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maintenance payments
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once the legal obligation has ended then I think you’d (or is) be in your rights to stop payments. But it depends on the situation. If said child is a bum and dissing about the house all day then I’d still see that as my responsibility. If they’re working or flown the nest then it would be a hard stop for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would willingly support my child for as long as they needed me to, whatever the age. "
Supporting my child and paying child support are two very different things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve never received any child support since my marriage ended when my son was 5 even though he sees his dad. He’s now 15. I’ve brought him up completely independently and I expect to continue to give my support, financial and otherwise, whenever he needs it no matter his age. |
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My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once my son reaches 18 (i think thats the age) I won't be paying his mother another penny, if he needs money for driving lessons, education etc then i'll sort it with him directly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college"
CSA is your friend  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once my son reaches 18 (i think thats the age) I won't be paying his mother another penny, if he needs money for driving lessons, education etc then i'll sort it with him directly"
Ditto prince |
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend "
He's self employed, and after 17 years I know very well that he will do anything to not pay. I'm certain he will make sure it looks like he can't afford it. Bullshit obviously |
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Yes I would. My responsibility to my children is life long, they're both financially in a good position now but we provided financial support long after they were 18. Emotionally we'll support them until the day we die.
Why do people resent supporting their own child? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend
He's self employed, and after 17 years I know very well that he will do anything to not pay. I'm certain he will make sure it looks like he can't afford it. Bullshit obviously"
Believe me those CSA people leave no stone unturned self employed or not, no excuses not paying for your child if you ask me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d stop paying to the mother then pay to the “child” however I’d like to think by 18 they had got a job too so wouldn’t be solely relying on my money.
Being from a separated family, my dad pays me £50 a month he doesn’t have to, nor do I need it in theory BUT he still sees it his responsibility to support me. I’m absolutely grateful!! He’s done this since I turned 18 however payed me 100 when I was 18 and reduced it. |
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This is what I will be facing in a few years. I can be certain I won't pay money to my wife. I can imagine making contributions directly to my children. The amount would depend on the mother's job situation. I would expect her to contribute too. |
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend
He's self employed, and after 17 years I know very well that he will do anything to not pay. I'm certain he will make sure it looks like he can't afford it. Bullshit obviously
Believe me those CSA people leave no stone unturned self employed or not, no excuses not paying for your child if you ask me. "
I haven't had to use them for years, but I'll give them a call. Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend
He's self employed, and after 17 years I know very well that he will do anything to not pay. I'm certain he will make sure it looks like he can't afford it. Bullshit obviously
Believe me those CSA people leave no stone unturned self employed or not, no excuses not paying for your child if you ask me.
I haven't had to use them for years, but I'll give them a call. Thank you "
Be prepared to be on hold for around 45 minutes. That’s not an exaggeration. Every single time!!  |
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"This is what I will be facing in a few years. I can be certain I won't pay money to my wife. I can imagine making contributions directly to my children. The amount would depend on the mother's job situation. I would expect her to contribute too. "
I'd expect both parents to contribute to their children's lives in every aspect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you (as a lady ask) for them to continue after the fathers (legal) resonsibility has ended?
Would you (as a guy) continue to pay after your (legal) responsibilty has ended?"
What would you do OP? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once my son reaches 18 (i think thats the age) I won't be paying his mother another penny, if he needs money for driving lessons, education etc then i'll sort it with him directly"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it difficult to understand why lots of people have such problems supporting their children! Parenting, financial, emotional or physical is a life choice and shouldn't have a cut off point at any age!
My daughter only saw her dad because he openly said he'd only pay if she saw him, so she felt she had to plus he refused to see her at weekends ... now she's 18, just started uni still living at home for a bit (does a 150 mile round trip daily - her choice) and he doesn't help her or see her, whereas I have absolutely no issue in supporting her in every which way, shape or form and will continue to do so for as long as we're both on this planet, same as my son! |
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As a single mum I do not expect the father to support the costs of raising him once he has finished school, ie 18.
If he chooses to go on to further education then that is something we would discuss as a separate issue and I’d hope, his father would wish to support him, as would I, where he needed it.
What they arrange between father and son after 18 is nothing to do with me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to work on how to structure your sentences better.
If I have picked up on your post correctly, I would cease the payments to the mother. I would, however, give my child an allowance; and have made a savings account for them - this would have been added to monthly, from their birth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I hope the father would support the child in the way they would have done if not divorced.
If you would've kicked them out of the family home at 18 then fine cut the money.
