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How confident are you?!?
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
It’s a question I struggle with a bit.. and may struggle to word..
Is there a difference between how happy you are in yourself and how confident you are that others will like and be attracted to you?!?
Do you hide insecurities or do you show them to others?
I’m happy in my own skin and pretty self aware of my strengths and weaknesses. But wonder if my lack of confidence in other ways stops me from getting the most out of life...
What’s your take on confidence?
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m confident in that 
At work I’m in my element, confidence a plenty. On here? I did get a confidence boost when I joined. The ‘normal’ body image accepted by most but that quickly faded after joining the forums actually.
I could be more confident. I seem to Be liked and get along just fine but I would like to feel a bit more confident with all of it really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It fluctuates, it's still not entirely dependant on what I think of myself, not others... but when it shines, it's like a sun at midday;-) just doesnt last. |
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It's relative, isn't it?
My confidence is ever growing. I can do most things these days, laugh off a lot. There's the vulnerable core that some get to see, and that may not look terribly confident.
But looking back, I never thought I'd be this confident, that I'd dare to be who I am now, much less largely without fear.
I'm a work in progress, and it's impossible to define. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im basically self loathing self doubting nervious wreck, i think it shows through online (not just here even on scocial media) but face to face in person you wouldnt know, for some reason people adore me, and allegedly (ive been told) that when im amongst a large group i subconsiously put everyone at ease and make sure they are fully involved and that nobody is left out of the conversation. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
I'll always have insecurities.
I'll never adjust who I am for whoever people want me to be.
I no longer care what people think of me, however I do care that I come across as the person I believe I am. |
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"I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m confident in that
At work I’m in my element, confidence a plenty. On here? I did get a confidence boost when I joined. The ‘normal’ body image accepted by most but that quickly faded after joining the forums actually.
I could be more confident. I seem to Be liked and get along just fine but I would like to feel a bit more confident with all of it really. "
Your absolutely, lovely personality is your road to confidence Babs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After yrs of mental abuse not very confident at all but better than i was"
There are workshops for overcoming low self esteem and great books.. if that helps?
It would take a toll on anyone x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m confident in that
At work I’m in my element, confidence a plenty. On here? I did get a confidence boost when I joined. The ‘normal’ body image accepted by most but that quickly faded after joining the forums actually.
I could be more confident. I seem to Be liked and get along just fine but I would like to feel a bit more confident with all of it really. "
I think that’s the bit I’m getting at.. the outside of yourself part.. I like me.. but I’m not confident in promoting that to another.. if that makes sense? |
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I'm mostly very confident in myself as a person and pretty comfortable with myself.
Appearance wise I'm confident enough to never let my body hang ups hold me back and I've never really had much issue being naked around others. However I seem to flit between "my curves are fabulous!" and "I'm hideous" when it comes to body image. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It fluctuates, it's still not entirely dependant on what I think of myself, not others... but when it shines, it's like a sun at midday;-) just doesnt last. "
Yes I get that.. confidence can definitely fluctuate dependent on life.. it’s a funny old thing... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm mostly very confident in myself as a person and pretty comfortable with myself.
Appearance wise I'm confident enough to never let my body hang ups hold me back and I've never really had much issue being naked around others. However I seem to flit between "my curves are fabulous!" and "I'm hideous" when it comes to body image. "
Hmm yes.. get that.. body confidence is certainty seperate to confidence in ones personality and self worth x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m pretty self aware and comfortable with what and who I am
I’d say I’m confident - not much phases me
Saffy you have come a long way in the confidence stakes since I first me you! "
You come across as very confident DC.. I think sometimes it’s a nervousness about what people perceive me to be.. and a fear of disappointing. Definitely a work in progress x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Oh god my confidence is all over the place and very much situation and circumstance dependent - put me in a room full of strangers and you might not even realise I was there - put me in a room full of people I know and the perception may be very different
And that really is me all over |
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In general from day to day i’m confident in my abilities at most things I do I’m also very confident my working abilities as I love my job and I think the confidence in that department comes from my passion in my job but when it comes to meeting new people I can find myself in a position where I am either comfortably confident or not so confident at all but I think that’s down to the company I’m surrounded by at the time if I’m with someone and there is no agenda and the conversation is flowing nicely I feel I’m at ease and my confidence will shine through, where as if I’m with someone I’m attracted to or feel the need to impress Then I can lack in confidence |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
My opinion of.myself is that I'm confident in myself, my decision making and my interactions with people. I need to be to deal with my job and life in general.
