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how would you approach this ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For a child of 7 not to receive a birthday card I think would be very sad. I would be sending them a card. Would much rather hurt the mother's feelings than the childs.
Perhaps the child could put the cards up in their bedroom if the Mother does not want them in the living room |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What would the repercussions be of telling the monther she was a selfish bitch setting their child up for some major issues in later life?
I feel sorry for the poor kid, my birthday is xmas eve, it is always inored though now I am just resigned to it. But I still struggle to accept that as a child my parents were too busy to pay it much attention and my cards were hidden away because there were Christmas cards everywhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was a young man and at school, we had a girl who's parents were Johovas Witnesses and we were told by her that her parents forbid her to accept Christmas cards from anyone, thus she got no cards whilst all her friends did 
What I'd do in your case, is send the card to the child and if the parents don't put it up, then so be it, but at least you went to the effort of sending it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
"
Could you send them a letter congratulating the kid on their birthday but in islamic translation? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
Could you send them a letter congratulating the kid on their birthday but in islamic translation?"
ur a sarcky sod artful  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
"
They are most definately celebrated.
I suspect that in what manner will depend on how strict their commitment is to Islam and how westernised they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd send a card anyway...
But I'd send it by royal mail rather than deliver it by hand.....
That way the child’s mother can make the final decision of whether to allow the child to have it or not, without risking further unpleasantness to a sad situation
....
...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would the repercussions be of telling the monther she was a selfish bitch setting their child up for some major issues in later life?
I feel sorry for the poor kid, my birthday is xmas eve, it is always inored though now I am just resigned to it. But I still struggle to accept that as a child my parents were too busy to pay it much attention and my cards were hidden away because there were Christmas cards everywhere."
my little ones birthday is xmas eve and although she is only 2 i will most definitely make a massive deal of her birthday. She's already had xmas cards with the 'oh and happy birthday' messages added which upset me a little..
I much prefer cards with an honest heart felt message rather than a present or voucher. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
Could you send them a letter congratulating the kid on their birthday but in islamic translation?
ur a sarcky sod artful "
I was being serious for once
If you write a letter in your own hand wishing the child best wishes and a few pearls of wisdom in it as well, then google translate into the correct language and print off.
How could the mother disagree with that? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
Could you send them a letter congratulating the kid on their birthday but in islamic translation?
ur a sarcky sod artful
I was being serious for once
If you write a letter in your own hand wishing the child best wishes and a few pearls of wisdom in it as well, then google translate into the correct language and print off.
How could the mother disagree with that?"
I am trying to ascertain whether the mum is
a) just jealous of the child getting cards (and gifts, we have been told she 'has enough already') OR
b) as the mum lives with a muslim guy (and has herself converted to islam) whether it is something of a more 'religious / cultural' manner
that's why I asked the Islam thing - as it isn't something I don't know a great deal about
either way, the little 'un will be gettin cards and prezzies off Uncle Bussy and Mommie Dearest will be getting told where to get off if she objects
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway' "
If he isnt used to it, he wont mind, but the main thing is it is the mothers choice so respect it, send him some amazon vouchers by email instead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"we have decided that cards will be sent and we will put them up at grandma's
can anyone tell me (and excuse my ignorance on the matter), but how are birthdays celebrated within islamic households ?
any different than christian in terms of the tradition of cakes, prezzies and cards ?
Could you send them a letter congratulating the kid on their birthday but in islamic translation?
ur a sarcky sod artful
I was being serious for once
If you write a letter in your own hand wishing the child best wishes and a few pearls of wisdom in it as well, then google translate into the correct language and print off.
How could the mother disagree with that?
