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Failing...
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
I hear this phrase a lot..
Failing at life.. raising a family.. being what you imagined..
But what really is failing?!?!
Where did you get the idea from of what you ‘should’ be achieving?!?
Is it your own aspirations you’re not living up to or someone else’s??
Where do we learn these bars that we set ourselves and punish ourselves for not reaching?
Are you kind to yourself?
Or are you ‘failing’ some imaginary thing and punishing yourself?!?
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I'm not sure it's ever possible to fail. The word implies finality.
There are better and worse choices, short and long term. But every day is new and there's always a chance to try again, even with changed circumstances caused by previous choices. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
That word 'should' its a terrible stick in the wrong hands, usually our own!
I think this is kind of the basis of being kind to yourself; letting go of the 'should' or the 'I must' and just celebrating the little victories.
No one puts greater pressure on us than we do ourselves.
Failing is OK, it's fine, we're human. Fallible and everything else.
It's OK to fail, learning from it is the trick...
Yes Tea Monkey, I'm talking to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hear this phrase a lot..
Failing at life.. raising a family.. being what you imagined..
But what really is failing?!?!
Where did you get the idea from of what you ‘should’ be achieving?!?
Is it your own aspirations you’re not living up to or someone else’s??
Where do we learn these bars that we set ourselves and punish ourselves for not reaching?
Are you kind to yourself?
Or are you ‘failing’ some imaginary thing and punishing yourself?!?
"
I'm content in my life, haven't always made the best decisions but you have no choice but to live with the outcome of them  |
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"That word 'should' its a terrible stick in the wrong hands, usually our own!
I think this is kind of the basis of being kind to yourself; letting go of the 'should' or the 'I must' and just celebrating the little victories.
No one puts greater pressure on us than we do ourselves.
Failing is OK, it's fine, we're human. Fallible and everything else.
It's OK to fail, learning from it is the trick...
Yes Tea Monkey, I'm talking to you"
I'll take it for myself, too. I'm my own worst critic and need to take my own advice sometimes. |
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I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm not sure it's ever possible to fail. The word implies finality.
There are better and worse choices, short and long term. But every day is new and there's always a chance to try again, even with changed circumstances caused by previous choices. "
Heard it a lot recently in regards to not achieving enough.. generally from people really struggling with stuff well outside of their control... you know when you just want someone to truly see that their best is more than enough... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"That word 'should' its a terrible stick in the wrong hands, usually our own!
I think this is kind of the basis of being kind to yourself; letting go of the 'should' or the 'I must' and just celebrating the little victories.
No one puts greater pressure on us than we do ourselves.
Failing is OK, it's fine, we're human. Fallible and everything else.
It's OK to fail, learning from it is the trick...
Yes Tea Monkey, I'm talking to you"
You hearing me!?!?!
When I was seriously poorly I was more stressed about what others thought of me and put pressure on myself to ‘try’ stuff that really wasn’t good for me or viable... the day I stopped thinking about why I wasn’t like others was the day I started to turn a corner for myself!! Sometimes you’ve got to be kind to yourself and do a little self preservation. |
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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago
my own little sanctuary |
"I hear this phrase a lot..
Failing at life.. raising a family.. being what you imagined..
But what really is failing?!?!
Where did you get the idea from of what you ‘should’ be achieving?!?
Is it your own aspirations you’re not living up to or someone else’s??
Where do we learn these bars that we set ourselves and punish ourselves for not reaching?
Are you kind to yourself?
Or are you ‘failing’ some imaginary thing and punishing yourself?!?
"
I think failure for the most part is just not having the proper knowledge to formulate a working plan... to fail means you must’ve tried. With that being said somewhere along the line there’s a miscalculation of sorts or you haven’t accommodated for slight deviations to the plan. However, it’s like rockets to the moon... back to the drawing board and formulate a new plan with the findings.
