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Meets vs chats
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Seeing as how this is a swingers site and many of us are meeting people at the same time as organising and chatting with others, I felt this was a relevant question.
When you're chatting to people, getting to know them via various media forms and engaging with them, do you let them know when you're actually meeting others?
I'm curious as to how people manage the balance, are you clear that you have a meet and so won't be contactable? Do you go silent and respond later? Has anyone ever had backlash from a verification popping up when the conversation had been left hanging for a while?
I'm curious as I know how I prefer to handle things and how I like to be communicated with, however, we're all different.
As always; no judgement, just interest. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
If I'm chatting to someone it's not constant conversation anyway, so if I went quiet for an evening while I was meeting someone else they likely wouldn't even notice.
And no I don't discuss other people I'm meeting with those I'm chatting to, ever, not even to say "oh I'm meeting so and so tonight". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I share that we have meets, sometimes people can’t reach me just because I’m busy. But it’s possibly different being half of a couple if anyone expects exclusivity I tend to brush them off since I’m married to my main interest and not looking for commitment. - Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. I don’t discuss who and when I meet with anyone and I also ask them not to. I don’t want veris either. I have enough to prove I’m genuine. "
When I was meeting I mean. I’m not anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only meet one person at a time for repetitive meets. I may chat to a few men until it progresses to setting a social date, then I make it clear to anyone I am chatting to I am meeting for a social. If the social is successful, I tell them there will be no other meets x |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I think I it’s best to maintain some privacy - having said that, I rarely meet so there isn’t much to tell but I like my privacy. I also wouldn’t want people saying they were meeting me either. I have shared some information in the past when I felt I should but it has a habit of biting you on the bum.
If I felt it would impact on someone then I’m general terms I may say I was meeting. Likewise, if someone was meeting someone else at roughly the same time as me then I would appreciate being told. I wouldn’t need names though. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.' |
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"I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.'"
no i dont i could be doing anything for all they would know im sure they can live without me for a night |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seeing as how this is a swingers site and many of us are meeting people at the same time as organising and chatting with others, I felt this was a relevant question.
When you're chatting to people, getting to know them via various media forms and engaging with them, do you let them know when you're actually meeting others?
I'm curious as to how people manage the balance, are you clear that you have a meet and so won't be contactable? Do you go silent and respond later? Has anyone ever had backlash from a verification popping up when the conversation had been left hanging for a while?
I'm curious as I know how I prefer to handle things and how I like to be communicated with, however, we're all different.
As always; no judgement, just interest. "
No who I talk to is my business alone, no one else's. Chat rarely is continuous as they are probably off meeting others. I am old fashioned in that I rarely message first, or pursue anyone, just my way, which is probably why I'm not that successful at meets on here. But these forums are great and taking up my spare time at the moment.
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I have a couple of friends I see regularly.
Mutual respect & courtesy, yes I'd tell them if I was chatting, arranging a social with somebody else.
But the person I am chatting with, then no, until I've met them, they're not an actual friend, so I owe them nothing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.'"
If someone did tell me they were having a meet I'd assume they were trying to make me jealous. I'd just stop chatting and not meet them.
I don't want to meet people who show veris anyway so that wouldn't be an issue. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.'"
Ive never felt the need to explain to someone why I wouldn't be replying to texts or messages at any given time. I'd find it a bit weird if someone said that me, as though they really just wanted to tell someone they had a social or meet. |
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"I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.'
If someone did tell me they were having a meet I'd assume they were trying to make me jealous. I'd just stop chatting and not meet them.
I don't want to meet people who show veris anyway so that wouldn't be an issue."
that is a point i would question why they where telling me they where having a meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I only meet one person at a time for repetitive meets. I may chat to a few men until it progresses to setting a social date, then I make it clear to anyone I am chatting to I am meeting for a social. If the social is successful, I tell them there will be no other meets x"
Ditto  |
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Also as i chat to a few at once i just assume thats what everyone does. Also i only meet long standing friends now which i have a few of. They all know they are not the only one i see but thats it. Full stop never discussed |
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I always tell a friend where I am going for safety reasons.
I don't discuss meets during chats as don't feel the need, same as I don't display veris.
occasionally I will mention them to someone I previously met regular but consider him more of a friend anyway. |
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I’m always clear with individuals I’m chatting to that I meet others, it can work as a good filter
People I have known a while and chat to regularly know if I have a meet... not who or what is happening, just a heads up will be out of touch. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also as i chat to a few at once i just assume thats what everyone does. Also i only meet long standing friends now which i have a few of. They all know they are not the only one i see but thats it. Full stop never discussed"
I agree with this. I'm not bothered if they're meeting 1 or 10 or 100 the same week as me. I just don't want to know about it. Their life is their life.
Hence why I won't meet people with lots of veris on their profile.  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Frankly, so long as it doesn't impact me in any way (which it shouldn't) it's none of my business who someone I am chatting to is meeting, or even if they are meeting, and that would apply in reverse too.
I may, dependent on the dynamic and circumstances, tell others that I'm not going to be around much on any given day, and trusted people may know it's a meet but nothing more, but that would be the extent of it. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I don’t mention folk i’m meeting unless i’m meeting more than one fella for a threesome and they ask casual questions about who else will be attending.
The men i chat to day to day are, on the whole, a dirty bunch of bastards and would quite happily know the ins and outs of all my meets as they always ask if i’ve had sex and was It good etc.
