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Coping mechanisms
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not been feeling myself lately and I’ve been a bit down, one of my coping mechanisms I have learnt is to distance myself from social media.
Looking at pics of family’s and couples all going out having lovely evenings days etc, doesn’t make me jealous but more envious , and coming up to Xmas I know I will be more down. People assume because I’m good looking I should be automatically “happy” when I’m the opposite. Depression loneliness dose not discriminate!!
What coping mechanisms do you have or consciously put in place? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A really simple thing to do is making a list of 5 positive things that happened in your day..
Amazing how it changes your perspective
Hope you are OK OP x |
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It's good to remember people post the "best" version of their lives, which isn't necessarily the true version.
They generally don't post pictures of the cat shitting behind the sofa, or the kids having a tantrum, or the roof leak,or that big scary credit card bill.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awwwww I'm sorry to hear that OP 
I've had a terrible week myself but its it's not getting me down (well not as much as it would have a while ago). Biggest mechanism I've learnt recently is just acceptance and ownership and NOT distancing myself from the important shit. It's the real ppl in your life that pull you through.... try not to compare, just be grateful for what and who is there....
Best wishes to you buddy....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A really simple thing to do is making a list of 5 positive things that happened in your day..
Amazing how it changes your perspective
Hope you are OK OP x"
^^ this and I can't recommend Mindfulness highly enough |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A really simple thing to do is making a list of 5 positive things that happened in your day..
Amazing how it changes your perspective
Hope you are OK OP x
^^ this and I can't recommend Mindfulness highly enough"
I do simple things and mindfulness! I had CBT And learnt many coping mechanisms. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A really simple thing to do is making a list of 5 positive things that happened in your day..
Amazing how it changes your perspective
Hope you are OK OP x"
A journal is good ! I keep an online one |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds easy and simple but surround yourself with the things that are important / makes you happy in life. "
Hence why I’ve removed myself from social media. Just makes me sad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's good to remember people post the "best" version of their lives, which isn't necessarily the true version.
"
This is so true!
Never compare yourself to someone's online content.
I know exactly how you feel OP.
It is difficult being single or without family during Christmas etc ..
I dont have a partner or any close family - and none of my friends live locally.
I like my own company so I've made my peace with it - but I have to admit to pangs of envy when I see happy couples out and about and families spending time together at weekends.
The grass is always greener though - remember that.
I used to be surrounded by friends, I had a loving partner and spent 6 months a year abroad in the sunshine and I was miserable.
Sometimes you need some help.
I'm sending you hugs and I hope you find the things you need x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Awwwww I'm sorry to hear that OP
I've had a terrible week myself but its it's not getting me down (well not as much as it would have a while ago). Biggest mechanism I've learnt recently is just acceptance and ownership and NOT distancing myself from the important shit. It's the real ppl in your life that pull you through.... try not to compare, just be grateful for what and who is there....
Best wishes to you buddy.... "
I understand what your saying and accepting my life is key !! I’ve no family or support network and I have or am learning to accept that, I was bitter and angry, but now I’m not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awwwww I'm sorry to hear that OP
I've had a terrible week myself but its it's not getting me down (well not as much as it would have a while ago). Biggest mechanism I've learnt recently is just acceptance and ownership and NOT distancing myself from the important shit. It's the real ppl in your life that pull you through.... try not to compare, just be grateful for what and who is there....
Best wishes to you buddy....
I understand what your saying and accepting my life is key !! I’ve no family or support network and I have or am learning to accept that, I was bitter and angry, but now I’m not. "
Here if you need a twat to chat with, ok |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's good to remember people post the "best" version of their lives, which isn't necessarily the true version.
This is so true!
Never compare yourself to someone's online content.
I know exactly how you feel OP.
It is difficult being single or without family during Christmas etc ..
I dont have a partner or any close family - and none of my friends live locally.
I like my own company so I've made my peace with it - but I have to admit to pangs of envy when I see happy couples out and about and families spending time together at weekends.
The grass is always greener though - remember that.
I used to be surrounded by friends, I had a loving partner and spent 6 months a year abroad in the sunshine and I was miserable.
Sometimes you need some help.