I think most see failure in a permanent way. And commonly forged through expectations of others, first factor should always be your own capabilities and aspirations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
haven't been kind to myself for 5 months rather not going into detail but my depression has caught up with me again and feeling in rut hence why didn't come Manchester social just have been myself felt like making a thread on mental health day but was unsure but felt like I needed to get of my chest some where instead of my private social media accounts |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx "
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"haven't been kind to myself for 5 months rather not going into detail but my depression has caught up with me again and feeling in rut hence why didn't come Manchester social just have been myself felt like making a thread on mental health day but was unsure but felt like I needed to get of my chest some where instead of my private social media accounts "
You know you’ve got friends here too x glad you’re getting to the point where you’re having a chat about it. Depression comes in waves.. make sure you’re kind to yourself.. it’ll pass |
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"I'm not sure it's ever possible to fail. The word implies finality.
There are better and worse choices, short and long term. But every day is new and there's always a chance to try again, even with changed circumstances caused by previous choices.
Heard it a lot recently in regards to not achieving enough.. generally from people really struggling with stuff well outside of their control... you know when you just want someone to truly see that their best is more than enough... "
I don't know how to get someone to that point, even though it's a path I've walked myself. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I hear this phrase a lot..
Failing at life.. raising a family.. being what you imagined..
But what really is failing?!?!
Where did you get the idea from of what you ‘should’ be achieving?!?
Is it your own aspirations you’re not living up to or someone else’s??
Where do we learn these bars that we set ourselves and punish ourselves for not reaching?
Are you kind to yourself?
Or are you ‘failing’ some imaginary thing and punishing yourself?!?
I think failure for the most part is just not having the proper knowledge to formulate a working plan... to fail means you must’ve tried. With that being said somewhere along the line there’s a miscalculation of sorts or you haven’t accommodated for slight deviations to the plan. However, it’s like rockets to the moon... back to the drawing board and formulate a new plan with the findings.
I think most see failure in a permanent way. And commonly forged through expectations of others, first factor should always be your own capabilities and aspirations. "
I do think many see ‘not quite getting where they want to be’ as a weakness.. they don’t always appreciate how hard some roads are and the need to change the way we think. I think we are all hard on ourselves unnecessarily sometimes.. it’s good to sit back and reevaluate.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always live by the theory that you will fail at lots of things in life, frequently, but if you don't try then you may be missing out on something brilliant and trying is often fun too. I guess it depends on how a person views failure and how big a deal it is to 'fail' or be told you've 'failed' and whether you can accept the word without being oversendative to it. I fail every day in both my personal life and work but I also succeed, I fail frequently on the forum lol but words are just words. A persons perception of the words and how much they take things to heart are often an anchor to their take off imho. And also who this words are coming from has a bearing on that, but I only know what I know and walk in my own shoes..... |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I'm not sure it's ever possible to fail. The word implies finality.
There are better and worse choices, short and long term. But every day is new and there's always a chance to try again, even with changed circumstances caused by previous choices.
Heard it a lot recently in regards to not achieving enough.. generally from people really struggling with stuff well outside of their control... you know when you just want someone to truly see that their best is more than enough...
I don't know how to get someone to that point, even though it's a path I've walked myself. "
We can’t always.. but often people just need someone to say you’re doing your absolute best and that’s more than enough x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I probably use this too often in real life as a throw away phrase....
To actually consider myself a failure at something I'd have to have given up on it.
That is still a long list but nothing of major importance |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I've always been quite hard on myself - a family of academic and professional overachievers and a rather pushy mother ensured that. I think that "failing" isn't the be all and end all of the world that it's made to be, it's part of the journey. Some of my experiences where I feel like I failed in some way actually taught me a lot about myself and gave me a chance to grow in some way.
Leading on from that, I do think self reflection can be a good thing - if you feel like you're failing as a partner, friend or a parent or a colleague, taking time to assess why isn't a bad thing. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I probably use this too often in real life as a throw away phrase....
To actually consider myself a failure at something I'd have to have given up on it.
That is still a long list but nothing of major importance"
Think many do.. often on pretty unrealistic pictures of how life ‘should’ be...