But no, i’d not appreciate being discussed so i don’t do it to others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think for clarification purposes, I'm not expecting anyone to be indiscrete or state who they're meeting.
I'm just wondering if people actually state; 'I'm not going to be available today as I've a social/meet later.'"
What about you OP? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bit of an academic question as I haven’t met anyone for a while and then only socials. However I don’t even show verifications and in general don’t talk about who I meet. |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"If I'm chatting to someone it's not constant conversation anyway, so if I went quiet for an evening while I was meeting someone else they likely wouldn't even notice.
And no I don't discuss other people I'm meeting with those I'm chatting to, ever, not even to say "oh I'm meeting so and so tonight". "
This |
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Being a poly I have a different view, I would never discuss meet details with my fwbs as its disrespectful, but we do say if we are having a meet to each other purely in a good luck chat to you tomorrow way, it also keeps our friend boundaries very clear which is important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No i bloody well dont. Its none of their business who else i chat to or meet. If they questioned me about a verification id tell them to fuck off. "
This for me too! |
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Chatting to and meeting are very different things.
I wouldn't tell anyone I was chatting to other people, as I expect that they would assume I am, just as I assume that everyone on here is chatting to numerous people.
I wouldn't disclose meets either - although if it's someone i've met a few times and know fairly well I might mention that i'm going away for a couple of days if I have a weekend meet, but wouldn't share any details or even say it's for a meet, just out of courtesy so they know I'm not being ignorant if i'm off the radar.
I have had snide comments in the past from people that i've previously met when a new verification appears on my profile (one of the reasons I don't show them, and even hide the summary at times). Those people were told in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate their comment, and didn't remain on my friends list. |
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I don't go out of my way to tell people but if they asked I wouldn't ever hide it. Of course the partner I live with knows where I am though and anyone I see long term I tell them if I've slept with someone new as I think that knowledge is important for them to be fully informed of the full picture of any potential risk to their sexual health. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “ |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “"
Everyone has their own dynamics and ways of working I guess - and that can even differ from person to person that you meet - I like to have a connection and chemistry with people I meet and so take an interest in them beyond just sex, and they do me - doesn't necessarily mean I'm in contact with them every day (the individual connection establishes that) but the way I see it is the ongoing communication between meeting kind of underpins the friendship element that runs through any regular meets I may have on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “
Everyone has their own dynamics and ways of working I guess - and that can even differ from person to person that you meet - I like to have a connection and chemistry with people I meet and so take an interest in them beyond just sex, and they do me - doesn't necessarily mean I'm in contact with them every day (the individual connection establishes that) but the way I see it is the ongoing communication between meeting kind of underpins the friendship element that runs through any regular meets I may have on here."
Oh okay, I’m more casual with my sexual partners.... We tend to do most of our communication in person.... |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I chat to many people but that's all it is friendly banter.
However if Im serious about meeting someone then there is no one else at that point. I'm a one man women which doesnt suit many people on here but that's fine.
If they have to think about choosing me then it's best they dont bother. I dont have many people going at the same time mainly because I like to be treated the same.
But then I'm not looking or NSA,fb or any of the other terms we use.
Its 100% or nothing from me. If I was considering meeting and a verfication came up I'd walk away. Simple really.
All you can do is be open and honest and hope they have the integrity to do the same Op. |
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"Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “"
there are different ways of doing this swinging stuff. A lot of people on the forum actively seek out more involved relationships albeit temporary and form firm friendships. We don't fall in to that category preferring to keep things casual unless we happen to really click with people.
It is slightly skewed data though because some people (present company excepted) will say that they want a more involved relationship when they actually don't |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “
there are different ways of doing this swinging stuff. A lot of people on the forum actively seek out more involved relationships albeit temporary and form firm friendships. We don't fall in to that category preferring to keep things casual unless we happen to really click with people.
It is slightly skewed data though because some people (present company excepted) will say that they want a more involved relationship when they actually don't "
that last part is very true. People will tell you what they think you want to hear. But if you watch people over a period of time they cant keep it up. Actions speak louder then words. |
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"Please forgive me if I’m reading this wrong.......
Do people chat everyday with casual fuck buddy’s?
The reason I’m asking this is because “ That seems more like dating than something casual “
Maybe it’s my age or because I’m American... But I don’t ask personal questions nor do I welcome personal questions being asked of me from a casual friend....
It’s more of a “ hey do you want to hangout on Friday/Saturday kinda thing “
there are different ways of doing this swinging stuff. A lot of people on the forum actively seek out more involved relationships albeit temporary and form firm friendships. We don't fall in to that category preferring to keep things casual unless we happen to really click with people.
It is slightly skewed data though because some people (present company excepted) will say that they want a more involved relationship when they actually don't that last part is very true. People will tell you what they think you want to hear. But if you watch people over a period of time they cant keep it up. Actions speak louder then words. "
yep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I chat to many people but that's all it is friendly banter.
However if Im serious about meeting someone then there is no one else at that point. I'm a one man women which doesnt suit many people on here but that's fine.
If they have to think about choosing me then it's best they dont bother. I dont have many people going at the same time mainly because I like to be treated the same.
But then I'm not looking or NSA,fb or any of the other terms we use.
Its 100% or nothing from me. If I was considering meeting and a verfication came up I'd walk away. Simple really.
All you can do is be open and honest and hope they have the integrity to do the same Op. "
Agree with all of this . |
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