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Worst jokes please
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Man goes into a pub with a giraffe. They’re drinking pints with chasers all night and eventually the giraffe collapses.
The man gets up to leave and the landlord says
You can’t leave that lyin there
Man says,
It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Man sees the doctor with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his underpants.
The doctor says "that looks nasty"
The man replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy buys a talking millipede and decides to take him to the pub, after 2 hours the guy said “ thought we were going to the pub?” Millipede said “hang on I’m still putting my shoes on” |
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Right ... brace yourself Enid
A knight is summoned by the purple king. "Good knight,I have a problem with the purple dragon in the purple mountains. Rid me of this scourge and I shall reward you"
So the knight left the purple castle, crossed the purple moat, down the purple track, through the purple forest, across the purple river to the purple mountains. He found the purple dragon in the purple cave, and after a great battle slayed the purple dragon.
He left the purple cave, came down the purple mountains, crossed the purple river, came through the purple forest, up the purple track across the purple moat to the purple castle and found the purple king.
I have slain the purple dragon. He says.
The purple king is happy and offers the hand of the purple princess in marriage as reward.
The knight is flattered but explains he only has eyes for the yellow princess.
The purple king is angry and orders the knight be thrown onto the purple dungeon.
The purple guards take the knight from the purple hall, down the purple staircase to the purple dungeon to the purple cell. They open the purple door and throw the knight in saying ...
.
.
.
.
You've been waiting for this ...
.
.
.
"Indigo!" |
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I was on a first date with a new girlfriend last night which progressed well and we ended up back at mine and in the bedroom naked.
She winked at me and seductively whispered "I like it when guys don't mind using toys in the bedroom"
Apparently pulling out my nerf gun and shooting her in the pussy wasn't what she had in mind ?? |
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By *hechapMan
over a year ago
Derry |
Wife comes home from Drs appointment with a big smile on her face.
Husband asks her what she is smiling about?
Because the Dr said for a 50yr old woman my breasts feel and look like an 18yr old girl.
Husbands asks what did he say about your 50yr old saggy fat asshole?
Wife replies nothing your name never was mentioned.
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Man moves into his first house and thinks it's time to check out the local pub. He walks in, sits at the bar and orders a drink. The guy next to him hand starts to vibrate all over the place. The vibrating hand guy then puts his hand to his face and starts talking into it. So the new guy asks the bar tender what wrong with him? The bar tender says I don't know, better ask him. So when the other guy finally stops talking to his hand the new guy asks what was that about? The other guy says I was taking a phone call, I have a phone implanted in my palm under my skin. So the new guy says that's cool, where can I get one. The other guy says buy me a pint while I got to the toilet and I will tell you when I get back. So new guy waits and waits for hand phone guy to come back, by no sign of him. He saw him go in the toilets but not back out so he goes to take a look. He opens the door but can't see him. Where is he? There are three cubicles, all closed. So he opens the first and looks in, nothing. Opens the second one, looks in, nothing. Finally he opens the third one and looks in. There he sees phone guy on all fours on the floor, trousers down and a toilet paper roll shoved up his arse. So he blurts out what are you doing? The phone guy responds..... I waiting for a fax. |
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By *hechapMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Today at the bank a little old lady asked me to check her balance ...........
So I pushed her over 
 "
At church on Sunday a lady asked me if i would be a proper gent and kindly help her out of her wheel chair.
I said of course no problem. Just you relax there and i will get you out in no time.
To be honest i didnt mind doing it and helping her but i think i sprained my wrist tipping her out..
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