I wonder where these ideals come from... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The whole success and failure is a bone of contention with me. Most of my family see me as a failure, I had a decent career, but met and married my ex and life changed dramatically for me. Because I no longer work and have to concentrate on being at home for my disabled sons I’m looked down upon and treated like the poor relative and failure. That is their opinion, I see things from a different perspective, I’ve got my children who love me and my sons are as independent as they can be with their limitations. That is a success x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"For me personally failure is when something doesn't go the way you want, but you don't learn from it. Rarely does life go the way we expect, but we learn and move on. "
Many get bogged down though by a feeling of not quite being enough.. you see them putting everything they have into life and you can see it’s hard.. I think it’s important sometimes to reflect on the achievements even if the destination is never quite reached.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I probably use this too often in real life as a throw away phrase....
To actually consider myself a failure at something I'd have to have given up on it.
That is still a long list but nothing of major importance
Think many do.. often on pretty unrealistic pictures of how life ‘should’ be...
I wonder where these ideals come from... "
Its very easy here to blame instabook and influancers but I made my first social media account in collage (bebo I feel old) I think we have a natural drive to achieve some of us are better than others at managing this. Its probably linked to our hardwired reproductive drive, but someone smart my explain that for us  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I probably use this too often in real life as a throw away phrase....
To actually consider myself a failure at something I'd have to have given up on it.
That is still a long list but nothing of major importance
Think many do.. often on pretty unrealistic pictures of how life ‘should’ be...
I wonder where these ideals come from...
Its very easy here to blame instabook and influancers but I made my first social media account in collage (bebo I feel old) I think we have a natural drive to achieve some of us are better than others at managing this. Its probably linked to our hardwired reproductive drive, but someone smart my explain that for us "
You saying I’m not smart?  x
I think it’s really easy to lose sight of the small things.. life can be really tough. Every day can be an achievement sometimes.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I suppose we tend to set our own ideals that we aim to achieve. That's the one consistent that remains in our control (deciding on what we aim to achieve).
The only thing we are consistent in achieving is a failure to meet our aims. (We make do with environmental circumstance and realign our aims to be more realistic).
Makes sense? I dunno |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me personally failure is when something doesn't go the way you want, but you don't learn from it. Rarely does life go the way we expect, but we learn and move on. "
 |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx"
Ahhhh you’ve summed up my point exactly.. so sorry to hear you’re feeling this low.. Christ I’ve been there and we punish ourselves for what we are not!! You’ve gone back and asked for help.. that’s huge!!!! Here to chat whenever x please go easy on yourself!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The whole success and failure is a bone of contention with me. Most of my family see me as a failure, I had a decent career, but met and married my ex and life changed dramatically for me. Because I no longer work and have to concentrate on being at home for my disabled sons I’m looked down upon and treated like the poor relative and failure. That is their opinion, I see things from a different perspective, I’ve got my children who love me and my sons are as independent as they can be with their limitations. That is a success x "
I agree that's success. 
I think it all depends on who is looking on. To one person we may be a winner; to others we may be a failure.
I can't compete so I don't. Can't fail if I'm not in the race. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx
Ahhhh you’ve summed up my point exactly.. so sorry to hear you’re feeling this low.. Christ I’ve been there and we punish ourselves for what we are not!! You’ve gone back and asked for help.. that’s huge!!!! Here to chat whenever x please go easy on yourself!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Failure is what makes you stronger
It drives you to succeed iv failed at many things in my life looking back most of them havnt been bad things as i say you learn more from failure than victory
If you win all the time how will you ever notice what your faults are failing normally hurts but people learn most from pain and adversity
If i spent my life winning everything how would i know how to survive when things really turn to shit
|
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"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx"
See the little things as acts of kindness to yourself. Go make yourself a cuppa or go have a shower whatever it is that makes you feel a little more human. Talking to us strangers and venting is an act of kindness to yourself. Hang on in there, you'll get there xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well thanks for this post. I always hold myself to some imaginary standard I have invented and need to remind myself all the time that it doesn’t exist. You’ve been my reminder to stop it on a day I was sure I failed a bit.