I'm sending you hugs and I hope you find the things you need x"
Yes I feel pangs of envy! I was with my ex 17 years. We split after me being a mum and him saying I don’t need to work blah blah. So he is now single dad living best life I’m here struggling, giving my best years believing him  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
OP, it sounds like you know yourself and have found something practical you can do.
I do some colouring in. I call it mental masturbation - you get into a mindless/mindfulness zone.
It's hard to control the envy we feel for the things we want others appear to have. I try and remember they will have their own unmet needs and may well be envying me having a huge bed all to myself.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, it sounds like you know yourself and have found something practical you can do.
I do some colouring in. I call it mental masturbation - you get into a mindless/mindfulness zone.
It's hard to control the envy we feel for the things we want others appear to have. I try and remember they will have their own unmet needs and may well be envying me having a huge bed all to myself.
"
I know my coping mechanisms, one is distancing and another is reading! I’ve tried colouring but my OCD couldn’t cope  |
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"Sounds easy and simple but surround yourself with the things that are important / makes you happy in life.
Hence why I’ve removed myself from social media. Just makes me sad "
Totally understand OP. There are some good people around the forums that are happy to talk if you ever needed it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds easy and simple but surround yourself with the things that are important / makes you happy in life.
Hence why I’ve removed myself from social media. Just makes me sad
Totally understand OP. There are some good people around the forums that are happy to talk if you ever needed it "
Thank you. I’ve just felt so low lately. I used to self harm as a coping mechanism but haven’t for years!! My home kids, are my life. But when you look on Facebook I feel so envious of people, and lonely. |
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I know things can feel tougher at times and it's true that just being good looking doesn't automatically mean you must be happy. But perhaps 'happiness' is overrated. Is it even a realistic pursuit...to be in pursuit of happiness?
The interesting thing about being happy is that in itself it doesn't take a lot of effort. For example, if i just sit here and eat cheese puffs instead of getting up and doing something then that can make me feel happy but it's not taking any effort. If i know i need to go to work in the morning but instead i stay in bed sleeping, that can make me feel happy but it didn't take any effort. So maybe happiness is not something we should pursue... maybe pursuit of contentment is a better goal? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Sounds easy and simple but surround yourself with the things that are important / makes you happy in life.
Hence why I’ve removed myself from social media. Just makes me sad
Totally understand OP. There are some good people around the forums that are happy to talk if you ever needed it
Thank you. I’ve just felt so low lately. I used to self harm as a coping mechanism but haven’t for years!! My home kids, are my life. But when you look on Facebook I feel so envious of people, and lonely. "
Are you taking any Vitamin D? You might be a little SAD. It exacerbates the feelings and spending more time inside provides more opportunities to browse social media and see the things that trigger the envy.
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My coping mechanisms are all over the place depending on how I’m feeling.. sometimes I need to hibernate and recharge alone, other times I’ll make extra effort to be around people and chat rubbish.. some great friends on here have been invaluable for just mindless ranting and bizarre questions on my train of thought. Sometimes I read loads.. other times I’m too agitated to read. Sometimes I need music.. other times I need silence.
The greatest tool I learnt was to box up those things that didn’t serve me. Takes a long time but when you can truly not be affected by others it’s a whole different kind of peace.
Hope you find some resolution, sometimes it’s just trial and error to get you through. Some great people here for support though if you’re feeling like you need a chat x much love |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I could use an example which was a huge trigger for me coming off FB! A girl I’ve known for years, and she’s had 6 kids from age 18-6. Last 3 have been removed from her and put into social care.
I’ve known said person for years and she’s an errrm ok person but she party’s every weekend! Her kids were removed 4 years ago and she consistently has new boyfriends!! In 7 years I’ve been single and she must have had at least 6 boyfriends!!
But I cannot meet anyone yet she does, am I bitter? Or selective , or just unlucky? |
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By *-sas-sinWoman
over a year ago
Arse end of the universe |
"It's good to remember people post the "best" version of their lives, which isn't necessarily the true version.
They generally don't post pictures of the cat shitting behind the sofa, or the kids having a tantrum, or the roof leak,or that big scary credit card bill."
This last bit...if it's not going to give them likes or make them look the shit they dont post it.
I'm not on social media sites...bar this...as I know Sandra down the road doesn't have flawless skin and dog ears, shes pretty mingling without her filters and would get significantly less likes lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Delete social media!
