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Jokes
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"A bloke finally got his day in court against British Airways over his missing luggage.. He lost his case." Had to go to the Dr as i get sick everytime i go near an airport. Got my test results back today and the good news is its not a terminal illness. | |||
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"German sausage jokes are the wurst!" Why? What's your beef with them? | |||
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"After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!" | |||
"After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!" I told my girlfriend to think long and hard before buying a stolen sex toy... | |||
"After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it's unlikely they'll come quietly! I told my girlfriend to think long and hard before buying a stolen sex toy..."  | |||
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"After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!" Will they be charged with handling swollen goods? | |||
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"German sausage jokes are the wurst!" Pancake jokes are batter... | |||
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"Apparently it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Kiwi, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a night club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai." Love it | |||
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"Velcro.... What a rip off. " | |||
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"A man went to the doctor after swallowing his glass eye... "It's pretty uncomfortable doc...feels like it's stuck in my colon." The doctor says "hmm, I can't find it on the X-ray...take off your pants and bend over on this table for me so I can take a closer look." After a couple of minutes poking around the doctor says "well, I'm down on my knees and looking right up your back passage and I can't see a thing." "That's funny," replied the man "I can see you!"" | |||
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"I went to the doctors yesterday. He said “I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating” I said “Oh no! Why?!” He said “Because I’m trying to examine you!” "The optican told me i had to stop masterbating. I asked why? Am i going blind? He said no but some of the other customers are complaining. | |||
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"My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him... Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer!" LOVE this. Four Jewish ladies are having lunch. The head waiter walks over and says "good afternoon ladies, is ANYTHING OK?" | |||
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"Q: What do you call a guy who doesn't masturbate? A: A liar. " You can call him what ever names you want and he wont do anything about it, since he probably has no hands or arms. | |||
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"A mother was getting out of the shower when her young son walked in. He pointed at the area between her legs and said, "Mommy, what's that?" Embarrassed, she replied, "That's where the Indian hit me with his tomahawk." The young boy replied, "Wow, right in the cunt?!?"" superb | |||
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"A mother and son are riding behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out of the back striking the cars windshield. To hide her embarrassment she says ”my oh my what a big insect!" To which the son replies,”surprised it could fly with a cock that big.”" | |||
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" A punter was at the Horse Races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that Horse - a very long shot - won the race. Next race, as the Horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the Horses. The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the Horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next..??? He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing longshots, and each one ended up winning. The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his worldly savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which Horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. This time the Priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The Punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting him, he demanded, 'Father, Father..! What happened..??? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings"...! The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, "That's the problem with you fucking Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple Blessing and The Last Rites"......" | |||
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"Just seen the trailer for the new Eddie stobbart movie " | |||
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"Just seen the trailer for the new Eddie stobbart movie " My girlfriend from Liverpool saw it. She said its a lorry lorry fun. | |||
"After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it's unlikely they'll come quietly!" lol | |||
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"Nooooooooooo jokes " Probably going to be loads of jokes getting posted now. | |||
"Nooooooooooo jokes Probably going to be loads of jokes getting posted now." All crap.....  | |||
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"Nooooooooooo jokes " Ah... That was Saturday.... And I didn't say ever.... Not sure if above classed as a joke... | |||
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"I have spent the last 2 years looking for my ex girlfriends killer. I just cant find anyone to do it."  | |||
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"Has anyone got any new material, it's like sticking on a Lee Evans dvd here now same material every week, " Try Fabric World. | |||
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