- Mrs |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"The whole success and failure is a bone of contention with me. Most of my family see me as a failure, I had a decent career, but met and married my ex and life changed dramatically for me. Because I no longer work and have to concentrate on being at home for my disabled sons I’m looked down upon and treated like the poor relative and failure. That is their opinion, I see things from a different perspective, I’ve got my children who love me and my sons are as independent as they can be with their limitations. That is a success x "
That’s a huge success!! I had similar when I was ill.. nobody knew what to do or say and it became more pressure than I could deal with. Being able to stand back and say I’m doing my best is a wonderful feeling x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx"
The hardest thing to find is compassion for yourself. Someone once told me to treat myself as I would a small child who’d had a bad day because I deserved that. You deserve that, to be kind and give yourself what you’d give anyone else. Hang in there - mrs |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I suppose we tend to set our own ideals that we aim to achieve. That's the one consistent that remains in our control (deciding on what we aim to achieve).
The only thing we are consistent in achieving is a failure to meet our aims. (We make do with environmental circumstance and realign our aims to be more realistic).
Makes sense? I dunno"
Totally.. it’s how we set these ‘aims’ and dealing with not reaching them that’s important.. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
When Thomas Edison was inviting the electric light bulb most of his peers would call him a failer he just turn round to them and said...
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work".
|
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Failing an exam or driving est is one thing, which you can question on whether you studied hard enough to pass or just except that some subjects take more than one go at passing.
Failing in life, is harder to accept. At my worst point a couple of years ago I thought I was failing at everything, being a mum, work, etc.
I thought I was being judged by some set standard at work. There was judgment from some on my parenting skills which just added to the pressure I felt.
It took me months to realise, with help, that the work pressures were set by myself and the to high standards that I created. Home life took counselling to make me realise I wasn’t failing, the lad was happy, healthy, well looked after etc but if someone said that to me I used to get upset as couldn’t see it.
Individuals need to realise and be able to recognise this themselves, maybe with counselling, but one day something will just click, they’ll start to figure it out and find a way to accept everything and change anything that needs changing.
You can be there for them if they need to talk but personally, I got sick of people telling me “your good at this, your good at that” or coming up with suggestions that you’d worked through your mind time and time again with no solution in sight, a catch 22. People mean well but it can be just as detrimental sometimes
I know I’ve just rambled there but hopefully all makes sense  |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Well thanks for this post. I always hold myself to some imaginary standard I have invented and need to remind myself all the time that it doesn’t exist. You’ve been my reminder to stop it on a day I was sure I failed a bit.
- Mrs "
It’s so easily done x not every day has to be a success.. some days are only fit for the shit bin and start afresh tomorrow |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"When Thomas Edison was inviting the electric light bulb most of his peers would call him a failer he just turn round to them and said...
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work".
"
Ha ha great quote |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Failure is what makes you stronger
It drives you to succeed iv failed at many things in my life looking back most of them havnt been bad things as i say you learn more from failure than victory
If you win all the time how will you ever notice what your faults are failing normally hurts but people learn most from pain and adversity
If i spent my life winning everything how would i know how to survive when things really turn to shit
"
Totally.. punishing yourself doesn’t achieve anything.. some things are never meant to be achieved.. it’s a learning curve of good and bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Failure is what makes you stronger
It drives you to succeed iv failed at many things in my life looking back most of them havnt been bad things as i say you learn more from failure than victory
If you win all the time how will you ever notice what your faults are failing normally hurts but people learn most from pain and adversity
If i spent my life winning everything how would i know how to survive when things really turn to shit
Totally.. punishing yourself doesn’t achieve anything.. some things are never meant to be achieved.. it’s a learning curve of good and bad. "
lifes just inches |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I've always been quite hard on myself - a family of academic and professional overachievers and a rather pushy mother ensured that. I think that "failing" isn't the be all and end all of the world that it's made to be, it's part of the journey. Some of my experiences where I feel like I failed in some way actually taught me a lot about myself and gave me a chance to grow in some way.
