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Authenticity
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I've been thinking for a little while and there have been a few threads recently regarding 'vulnerable' people and emotional states recently, so I've been wondering; how authentic are you regarding how you're feeling with people?
Not just those around you, such as friends and family, etc. But those that you might be chatting with privately, potential meets or even here on the forums. Do you open yourself up, warts and all, about your current state and life or do you keep it light, happy and hide any issues or wobbles you might be having?
If someone does display this side of themselves, how does it make you feel as the recipient of that information or as a casual observer? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm generally a heart on my sleeve kind of guy whether in real life or here, and find it difficult to hide my mood - that said on here it depends very much who I'm talking to and how well I know them just how much I let show - those that know me well will often pick up on it anyway.
Some I will open up to a lot more than others though, others I will try and conceal my mood, especially if I am down, or it somehow relates to others, it's not always successful though.
As for how I react if others open up to me - I try and do so with an open mind, empathy and where appropriate sympathy - it is however difficult in a text only format to judge just how far to try and "help" and how much someone just wants you to listen.
Regardless of whether it's me, or someone else's frame of mind though, although emotions are sometimes frowned on here I don't think there is anything the slightest in letting them show - we're all humans after all, and all have them, and the world is not always sweetness and light for any of us.
I certainly don't concur with those that say 'vulnerable' people shouldn't be here - I'd much rather abolish those that prey on vulnerabilities and seek to manipulate them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I try and keep it light. I do try and keep my wobbles to myself, my personal stuff is exactly that’s and it’s really only me that can do anything about making sure my head is above ground. but I also think it’s difficult to not talk about some of the harder things I encounter as a lot of it are repetitive things that come up everyday. I wouldn’t be being authentic is I told you this transition is a piece of cake. It’s hard and some days I think is it even worth it? So maybe I just want people to know that there are elements of struggle to being trans and I’m more that just a few glam photographs posted online. Sometimes I worry that’s all I really have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Usually if im not feeling good I don't log in as it doesn't help on here. I do find though a lot of people who are feeling down are on line getting annoyed and frustrated but a lot are lonely and need company. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
3 people on fab know my self, my real self, My story, My good and bad sides.
It takes a special connection for me to open up to anyone, on fab or off. I keep things to myself and always have done, I dont like to truly open myself up as it has burnt me in the past but with a special select few they know the real me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm probably too open.
Yes it may put some people off, but at least they then realise I'm human, I have emotion and I'm more than just a minge. Those who don't realise that aren't worth my time.
You'd have the biggest eye rolls ever if you saw the contents of my inbox when I was off work sick. The amount of blokes that tried to convince me receiving their cock would be a miracle cure for depression and anxiety! They knew what I needed apparently.
I don't suffer twats so their preying on that failed drastically, however I can see it working on maybe others who lacked the confidence to reject their persistence. In fact giving them a lesson in why their behaviour and attitude was all kinds of wrong boosted my confidence in my own strength.
If I'm on a downer I ain't gonna pretend to be cool, if there's someone I may want to meet but know I'm not in the right frame of mind I'll tell them.
P |
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I tend to be very open with regards to how I feel about people; nobody is ever really unsure whether I like them or not.
But with regards to my internal feelings and mood, I am usually a closed book - only if i'm having a real wobble will people know, and even then I'll just skirt round the issue and give basic details, kind of a "i'm just dealing with a bit of crap regarding x,y,z but I'll be fine". I've always been very mentally strong and dealt with my own problems, so I don't see that changing any time soon.
I do find that, in real life, people tend to come to me for advice. I am wired to look at things in a practical, no-nonsense way and offer solutions instead of just sympathy, which my friends hate at the time but thank me for afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It varies. I’m relatively open about my feelings on here and comfortable with expressing my emotions. There are a couple of people closer to me that recognise the odd occasion I’m having a wobble and I can rely on them to check out how I’m doing. I don’t disclose as much as used to for good reason but those who get to know me see me warts and all. Some like what they see, others don’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am a very open person but slowly realising that isn't the way to be with everyone! I try to keep to the 'if they ask the right question' way of thinking to stop me blurting out stuff that they aren't ready to hear!
Peach x |
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I’m pretty open but don’t go into detail.. I talk a lot about mental health and surrounding issues but from a turned the corner standpoint.