However I am a bit of an introvert so sometimes this can be mistaken for shyness |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'll always have insecurities.
I'll never adjust who I am for whoever people want me to be.
I no longer care what people think of me, however I do care that I come across as the person I believe I am."
Nor should you have to. I think that’s my point.. I fear people being disappointed so maybe don’t do as much as I could.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After yrs of mental abuse not very confident at all but better than i was
 do you have different levels of confidence as in.. in yourself.. rather than how others see you? "
have to say in myself no my confidence is mostly low to medium and rarely changes and i brush off any thing good people who know me say if that makes sense but as i said ive improved as in 12 yrs ago i would only wear extra extra large mens black or white t shirts now i wear lots of different coloured low tops and dont care so although thats one thing its a big thing |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Oh god my confidence is all over the place and very much situation and circumstance dependent - put me in a room full of strangers and you might not even realise I was there - put me in a room full of people I know and the perception may be very different
And that really is me all over "
Snap!! It’s this perception thing again... |
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"I’m pretty self aware and comfortable with what and who I am
I’d say I’m confident - not much phases me
Saffy you have come a long way in the confidence stakes since I first me you!
You come across as very confident DC.. I think sometimes it’s a nervousness about what people perceive me to be.. and a fear of disappointing. Definitely a work in progress x"
I have a lot of that myself, but have come to realise that more people like me as I am than who I think they want me to be. And it's easier to be me than watch myself that much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After yrs of mental abuse not very confident at all but better than i was
There are workshops for overcoming low self esteem and great books.. if that helps?
It would take a toll on anyone x"
aww thank you will look into it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After yrs of mental abuse not very confident at all but better than i was
There are workshops for overcoming low self esteem and great books.. if that helps?
It would take a toll on anyone xaww thank you will look into it x"
Happy to signpost x |
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Hi OP and thanks for your question
If I wasn't confident I wouldn't be here. I like to think *some* people will be attracted to me, but don't take it to heart if they don't.
I'm happy just being me. I would like to have the confidence to attend (another) group social, or venture further afield to meet someone one-on-one socially. Part of me worries that I won't match their expectations, which I guess is kinda my problem I need to overcome. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"My opinion of.myself is that I'm confident in myself, my decision making and my interactions with people. I need to be to deal with my job and life in general.
However I am a bit of an introvert so sometimes this can be mistaken for shyness "
I’m an introvert too. I can come across confident in the right settings but lack an overall confidence where others are concerned outside of work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another excellent post.
I am confident in my personality, happy with myself. I am shy and a bit self conscious, but I don’t dislike myself. My shyness can come off as aloof or snobby which sometimes hinders me and It annoys me a bit at times. I wish in person I didn’t feel shy to just speak to people.
I spent enough years hating myself, now I’m a bit nicer. I don’t think I’m the best but I’m the best H I could be . - Mrs |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Hi OP and thanks for your question
If I wasn't confident I wouldn't be here. I like to think *some* people will be attracted to me, but don't take it to heart if they don't.
I'm happy just being me. I would like to have the confidence to attend (another) group social, or venture further afield to meet someone one-on-one socially. Part of me worries that I won't match their expectations, which I guess is kinda my problem I need to overcome."
That last bit is exactly how I think.. I wonder how easy that is to work on.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pretty happy with myself, I’m confident in some situations like work and hobbies etc and not so much in others, people always mistake me for being shy but I’m not lol I’m am an introvert though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fella can be naked in front of 100s people or even fight in front of thousands in little pants and is always confident. But ask him to dance and he’s a mess. It’s always different for different people. There is something for everyone that they lack confidence in. |
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By *lubberMan
over a year ago
Rothwell |
"It’s a question I struggle with a bit.. and may struggle to word..
Is there a difference between how happy you are in yourself and how confident you are that others will like and be attracted to you?!?
Do you hide insecurities or do you show them to others?
I’m happy in my own skin and pretty self aware of my strengths and weaknesses. But wonder if my lack of confidence in other ways stops me from getting the most out of life...
What’s your take on confidence?
"
Anybody that doesn't really know me thinks I'm extremely confident. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Another excellent post.
I am confident in my personality, happy with myself. I am shy and a bit self conscious, but I don’t dislike myself. My shyness can come off as aloof or snobby which sometimes hinders me and It annoys me a bit at times. I wish in person I didn’t feel shy to just speak to people.
