FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I see a lot of posts on rejection..
I see a lot of posts on rejection..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?  |
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No. I disagree.
There's no guarantee that a no will become a yes.
Rejection is based on a person's opinion I agree but they're entitled to hold that opinion.
The only thing rejection tells you is that one person felt they weren't compatible with another |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
1 is a bit of a grim notion. I know a few people who subscribe to that sort of belief. A no is a no. Don't keep pushing and asking, opinions won't be changed.
As far as the other two go; yes, of course it's an opinion. It might be right or it might be wrong but it's one nevertheless and should be respected.
The final, I'm not sure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If people reject you ( I'm assuming you mean on here), it's because for whatever reason they don't think you're compatible "
My point is that, if you get rejected a few times, doesn't mean you get rejected all the time. Eventually you will get a 'YES'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t think 1 is a great strategy on here. "
I am not saying that you get a 'YES' from the same person who said 'NO'. It may and should happen with someone. I see a lot of ppl dejected, because they get rejected. And this post is for them. You dont know what their situation in real life, and these sites may push some off the edge. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree? "
Not at all, once someone says no you should just accept it.
Rejection only tells you that the rejector isn't interested, nothing else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
Not at all, once someone says no you should just accept it.
Rejection only tells you that the rejector isn't interested, nothing else. "
My point is a 'No' from one person is not a 'NO' from everyone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think 1 is a great strategy on here.
I am not saying that you get a 'YES' from the same person who said 'NO'. It may and should happen with someone. I see a lot of ppl dejected, because they get rejected. And this post is for them. You dont know what their situation in real life, and these sites may push some off the edge."
Oh come now, you can't put that on people who reject people they don't want to get to know or meet. That's unreasonable |
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Just says not compatible to me on both sides.. I’m sure we’ve all rejected and been rejected for a multitude of reasons. Don’t think it’s simple or easy on either side... it’s like playing snap with a thousand cards but only 2 match.. hard bloody work sometimes!! |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
Not at all, once someone says no you should just accept it.
Rejection only tells you that the rejector isn't interested, nothing else.
My point is a 'No' from one person is not a 'NO' from everyone!"
No, you said a no can turn into a yes, that implies persisting in trying to get a yes from someone that already said no. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t think 1 is a great strategy on here.
I am not saying that you get a 'YES' from the same person who said 'NO'. It may and should happen with someone. I see a lot of ppl dejected, because they get rejected. And this post is for them. You dont know what their situation in real life, and these sites may push some off the edge.
Oh come now, you can't put that on people who reject people they don't want to get to know or meet. That's unreasonable "
I am not putting that on anyone! This is how the world goes. Every one of us has a fear of rejection. We can agree to disagree on that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you mean a numbers game where by eventually you'll get a yes from someone, not push for a yes from the same person?"
YES! Finally someone gets it!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you mean a numbers game where by eventually you'll get a yes from someone, not push for a yes from the same person?"
If you look for rejection instead of running away from it, you desensitize yourselves to it. I believe you can change yourselves by leaning into your fear and embracing your fear! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cant wait until a massive solar flare disrupts the frequencies of everything, and everyone has to do the old school pick up in real life again.
!
(I wonder if people would wear tshirts with a quick profile on them to cut to the basics. 5'4, loves animals, sandwiches and music.)
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
Whilst I understand the point you are making OP that one should not give up trying because of rejections it is also likely that there are simple things that could be done to make further rejections less likely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whilst I understand the point you are making OP that one should not give up trying because of rejections it is also likely that there are simple things that could be done to make further rejections less likely."
This  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Welsh Lass |
"I cant wait until a massive solar flare disrupts the frequencies of everything, and everyone has to do the old school pick up in real life again.
!
(I wonder if people would wear tshirts with a quick profile on them to cut to the basics. 5'4, loves animals, sandwiches and music.)
"
That’s a great idea - starts a conversation!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I cant wait until a massive solar flare disrupts the frequencies of everything, and everyone has to do the old school pick up in real life again.
!
(I wonder if people would wear tshirts with a quick profile on them to cut to the basics. 5'4, loves animals, sandwiches and music.)
"
 |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"
If you look for rejection instead of running away from it, you desensitize yourselves to it. I believe you can change yourselves by leaning into your fear and embracing your fear! "
There's a really good TED talk on this.
Just because person A doesn't like you doesn't mean person B won't, it's just about finding the right one. That goes for everything, friends, colleagues, lovers, etc.
I don't think it says more about the rejector than the rejected. As my mum always said 'it takes two to tango' you both need to be on-board or it's not happening. |
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"Rejection isn't an east pill to swallow, but you get used to it. "
I know rejection can be a bitter pill when trying to meet people and I know it's not the same but just know that you sir are a gorgeous person, warm, friendly, funny and a gent. I really like you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree? "
1) A lot of people think that if the persist than something other than annoyance it very unlikely.