If not, then continue to pay the maintenance because they still eat, use electricity, gas, water etc etc.
You can be fairly sure that cms doesn't cover 50% of the true cost of bringing up children.
You are not giving your ex wife money you are paying your fair share of your responsibilities.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the child hits 18 and still lives with the custodial parent, it makes sense to contribute as the custodial parent is still providing their food, the roof over their head etc. Giving the money to the 18 year old does nothing to assist in providing for them as they won’t have bills if they’re still living at home. Arrangements to help the custodial parent beyond 18 should be based on discussing it as adults and making sure that parent has what they need to kee providing for that child.
I don’t like when people resent the custodial parent for having ANYTHING for themselves, and count to the penny the amount of electricity, food, etc the child could be consuming. It should be what you want to do to provide for them, and the custodial parent doesn’t have to live without their own fun etc just because you’re contributing to their monthly or weekly income. That woman’s nails or man’s new car isn’t indicative of them spending YOUR money. It’s the part of their money that they have because you’re paying your share for your child. And let’s be honest, the custodial parent almost always pays more of the everyday expenses and unexpected expenses. It’s more than just food and electric and water, it’s about doing your part to make sure the child and the child’s parent are living a life that’s best for the child. Sure, you’re giving money but their new couch doesn’t mean your kid starved for them to get it. Just contribute because if you stayed together you’d give far more than CSA requires. -Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the child hits 18 and still lives with the custodial parent, it makes sense to contribute as the custodial parent is still providing their food, the roof over their head etc. Giving the money to the 18 year old does nothing to assist in providing for them as they won’t have bills if they’re still living at home. Arrangements to help the custodial parent beyond 18 should be based on discussing it as adults and making sure that parent has what they need to kee providing for that child.
I don’t like when people resent the custodial parent for having ANYTHING for themselves, and count to the penny the amount of electricity, food, etc the child could be consuming. It should be what you want to do to provide for them, and the custodial parent doesn’t have to live without their own fun etc just because you’re contributing to their monthly or weekly income. That woman’s nails or man’s new car isn’t indicative of them spending YOUR money. It’s the part of their money that they have because you’re paying your share for your child. And let’s be honest, the custodial parent almost always pays more of the everyday expenses and unexpected expenses. It’s more than just food and electric and water, it’s about doing your part to make sure the child and the child’s parent are living a life that’s best for the child. Sure, you’re giving money but their new couch doesn’t mean your kid starved for them to get it.
***Just contribute because if you stayed together you’d give far more than CSA requires. -Mrs "
I agree, especially this *** !
So many parents just pay only what the CSA forces them to. (If they pay anything at all.)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter is 21 and still at university. I support her financially as the maintenance grant barely covers her rent. Her dad has made it clear that, as she's over 18, "she's no longer part of the divorce settlement".
Yes. He's a twunt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 25/10/19 19:40:09]"
What if the mother had disallowed the man to see his child? What if they only get once or twice a week/monthly visits? There are circumstances, I’m sure where the individual wouldn’t mind, paying extra past 18. There are however, reasons for why one wouldn’t. These circumstances can rarely be fit into black & white boxes.
The ideal situation, so as to not have to deal with this: is the nuclear family. This, however - rarely seems to work as we imagine/hope it to.
Edit: in the case of the above post, regards uni, etc. I would hope that most men wouldn’t have an issue, as to helping their child out with the furthering of their education, or getting on the housing ladder etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with above poster.
If you make them you support them in all ways.
At 18 yes support them directly if you so wish but your responsibility as a parent is lifelong
I've battled my ex through CSA now CMS for 9 years
he has arrears of over 20k owed to myself and his first wife
CMS have secured a liability order which is in hand of bailiffs who have agreed he can pay me £50 A MONTH for 2 children
he has beaten the system at every level
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend "
The CSA no longer exists. It is now the Child Maintenance Service (though it's staffed by the same people).
I've had to rely on them myself as the mother of my children does everything she can to attempt to avoid her legal responsibility.
As a result, I don't rely on the payments as her circumstances may change again at any time resulting the CMS having difficulty in taking payments from her. |
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I sit on both sides of the fence.
My ex paid £6 in all the years I brought his children up from when I asked him to leave following an abusive relationship - my children were 6, 8 & 10 at the time. I never stopped my children from seeing him - their relationship together wasn't mine to destroy and definitely not over money. He died a very unloved father this year because kids grow up and they saw right through him as adults
On the other hand Mr KC has supported all of my children and his own. He opted out of an excellent pension to ensure he could pay child support as well as paying extras and having his kids over for at least 3 nights a week every week and taking all combined kids away every year.