I spent enough years hating myself, now I’m a bit nicer. I don’t think I’m the best but I’m the best H I could be . - Mrs "
Love this it’s a weird one because I’m in the best place I’ve ever been! But still have this lack of something in offering that to another person x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Fella can be naked in front of 100s people or even fight in front of thousands in little pants and is always confident. But ask him to dance and he’s a mess. It’s always different for different people. There is something for everyone that they lack confidence in. "
It’s interesting how confidence covers such a huge part of our life.. I can’t answer it as a general question.. |
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I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Strangely thanks to a total meltdown followed by complete reboot of mind, body and soul I am totally confident in myself..probably because I learned what other people think and say doesnt matter..sticks n stones etc...I ve gone from living in the shadows to being right out there enjoying the new light  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends where I am and who I am with"
Same for me.
I'm comfortable in my own skin - but certain personalities or places make me feel a bit self conscious.
It is a gift if you are one of those people that immediately put people at ease.
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"It's relative, isn't it?
My confidence is ever growing. I can do most things these days, laugh off a lot. There's the vulnerable core that some get to see, and that may not look terribly confident.
But looking back, I never thought I'd be this confident, that I'd dare to be who I am now, much less largely without fear.
I'm a work in progress, and it's impossible to define."
This ^^ 
It's taken hard work and a lot of time but my confidence is pretty even these days. There are a few trusted folk, who get to see my wobbly days and when I'm vunerable but on the whole I'm really happy with who I am, and what I'm capable of.
I'll always be a work in progress and I'm ok with that |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I pretty happy with myself, I’m confident in some situations like work and hobbies etc and not so much in others, people always mistake me for being shy but I’m not lol I’m am an introvert though"
It’s a funny old thing perception.. maybe it’s more that than confidence for me.. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm probably over confident to be honest. I think I can do everything but it isn't always the case and sometimes I need to give it up before I begin.
"
I think that’s amazing though!! You radiate confidence x |
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Confident in who I am as a person but totally lack body confidence.
That's the frustrating part, in my mind I want to do so many things but always hold myself back.
All comes down to fear of rejection.
My most annoying trait is always accept criticism but will go out of my way to brush off a compliment. |
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I think the British tend to shorn on confident people, I would say confident comes from knowing you do something you like, enjoy, provide well to your ability.
By acting confident you make yourself feel confident however that doesn't last because it does not have a tangible value attached to the confident.
So where does confidence come from? It comes from self-esteem and self-esteem comes from being respected, admire or [fear with a question mark?]
On the other hand, Insecurities or overconfident likely will destroy you because people will not want to be associated with that person, while real confidence can open doors. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"It's relative, isn't it?
My confidence is ever growing. I can do most things these days, laugh off a lot. There's the vulnerable core that some get to see, and that may not look terribly confident.
But looking back, I never thought I'd be this confident, that I'd dare to be who I am now, much less largely without fear.
I'm a work in progress, and it's impossible to define."
Totally yes! You work it well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things."
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Publicly I’m confident, and know how to put a false smile on. Privately I can have days where I struggle to look at myself positively. I don’t look to others for confirmation, but a misplaced word or criticism can affect me more than I care to admit x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very confident but not to the point of being too confident that it turns into being a arse hole.
I've no idea where it comes from I've just never really struggled with it.
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!! "
Yeah I get this.. I feel like I’m trying to put people off sometimes.. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Oh god my confidence is all over the place and very much situation and circumstance dependent - put me in a room full of strangers and you might not even realise I was there - put me in a room full of people I know and the perception may be very different
And that really is me all over
Snap!! It’s this perception thing again... "
Oh it is definitely - both self-perception and that of others.
I've had others comment with surprise in the past, when I've said I'm not a confident or outgoing person and I think that to an extent comes from their perception of me on here and not knowing me the person - not that I have a "persona" here as such my beliefs, views and character that I am here are exactly the same regardless of on-line or off-line - just here that thinking time you're allowed to compose a post or a message gives me the ability to be more immediately articulate than I can be in person.
My self-perception is that I am mostly a decent person, who has a lot to offer and a lot to be proud of - I just also have a lack of self-confidence and an innate overthinking head that leads me to worry about how that may be perceived by others sometimes and so tend to keep my thoughts to myself for fear of them being viewed dimly or taken the wrong way. I also very rarely put me and my needs first, partly out of not wanting to upset others, and partly because I have a natural tendency to put others first - which I know is going off the "confidence" track a little but the two kind of tie together. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest. "
This is very much me. I assume everyone’s just a mate and it’s just a friendly chat..  |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Publicly I’m confident, and know how to put a false smile on. Privately I can have days where I struggle to look at myself positively. I don’t look to others for confirmation, but a misplaced word or criticism can affect me more than I care to admit x "
it’s hard when others can affect your self worth though.. you can only be the best version of you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Now I've regained my confidence, I'm much happier than I was without it. Or when I had it first time round, t'was more arrogance than confidence anyway.