2) Quite like the idea of universal projector, but to the point there has to be a reason for us to share sexual experiences with others. We very happy with what we have and do, no interest in looking for the same thing elsewhere, simply put there is no interest in meeting males for something i'm very happy with what I have. So a rejection is not about (not liking males, other less than pleasant comments) simply sexually they don't interest me, having them in my pants or being fucked by other males, there has to be something which we fancy outside what we have. So we set out our criteria in our profile people need to accept it goes both ways. so rejection is not an opinion, it is about matching.
3)So what does rejecting someone tell you about the rejector, nothing it simple there is no match nothing- but it does say more about the rejected if they think otherwise
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
If you look for rejection instead of running away from it, you desensitize yourselves to it. I believe you can change yourselves by leaning into your fear and embracing your fear!
There's a really good TED talk on this.
Just because person A doesn't like you doesn't mean person B won't, it's just about finding the right one. That goes for everything, friends, colleagues, lovers, etc.
I don't think it says more about the rejector than the rejected. As my mum always said 'it takes two to tango' you both need to be on-board or it's not happening."
Agree. I hope this gives some hope to those who are struggling in here! |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree? "
1 rejection is what you may feel/percieve you don't achieve what you desired.
2 it's a boundary someone decides to set..it's may come from an opinion/judgement/sense/intuition/ .. but it's not an opinion in itself.
3 surely we can't make up stories about the rejector .. you could never really know because you're not that person. You would be guessing or projecting if you were to say what it 'tells' about that person.
Just my thoughts ... good question OP
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“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”
No idea why, but hey here's a bit of Rumi, because.... erm...... it had rejection in it......
.... so where DID I leave my coat |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
1) A lot of people think that if the persist than something other than annoyance it very unlikely.
2) Quite like the idea of universal projector, but to the point there has to be a reason for us to share sexual experiences with others. We very happy with what we have and do, no interest in looking for the same thing elsewhere, simply put there is no interest in meeting males for something i'm very happy with what I have. So a rejection is not about (not liking males, other less than pleasant comments) simply sexually they don't interest me, having them in my pants or being fucked by other males, there has to be something which we fancy outside what we have. So we set out our criteria in our profile people need to accept it goes both ways. so rejection is not an opinion, it is about matching.
3)So what does rejecting someone tell you about the rejector, nothing it simple there is no match nothing- but it does say more about the rejected if they think otherwise
"
Well, we may have to agree to disagree. 
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
1 rejection is what you may feel/percieve you don't achieve what you desired.
2 it's a boundary someone decides to set..it's may come from an opinion/judgement/sense/intuition/ .. but it's not an opinion in itself.
3 surely we can't make up stories about the rejector .. you could never really know because you're not that person. You would be guessing or projecting if you were to say what it 'tells' about that person.
Just my thoughts ... good question OP
"
Thanks Freya. Glad I didnt get rejected by you!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Rejection isn't an east pill to swallow, but you get used to it.
I know rejection can be a bitter pill when trying to meet people and I know it's not the same but just know that you sir are a gorgeous person, warm, friendly, funny and a gent. I really like you xx"
Awww! That is very kind of you to say that. I am sure you have made his day. Or should I say night |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
Rumi wisdom, perspective, beauty, and compassion everytime xxx
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”
No idea why, but hey here's a bit of Rumi, because.... erm...... it had rejection in it......
.... so where DID I leave my coat "
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”
No idea why, but hey here's a bit of Rumi, because.... erm...... it had rejection in it......
.... so where DID I leave my coat "
|
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”
No idea why, but hey here's a bit of Rumi, because.... erm...... it had rejection in it......
.... so where DID I leave my coat "
Rumi wisdom, perspective, beauty, and compassion everytime xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
1) A lot of people think that if the persist than something other than annoyance it very unlikely.
2) Quite like the idea of universal projector, but to the point there has to be a reason for us to share sexual experiences with others. We very happy with what we have and do, no interest in looking for the same thing elsewhere, simply put there is no interest in meeting males for something i'm very happy with what I have. So a rejection is not about (not liking males, other less than pleasant comments) simply sexually they don't interest me, having them in my pants or being fucked by other males, there has to be something which we fancy outside what we have. So we set out our criteria in our profile people need to accept it goes both ways. so rejection is not an opinion, it is about matching.
3)So what does rejecting someone tell you about the rejector, nothing it simple there is no match nothing- but it does say more about the rejected if they think otherwise
Well, we may have to agree to disagree. "
OP What are you agreeing to disagree on?
1) If someone persists we should give in and meet?
2) That we are not allowed to be selective about who we meet? Or we should meet and have sex, that I should lay down and let males have sex with me, though I have no sexual interest in them?
3) That I'm less of a person if I reject the advances of males.
?????
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
1) If someone persists we should give in and meet? - Never said that. Please read the thread!
2) That we are not aloud to be selective about who we meet? Or we should meet and have sex, that I should lay down and let males have sex with me, though I have no sexual interest in them? I never said that too. Please read my thread once again.