Leading on from that, I do think self reflection can be a good thing - if you feel like you're failing as a partner, friend or a parent or a colleague, taking time to assess why isn't a bad thing. "
Very much so.. my greatest achievements were some of my darkest days. I didn’t see that until later on.. sometimes we all need to realign our lines and know that trying is more than enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn.  |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn. "
Sorry to hear that that’s more a reflection of his failings than your belief though.. sadly we can’t rely on others to be what they make out they are. It’s a crappy lesson I know well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Failure is what makes you stronger
It drives you to succeed iv failed at many things in my life looking back most of them havnt been bad things as i say you learn more from failure than victory
If you win all the time how will you ever notice what your faults are failing normally hurts but people learn most from pain and adversity
If i spent my life winning everything how would i know how to survive when things really turn to shit
"
I love this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx
See the little things as acts of kindness to yourself. Go make yourself a cuppa or go have a shower whatever it is that makes you feel a little more human. Talking to us strangers and venting is an act of kindness to yourself. Hang on in there, you'll get there xxx"
. Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m reading this thread with tears streaming down my face , I’m feeling particularly low at the moment - my own fault as I’ve not been taking my meds for a little while, now it’s caught up with me , I tend to go into self destruct mode as form of self harm according to one doctor! I will be fine again soon and I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and I will do what I need for a while to keep on track but why can’t I just keep on track long term ?! Anyway my tears are because I was reading Saff say ‘be kind to yourself’ and I really don’t know how to do that !!!! I don’t know why I’ve just told you all that only that sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers lol xxx
The hardest thing to find is compassion for yourself. Someone once told me to treat myself as I would a small child who’d had a bad day because I deserved that. You deserve that, to be kind and give yourself what you’d give anyone else. Hang in there - mrs"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ultimately we are all surrounded these preconceived ideas of what we are meant to be. Yet they aren't always real. Often those ideas are what mess us up the most. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn. "
it, not your failure, it's his loss. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Ultimately we are all surrounded these preconceived ideas of what we are meant to be. Yet they aren't always real. Often those ideas are what mess us up the most. "
Exactly this x some days are harder than others.. some lives are harder than others.. it’s easy to feel like we are failing simply by setting our own bar too high x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn. "
You aren’t a failure at choosing people. They’ve let you down. I’m sorry they have. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If that person isn’t a lifetime person, when the pain lessens, try to find how they changed you and what you got out of it while it lasted. I hope you’re ok. You’re not a failure at choosing . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Failing an exam or driving est is one thing, which you can question on whether you studied hard enough to pass or just except that some subjects take more than one go at passing.
Failing in life, is harder to accept. At my worst point a couple of years ago I thought I was failing at everything, being a mum, work, etc.
I thought I was being judged by some set standard at work. There was judgment from some on my parenting skills which just added to the pressure I felt.
It took me months to realise, with help, that the work pressures were set by myself and the to high standards that I created. Home life took counselling to make me realise I wasn’t failing, the lad was happy, healthy, well looked after etc but if someone said that to me I used to get upset as couldn’t see it.
Individuals need to realise and be able to recognise this themselves, maybe with counselling, but one day something will just click, they’ll start to figure it out and find a way to accept everything and change anything that needs changing.
You can be there for them if they need to talk but personally, I got sick of people telling me “your good at this, your good at that” or coming up with suggestions that you’d worked through your mind time and time again with no solution in sight, a catch 22. People mean well but it can be just as detrimental sometimes
I know I’ve just rambled there but hopefully all makes sense "
It makes perfect sense to me. It’s hard to learn to reframe your thoughts and dismiss the first one that shouts inside telling you that you’ve failed.
I love this post.
I’ve been wrestling with something I think I failed at for a year now on and off. I try to accept it was a change and not a failure but I’m just a bit hard on myself in every way. Thanks for this post Saffron. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You know what, I've finally learnt that if I'm "failing" at something that's ok, because if it's something I want to achieve and have the patience to keep trying then I'll find a different way, in "failing" I'm learning what doesn't work.
Now, I really don't have much, my life isn't full of holidays and adventure. I'm keeping a roof over my head and paying my bills which is actually a real fucking achievement and something I should be proud of. The only thing I'm failing at is a career change with a bigger income, and the reason I'm failing is because I'm failing to try. I can deal with that because it's my choice.
Am I loved? Yes
Am I respected? By those who matter, yes.
Can I sleep at night knowing I'm not a complete cuntwaffle? Most of the time, and those times I can't it's because I'm trying to make sense of things and make changes.
Can I recognise now if I'm gonna slump? Yes
The point I've seen the darkness and am prepared to fight that motherfucker when it comes knocking means I'm a pretty good success story.