I regained it by being totally honest, with myself and others to a fault occasionally.
With it came acceptance and friendship. People who get to know me, soon realise they can trust that I'm speaking from my heart.
To get acceptance and friendship, when you're bearing all, feels great. It feels as if people who like me, like me for who I really am, warts and all. If they didn't, I can still walk relatively tall for a short bloke.
I learnt, the very hard way, not to lie and took the lessons from it to heart, which is why it occasionally gets my hackles up when my integrity is brought into question.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After yrs of mental abuse not very confident at all but better than i was"
yep. This plus physical abuse. Losing my home. My job x 3 despite being a model employee (too bloody keen to please really) Having dug myself out of debt, sorted my life out, I realise now that this man and his vile behaviour has scarred me to such a degree that I will never be who I was. No matter how hard I try. I will be forever a fuck up. It's not that I have no confidence. I just feel wrong. I have GAD and PTSD from him and my violent abusive parents. I'm never going to be me again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
This is very much me. I assume everyone’s just a mate and it’s just a friendly chat.. "
There is the odd lovely person that does find me sexually attractive but it doesn’t translate to my self perception. I’m also lacking in sexual confidence so I think that might be why. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'm working on my confidence; years of being told I'm not good enough, not attractive and too odd amongst other things really dented it. I'm beginning to actually love myself for who I am and accept that who I am really is good enough. More than.
I do worry that people won't like me sometimes truth be told and not find me attractive. I know that I'm... quirky and physically speaking I'm not to everyone's taste and if I'm having a particularly bad anxious time I question why people do. I can be very confident outwardly but inside I'm thinking "no chance, they won't like me (sexually or not)".
Work wise/academia it's never an issue. I'm confident in my knowledge and skills.
I do open up to some about my insecurities but it's tricky. Sometimes I know I am just Aspie-ing out.
I'm lucky to have some absolutely amazing people in my life (partner, friends and family) who lift me and calm my worries and fears. They let me ask questions and remind me of how great I am. And going to socials help me remember I am attractive and I am liked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My confidence depends how I feel about myself. Right now I'm annoyed with myself for being lazy so my confidence suffers. I don't make a big deal about it though. I just sink into background mode and don't put myself out there until I'm happy. I don't look for quick confidence boosts either. They don't work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a bit of an introvert, so don't always come across as very outgoing. So I lack confidence when meeting new people. The more I get to know someone the better it gets. I know I am a nice guy, with a lot to offer, I just have to convince others of that. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m confident in that
At work I’m in my element, confidence a plenty. On here? I did get a confidence boost when I joined. The ‘normal’ body image accepted by most but that quickly faded after joining the forums actually.
I could be more confident. I seem to Be liked and get along just fine but I would like to feel a bit more confident with all of it really.
Your absolutely, lovely personality is your road to confidence Babs x"
Thank you DC x |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m confident in that
At work I’m in my element, confidence a plenty. On here? I did get a confidence boost when I joined. The ‘normal’ body image accepted by most but that quickly faded after joining the forums actually.
I could be more confident. I seem to Be liked and get along just fine but I would like to feel a bit more confident with all of it really.
I think that’s the bit I’m getting at.. the outside of yourself part.. I like me.. but I’m not confident in promoting that to another.. if that makes sense? "
It makes perfect sense and I can relate to it. |
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I’m a lot more confident in my normal life compared to Fab, in myself as a person and it my attractiveness. I have body hang ups and parts of my body I’d definitely change, it’s so stripped back on here to just a photo, but I give myself a talking to and keep having fun |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"50/50 once I get to know someone, my confidence grows.
Where I lack the aforementioned, is when it comes to approaching those I don't know.
 "
Yup.. I’m rubbish with strangers. But love getting to know new people.. makes no sense really |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest. "
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
"
I think I probably convey some of that in the way I interact and what I talk about too |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
I consider myself confident, but tend to out myself down sometimes, which is mostly my humour.
But I like to think my positives like to outnumber my weaknesses.
I also like to give out the odd compliment (who knew) and boost those who I chat to.