I am trying to ascertain whether the mum is
a) just jealous of the child getting cards (and gifts, we have been told she 'has enough already') OR
b) as the mum lives with a muslim guy (and has herself converted to islam) whether it is something of a more 'religious / cultural' manner
that's why I asked the Islam thing - as it isn't something I don't know a great deal about
either way, the little 'un will be gettin cards and prezzies off Uncle Bussy and Mommie Dearest will be getting told where to get off if she objects
"
Remind her that it is not only an English/British and world wide custom but it also common courtesy and good manners no matter what faith, creed or colour
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway'
If he isnt used to it, he wont mind, but the main thing is it is the mothers choice so respect it, send him some amazon vouchers by email instead."
the child is a 'she' and yes she is used to receiving gifts
the no cards / gifts thing only started creeping in last christmas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I am trying to ascertain whether the mum is
a) just jealous of the child getting cards (and gifts, we have been told she 'has enough already') OR
b) as the mum lives with a muslim guy (and has herself converted to islam) whether it is something of a more 'religious / cultural' manner
that's why I asked the Islam thing - as it isn't something I don't know a great deal about
"
Bussy, this isn't meant to be sarcastic or patronising, but do you not know any muslims you could ask? most people wouldn't be offended by someone wanting to know more about their culture.
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"What would the repercussions be of telling the monther she was a selfish bitch setting their child up for some major issues in later life?
I feel sorry for the poor kid, my birthday is xmas eve, it is always inored though now I am just resigned to it. But I still struggle to accept that as a child my parents were too busy to pay it much attention and my cards were hidden away because there were Christmas cards everywhere."
Mr B's birthday isn't christmas eve but is just after. He very rarely got birthday cards or presents when growing up. He says it didn't bother him but I know it did really. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I am trying to ascertain whether the mum is
a) just jealous of the child getting cards (and gifts, we have been told she 'has enough already') OR
b) as the mum lives with a muslim guy (and has herself converted to islam) whether it is something of a more 'religious / cultural' manner
that's why I asked the Islam thing - as it isn't something I don't know a great deal about
Bussy, this isn't meant to be sarcastic or patronising, but do you not know any muslims you could ask? most people wouldn't be offended by someone wanting to know more about their culture.
"
am sure there are muslims on this site, or people more aware of the culture than i am
the question was open to all
i wouldn't like the thread to become a religious one, but i am truly ignorant of how birthdays etc are celebrated (or not) within the culture |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is nothing in the Qu'uran to prevent the celebration of birthdays...
Most do... Some dont...
I have my beliefs and would raise my child my way.
Anyone who deliberately went against my beliefs to the point of imposing theirs would be wrong in my eyes...
I would tread carefully...;-) |
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway'
If he isnt used to it, he wont mind, but the main thing is it is the mothers choice so respect it, send him some amazon vouchers by email instead.
the child is a 'she' and yes she is used to receiving gifts
the no cards / gifts thing only started creeping in last christmas "
Two boys i automatically say he
Ok,,well Christmas if she has converted makes sense, converts tend to be stricter ,most Muslims i know have Christmas trees ect.The same is possibly true of the birthday cards, the Muslims i know send and receive cards. She may feel they are not acceptable.
Think carefully about whether this is worth falling out over though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For a child of 7 not to receive a birthday card I think would be very sad. I would be sending them a card. Would much rather hurt the mother's feelings than the childs.
Perhaps the child could put the cards up in their bedroom if the Mother does not want them in the living room"
+1 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway'
If he isnt used to it, he wont mind, but the main thing is it is the mothers choice so respect it, send him some amazon vouchers by email instead.
the child is a 'she' and yes she is used to receiving gifts
the no cards / gifts thing only started creeping in last christmas
Two boys i automatically say he
Ok,,well Christmas if she has converted makes sense, converts tend to be stricter ,most Muslims i know have Christmas trees ect.The same is possibly true of the birthday cards, the Muslims i know send and receive cards. She may feel they are not acceptable.
Think carefully about whether this is worth falling out over though.
"
there won't be any falling out, but the little 'un will get cards and a gift from me, even if they never make it out of grandma's
if it is on religious or cultural grounds, i wish she would just say so, because coming up with half cocked excuses does make her seem selfish and a bit jealous of her little 'un
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway' "
This is how lynching and hatred start.