I used to have a massive fear of failure and worried that it meant I wasn't "enough"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Failing an exam or driving est is one thing, which you can question on whether you studied hard enough to pass or just except that some subjects take more than one go at passing.
Failing in life, is harder to accept. At my worst point a couple of years ago I thought I was failing at everything, being a mum, work, etc.
I thought I was being judged by some set standard at work. There was judgment from some on my parenting skills which just added to the pressure I felt.
It took me months to realise, with help, that the work pressures were set by myself and the to high standards that I created. Home life took counselling to make me realise I wasn’t failing, the lad was happy, healthy, well looked after etc but if someone said that to me I used to get upset as couldn’t see it.
Individuals need to realise and be able to recognise this themselves, maybe with counselling, but one day something will just click, they’ll start to figure it out and find a way to accept everything and change anything that needs changing.
You can be there for them if they need to talk but personally, I got sick of people telling me “your good at this, your good at that” or coming up with suggestions that you’d worked through your mind time and time again with no solution in sight, a catch 22. People mean well but it can be just as detrimental sometimes
I know I’ve just rambled there but hopefully all makes sense
It makes perfect sense to me. It’s hard to learn to reframe your thoughts and dismiss the first one that shouts inside telling you that you’ve failed.
I love this post.
I’ve been wrestling with something I think I failed at for a year now on and off. I try to accept it was a change and not a failure but I’m just a bit hard on myself in every way. Thanks for this post Saffron. "
I don’t earn much.. got divorced.. had a shitty time with health.. but I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and I’m happy. Things don’t always go to the imaginary plan.. they’re not meant to. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"You know what, I've finally learnt that if I'm "failing" at something that's ok, because if it's something I want to achieve and have the patience to keep trying then I'll find a different way, in "failing" I'm learning what doesn't work.
Now, I really don't have much, my life isn't full of holidays and adventure. I'm keeping a roof over my head and paying my bills which is actually a real fucking achievement and something I should be proud of. The only thing I'm failing at is a career change with a bigger income, and the reason I'm failing is because I'm failing to try. I can deal with that because it's my choice.
Am I loved? Yes
Am I respected? By those who matter, yes.
Can I sleep at night knowing I'm not a complete cuntwaffle? Most of the time, and those times I can't it's because I'm trying to make sense of things and make changes.
Can I recognise now if I'm gonna slump? Yes
The point I've seen the darkness and am prepared to fight that motherfucker when it comes knocking means I'm a pretty good success story.
I used to have a massive fear of failure and worried that it meant I wasn't "enough"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
"
You so get it!!! you’re the sum of everything you’ve achieved rather than a product of things that stood in your way.
If only you could bottle this xxx |
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"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x"
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx "
I bloody know you will xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You know what, I've finally learnt that if I'm "failing" at something that's ok, because if it's something I want to achieve and have the patience to keep trying then I'll find a different way, in "failing" I'm learning what doesn't work.
Now, I really don't have much, my life isn't full of holidays and adventure. I'm keeping a roof over my head and paying my bills which is actually a real fucking achievement and something I should be proud of. The only thing I'm failing at is a career change with a bigger income, and the reason I'm failing is because I'm failing to try. I can deal with that because it's my choice.
Am I loved? Yes
Am I respected? By those who matter, yes.
Can I sleep at night knowing I'm not a complete cuntwaffle? Most of the time, and those times I can't it's because I'm trying to make sense of things and make changes.
Can I recognise now if I'm gonna slump? Yes
The point I've seen the darkness and am prepared to fight that motherfucker when it comes knocking means I'm a pretty good success story.
I used to have a massive fear of failure and worried that it meant I wasn't "enough"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
You so get it!!! you’re the sum of everything you’ve achieved rather than a product of things that stood in your way.
If only you could bottle this xxx "
Yep.
I'm here and I'm trying, and that's enough.
I think the concept of failure comes from societal pressures, family pressures. We're constantly told to try harder, we're consistently having other peoples "successes" rammed down our throats (half of it's bullshit anyway).. but at what cost? Our health? Our mental health? Friendships?
As long as we try at all, at what WE deem important should be enough.
If you give something positive to the world, to another person, if you give someone hope or even a little faith in something then believe me you aren't a failure.