It's not difficult as there are so many nice people on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
I think I probably convey some of that in the way I interact and what I talk about too"
My age and circumstances are also a big factor too |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"My confidence depends how I feel about myself. Right now I'm annoyed with myself for being lazy so my confidence suffers. I don't make a big deal about it though. I just sink into background mode and don't put myself out there until I'm happy. I don't look for quick confidence boosts either. They don't work. "
Yeah it’s definately something to find within.. you always come across as super confident! X |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
"
I feel like that as well sometimes! I think I'm too cutesy and not particularly sexual. Meh. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
I feel like that as well sometimes! I think I'm too cutesy and not particularly sexual. Meh."
And yet...
My issue on here is that it takes such a long time to get anyone interested in me in the first place, for it to be a one fuck wonder is a knock.
I am confident sexually in the moment. I don't care what I look like and just feel all the sensations. For that to be handed back to me as only good enough for a one-off feels like a waste of time and feeds my doubts.
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm working on my confidence; years of being told I'm not good enough, not attractive and too odd amongst other things really dented it. I'm beginning to actually love myself for who I am and accept that who I am really is good enough. More than.
I do worry that people won't like me sometimes truth be told and not find me attractive. I know that I'm... quirky and physically speaking I'm not to everyone's taste and if I'm having a particularly bad anxious time I question why people do. I can be very confident outwardly but inside I'm thinking "no chance, they won't like me (sexually or not)".
Work wise/academia it's never an issue. I'm confident in my knowledge and skills.
I do open up to some about my insecurities but it's tricky. Sometimes I know I am just Aspie-ing out.
I'm lucky to have some absolutely amazing people in my life (partner, friends and family) who lift me and calm my worries and fears. They let me ask questions and remind me of how great I am. And going to socials help me remember I am attractive and I am liked. "
Maybe it’s the difference in my head between being likeable and being sexy... we work on ourselves for our own benefit and self esteem but the variable is how ‘attractive’ that may be to others... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m content, confident in my own abilities, an effective communicator, but I’m not particularly sexually attractive. Just one of those things.
Thinking about this a bit more. I think I lack confidence in how attractive I am to others. People enjoy talking to me and look to me for a friendly ear and to share their thoughts and feelings. However, for the most part, it appears to be a platonic interest.
I get that. I feel I am a non-sexual being on here quite a lot of the time.
I feel like that as well sometimes! I think I'm too cutesy and not particularly sexual. Meh."
In my case hard faced and blokes mates!! |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Confident in most things except parenting and love. These two bring out my vulnerabilities by the bucket load.
But i just get on with it. However if i ever get complimented on how lovely my kids are i blub like a baby, it’s quite embarressing.
Love. Well love is grand till you meet someone who hurts you and strips away your trust, and then you look at every future relationship through suspicious eyes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can have sex in the middle of the city,exposed in front of everyone,but when I dance or I talk to a girl I feel insecure and thats what puts em off.Basiccally I just run out of words and themes to discuss and I recognize I get sometimes frustrated because of that.But yeah it is what it is only thing I can do is to keep going and accept who I am and what flaws I got.Everyone is different |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Now I've regained my confidence, I'm much happier than I was without it. Or when I had it first time round, t'was more arrogance than confidence anyway.
I regained it by being totally honest, with myself and others to a fault occasionally.
With it came acceptance and friendship. People who get to know me, soon realise they can trust that I'm speaking from my heart.
To get acceptance and friendship, when you're bearing all, feels great. It feels as if people who like me, like me for who I really am, warts and all. If they didn't, I can still walk relatively tall for a short bloke.
I learnt, the very hard way, not to lie and took the lessons from it to heart, which is why it occasionally gets my hackles up when my integrity is brought into question.
"
Yeah get that. You’re definitely you and I love that. I’m easily riled when someone questions my integrity. I’ve worked bloody hard on rebuilding my life and I stand by what I do and say. But maybe that doesn’t translate sometimes.. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Confident in most things except parenting and love. These two bring out my vulnerabilities by the bucket load.
But i just get on with it. However if i ever get complimented on how lovely my kids are i blub like a baby, it’s quite embarressing.
Love. Well love is grand till you meet someone who hurts you and strips away your trust, and then you look at every future relationship through suspicious eyes.
"
Ahhh maybe it’s just that.. confidence to me is self acceptance and awareness.. how that translates to life can be affected by past experience and vulnerabilities.. I’m not sure where it starts and ends x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I consider myself confident, but tend to out myself down sometimes, which is mostly my humour.
But I like to think my positives like to outnumber my weaknesses.
I also like to give out the odd compliment (who knew) and boost those who I chat to.
