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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know you've been hankering all week for this.
I've caved in and given in to your demands.
My willpower not to give in to your incessant "do an advice line Auntie P" is lacking (as is my motivation to housework and this thread has NOTHING to do with avoidance)
I can multitask mofos.
Hit me snuffleuffagus
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear auntie P, please help me. My lover jilted me and my house is all full of cobwebs. It was a few years back now, the wedding cake is still on the table encrusted with mold. I am also still wearing my wedding dress at home, its getting a bit smelly now.
Charlie says he's not coming to my house for sex anymore unless I vacuum up....I am wondering what a vacuum cleaner is, I don't have one of those. And what wash should I put the wedding dress on, I think it needs boil wash..will it shrink.
Hev x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dear auntie P, please help me. My lover jilted me and my house is all full of cobwebs. It was a few years back now, the wedding cake is still on the table encrusted with mold. I am also still wearing my wedding dress at home, its getting a bit smelly now.
Charlie says he's not coming to my house for sex anymore unless I vacuum up....I am wondering what a vacuum cleaner is, I don't have one of those. And what wash should I put the wedding dress on, I think it needs boil wash..will it shrink.
Hev x"
Charlie also said we had to tell our mummy before we went off somewhere but how many listened to him?
Boil wash is fine, I'll send you a Barbie doll to model it for ya when it comes out the wash |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What should I have for dinner?
My vagina
Next!
You take that back. In c'est jest"
I couldn't help myself, I knew it would make you 
You should have a chicken breast all seasoned and yummy with veg and a cheeky stuffing ball |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"P how do i stop my brain coming up with stupidness overthinking stuff while i wait for my job to start"
2 batteries. One up each nostril with a strawberry lace tied to each of them |
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Oh Auntie P I need help
I have an Insatiable need to go for social meets, this however is negatively impacting on my amount of veris, could you possibly ask fab to have separate social and sex meet veri options Please...... |
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I was going to start my diet on Monday so had a bit of a binge over the weekend. I must have miscalculated how much naughty food I had. Can I somehow include pringles, ferrero rocher and cheesecake into a slimming world diet? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Please help.
There is a woman who keeps flashing her gaping vag"
Stuff a pine cone up it and sing to her "the holidays are coming, the holidays are coming" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh Auntie P I need help
I have an Insatiable need to go for social meets, this however is negatively impacting on my amount of veris, could you possibly ask fab to have separate social and sex meet veri options Please......"
Of course 
OI FAAAAABBBB, LISTEN UP!
SHE WANTS A SEPERATE SECTION FOR SOCIAL MEETS AND PUMPUM POKE MEETS. CAPICHÈ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was going to start my diet on Monday so had a bit of a binge over the weekend. I must have miscalculated how much naughty food I had. Can I somehow include pringles, ferrero rocher and cheesecake into a slimming world diet?"
Make your own rules buttercup.
Just scrub out that recipe for lemon chicken and write your desired foods over it in sharpie. Coz you're allowed it you won't want it |
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Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures. 
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures.
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked "
When you're peeping through their letterbox. Creepy creep man isn't a good look. Pretend you're pulling petals off a daisy when fabbing, "one for me, one for you" |
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"Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures.
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked
When you're peeping through their letterbox. Creepy creep man isn't a good look. Pretend you're pulling petals off a daisy when fabbing, "one for me, one for you""
You’re truly a wonder |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures.
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked
When you're peeping through their letterbox. Creepy creep man isn't a good look. Pretend you're pulling petals off a daisy when fabbing, "one for me, one for you"
You’re truly a wonder "
I'm not a wonder Adam. I'm THE wonder. 8th wonder of the world sunshine. Now where's my sitting cloud gone? |
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"Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures.
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked
When you're peeping through their letterbox. Creepy creep man isn't a good look. Pretend you're pulling petals off a daisy when fabbing, "one for me, one for you"
You’re truly a wonder
I'm not a wonder Adam. I'm THE wonder. 8th wonder of the world sunshine. Now where's my sitting cloud gone? "
Was that a sitting cloud? I thought it was just a very serene fart  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Auntie P, when I look through some of the profiles here I generally look at the photos and find myself hitting the Fab button for quite a few.
Quite a lot even. Many, many pictures.
At what point does it turn from a friendly smile of “you look great in those photos” to “I’m about to break into your house and steal your underwear”?
If it’s more than 50% of photos, I’m fucked
When you're peeping through their letterbox. Creepy creep man isn't a good look. Pretend you're pulling petals off a daisy when fabbing, "one for me, one for you"
You’re truly a wonder
I'm not a wonder Adam. I'm THE wonder. 8th wonder of the world sunshine. Now where's my sitting cloud gone?
Was that a sitting cloud? I thought it was just a very serene fart "
"They raise me uuuuuuup" |
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