The ins and outs of life I don’t really speak about unless it’s to people very close to me.
It’s much more about keeping talking and offering a little hope I guess for me. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Thank you for your posts folks. I haven't got time to respond to everyone as I'm at work but it's something that's been going round my head recently and is relevant to me at the moment.
I'm touched by your openness and candour though.
Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm generally a heart on my sleeve kind of guy whether in real life or here, and find it difficult to hide my mood - that said on here it depends very much who I'm talking to and how well I know them just how much I let show - those that know me well will often pick up on it anyway.
Some I will open up to a lot more than others though, others I will try and conceal my mood, especially if I am down, or it somehow relates to others, it's not always successful though.
As for how I react if others open up to me - I try and do so with an open mind, empathy and where appropriate sympathy - it is however difficult in a text only format to judge just how far to try and "help" and how much someone just wants you to listen.
Regardless of whether it's me, or someone else's frame of mind though, although emotions are sometimes frowned on here I don't think there is anything the slightest in letting them show - we're all humans after all, and all have them, and the world is not always sweetness and light for any of us.
I certainly don't concur with those that say 'vulnerable' people shouldn't be here - I'd much rather abolish those that prey on vulnerabilities and seek to manipulate them "
This exactly. I couldn’t say it any better. And you’re a good human bean.  - Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m often too open with people. I don’t know how to be anything but the real me. A couple know when I’m having a tough time but I roll with stuff and bounce back out of it myself by the time I open up. I’ve had lovely experiences of being very candid with people on the back of forum posts and found kindness and empathy in buckets. There’s some incredible authentic people here who are so human and giving of themselves. I think much of the time it’s light or day to day chatter but it’s nice to bump into some depth as well. - Mrs |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I’m often too open with people. I don’t know how to be anything but the real me. A couple know when I’m having a tough time but I roll with stuff and bounce back out of it myself by the time I open up. I’ve had lovely experiences of being very candid with people on the back of forum posts and found kindness and empathy in buckets. There’s some incredible authentic people here who are so human and giving of themselves. I think much of the time it’s light or day to day chatter but it’s nice to bump into some depth as well. - Mrs "
Returning the compliment as you've hit the nail squarely on the head there.
I think it's threads like this one and others we've recently had around subjects such as mental health etc where you truly see the strength of the forums (which is often much maligned) and people open up and you see true compassion, empathy and more. |
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Everyone in my life gets authentic me, some get more than others that's all. No Internet forum will ever have my vulnerabilities and issues posted on it, the people we meet from Fab get more bits of me than the forum.
I will post some of my experiences if it's relevant to a thread, helps someone or illustrates that I can understand what they're going through but I think most people on here would be surprised if they knew the full story of our life. |
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Oh if someone does give information that makes them vulnerable I can empathise. It doesn't make me uncomfortable or think less of them but I do wonder if they've considered the permanency of the net.
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I belonged to a forum with very few members some years ago. This made people feel safe because it was easy to get to know everyone and individuals formed close virtual frienships. I knew a lot of very private and intimate details about the other members.
It crashed and burned spectacularly although I am still in touch with two of the members. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have learnt that what other people think of me is none of my business.
I'm a pretty open individual. Ask Cupra1!! (Poor long suffering and dear friend). I try to be authentic and am probably too much of a hopeless romantic, always seeing the good in even the most awful people. The problem on here can be that a lot of people use this site to fulfill their fantasies, and are therefore very fake. So I've learnt to establish my boundaries and stick to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I belonged to a forum with very few members some years ago. This made people feel safe because it was easy to get to know everyone and individuals formed close virtual frienships. I knew a lot of very private and intimate details about the other members.
It crashed and burned spectacularly although I am still in touch with two of the members. "
Why/ how did it crash and burn? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m often too open with people. I don’t know how to be anything but the real me. A couple know when I’m having a tough time but I roll with stuff and bounce back out of it myself by the time I open up. I’ve had lovely experiences of being very candid with people on the back of forum posts and found kindness and empathy in buckets. There’s some incredible authentic people here who are so human and giving of themselves. I think much of the time it’s light or day to day chatter but it’s nice to bump into some depth as well. - Mrs
Returning the compliment as you've hit the nail squarely on the head there.