It's not difficult as there are so many nice people on here. "
You’re a lovely guy and a really positive addition to the forums |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I can have sex in the middle of the city,exposed in front of everyone,but when I dance or I talk to a girl I feel insecure and thats what puts em off.Basiccally I just run out of words and themes to discuss and I recognize I get sometimes frustrated because of that.But yeah it is what it is only thing I can do is to keep going and accept who I am and what flaws I got.Everyone is different"
That implies you have a level of confidence! I’m pondering what the phrase means.. I’m pretty rubbish with people I don’t know and get really stuttery and awkward.. yet with people I know I’m a totally different person. It very much depends on the circumstances.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now I've regained my confidence, I'm much happier than I was without it. Or when I had it first time round, t'was more arrogance than confidence anyway.
I regained it by being totally honest, with myself and others to a fault occasionally.
With it came acceptance and friendship. People who get to know me, soon realise they can trust that I'm speaking from my heart.
To get acceptance and friendship, when you're bearing all, feels great. It feels as if people who like me, like me for who I really am, warts and all. If they didn't, I can still walk relatively tall for a short bloke.
I learnt, the very hard way, not to lie and took the lessons from it to heart, which is why it occasionally gets my hackles up when my integrity is brought into question.
Yeah get that. You’re definitely you and I love that. I’m easily riled when someone questions my integrity. I’ve worked bloody hard on rebuilding my life and I stand by what I do and say. But maybe that doesn’t translate sometimes.. "
You may not feel it, but you come across quite confidently to me. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Now I've regained my confidence, I'm much happier than I was without it. Or when I had it first time round, t'was more arrogance than confidence anyway.
I regained it by being totally honest, with myself and others to a fault occasionally.
With it came acceptance and friendship. People who get to know me, soon realise they can trust that I'm speaking from my heart.
To get acceptance and friendship, when you're bearing all, feels great. It feels as if people who like me, like me for who I really am, warts and all. If they didn't, I can still walk relatively tall for a short bloke.
I learnt, the very hard way, not to lie and took the lessons from it to heart, which is why it occasionally gets my hackles up when my integrity is brought into question.
Yeah get that. You’re definitely you and I love that. I’m easily riled when someone questions my integrity. I’ve worked bloody hard on rebuilding my life and I stand by what I do and say. But maybe that doesn’t translate sometimes..
You may not feel it, but you come across quite confidently to me."
In my safe places yes.. in myself yes.. to someone else no.. can’t put myself on the line yet.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm pretty confident most of the time but haven't always been so.
Reading a few posts on here and my own experiences, it seems that previous relationships and body changes as we get older can knock our confidence.
I was with someone for eleven years and was never felt to be good enough.
It did nothing for my confidence.
That was fourteen years ago.
Since then my confidence has grown imensley.
I started going to dance classes, met new people and socialised far more.
I got to a point with the dancing that I was good enough to teach it.
I now occassionally stand on stage in front of over a hundred people giving lessons.
Still a bit nervy, but have the confidence that I can do it.
About eight years ago a mate talked me into online dating.
Again, a massive confidence boost.
Knowing that women wanted me. Not all though! Lol.
At first it was a bit daunting, but now I take it all in my stride meeting up with the occasional lady for a date. I'm now very confident that I can meet up with pretty much anyone for a social and have a good evening.
I'd recommend trying dating sites to anyone lacking a bit of confidence to meet people.
It's easier than on here as it's not about sex.
Being on here is slightly different.
I'm confident in the bedroom, but most of my experience is one on one with previous girlfriends.
Ask me to join in with group sex or go to a club, I might feel out of my depth and not confident enough to join in.
Just a lack of experience thing.
I started my own business eight years ago. Something again I wouldn't have had the confidence to do twenty years ago.
I'm very confident that I can do a good job and have regular customers because of that.
I'm now not confident that I have just waffled on too much in this reply and not answered the original question properly...... lol.
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm pretty confident most of the time but haven't always been so.
Reading a few posts on here and my own experiences, it seems that previous relationships and body changes as we get older can knock our confidence.
I was with someone for eleven years and was never felt to be good enough.
It did nothing for my confidence.
That was fourteen years ago.
Since then my confidence has grown imensley.
I started going to dance classes, met new people and socialised far more.
I got to a point with the dancing that I was good enough to teach it.
I now occassionally stand on stage in front of over a hundred people giving lessons.
Still a bit nervy, but have the confidence that I can do it.
About eight years ago a mate talked me into online dating.
Again, a massive confidence boost.