3) That I'm less of a person if I reject the advances of males. I never said that. Please read thread once again.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree? "
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....) |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)"
You didn't mention reeling someone in...or fishnets....reckon I could run with this! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)
You didn't mention reeling someone in...or fishnets....reckon I could run with this!"
Never message first either (but don't tell anyone I told you that.....  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles
This"
That is inaccurate their profiles may be a good match but their approach or even their messages may result in polite no |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles
This
That is inaccurate their profiles may be a good match but their approach or even their messages may result in polite no"
I disagree, my profile on here is a tiny reflection of who I am , if you don’t like my profile or my messages I couldn’t care less |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)"
PMSL Nipper (see what I did there), it's almost Shamanic. I actually want more fishing analogies.
Ps, we're mostly women Salmon not girl Salmon. Otherwise we would be Fry ??????
Frya x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles
This
That is inaccurate their profiles may be a good match but their approach or even their messages may result in polite no
I disagree, my profile on here is a tiny reflection of who I am , if you don’t like my profile or my messages I couldn’t care less "
Which point are you disagreeing with? That rejection is du to profiles? Or rejection may be on peoples approach also |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)
You didn't mention reeling someone in...or fishnets....reckon I could run with this!
Never message first either (but don't tell anyone I told you that..... )"
Oh...but....if nobody messages first....(tries to think of fishing analogy)
Oh...if nobody messages first then they could be the one that but away.
Will that do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles
This
That is inaccurate their profiles may be a good match but their approach or even their messages may result in polite no
I disagree, my profile on here is a tiny reflection of who I am , if you don’t like my profile or my messages I couldn’t care less
Which point are you disagreeing with? That rejection is du to profiles? Or rejection may be on peoples approach also"
You seem to be struggling . Firstly you totally misinterpreted the OPs post and now you have done the same with mine . Re read what I wrote |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
You have a point . What people need to rem_mber is that unless you get rejected after a social people aren’t getting rejected on here it is their profiles
This
That is inaccurate their profiles may be a good match but their approach or even their messages may result in polite no
I disagree, my profile on here is a tiny reflection of who I am , if you don’t like my profile or my messages I couldn’t care less
Which point are you disagreeing with? That rejection is du to profiles? Or rejection may be on peoples approach also
You seem to be struggling . Firstly you totally misinterpreted the OPs post and now you have done the same with mine . Re read what I wrote "
Was just seeking clarity on the what point you were disagreeing with. My bad. Thankyou for putting me straight |
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"So my learnings on rejection are as below.
1. Rejection is a numbers game. Every rejection has a number. Eventually a no can turn to a yes.
2. Rejection is an opinion. There is no universal projector or acceptor.
3. Rejection tells more about the rejector than the rejected.
Do you agree?
1 rejection is what you may feel/percieve you don't achieve what you desired.
2 it's a boundary someone decides to set..it's may come from an opinion/judgement/sense/intuition/ .. but it's not an opinion in itself.
3 surely we can't make up stories about the rejector .. you could never really know because you're not that person. You would be guessing or projecting if you were to say what it 'tells' about that person.
Just my thoughts ... good question OP
"
I can reason with with this. Well described |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Oh...but....if nobody messages first....(tries to think of fishing analogy)
Oh...if nobody messages first then they could be the one that but away.
Will that do?
*got"
The key is in presenting and positioning yourself (the bait, to use a fishing analogy) so that they DO message! Just because someone gives you some rules or tradition/convention , it doesn't mean you need to follow them blindly without questioning how they arrived at the rules or thinking of something smarter....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)
PMSL Nipper (see what I did there), it's almost Shamanic. I actually want more fishing analogies.
Ps, we're mostly women Salmon not girl Salmon. Otherwise we would be Fry ??????
Frya x "
See, now that reply was a salmon trap, and isn't she a beauty..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most guys play this game all wrong. Why fish with a fucking huge net to catch crabs and every other creature in the ocean when you can build a salmon trap to catch the girl you actually want...?
(I could use fishing analogies all night long, rod and line etc....)
PMSL Nipper (see what I did there), it's almost Shamanic. I actually want more fishing analogies.
Ps, we're mostly women Salmon not girl Salmon. Otherwise we would be Fry ??????
Frya x
See, now that reply was a salmon trap, and isn't she a beauty....."
She is..Inwards and outwards! |
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No. It's complex.
Being prepared to accept and understand rejection is healthy. As is moving on, to put your attention elsewhere
Using fab it's particularly important to be able to tolerate it. No strings relationships are to be assigned lower involvement than other significant relationships. |
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You've just got to accept that however good looking you are or think you are, however good you think your body is, however good your banter or personality or style and dress sense are, you just don't flick the right switches for some people because you're not their type. If it's there you just know it, if it's not then no amount of "operation wear her down" is going to work.
Not on fab but in real life I've turned down some girls that my mates thought I was mad for doing, but I just didn't fancy them, it is what it is. |
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