I think it's threads like this one and others we've recently had around subjects such as mental health etc where you truly see the strength of the forums (which is often much maligned) and people open up and you see true compassion, empathy and more."
I love seeing it here the threads of reality and the warmth and kindness shown. It’s lovely. I do find bright spots generally but there’s a lot here if you look for them  |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I tend to keep it light with guys I'm chatting to with a view to meeting up with, they don't need to know about personal stuff. I'm on here to forget about all that shit. Although when it comes to some forum topics I can be more open then, if only to help others.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been thinking for a little while and there have been a few threads recently regarding 'vulnerable' people and emotional states recently, so I've been wondering; how authentic are you regarding how you're feeling with people?
Not just those around you, such as friends and family, etc. But those that you might be chatting with privately, potential meets or even here on the forums. Do you open yourself up, warts and all, about your current state and life or do you keep it light, happy and hide any issues or wobbles you might be having?
If someone does display this side of themselves, how does it make you feel as the recipient of that information or as a casual observer? "
Tend to tell it as I'm feeling it. I dont have much to hide or reason to hide it. |
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"I’m often too open with people. I don’t know how to be anything but the real me. A couple know when I’m having a tough time but I roll with stuff and bounce back out of it myself by the time I open up. I’ve had lovely experiences of being very candid with people on the back of forum posts and found kindness and empathy in buckets. There’s some incredible authentic people here who are so human and giving of themselves. I think much of the time it’s light or day to day chatter but it’s nice to bump into some depth as well. - Mrs
Returning the compliment as you've hit the nail squarely on the head there.
I think it's threads like this one and others we've recently had around subjects such as mental health etc where you truly see the strength of the forums (which is often much maligned) and people open up and you see true compassion, empathy and more."
Late to the party but I'm very much on the same page as you both here.
I certainly didn't come to fab expecting to have in depth discussions with people, or to make actual friends - yet both things have happened. Being part of a couple who are not "out" as swingers except to a very few, I have found it incredibly liberating and enjoyable to open up in the forums in a way I don't in my day to day life (when it comes to sex at least).
So I'd say yes, you see the authentic me.
Mrs TMN x |
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"I tend to keep it light with guys I'm chatting to with a view to meeting up with, they don't need to know about personal stuff. I'm on here to forget about all that shit. Although when it comes to some forum topics I can be more open then, if only to help others.
"
Agree with this too! Those I'm meeting with, I keep more of myself hidden - on the forums, it all hangs out. The two have not yet intersected...
Mrs TMN x |
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"I belonged to a forum with very few members some years ago. This made people feel safe because it was easy to get to know everyone and individuals formed close virtual frienships. I knew a lot of very private and intimate details about the other members.
It crashed and burned spectacularly although I am still in touch with two of the members.
Why/ how did it crash and burn?"
because people knew a lot about each other, including extremely private details of marriages etc and a few member split off into a separate group. Someone with a foot in each camp then posted details (with proof) of the things being said by the splinter group about the other members behind their backs. Some particularly unkind about private issues that had been shared. The fall out was devastating to some but taught me that my instinct not to divulge too much was correct. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I belonged to a forum with very few members some years ago. This made people feel safe because it was easy to get to know everyone and individuals formed close virtual frienships. I knew a lot of very private and intimate details about the other members.
It crashed and burned spectacularly although I am still in touch with two of the members.
Why/ how did it crash and burn?
because people knew a lot about each other, including extremely private details of marriages etc and a few member split off into a separate group. Someone with a foot in each camp then posted details (with proof) of the things being said by the splinter group about the other members behind their backs. Some particularly unkind about private issues that had been shared. The fall out was devastating to some but taught me that my instinct not to divulge too much was correct. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I belonged to a forum with very few members some years ago. This made people feel safe because it was easy to get to know everyone and individuals formed close virtual frienships. I knew a lot of very private and intimate details about the other members.
It crashed and burned spectacularly although I am still in touch with two of the members.