Knowing that women wanted me. Not all though! Lol.
At first it was a bit daunting, but now I take it all in my stride meeting up with the occasional lady for a date. I'm now very confident that I can meet up with pretty much anyone for a social and have a good evening.
I'd recommend trying dating sites to anyone lacking a bit of confidence to meet people.
It's easier than on here as it's not about sex.
Being on here is slightly different.
I'm confident in the bedroom, but most of my experience is one on one with previous girlfriends.
Ask me to join in with group sex or go to a club, I might feel out of my depth and not confident enough to join in.
Just a lack of experience thing.
I started my own business eight years ago. Something again I wouldn't have had the confidence to do twenty years ago.
I'm very confident that I can do a good job and have regular customers because of that.
I'm now not confident that I have just waffled on too much in this reply and not answered the original question properly...... lol.
"
Ha ha I bloody love this!! I think it’s clearly something that can be split up into areas and worked on.. you’re complete proof of that! Total admiration for you grabbing life with both hands! Maybe we could all take a lesson from this reply x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm pretty confident most of the time but haven't always been so.
Reading a few posts on here and my own experiences, it seems that previous relationships and body changes as we get older can knock our confidence.
I was with someone for eleven years and was never felt to be good enough.
It did nothing for my confidence.
That was fourteen years ago.
Since then my confidence has grown imensley.
I started going to dance classes, met new people and socialised far more.
I got to a point with the dancing that I was good enough to teach it.
I now occassionally stand on stage in front of over a hundred people giving lessons.
Still a bit nervy, but have the confidence that I can do it.
About eight years ago a mate talked me into online dating.
Again, a massive confidence boost.
Knowing that women wanted me. Not all though! Lol.
At first it was a bit daunting, but now I take it all in my stride meeting up with the occasional lady for a date. I'm now very confident that I can meet up with pretty much anyone for a social and have a good evening.
I'd recommend trying dating sites to anyone lacking a bit of confidence to meet people.
It's easier than on here as it's not about sex.
Being on here is slightly different.
I'm confident in the bedroom, but most of my experience is one on one with previous girlfriends.
Ask me to join in with group sex or go to a club, I might feel out of my depth and not confident enough to join in.
Just a lack of experience thing.
I started my own business eight years ago. Something again I wouldn't have had the confidence to do twenty years ago.
I'm very confident that I can do a good job and have regular customers because of that.
I'm now not confident that I have just waffled on too much in this reply and not answered the original question properly...... lol.
Ha ha I bloody love this!! I think it’s clearly something that can be split up into areas and worked on.. you’re complete proof of that! Total admiration for you grabbing life with both hands! Maybe we could all take a lesson from this reply x"
Thanks.
I could have probably summed it up with having people around you that believe in you. It helps loads! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Fella can be naked in front of 100s people or even fight in front of thousands in little pants and is always confident. But ask him to dance and he’s a mess. It’s always different for different people. There is something for everyone that they lack confidence in. "
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm pretty confident most of the time but haven't always been so.
Reading a few posts on here and my own experiences, it seems that previous relationships and body changes as we get older can knock our confidence.
I was with someone for eleven years and was never felt to be good enough.
It did nothing for my confidence.
That was fourteen years ago.
Since then my confidence has grown imensley.
I started going to dance classes, met new people and socialised far more.
I got to a point with the dancing that I was good enough to teach it.
I now occassionally stand on stage in front of over a hundred people giving lessons.
Still a bit nervy, but have the confidence that I can do it.
About eight years ago a mate talked me into online dating.
Again, a massive confidence boost.
Knowing that women wanted me. Not all though! Lol.
At first it was a bit daunting, but now I take it all in my stride meeting up with the occasional lady for a date. I'm now very confident that I can meet up with pretty much anyone for a social and have a good evening.
I'd recommend trying dating sites to anyone lacking a bit of confidence to meet people.
It's easier than on here as it's not about sex.
Being on here is slightly different.
I'm confident in the bedroom, but most of my experience is one on one with previous girlfriends.
Ask me to join in with group sex or go to a club, I might feel out of my depth and not confident enough to join in.
Just a lack of experience thing.
I started my own business eight years ago. Something again I wouldn't have had the confidence to do twenty years ago.
I'm very confident that I can do a good job and have regular customers because of that.
I'm now not confident that I have just waffled on too much in this reply and not answered the original question properly...... lol.
Ha ha I bloody love this!! I think it’s clearly something that can be split up into areas and worked on.. you’re complete proof of that! Total admiration for you grabbing life with both hands! Maybe we could all take a lesson from this reply x
Thanks.