P |
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"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
"
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P |
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"You know what, I've finally learnt that if I'm "failing" at something that's ok, because if it's something I want to achieve and have the patience to keep trying then I'll find a different way, in "failing" I'm learning what doesn't work.
Now, I really don't have much, my life isn't full of holidays and adventure. I'm keeping a roof over my head and paying my bills which is actually a real fucking achievement and something I should be proud of. The only thing I'm failing at is a career change with a bigger income, and the reason I'm failing is because I'm failing to try. I can deal with that because it's my choice.
Am I loved? Yes
Am I respected? By those who matter, yes.
Can I sleep at night knowing I'm not a complete cuntwaffle? Most of the time, and those times I can't it's because I'm trying to make sense of things and make changes.
Can I recognise now if I'm gonna slump? Yes
The point I've seen the darkness and am prepared to fight that motherfucker when it comes knocking means I'm a pretty good success story.
I used to have a massive fear of failure and worried that it meant I wasn't "enough"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
You so get it!!! you’re the sum of everything you’ve achieved rather than a product of things that stood in your way.
If only you could bottle this xxx
Yep.
I'm here and I'm trying, and that's enough.
I think the concept of failure comes from societal pressures, family pressures. We're constantly told to try harder, we're consistently having other peoples "successes" rammed down our throats (half of it's bullshit anyway).. but at what cost? Our health? Our mental health? Friendships?
As long as we try at all, at what WE deem important should be enough.
If you give something positive to the world, to another person, if you give someone hope or even a little faith in something then believe me you aren't a failure.
P"
You're right 100%
You're definitely winning.
Jo.Xx |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P"
Whoop!!! Sort her out P!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P
Whoop!!! Sort her out P!!! "
I'm bloody am... and here's another thing, the fact you have so many people who genuinely care, stand by your side and would help if they could means you're a double whammy winner. Ner ner bloody ner ner. Come on beeeeetch, tell me you're failing now, I dare ya!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
"
Hard to explain what your words here meant. Sometimes someone else has to say something you weren’t saying to yourself. I walked away from something. I’ve been hard on myself for it for so long! I hadn’t thought about it this way. I always say you can’t succeed if you don’t leap. I leapt and after a while it wasn’t working and it seemed best to just walk away. I feel like these words were just for me lol Thank you so much - Mrs |
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"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P
Whoop!!! Sort her out P!!!
I'm bloody am... and here's another thing, the fact you have so many people who genuinely care, stand by your side and would help if they could means you're a double whammy winner. Ner ner bloody ner ner. Come on beeeeetch, tell me you're failing now, I dare ya!
"
I f*cking love you two!! 
Jo.Xx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I have learned more from my failures than my successes. I have had many of both.
However, the inability to be a mother to living children and to shake off the damage I have experienced over this long life mean that I feel that I have failed in a very fundamental way.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have learned more from my failures than my successes. I have had many of both.
However, the inability to be a mother to living children and to shake off the damage I have experienced over this long life mean that I feel that I have failed in a very fundamental way.
"
Sending a huge hug. Your wounds and pain are not a failure. Grief never leaves, it just becomes something we live with. I’m so sorry you have this pain. |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I have learned more from my failures than my successes. I have had many of both.
However, the inability to be a mother to living children and to shake off the damage I have experienced over this long life mean that I feel that I have failed in a very fundamental way.
"
some things we have no control over. They can hurt forever but remain unachievable.. I’m sorry x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P
Whoop!!! Sort her out P!!!
I'm bloody am... and here's another thing, the fact you have so many people who genuinely care, stand by your side and would help if they could means you're a double whammy winner. Ner ner bloody ner ner. Come on beeeeetch, tell me you're failing now, I dare ya!
I f*cking love you two!!
Jo.Xx "
Mwahhhhh you more!! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
Hard to explain what your words here meant. Sometimes someone else has to say something you weren’t saying to yourself. I walked away from something. I’ve been hard on myself for it for so long! I hadn’t thought about it this way. I always say you can’t succeed if you don’t leap. I leapt and after a while it wasn’t working and it seemed best to just walk away. I feel like these words were just for me lol Thank you so much - Mrs "
You do realise that's just given me a throat lump and damp eye..
