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The best joke you’ve heard?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My recent fave is...
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?
It had a reptile disfunction 
Long time fave is...
How does a monkey make toasted cheese?
It puts it under a gorilla
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Man in a bar, asks for a pint
Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said
"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."
The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"
The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...
"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order" |
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"My recent fave is...
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?
It had a reptile disfunction
Long time fave is...
How does a monkey make toasted cheese?
It puts it under a gorilla
"
Us monkeys are adept at CoT I'll have you know  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My recent fave is...
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour?
It had a reptile disfunction
Long time fave is...
How does a monkey make toasted cheese?
It puts it under a gorilla
Us monkeys are adept at CoT I'll have you know "
Lol yes of course and actually LOLLED at your comment on the rugby |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man walks in to a pub, says I’ll have a lager please barman
Barman says that’ll be £4 donkey head
Bloke turns and says he just called you donkey head!
Man replies eeaw eeaw ee always calls me that |
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I met a red Indian, sound chap,
He introduced me to his wife,
This is 4 horses he said,,
Ohhh what a beautiful name I said,
What does it mean,
Nag Nag Nag Fffking Nag he said,,
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met a girl in a pub and asked her what is your name she said Carmen I said thats a nice name she said yes i like cars and men she said whats your name i said beerminge |
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"I met a red Indian, sound chap,
He introduced me to his wife,
This is 4 horses he said,,
Ohhh what a beautiful name I said,
What does it mean,
Nag Nag Nag Fffking Nag he said,,
"
That's one of the best for a very long time.. |
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"Man in a bar, asks for a pint
Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said
"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."
The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"
The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...
"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order""
Hahaha so funny  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man walks into a pub with his dog. He walks to the bar and as he does so the dog starts licking his bits (as dogs do).
The barman asks the man what he would like to drink, sees the dog and says "I wish I could do that!"
The dog says "make it a double Scotch and you can Sweetie!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you give the man who has everything?
Penicillin!
This is my favourite ever joke out of a Christmas cracker. My father nearly swallowed his own teeth. |
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom. 
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah! "
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,, "
|
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,
"
There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,
There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol"
They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team. |
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,
There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol
They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team. "
Susssh u'll start a war, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,
There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol
They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.
Susssh u'll start a war, "
I.
Would.
Never.
|
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"England got pummelled by South Africa....
Boom.
Ireland got a schooling by Japan
Boo yah!
Worst SA attack since Oscar Pistorius decided to hop to the bathroom for a piss with a loaded handgun,,,,
There more but I must go easy on em the poor Bastards lol
They get a bit touchy over the loss, not just confined to the team.
Susssh u'll start a war,
I.
Would.
Never.
"
Lol yea right, |
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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe |
"I enquired about the dress code for a premature ejaculation anonymous meeting and the lady told me to just come in my pants"
I went to that meeting tonight.
Should have gone tomorrow! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."
She said, "It's natural."
"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."
She said, "It's natural."
"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps." "
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By *xelf787Man
over a year ago
Chorlton, Manchester |
I was walking past Straneways with my mate who is not very PC it has to be said. We saw a window open and a prisoner who was about 4ft tall was climbing down the wall on a knotted rope made out of bed sheets. My mate said "look at that dwarf escaping" to which I corrected him "now that's a little con descending" !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son."
She said, "It's natural."
"Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps." "
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I said to my wife, the neighbours dogs shittin in our garden again, she said just pick it up and put it in the bin, so i did but the shit is still all over the lawn |
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"Man in a bar, asks for a pint
Whilst he's waiting, the bowl of peanuts on the bar said
"Wow, you're looking great today, healthy, well dressed .."
The fruit machine in the corner pipes in with "fuck off fatty you're not welcome here"
The man looks at the barman who shrugs and says...
"The nuts are complementary, the fruit machine is just out of order""
Made me chuckle |
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2 cops radio back to the station .
Dispatch, we have a situation here,
A Woman just stabbed her husband to death for walking on her freshly mopped floors,
Desk Sarge radios back,
Well did ye arrest her,
Cops radio back,,,
Fuck no Sarge the floors are still wet... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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THE CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS & THE PENIS -
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.
St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it".. |
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"THE CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS & THE PENIS -
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.
St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it".."
Hahaha . Only you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My lad was a good swimmer at school but one day he came home and told me he had been banned. I called the school and asked why and the Head said 'Because he was pissing in the pool'.
I said 'Everyone pisses in the pool!'
The head replied 'But not from the top diving board ..' |
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