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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Does anyone else get really nervous or anxious about meeting someone for the first time?
Its actually starting to hold me back from meeting anyone and I will usually get d*unk before a meet which isnt the least bit sexy.
I know exactly what my problem is (lack of confidence, worried they will turn up and just turn around and leave. Im far to insecure in a way, I know I'm not hideous but all these thoughts just worry me) but I just dont know how to get over it.
Anyone got tips or advice that doesnt involve alcohol? Thanks 
Also I do want these meets, I just need to find ways of getting over these doubts |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
Meet in a public place .
Would you take someone with you, just until you get there.
If he'd walk away from you then he's mad and doesn't deserve you.
A couple of drinks is OK. Just not the whole bottle.
Good luck. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Meet in a public place .
Would you take someone with you, just until you get there.
If he'd walk away from you then he's mad and doesn't deserve you.
A couple of drinks is OK. Just not the whole bottle.
Good luck. Xx"
I've never thought of taking someone with me just because of the nature of the site I suppose.
And the whole bottle just happens, I'm scottish I cant help it  |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
I have major anxiety before meeting someone new and have all the same worries as you. I get to a stage where I hope every text is them cancelling. I just try to remember they're probably nervous too. And I talk to them and tell them I'm nervous! After the first few minutes together the nerves always start to fade. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's a tough one, as I tend to overthink things before meeting, and not just someone new, and get my head stuck in all the worst case scenarios 
For me, I've found just braving it out works and working on the fact that they must have seen something in me to want to meet me in the first place - I'm also usually pretty honest about my concerns too, and have always got to know someone I am meeting well enough beforehand to be able to be open and honest with them.
I don't drink on meets either which actually helps me keep my wits about me.
I tend to find that once I am on my way that the nerves disappear anyway, kind of I'm committed to it, and can't let the other person down.
I've yet to be disappointed, and as far as I know haven't been a disappointment either |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks it actually makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one and that he is probably just as nervous.
Its just and awful feeling, there was one meet I had and he went to look at my tattoo on my hand and he could actually see I was physically shaking, he actually looked taken a back by it and asked me if I wanted to stop the meet. I was fine after 15 mins or so but I was so embarrassed that he could see how nervous I was. |
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"I have major anxiety before meeting someone new and have all the same worries as you. I get to a stage where I hope every text is them cancelling. I just try to remember they're probably nervous too. And I talk to them and tell them I'm nervous! After the first few minutes together the nerves always start to fade. "
That's a great point, they are probably nervous too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I talk a lot during the day of the meet. And days leading to it. It helps with some reassurance that yes.. this person's intentions are on the same page as mine and that they seem as equally excited about getting to know me in person as I am about them. I always warn about my initial stage freight 'reactions', but in a right company they do melt quickly. And if they dont, it's ok, something just didnt work out.
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I strangely don’t get nervous before a meet and was surprised when it did happen the once, but was gone within the first minute of meeting.
I can’t explain why I don’t, the only thing I can think of is moving around a lot as a child, I didn’t have time to be shy and had to say hello or be alone
All I can suggest is a deep breath, don’t expect too much and just treat it like your meeting a friend for a catch up |
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By *akey.r8Man
over a year ago
Travelling with work |
I always get a little nervous before a first meet. I think it's natural!
Look at it out of context of the site. If you're going for a first date, a first day at a new job or even travelling somewhere new. It's only natural.
I just try to have a phone call first before anything to make sure everyone is on the same page! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm nervous every time, even in club environments where the signals of interest tend to be obvious and bold and you can be only a minute away from playing. No idea why, it passes very quickly. I get complimented on my confidence, which I always find funny as I basically have none... I guess I must fake it quite well?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have major anxiety before meeting someone new and have all the same worries as you. I get to a stage where I hope every text is them cancelling. I just try to remember they're probably nervous too. And I talk to them and tell them I'm nervous! After the first few minutes together the nerves always start to fade.
That's a great point, they are probably nervous too "
I was thinking the same - it’s just as nerve wracking for the person you’re meeting. I’ve often felt liking turning back at the door and going home but if you just keep going it’s usually fine. And I try to remember to smile rather looking terrified!! |
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Exactly same position. I've been yet to hook up with anyone yet because of the anxiety. I literally have a speech block. My mind goes blank. And then people think I'm just boring or ignorant. So it's put me off. Even worse trying to match up to everyone else. (Performance anxiety) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I get really nervous before meeting someone new, I’m normally ok on the day it’s just the couple of days before. Don’t really have any good advice apart from I find it helps more if I’ve got to know them a bit before, worse if we’ve not chatted much. I’m sure they are nervous too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone else get really nervous or anxious about meeting someone for the first time?
Its actually starting to hold me back from meeting anyone and I will usually get d*unk before a meet which isnt the least bit sexy.
I know exactly what my problem is (lack of confidence, worried they will turn up and just turn around and leave. Im far to insecure in a way, I know I'm not hideous but all these thoughts just worry me) but I just dont know how to get over it.
Anyone got tips or advice that doesnt involve alcohol? Thanks
Also I do want these meets, I just need to find ways of getting over these doubts "
i actually love first meets for me they are the best...... anticipation and excitement and conversation flowing love it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Turn you nerves into positive emotions enjoy yourself when you are sat there just take the end result out of your mind remember you are both there for the same reason if you dont hit it off dont worry about it he obviously wasnt for you, people understand about the nerves but think that you are just meeting another person that's all it is and good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You get d*unk before meeting someone, OP? and they still carry on with the meet when they see you d*unk?
"
I was thinking the same thing.
I would run a mile for fear of being accused of something inappropriate that fab won't allow me to type on the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You get d*unk before meeting someone, OP? and they still carry on with the meet when they see you d*unk?