The mother said ..... Cards are expensive.
From that people have called her fit to burn and brought religion into it.
She said ......
Cards are a waste of money and we don't put them up.
That's all she said.
She's right too.
At no point did she say anything else as far as we know.
You've all put your own slant on it. Typical gallows culture in here at times.
I'd rather put money toward a better gift than spend what some shops ask for cards.
My youngest daughter (27) makes her own and hand delivers. She could never buy shop sold ones.
If i'm skint I sometimes don't buy expensive wrapping!! O.M.G call me a bitch and shoot me.
How do you feel about the idea that she is a thoughtful woman, she knows money is tight and says to people ...... Don't buy cards they are dead expensive.....
I've said the same to people especially when im away for christmas.
The child is probably going to have a great birthday surrounded by family who will give as much as they can.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i was married to muslin guy for 18 year,my kids had cards and more.we didnt want them to feel lefted out when friends ask what they got for birthday and xmas.they never got any thing OTT as they see there lucky they had to xmas so to speak( Ed and christan xmas)
sam x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"you have a childs birthday coming up
the child will be 7 and is a family member
the childs mother has told you (and other family members) not to send the child a card
having enquired as to why, the response was 'they're a waste of money and i never out them up anyway'
This is how lynching and hatred start.
The mother said ..... Cards are expensive.
From that people have called her fit to burn and brought religion into it.
She said ......
Cards are a waste of money and we don't put them up.
That's all she said.
She's right too.
At no point did she say anything else as far as we know.
You've all put your own slant on it. Typical gallows culture in here at times.
I'd rather put money toward a better gift than spend what some shops ask for cards.
My youngest daughter (27) makes her own and hand delivers. She could never buy shop sold ones.
If i'm skint I sometimes don't buy expensive wrapping!! O.M.G call me a bitch and shoot me.
How do you feel about the idea that she is a thoughtful woman, she knows money is tight and says to people ...... Don't buy cards they are dead expensive.....
I've said the same to people especially when im away for christmas.
The child is probably going to have a great birthday surrounded by family who will give as much as they can.
"
I brought religion into it because I don't understand 'why now ?'
It is not a monetary thing as the people who have been told are financially 'comfortable' and she knows that.
Is it a jealousy thing or could it be something to do with her new religious values ?
All we are left with is her 'reasoning' which, to me whilst valid to a degree, is not a strong enough one when we are dealing with how the child is left feeling, if she was to get no cards (or gifts)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the end of the day its the mother thinking like an adult and not like a child.
How would she have felt at that age if no-one gave cards or gifts on her birthday.
Its a shit enough world as it is so let the kid be a kid as long they can |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't do cards at all. The mother is right, so don't send one. I can see the point of sending cards to people who live away but if you can say happy birthday to the child why bother buying a folded piece of paper that says it?
But then i'm a tight yorkshireman...and proud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it so difficult just to respect the parents wishes?
Most kids of 7 couldn't care less about cards anyway, it's a grown up thing, most people only send them because they feel they have to.
Get the kid a decent present, I'm certain that won't disappoint her!
Mountain out of a molehill! |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"What would the repercussions be of telling the monther she was a selfish bitch setting their child up for some major issues in later life?
I feel sorry for the poor kid, my birthday is xmas eve, it is always inored though now I am just resigned to it. But I still struggle to accept that as a child my parents were too busy to pay it much attention and my cards were hidden away because there were Christmas cards everywhere.
my little ones birthday is xmas eve and although she is only 2 i will most definitely make a massive deal of her birthday. She's already had xmas cards with the 'oh and happy birthday' messages added which upset me a little..
I much prefer cards with an honest heart felt message rather than a present or voucher. "
my daughters birthday is Christmas day which upuntill age seven she thought was very special .she now at 15 gets to celebrate on my birthday in June instead .
on the card issue go with what you feel best you can't be said to have not tried . |
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