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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Two women were on their way home from a night out and needed to pee.
The only place to go was the graveyard.
The one wiped her fanny with her knickers and the other used a wreath.
Their two hubbys were in the pub the next day and one says to the other "i had better watch my wife, she came home with no knickers on last night.
And the other says.." thats fuck all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, we will never forget you, from all the lads at the firestation"  |
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"Two women were on their way home from a night out and needed to pee.
The only place to go was the graveyard.
The one wiped her fanny with her knickers and the other used a wreath.
Their two hubbys were in the pub the next day and one says to the other "i had better watch my wife, she came home with no knickers on last night.
And the other says.." thats fuck all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, we will never forget you, from all the lads at the firestation" "
Thats fantastic - any more? |
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"Well i had some do gooder knocking me door the other day asking me to send clothes to the starving africans etc.
I said "you gotta be taking the piss" ?
Cuz if an african can fit in my clothes he aint fooking starving   "
They might have wanted to eat them? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man unable to perform sexually goes to a hypnotist .
He hypnotises the man and tells him "when you say 123, you will get an incredible erection that will last as long as you wish"
When you no longer need it you must say "1234" but be warned....
You wont get another for about a year.....
So man goes home and drags his missus up the stairs, runs in the bathroom and says..."123" and up it comes...
His wife says " what you just said 123 for ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man is queuing at the checkout (5 items or less) when the gal in front of him turns and looks in his basket.= a 4 pk and curry for one.
She smiles at him...
He looks in her basket and sees half bottle of wine and a chinese for one.....
He says to her
"your single arent you" ?
She gives a giggle and "yes, how did you know ?"
The man replies, "because your fucking ugly" !!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy asks his mate 'hey, can i ask you something? If you went to a party and woke up the next day with a sore arse as if youve been shagged would you tell anyone?'
'hell no, wouldnt tell anyone! Why do you ask?'
'just wondering, so you coming to my party tonight then?' |
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By *im53Man
over a year ago
Boldon |
blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, "Can I buy that TV"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said,
"Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says,
"Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"
"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"
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By *im53Man
over a year ago
Boldon |
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the
box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she
said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back
in the box."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!" |
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When I was a kid my mum would send me to the shops with 50p, with that you could get a chicken, two pints of milk, 6 eggs a comic, a packet of sweets and a pair of jeans. You can't do that these days.... f**king CCTV cameras! |
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A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attactive depending on where they are in their menstral cycle. For example, when I woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged masculine features, however when she is menstruatung she refers a man doused in petrol, set on fire with scissor stuck in his eyes and a sweeping brush shoved up his arse!! |
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