I could have probably summed it up with having people around you that believe in you. It helps loads! x"
That definately helps.. it’s both self and circumstantial I think.. building a more rounded you and having the support around you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!!
Yeah I get this.. I feel like I’m trying to put people off sometimes.. "
Why do you feel like you're trying to put people off? So that you have a tangible reason for them not liking you? ...Because if they don't like you for the 'real you' that's bad? |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!!
Yeah I get this.. I feel like I’m trying to put people off sometimes..
Why do you feel like you're trying to put people off? So that you have a tangible reason for them not liking you? ...Because if they don't like you for the 'real you' that's bad?"
Think it’s just a defence thing.. tell them the worst bits and see if they stick around.. |
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"I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!!
Yeah I get this.. I feel like I’m trying to put people off sometimes..
Why do you feel like you're trying to put people off? So that you have a tangible reason for them not liking you? ...Because if they don't like you for the 'real you' that's bad?
Think it’s just a defence thing.. tell them the worst bits and see if they stick around.. "
It's a habit I'm trying to unlearn at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m happy and confident in myself, but not confident others find me attractive. I use what I consider my worst picture as my profile pic to sift out anyone who wouldn’t be attracted to me. It’s defensive but seems to work. I have confidence that those I meet are in to my curvy wobbly bits!!
Yeah I get this.. I feel like I’m trying to put people off sometimes..
Why do you feel like you're trying to put people off? So that you have a tangible reason for them not liking you? ...Because if they don't like you for the 'real you' that's bad?
Think it’s just a defence thing.. tell them the worst bits and see if they stick around.. "
'Worst bits' in other people probably put you off them. If they don't stick around they may just not like the worst bits. Not that they don't like *you*. |
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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago
London |
"It’s a question I struggle with a bit.. and may struggle to word..
Is there a difference between how happy you are in yourself and how confident you are that others will like and be attracted to you?!?
Do you hide insecurities or do you show them to others?
I’m happy in my own skin and pretty self aware of my strengths and weaknesses. But wonder if my lack of confidence in other ways stops me from getting the most out of life...
What’s your take on confidence?
"
Mmm..confidence here currently sky high for obvious reasons and I'll be taking it out with me real soon. I'd say find ways to boost that confidence.
In my view confidence is short lived and in my case a hit of confidence is helped by dopamine (way better than drugs) hence why I run before going out. As I don't believe confidence is permanent and whoever suggests so I challenge them because there will be a weakness somewhere. So, harness your strengths as much as possible. In fact, just go run, and often. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’ve struggled with confidence about my body and my attractiveness as a partner for a long time now. Probably since my divorce 10 years ago. It’s fluctuated but I think it’s pretty low right now. I like myself as a person and how I am at work but I find it hard to take a compliment about how I look.
Weirdly being on here gave me a short term boost but sometimes makes it worse as it often feels insincere and just a line to get my knickers off for a meet. My confidence gets knocked when it feels like I’m not good enough to be seen in public with on a date. I’m trying hard to stop those feelings |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’ve struggled with confidence about my body and my attractiveness as a partner for a long time now. Probably since my divorce 10 years ago. It’s fluctuated but I think it’s pretty low right now. I like myself as a person and how I am at work but I find it hard to take a compliment about how I look.
Weirdly being on here gave me a short term boost but sometimes makes it worse as it often feels insincere and just a line to get my knickers off for a meet. My confidence gets knocked when it feels like I’m not good enough to be seen in public with on a date. I’m trying hard to stop those feelings "
I wonder how we work on these feelings.. seems to be quite a common theme amongst the replies.. |
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I learned incredibly quickly to ignore the random fawning I got here. My confidence grew here finding friends who accept me for me, and helped me explore my sexuality. Ultimately my confidence is about my feelings about myself, they helped me build that. What some random person thinks of me, I do not care. |
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I’d love to say I’m very confident sometimes to much, but I think it’s only because Iv learned to not give a fxcx about what people think of me anymore, u will never please everybody all of the time so find the people who love you no matter what and let the others just think what they want... live yourself babe and everybody else will follow xxx |
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By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago
The South Near That London |
Probably a bit more confident in person, but I do tend to use self-deprecation a lot as a bit of a defence mechanism if I'm with people I've just met until I feel totally at ease - then I'm just a clown |
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» Add a new message to this topic
depending on what I'm doing or in relation to the situation at hand. 
as in.... 
