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Stupid shit your parents once said.
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My mums as daft as me so she comes out with some corkers. One that springs to mind is that she asked my dad if she thought Ainsley Harriot made nice breakfasts for Dawn French (when she was married to Lenny Henry)!!  |
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Vividly remember being in my dads van and hearing the news of Freddie Mercury’s death from HIV. I asked my Dad what HIV was and he said “it something you get it if you’re naughty”.....
Fucking put the fear of god into me and I tried not to misbehave, genuinely, for years in fear that I might get HIV. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i got something wrong and then said something like...
“Sorry i thought it was finished”
Then she would say, “well you know what thought did dont you, he ran after a muck cart and thought it was a wedding”
I really have no clue what ghat means
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mum genuinely once asked "what does a fox say?" and was shocked when everyone in the room broke into song. "
If they did the fox sound effects bit, she'd have been really baffled. To her, it must have been like they were all suddenly speaking in tongues lol. |
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My dad asked me if there was 'a special lady' in my life.
Seemed pretty stupid to assume my sexuality, but then it did take him 14 years to buy that pack of cigarettes he popped out for so I probably shouldn't have expected philosophy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house?
I say that now!! Slowly but surely I've turned into my mum x  "
I’ve started saying it to friends when they come over. Maybe I’m turning into my mum too then haha |
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My mum is famous for assuming that anyone you know with the same name as one of her friends, actually is that friend. Also if she doesn't know the answer to something she just makes it up. This led to much confusion when I was a kid.
It's got worse as she's got older too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not my parent but my nan...she was a crazy little Irish woman who had loads of little saying like...
"Well ill go to the foot of our stairs" when surprised about something..and
"you with the face like our wee bulldog!"..she never had a bulldog!!  |
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"Does anybody else get the line “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!” when there’s too many lights on in the house?
I say that now!! Slowly but surely I've turned into my mum x
I’ve started saying it to friends when they come over. Maybe I’m turning into my mum too then haha"
Never say never x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“You make a better door than a window” if you blocked her view of anything.
“Eat your crusts or you will never have curly hair”
‘Mum, can i have ice cream?’
‘Ill ice cream you if you dont behave’
(Substitute ice cream for anything you asked for)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we never finished our meals she would always say There are starving kids in Africa who would love that. Me and my brother always replied we’ll send it to them then we don’t want any more.
Her other classic You wait till ya Dad gets home. |
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I think my mum has come out with all these pearlers. The one thing that jumps out of my mind though is what she said but the butter dish. How was it that butterdish was considered a cure all for all ills? A bump to the head, a bad chest, leg falling off get the butter dish |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
If I left a door open, my mother always said, "put the wood in the hole!"
Or, if going out, especially when really young, she'd always say "make sure you've got clean underwear on, in case you get run over by a bus!"
Yikes, I believed for years that bus drivers were looking to drive at me. But, in later years, I realised that dirty undies would be the least of my worries in such an accident!!! |
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"If you break your leg, don't come running to me
And the other classic
What do you mean you've lost it, where did you last have it
Er, if I knew that it wouldn't be lost would it?"
That's like when you are looking for something and they say "It'll be in the last place you look". That seems pretty obvious to me. If I find it I'm not going look in any more places, am I? |
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When my sister would be having a tantrum/sulking and turning on the water works my parents used to say to her 'if only we had the money to send you to drama school, you'd make us a fortune!'
'Blackpool illuminations' and 'put the piece of wood in the hole' were ones in our household too. |
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By *aspsMan
over a year ago
dundee |
Me and a couple mates went to Blackpool when 16 as a first boys trip mates dad was giving us the talk be safe etc then at end of his speech if you get killed down there il murder you when you get home ?????????? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum when in her late 70s overheard a conversation about oral sex.
She then says to me " is that a real thing?..... they don't do it in this country though, do they?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Eat your crusts they'll put curls in your hair" I didn't even want bloody curls in my hair!"
I was constantly told this by family members. Ive never eaten crusts in my life and have the curliest hair ever
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"Do you want a clip round the ear .... of cause I do "
Which evolves into two further things for me as I got older.
1. You're never too old for a clip round the ear
2. You're never too tall for a clip round the ear (my dear mother is only 4'10") |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"This thread is full of gems!!
If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps' "
If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously  |
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"This thread is full of gems!!
If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'
If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously "
Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?"  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"This thread is full of gems!!
If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'
If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously
Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?" "
Yep that too |
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"This thread is full of gems!!
If my grandad saw one of us picking our nose he'd say 'pick your bum you get bigger lumps'
If my Gramp saw someone doing that he’d say “do you want some salt on that?”.....not to me obviously
Mine would also sometimes say "can i swap you a green one for a blue one?"
Yep that too"
Think we need a separate thread for weird lines my grandad said. Mine had many choice lines |
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My dad had this old Arabic story about a fat woman wanting to get a ride on a cart and the driver told her to get in round the back so the horses don't see.
Whenever he sees a larger lady he'd start telling us this but he'd already be crying with laughter after 3 words |
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