All of our children are now adults and we help out when needed. He continues to financially support his 20yr old daughter currently studying nursing because it's the right thing to do as her dad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 25/10/19 19:40:09]
What if the mother had disallowed the man to see his child? What if they only get once or twice a week/monthly visits? There are circumstances, I’m sure where the individual wouldn’t mind, paying extra past 18. There are however, reasons for why one wouldn’t. These circumstances can rarely be fit into black & white boxes.
The ideal situation, so as to not have to deal with this: is the nuclear family. This, however - rarely seems to work as we imagine/hope it to.
Edit: in the case of the above post, regards uni, etc. I would hope that most men wouldn’t have an issue, as to helping their child out with the furthering of their education, or getting on the housing ladder etc. "
Maintenance and visitation are two separate things. If someone is denied contact they should go to court to address it. The child still needs financial support and both parents have a responsibility regardless of visitation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend
The CSA no longer exists. It is now the Child Maintenance Service (though it's staffed by the same people).
I've had to rely on them myself as the mother of my children does everything she can to attempt to avoid her legal responsibility.
As a result, I don't rely on the payments as her circumstances may change again at any time resulting the CMS having difficulty in taking payments from her."
Your post is why I was careful to say parents.... it isn’t just mothers who rely upon and battle for contributions toward raising their custodial children. Some women don’t pay either. It’s very difficult when the other parent doesn’t pay their share. Both have a responsibility |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once a child turns 18 they cease to be a child. They should go out to work and earn thier own money. They should go into further education and fund it themselves or with a student loan.
It would be a good idea that all maintenance payments go directly to the children from the age of 16 and not the custodial parent. It would give both parties the opportunity to adjust to the way things will be by the time they turn 18.
We are both single parents and our ex's have never contributed. |
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"Once my son reaches 18 (i think thats the age) I won't be paying his mother another penny, if he needs money for driving lessons, education etc then i'll sort it with him directly"
And where will he live? Who will pay for his accommodation and living expenses?
These expenses don’t stop once the child reaches 18 and often, young people are still living with a parent while studying or earning a pittance on an apprenticeship.
If your child is not living independently and/or earning enough to help pay towards the household bills then as a parent, it’s your duty to be there for them, regardless of whether that child lives with you or their other parent! |
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I’ve happily paid much more than the CSA would “force” me to for the last 10 years. My daughter is 19 and I’m still paying while she’s in full time education.
When she isn’t in full time education I will stop those payments to her mum, but my financial support will still be there if required.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Once my son reaches 18 (i think thats the age) I won't be paying his mother another penny, if he needs money for driving lessons, education etc then i'll sort it with him directly"
It’s 19 if they’re still in education |
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"If the child hits 18 and still lives with the custodial parent, it makes sense to contribute as the custodial parent is still providing their food, the roof over their head etc. Giving the money to the 18 year old does nothing to assist in providing for them as they won’t have bills if they’re still living at home. Arrangements to help the custodial parent beyond 18 should be based on discussing it as adults and making sure that parent has what they need to kee providing for that child.
I don’t like when people resent the custodial parent for having ANYTHING for themselves, and count to the penny the amount of electricity, food, etc the child could be consuming. It should be what you want to do to provide for them, and the custodial parent doesn’t have to live without their own fun etc just because you’re contributing to their monthly or weekly income. That woman’s nails or man’s new car isn’t indicative of them spending YOUR money. It’s the part of their money that they have because you’re paying your share for your child. And let’s be honest, the custodial parent almost always pays more of the everyday expenses and unexpected expenses. It’s more than just food and electric and water, it’s about doing your part to make sure the child and the child’s parent are living a life that’s best for the child. Sure, you’re giving money but their new couch doesn’t mean your kid starved for them to get it. Just contribute because if you stayed together you’d give far more than CSA requires. -Mrs "
Absolutely this but I do wonder if my ex will still drive a soft top Audi - hire a cleaner - and holiday to America when my child turns 18 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve never received any child support since my marriage ended when my son was 5 even though he sees his dad. He’s now 15. I’ve brought him up completely independently and I expect to continue to give my support, financial and otherwise, whenever he needs it no matter his age. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would definitely stop paying my ex directly once I legally reach that point. However, I would still give my kids the money they need, or keep it saved ready for any big moments in their lives.
