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If your cat/dog/budgie could talk....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Strangely enough, just got the following email about half an hour ago.
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.
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A man sees a sign outside a house – ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’
He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
“Do you really talk?” he asks the dog.
“Yes,” the Labrador Replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, “So, tell me your story.”
The Labrador Looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the Government, so I told the SAS.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years”.
“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down”
“I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I have just retired.”
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asked the owner how much he wants for the dog.
“Ten Quid,” the owner says.
“£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?”
“Because he’s a lying bastard. He’s never been out of the garden.”  
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My dog would say, she shouts a lot but il forgive her as she takes me for long walks in the park and doesnt get pissed off when i wanna piss up every tree  "
Well you need to piss on ever tree if your a he-dog |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"
IF my budgie could speak, he'd ask :
"Here, can you smell fish?"
That's cos he's sat on a perch ffs
love it "
If my goldfish could talk to the other goldfish in the tank, he'd say "How the feck do you drive this thing????" |
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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago
with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc |
If my pooch could speak english, I know I'd be sat on the naughty step for hours!
She gives me a look as iff to say 'Oh Mummy!' Then wanders off.
She gives the best dirty looks ever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if my cat could talk she would probably say something along the lines of
"you slave go and fetch me a golden trhone so i may lord over you in comfort and splendor" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would it say about you? "
We have a Parrot who says all sorts. Kev has taught it to say Get your knickers off and it always breaks the ice when we have people round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My dog would say, she shouts a lot but il forgive her as she takes me for long walks in the park and doesnt get pissed off when i wanna piss up every tree
Well you need to piss on ever tree if your a he-dog He does as well..the park i take him to is full of trees, bug uns, and he HAS to piss up every one........  "
My dog is just the same....he loves his thursday walks as its bin collection day....more targets for him.
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