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The relationship between northern polarity and female sexual attractiveness
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bet you never expected to read a topic title like that in a swingers forum did you?
Strange as it may seem, after several years as a swinger it has struck me that there is a semi-explicable relationship between the gravitational pull of the universe and the levels of physical attractiveness possessed by female swingers. Simply put, the further north you go, the more lithe, slender and yet somehow busty also women you will find! They're particularly prevalent in Scotland...
My theory is that this is because the gravitational of the north pole causes women to be stretched upwards, causing them to become taller and develop longer legs and tighter buttocks. Also, because fat is known to be bouyant, this is also liften upwards through the thorax and becomes deposited in the chest tissue, leading to the formation of larger, rounder, firmer breasts.
Of course, this is all simply scientific hypothesis at this point, which is why I'd like to request volunteers from up north to help me continue my research by inviting me up there so I might perform experiments upon you.
Think of the ways in which you could benefit SCIENCE ladies! The whole of humankind will thank you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We could welcome you north of the border, but sadly Allison has bucked the tread, her gravitation forces have sent much of her down south
Ouch...sorry dear
S&A |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm sorry to hear that, but it does seem that this bizarre scientific phenomena only affects SINGLE women.
Upon bringing the negative influence of a male into her life for a prolonged period of time, the 'northern pull' is vastly weakened by the additional mass and many women will experience a rapid decline in the quality of their figures the more time they spend as part of a couple.
I'm sure many men have noticed this phenomena also lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry but I'm going to have to decline - I read your profile and it clearly states that men must be at least 27 years old and I'm one year short of that number, and far be it for me to make a woman feel uncomfortable.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That original post made me laugh, but in a very good way. Very well written and thought out, and certainly made me think.....i will attempt to conduct a few experiments of my own and report back with recults and findings, LOL. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect the real reason is the male diet. However, the oblate spherical shape of the planet does lead to a higher subjective gravity inversely proportional to an observer's distance from the poles. This latter factor may well be a contributing factor!
Personal research has shown that the further North of Carlisle or Berwick an observer goes, the more deep fried Mars bars and battered pies will be found in the average male's diet. This leads to there being fewer fit males for the fit females to meet and mate with. The females then sign up to fab, looking for someone more attractive to mate with. Invariably this leads to success, they are what I believe are termed "honeys" in the vernacular.
This leads to less exercise for the males of the species who turn to "chap suppers" and "pish" to fight off the ensuing depression. Often the consumption of copious quantities of "pish" leads to violence between the single males. In turn this leads to physical damage and/or incarceration. This further reduces the chances of the males mating (unless the unfortunate males bend over to pick up the soap in the prison showers or sleep with their mouths open). Thus a vicious circle has been created.
Between us, could we have noticed a Darwinian trend here?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Indeed this is also true - Scottish men have indeed been observed as being very, very fat and ugly, and usually have endowments which are best described as 'acorn-esque'.
So, we've deduced that the further north you go the more beautiful the women get, and the further south you go (intensifying toward the West Midlands) the more handsome, sexy, intelligent, well mannered, charming, hunky, witty, well hung and just altogether wonderful the men become.
For this reason I deduce that the city which is about 50/50 between the West Midlands and Scotland will have the greatest ratio of satisfied couples, which explains why Hull is the romance capital of Britain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've obviously never been to the Miss Eskimo Pageant up there in the Arctic Circle have you - fucking mingers the lot of them!!... Noses with frost bite, tits that are frozen pointing in different directions like some sort of wierd Picasso-esque type expression and piss flaps that could create a vibration strong enough to slice off a large chunk of the arctic shelf if exposed in the 150mph winds they get up there!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bjork is definately very fuckable
But I love all nordic/slavic women, its the heavy accents that do it for me, like every word they try to pronounce in English is like gargling concrete.
That and the healthier diets and more active lifestyles they've been brought up with mean their bodies are lithe and tight as opposed to the teletubby esque ones you get over here...
(but not in Scotland of course - still awating that invite for my scientific reasearch by the way! x) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bet you never expected to read a topic title like that in a swingers forum did you?
Strange as it may seem, after several years as a swinger it has struck me that there is a semi-explicable relationship between the gravitational pull of the universe and the levels of physical attractiveness possessed by female swingers. Simply put, the further north you go, the more lithe, slender and yet somehow busty also women you will find! They're particularly prevalent in Scotland...
My theory is that this is because the gravitational of the north pole causes women to be stretched upwards, causing them to become taller and develop longer legs and tighter buttocks. Also, because fat is known to be bouyant, this is also liften upwards through the thorax and becomes deposited in the chest tissue, leading to the formation of larger, rounder, firmer breasts.
Of course, this is all simply scientific hypothesis at this point, which is why I'd like to request volunteers from up north to help me continue my research by inviting me up there so I might perform experiments upon you.
Think of the ways in which you could benefit SCIENCE ladies! The whole of humankind will thank you "
Funny as plus it may well be true as I'm from down south and am short with smaller boobs   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I bet they're all back under different names now  "
Lol I don't see the point of hiding under a fake profile. If you have something to say just say it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"I bet they're all back under different names now
Lol I don't see the point of hiding under a fake profile. If you have something to say just say it lol"
I did'nt mean fake,I meant that some peope leave and then come back again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I bet they're all back under different names now
Lol I don't see the point of hiding under a fake profile. If you have something to say just say it lol
I did'nt mean fake,I meant that some peope leave and then come back again "
Ah right lol, silly me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"woohoo, thank haggis I'm Scottish want to share my deep-fried mars bar then (although I know a wee place in Hamilton does deep-fried double decker) *dances seductively* 
Lol what else comes in batter up there then ? "
Where I'm from we have the following:
Battered Sausage
Battered Mars Bar
Battered Snickers
Battered Pineapple
Battered Banana
Battered Spam
Battered Fish
Battered Potatos
Thats just what I know of from the top of my head.. there is proberly loads more!! |
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