I was thinking the same thing.
I would run a mile for fear of being accused of something inappropriate that fab won't allow me to type on the forums."
I do have alcohol but that's in the bar with the guy I'm meeting. If it goes well we can carry on drinking at mine afterwards. But I wouldn't turn up to a new meet being d*unk and let him possibly take advantage of me. |
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I don’t deal with it well at all so very rarely meet anyone. The only way I’ll meet someone new is for coffee and a chat now to see how we interact in the flesh. I’d never use alcohol for nerves.. that’s when bad decisions are made. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You get d*unk before meeting someone, OP? and they still carry on with the meet when they see you d*unk?
"
See it all the time in clubs. 'Tipsy' women.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always meet for a social only first so my only concern is them not turning up and me sitting on my own like an idiot. I take a book in my handbag and if they're late I'll pull it out so I look like I'm just having some me time over coffee. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel very nervous too. It’s natural because physiologically nervousness and excitement are the same. It helps to reframe those physiological symptoms as excitement and anticipation and recognise your partner will be having similar feelings too. It’s not the physical symptoms that debilitate us but the way we think about them. As well as some of the suggestions above I found that talking on camera together beforehand helped me to feel less nervous and break the ice. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I feel very nervous too. It’s natural because physiologically nervousness and excitement are the same. It helps to reframe those physiological symptoms as excitement and anticipation and recognise your partner will be having similar feelings too. It’s not the physical symptoms that debilitate us but the way we think about them. As well as some of the suggestions above I found that talking on camera together beforehand helped me to feel less nervous and break the ice."
This is brilliant advice. I still get the nerves whether it's the first, second or nth time of meeting someone but reframing it into a positive thing does work. If you don't want to talk on camera, on the phone works just as well. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Nerves are natural and just your body and minds way of coping with a situation in which you value the outcome.
Just remember that the other person is most likely feeling the same as you so talk to them and tell them, look for ways to cope and deal with nerves and stress. The more you do it, the more you'll find ways that work for you.
Try and avoid the drink though as it can hamper decision making and may make things worse, as alcohol is a depressant and will exacerbate the negative thoughts.
I've always been nervous OP and if I ever got to the point where I wasn't, I'd probably stop. |
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I was a bag of nerves before my first meet, but just told myself that I could do it and that if they didn't turn up it would be a lovely trip to the seaside. (they did turn up and we talked for hours like old friends, what was I ever nervous about?).
I would say make it a social meet in the morning for the first one, too early to drink, but if you are Scottish.......  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You get d*unk before meeting someone, OP? and they still carry on with the meet when they see you d*unk?
"
I usually go for a night out then message them. It's really bad but its when I have more courage. Its something that's going to stop aswell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You get d*unk before meeting someone, OP? and they still carry on with the meet when they see you d*unk?
I usually go for a night out then message them. It's really bad but its when I have more courage. Its something that's going to stop aswell."
Hope you will. For your own good and wellness. Good luck. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"Meet in a public place .
Would you take someone with you, just until you get there.
If he'd walk away from you then he's mad and doesn't deserve you.
A couple of drinks is OK. Just not the whole bottle.
Good luck. Xx
I've never thought of taking someone with me just because of the nature of the site I suppose.
And the whole bottle just happens, I'm scottish I cant help it "
then if I ever have the pleasure of meeting you ill bring a bottle to settle both our nerves.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I needed to get pissed I wouldn't be fucking random strangers. Really weird. "
Not that weird though is it? I dont sit and drink at home then meet them, I usually go on a night out with pals and get the courage then. It's really no different to getting pissed and having a one night stand or do you not do that either?
Must be great coming on a swinging site and not having to fuck strangers, oh wait
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I'm lucky in that I don't get nervous before meets. I enjoy meeting new people, and I get excited beforehand.
One thing I will never do though is entertain playing with anyone that is d*unk, or if i'm d*unk. A couple of drinks with someone I already know is fine, but never more than one on a first meet, and preferably none. I just think there's too much potential for judgement to be impaired on both sides when alcohol is involved - this is one of the main reasons that I rarely visit clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm lucky in that I don't get nervous before meets. I enjoy meeting new people, and I get excited beforehand.
One thing I will never do though is entertain playing with anyone that is d*unk, or if i'm d*unk. A couple of drinks with someone I already know is fine, but never more than one on a first meet, and preferably none. I just think there's too much potential for judgement to be impaired on both sides when alcohol is involved - this is one of the main reasons that I rarely visit clubs."
100% agree with you, I know what I'm like with a drink in me so I don't worry too much on my part and thankfully the guys I have met havent tried anything more than what weve previously discussed and they've left after with no problem. I worry more about the guys (not that I would do this) but some people might not remember the night before and report them. Its risky on both parts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I had a little last minute meet last night, I was shaking and felt sick but after a few minutes of him being here I was completely fine and felt comfortable with him. I think maybe last minute ones are a little better just now because I don't have time to think it over and over again |
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A first meet is generally purely a social for me, so I don't let myself get nervous. I just see it as going for a pint with someone, and if I make a new friend, great. If it turns into more, even better. If not, it's just a pint.
I've had plenty of socials tht didn't turn into anything more but they've been fun anyway and the majority of people I'm still in touch with on a friend's level - being on here takes a certain type of personality so there's usually an immediate like-mindedness that means we get on well.
I like meeting new people, so that approach seems to work for me and means there's no pressure. I also like spontaneous socials - I always try to look and smell nice but I don't ever spend ages choosing outfits or putting on lots of make-up, because I don't do that generally day to day. What you see is what you get with me and that way I feel comfortable and can be myself |
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