumanising language."
Some may take it that way and it's a good filter though..
If people don't like the way people use language then don't engage with them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do white men go to bmfc/bbc nights at clubs other then partners of couples
Yes, I've seen a few
Some don't read the description and think it'll be a good place to meet black women.
But doesn’t that mean you are excluding white men? See it’s not as cut and dry as people try to make out "
The white men aren't excluded from attending, I think they might not get a lot of action though but isn't that the same result I'd get from messaging a lady who's stated she only plays with white men on her profile? |
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