The moment I can stop handing over barrels of money to my ex will be a great day! P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Peraonally after i found out the ex wife wasnt using the maintenance to "maintain" my children after remarriage i stopped paying her and opened accounts for them and it goes into their accounts now which they get at a certain age. For me its better because i know that if they want to goto uni or buy a house they wont have a ton of debt and i know the money which is for my children is going to my children not on other things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And before the haters start it wasnt being used for bills and clothes etc she was using it for nights out and clothes and things for her which considering i was paying more than double what i "have" to pay i was pretty pissed off! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And before the haters start it wasnt being used for bills and clothes etc she was using it for nights out and clothes and things for her which considering i was paying more than double what i "have" to pay i was pretty pissed off! "
So she wasnt feeding and clothing your children then?
Buying winter coats? School uniform? Paying for swimming lessons etc?
Did she get all those things for free? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel you pain as my ex never used the money for my daughter as I paid for pretty much anything else as well
Then when she lost custody due to her blowing the money on drink and drugs she never contributed a penny
But my daughter has never and never will go without what she needs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No access for last 4 years all because her money dropped due to redundancy and taking a lower paid job, even after getting a better job and paying over £500 a month for 2 kids still access is refused, the minute I can stop paying her I will, but obviously should the kids ever come to me for money then that will never be an issue not matter how old they are. |
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"My son's dad seems to think he should only pay maintenance when he see's our son. Since my lad has fallen out with him after he (his dad) and his dad's girlfriend treated him poorly because of he didn't ace every single GCSE; our son hasn't wanted to go and see his dad... Understandable. But because of this he's stopped paying, even though he's in college
CSA is your friend
He's self employed, and after 17 years I know very well that he will do anything to not pay. I'm certain he will make sure it looks like he can't afford it. Bullshit obviously
Believe me those CSA people leave no stone unturned self employed or not, no excuses not paying for your child if you ask me. "
Sadly this isn't always the case. A friend of mine gets less than £20 a month maintenance for two children, yet the other parent is self employed, drives a spanking new work van, just moved into a huge 4 bed house, has 2 swanky holidays a year and lives a very nice lifestyle. Not everyone tells the truth about their income, especially when a lot of it is cash in hand. |
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"No access for last 4 years all because her money dropped due to redundancy and taking a lower paid job, even after getting a better job and paying over £500 a month for 2 kids still access is refused, the minute I can stop paying her I will, but obviously should the kids ever come to me for money then that will never be an issue not matter how old they are."
If you are denied access have you tried going through courts? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No access for last 4 years all because her money dropped due to redundancy and taking a lower paid job, even after getting a better job and paying over £500 a month for 2 kids still access is refused, the minute I can stop paying her I will, but obviously should the kids ever come to me for money then that will never be an issue not matter how old they are.
If you are denied access have you tried going through courts?"
Which costs money which I just don't have. The payments of £500 have only just been reduced from £780 ( extra money which was taken off me for money supposedly due when I was redundant despite me giving her over a 1/4 of my redundancy pay and also the cost of near £700 to try and stop that payment). She knows by crippling me financially I can't fight for access, and on top of that she has told the kids I don't pay anything and don't want to see them. A very long,sad state of affairs with a system which seems to work against fathers who just want to be good dad's. The only one gaining out of these situations are the lawyers and it's the kids who suffer. I don't and never have had an issue with what she spends the money on and never fought to get the maintenance payments reduced thinking that she would at least let me have access, more fool me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would support my kids up the point they finish education even if they went to university I would support them. To be honest depending on the mothers financial situation I would even help her too. I would only do that as I watched my mother get left with pretty much nothing and I reset my father for that. parents think kids don't see anything but they see everything and somethings they just won't forget. |
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id always help my kids out if they needed, housing kids even with a contribution to keep for over 18 or 21 is the norm for many couples or single parents it’s not cheap or free , many then follow with helping them get onto the property ladder,university fees housing etc goes on for many years till they are fully able to be independent
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I stopped payments to their mother but carried on payments to the kids direct.
As long as my kids show they are trying to get on in life I will always support them when they need it.
Its what dad's do! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they didnt take all my money I would only waste it on cars, good food, drinks, holidays and women. Looking ahead to the year 2025 should be free of them by then  |
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By *estivalMan
over a year ago
borehamwood |
dont give my ex cash as our arrangement is i pay for everything for school inc trips all her after school stuff she does and anytime she needs clothes or watnot i take her shoppin.prob works out same if i gave her cash.when she leaves education she can earn her own money . although will help her out if she needed it |
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