Why/ how did it crash and burn?
because people knew a lot about each other, including extremely private details of marriages etc and a few member split off into a separate group. Someone with a foot in each camp then posted details (with proof) of the things being said by the splinter group about the other members behind their backs. Some particularly unkind about private issues that had been shared. The fall out was devastating to some but taught me that my instinct not to divulge too much was correct. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to keep things light when I’m talking to people, I share some things on the forum. But mostly I keep it to myself. If I’m feeling down I tend to lurk or keep off. There’s only a couple of people who get to see the more open and vulnerable me, but even then it’s still heavily filtered x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I do wonder sometimes just how authentic I'm being on here, if I'm having a bad day I sometimes come on all lightness and breeze, try and help others to make myself feel better.
Other times I'm a genuine grumpy sod and can't be bothered.
I realise that many keep their real emotions hidden and avoid certain threads for their own balance, I'm not sure how helpful that is for me though.
Sometime I feel a bit of disconnect between the words I write and how I actually am, in that sense it doesn't feel authentic at all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do wonder sometimes just how authentic I'm being on here, if I'm having a bad day I sometimes come on all lightness and breeze, try and help others to make myself feel better.
Other times I'm a genuine grumpy sod and can't be bothered.
I realise that many keep their real emotions hidden and avoid certain threads for their own balance, I'm not sure how helpful that is for me though.
Sometime I feel a bit of disconnect between the words I write and how I actually am, in that sense it doesn't feel authentic at all.
"
Why do you feel you need to be authentic? I can't see any harm in being light and breezy when you're having a shit day. It can pull you into happier feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't feel the need to share my ups and downs with everyone I meet, so I'm generally a cover up kinda girl. I only share personal stuff with people I'm close to and don't like explaining why I'm grumpy for example so it's much easier just to smile and crack on. |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"I don't feel the need to share my ups and downs with everyone I meet, so I'm generally a cover up kinda girl. I only share personal stuff with people I'm close to and don't like explaining why I'm grumpy for example so it's much easier just to smile and crack on. "
Pretty much the same. I’d never broadcast anything or voluntary tell anyone. I wouldn’t cover things up though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't feel the need to share my ups and downs with everyone I meet, so I'm generally a cover up kinda girl. I only share personal stuff with people I'm close to and don't like explaining why I'm grumpy for example so it's much easier just to smile and crack on. "
I really don't think that has anything to do with me not being authentic though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think authentic is a word that is over used on a site like this. People tend to separate their real life and fab life somehow.
Authentic should mean coming from a real place. But that's why there are so many issues because people aren't real with themselves or others |
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There are only two people on fab who know my story because I have known them both for ten years, give or take.
I haven't got an issue with giving a brief run down if the subject comes up, like certain threads in the forum's. But I would never go into huge details. It's a personal and intimate thing to share your story with someone and to be honest, I'm not looking for that level of intimacy on here |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"I am a very open person but slowly realising that isn't the way to be with everyone! I try to keep to the 'if they ask the right question' way of thinking to stop me blurting out stuff that they aren't ready to hear!
Peach x"
We shouldn't have to be so guarded about ourselves, some say they listen and want to know but I've found out over a period of time they may listen "but they don't hear or want to".  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Authenticity doesn't mean you have to disclose everything about your life in my eyes, it just means being honest. You can honestly say to someone "I'm feeling a bit bleugh as it goes, but don't worry it'll pass I'm just juggling a ton of shiz right now"
P |
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"I do wonder sometimes just how authentic I'm being on here, if I'm having a bad day I sometimes come on all lightness and breeze, try and help others to make myself feel better.
Other times I'm a genuine grumpy sod and can't be bothered.
I realise that many keep their real emotions hidden and avoid certain threads for their own balance, I'm not sure how helpful that is for me though.
Sometime I feel a bit of disconnect between the words I write and how I actually am, in that sense it doesn't feel authentic at all.
"
I think you're being a bit hard on yourself OP.
If we all showed our true emotions at all times, we'd be exhausted. A certain amount of covering is necessary to get through the day sometimes! That's not being inauthentic, that's being human.
Purposefully trying to perk yourself up rather than dwelling on your down days I see as a positive thing - as long as you aren't masking all the time. Which I don't get the impression you are
Mrs TMN x |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I never lie on here, or in life, but I don't necessarily share everything all the time.
I believe I'm empathetic and try to help people.
I'm definitely being me but I'm also capable of being several mes at the same time with different people, or as the situation requires.
If I'm feeling too vulnerable I hide under a rock.
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. I just hope my good outweighs my bad 