It's the best thing I ever did for myself.
Fab is the only social media thingy I'm on - it's enough.
I also dont have TV or read newspapers etc .. for years now.
But you don't need to go that far - just permanently delete all of it - Bragbook, Twatter etc ...
What you don't know cant hurt you  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I could use an example which was a huge trigger for me coming off FB! A girl I’ve known for years, and she’s had 6 kids from age 18-6. Last 3 have been removed from her and put into social care.
I’ve known said person for years and she’s an errrm ok person but she party’s every weekend! Her kids were removed 4 years ago and she consistently has new boyfriends!! In 7 years I’ve been single and she must have had at least 6 boyfriends!!
But I cannot meet anyone yet she does, am I bitter? Or selective , or just unlucky?"
You're looking at her in the wrong way. What trauma, pain or madness is she living with that her way of coping is to find as many men as possible to make her feel worthwhile? She's willing to lose her children to make her feel good for a short time. She's willing to have more children to feel worth something for a while - nothing quite beats that unconditional love of a new baby or the attention you get for being pregnant and with a new baby.
Many bad boyfriends is worse than no boyfriend.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, it sounds like you know yourself and have found something practical you can do.
I do some colouring in. I call it mental masturbation - you get into a mindless/mindfulness zone.
It's hard to control the envy we feel for the things we want others appear to have. I try and remember they will have their own unmet needs and may well be envying me having a huge bed all to myself.
I know my coping mechanisms, one is distancing and another is reading! I’ve tried colouring but my OCD couldn’t cope "
Try a word search, they’re pretty fun, and they distance you from your thoughts. If you’re reading, try some Oscar Wilde, he’s literature opium. Avoid drink/drugs/finding people to verbally assault (my own personal downfall ). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I read a line I liked before - Social Media is just comparing your behind the scenes with others highlight reel.
I think it's a good idea coming off it and focusing on mindfulness and yourself. Good luck to you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In a reflective mood tonight and just reading through some of the replies on this thread and I can see they're all posted in good faith, BUT (and this applies to me too) its not too dissimilar from general social media, lots of ppl saying look at me I did this and I'm so much better now etc, which I appreciate is what the OP has asked for, BUT how will it make her feel if shws finding it hard to cope and also how will it make others feel who are are having an even harder time but dont have the strength or confidence to make such a post. I know this comment will look really twatty, but all I'm saying is be mindful of how your own success stories are received and also why you are giving them....
Controversial as ever....
Nip x |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"In a reflective mood tonight and just reading through some of the replies on this thread and I can see they're all posted in good faith, BUT (and this applies to me too) its not too dissimilar from general social media, lots of ppl saying look at me I did this and I'm so much better now etc, which I appreciate is what the OP has asked for, BUT how will it make her feel if shws finding it hard to cope and also how will it make others feel who are are having an even harder time but dont have the strength or confidence to make such a post. I know this comment will look really twatty, but all I'm saying is be mindful of how your own success stories are received and also why you are giving them....
Controversial as ever....
Nip x"
It's a fair point.
My one of my coping mechanisms is to take time away from Fab. It doesn't help having people say that they don't believe I'm not able to get a meet with anyone or getting that momentary slump when my post is ignored and someone better looking makes the same point and everyone responds to that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In a reflective mood tonight and just reading through some of the replies on this thread and I can see they're all posted in good faith, BUT (and this applies to me too) its not too dissimilar from general social media, lots of ppl saying look at me I did this and I'm so much better now etc, which I appreciate is what the OP has asked for, BUT how will it make her feel if shws finding it hard to cope and also how will it make others feel who are are having an even harder time but dont have the strength or confidence to make such a post. I know this comment will look really twatty, but all I'm saying is be mindful of how your own success stories are received and also why you are giving them....
Controversial as ever....
Nip x
It's a fair point.
My one of my coping mechanisms is to take time away from Fab. It doesn't help having people say that they don't believe I'm not able to get a meet with anyone or getting that momentary slump when my post is ignored and someone better looking makes the same point and everyone responds to that.
"
I love you, you know that |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I avoid social media - comparison is a road to misery.
I avoid the news on the telly - that’s guaranteed to trigger my depression if not my anxiety. I get my news in condensed form via the radio.