Cut yourself some slack and know that you took that leap in good faith, there's nothing wrong with that.
Decisions made with good intentions aren't failures.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have always been my own worse enemy, in that I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. (So I've been told)
I expect better of myself. So if something doesn't go to plan, I feel I've failed.
When I was growing up if I was told I couldn't do something, I'd have to prove you was wrong. So I've always believed 'I can'.
But sometimes alot of the time now 'I can't' and I need to accept that.
I know once I accept that I'm not failing, I'll be winning.
Jo.Xx
It’s ok to not be at full strength only you set the targets.. nobody else.. it’s learning to not expect too much of yourself and let others prop you up x
I'm still learning.
But I will get there.
Jo.Xx
I bloody know you will xx
Erm... I'm butting in here, you aren't failing, you aren't not winning .... what you're doing my dear is adapting, and that sweet cheeks is an achievement. So there
P
Whoop!!! Sort her out P!!!
I'm bloody am... and here's another thing, the fact you have so many people who genuinely care, stand by your side and would help if they could means you're a double whammy winner. Ner ner bloody ner ner. Come on beeeeetch, tell me you're failing now, I dare ya!
I f*cking love you two!!
Jo.Xx "
Back at ya pumpkin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Nope, sometimes it means you're smart enough to know when to call it a day, when you're flogging a dead horse, when trying is making you unwell. Sometimes it's harder to walk away than to keep trying, and that takes great strength. That ain't failing.
P
Hard to explain what your words here meant. Sometimes someone else has to say something you weren’t saying to yourself. I walked away from something. I’ve been hard on myself for it for so long! I hadn’t thought about it this way. I always say you can’t succeed if you don’t leap. I leapt and after a while it wasn’t working and it seemed best to just walk away. I feel like these words were just for me lol Thank you so much - Mrs
You do realise that's just given me a throat lump and damp eye..
Cut yourself some slack and know that you took that leap in good faith, there's nothing wrong with that.
Decisions made with good intentions aren't failures.
P"
My eyeballs are dry, I swear.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn.
You aren’t a failure at choosing people. They’ve let you down. I’m sorry they have. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If that person isn’t a lifetime person, when the pain lessens, try to find how they changed you and what you got out of it while it lasted. I hope you’re ok. You’re not a failure at choosing . "
Your response is as beautiful as you are. Thank you. Same goes for you OP. I admire you tremendously. |
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Oh you gorgeous things.
Everytime I fail at something I learn something. Soon it becomes less of a bad experience and helps boost me along for the next thing.
I'm a product of my successes and my failures. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am the complete opposite of perfection exactly as it was meant to be.
I have had some stonking failures though  |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Oh you gorgeous things.
Everytime I fail at something I learn something. Soon it becomes less of a bad experience and helps boost me along for the next thing.
I'm a product of my successes and my failures. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am the complete opposite of perfection exactly as it was meant to be.
I have had some stonking failures though "
summer up perfectly!!! I’m the sum of many an epic disaster.. but I see those times as part of a journey to get where I am now.. my expectations and hopes for life are very different x |
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By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Today I realised that I’m a failure when it comes to choosing men. The one I believed in, well, turned out to be no one special after all. One day I’ll learn.
You aren’t a failure at choosing people. They’ve let you down. I’m sorry they have. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If that person isn’t a lifetime person, when the pain lessens, try to find how they changed you and what you got out of it while it lasted. I hope you’re ok. You’re not a failure at choosing .
Your response is as beautiful as you are. Thank you. Same goes for you OP. I admire you tremendously."
x don’t take on others shitty traits as your weakness. You’re better than that!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have learned more from my failures than my successes. I have had many of both.
However, the inability to be a mother to living children and to shake off the damage I have experienced over this long life mean that I feel that I have failed in a very fundamental way.
"
I feel you're a 'mother' to many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Failure is what makes you stronger
It drives you to succeed iv failed at many things in my life looking back most of them havnt been bad things as i say you learn more from failure than victory
If you win all the time how will you ever notice what your faults are failing normally hurts but people learn most from pain and adversity
If i spent my life winning everything how would i know how to survive when things really turn to shit
I love this. "
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