And everything else I just bury my head in the sand and think things could be worse (thinking of World Ending Apocoalypse sort of stuff).
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I could use an example which was a huge trigger for me coming off FB! A girl I’ve known for years, and she’s had 6 kids from age 18-6. Last 3 have been removed from her and put into social care.
I’ve known said person for years and she’s an errrm ok person but she party’s every weekend! Her kids were removed 4 years ago and she consistently has new boyfriends!! In 7 years I’ve been single and she must have had at least 6 boyfriends!!
But I cannot meet anyone yet she does, am I bitter? Or selective , or just unlucky?
You're looking at her in the wrong way. What trauma, pain or madness is she living with that her way of coping is to find as many men as possible to make her feel worthwhile? She's willing to lose her children to make her feel good for a short time. She's willing to have more children to feel worth something for a while - nothing quite beats that unconditional love of a new baby or the attention you get for being pregnant and with a new baby.
Many bad boyfriends is worse than no boyfriend.
"
I need to reflect on this ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I avoid social media - comparison is a road to misery.
I avoid the news on the telly - that’s guaranteed to trigger my depression if not my anxiety. I get my news in condensed form via the radio.
And everything else I just bury my head in the sand and think things could be worse (thinking of World Ending Apocoalypse sort of stuff).
"
I’m exactly the same,kind of. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In a reflective mood tonight and just reading through some of the replies on this thread and I can see they're all posted in good faith, BUT (and this applies to me too) its not too dissimilar from general social media, lots of ppl saying look at me I did this and I'm so much better now etc, which I appreciate is what the OP has asked for, BUT how will it make her feel if shws finding it hard to cope and also how will it make others feel who are are having an even harder time but dont have the strength or confidence to make such a post. I know this comment will look really twatty, but all I'm saying is be mindful of how your own success stories are received and also why you are giving them....
Controversial as ever....
Nip x"
I agree with you.
Also... Facebook and suchlike are full of people showing off their 'perfect' lives. However the reality is that the most prolific pic/ story posters are usually on the verge of divorce, as has been proved often in my local area. When the pic rate slows down they are in a happier life period. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In a reflective mood tonight and just reading through some of the replies on this thread and I can see they're all posted in good faith, BUT (and this applies to me too) its not too dissimilar from general social media, lots of ppl saying look at me I did this and I'm so much better now etc, which I appreciate is what the OP has asked for, BUT how will it make her feel if shws finding it hard to cope and also how will it make others feel who are are having an even harder time but dont have the strength or confidence to make such a post. I know this comment will look really twatty, but all I'm saying is be mindful of how your own success stories are received and also why you are giving them....
Controversial as ever....
Nip x
I agree with you.
Also... Facebook and suchlike are full of people showing off their 'perfect' lives. However the reality is that the most prolific pic/ story posters are usually on the verge of divorce, as has been proved often in my local area. When the pic rate slows down they are in a happier life period. "
I agree |
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"Awwwww I'm sorry to hear that OP
I've had a terrible week myself but its it's not getting me down (well not as much as it would have a while ago). Biggest mechanism I've learnt recently is just acceptance and ownership and NOT distancing myself from the important shit. It's the real ppl in your life that pull you through.... try not to compare, just be grateful for what and who is there....
Best wishes to you buddy.... "
I think Nippy is right. Dont compare. And someone else said folk post the best version of their life... not a reality! Sorry you feel down and lonely and if your coping mechanism works.. then all kudos to you. Sometimes I feel lonely and alone with who I live with. I find a bit of focussing on myself helps. Building my self worth... which in itself can be a task x |
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By *-sas-sinWoman
over a year ago
Arse end of the universe |
"
It's a fair point.
My one of my coping mechanisms is to take time away from Fab. It doesn't help having people say that they don't believe I'm not able to get a meet with anyone or getting that momentary slump when my post is ignored and someone better looking makes the same point and everyone responds to that.
"
I know what you mean about all your points there, its funny how these things can chip away at you, fab and its quirks can be just as bad as faceache and half the people on here we dont even know, so I think its social interaction in general online that's an issue.
Everything is subjective and how you take things definitely depends on your mindset at the time, plus we all know you can sprinkle a turd in glitter and make it sparkle but under the glitter it's still the same old shit  |
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