FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How important is your "kink"?

How important is your "kink"?

By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

We all have them - whether of the extreme variety or relatively mild but how important are they to you?

Are they something you *have* to have as part of any intimate time or can you take or leave them? Maybe dependent on who you are with? Or circumstance?

We often see people say they won't meet someone because they're into x, y or z - but if that person is happy not to indulge their kink does that make a difference?

For me I'm very much go with the flow, and whilst I do have some things I enjoy which would be considered a kink, they're not all encompassing and not something I look to indulge in with everyone I meet and can certainly be left outside the bedroom if the other person isn't into them.

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

My kink is bottoms. Particularly Ladies bottoms. Looking all sexified in their tight little knickers. Hugging every curve but hiding the forbidden lady garden. I like to chew them ferociously

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to look in her eyes at least once as she cums dunno if id consider it a kink more an obsession it gets me exited for more and more with each one so is her orgasms important to me yes

i get far more from her orgasms than i do my own unless we cum as one

There are a few role plays we done but its not something i have to do i just think it raises her excitement levels

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

None of my 'kinks' are deal breakers, in fact some of the things that I like I really wouldn't consider outside of a LTR.

I think in terms of these things they're 'likes' rather than kinks. It's all a matter of semantics isn't it really.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't say I've found my kink yet, but what I have found is it's about who I'm with rather than what I'm doing.

For me it's the knowledge that even at my most minging, he still finds me attractive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't say I've found my kink yet, but what I have found is it's about who I'm with rather than what I'm doing.

For me it's the knowledge that even at my most minging, he still finds me attractive.

P"
so much better way of saying it i vote this apart from him finding me atractive

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"None of my 'kinks' are deal breakers, in fact some of the things that I like I really wouldn't consider outside of a LTR.

I think in terms of these things they're 'likes' rather than kinks. It's all a matter of semantics isn't it really. "

Yeah "likes" is possibly a better word than "kinks" as "kink" conjures up darker images for some.

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By *onkeyandBonesCouple over a year ago

Staffordshire

We love our kinks but we both have to be in the right mood (generally this isnt a problem).

Not all of our kinks are listed as we like to keep somethings to just the two of us.

When it comes to our meets, we know not everyone will like what we do and hopefully it doesnt put people off, as sometimes so good old fashioned fun is just what we all need and enjoy.

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I have to look in her eyes at least once as she cums dunno if id consider it a kink more an obsession it gets me exited for more and more with each one so is her orgasms important to me yes

i get far more from her orgasms than i do my own unless we cum as one

There are a few role plays we done but its not something i have to do i just think it raises her excitement levels"

So with those role plays do you indulge them because you want to for you or because it's something S wants and is excited by?

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By *aughtyYorkGentMan over a year ago

Yorkshire

My main kink is watersports. Although I certainly wouldn't turn down the chance to spend some fun times with a woman who ticks a lot of boxes but not that one, for anything long-term I would definitely miss not being able to share "wet" play. Therefore someone with a genuine interest in that side of things would be preferable for me - or at the very least a lady who isn't disgusted by it!

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"My main kink is watersports. Although I certainly wouldn't turn down the chance to spend some fun times with a woman who ticks a lot of boxes but not that one, for anything long-term I would definitely miss not being able to share "wet" play. Therefore someone with a genuine interest in that side of things would be preferable for me - or at the very least a lady who isn't disgusted by it!"

Would it be a deal breaker for a long term thing though? All other things being equal?

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

They aren't something I have to do on every meet, for me to want to explore them there needs to be a level of intimacy and trust that rarely happens instantly.

I also think that my kinks are as much as about the actual person I'm with as the act itself if that makes sense?

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"They aren't something I have to do on every meet, for me to want to explore them there needs to be a level of intimacy and trust that rarely happens instantly.

I also think that my kinks are as much as about the actual person I'm with as the act itself if that makes sense? "

Absolutely it makes sense - sometimes it's the person that can bring out a particular kink either through their own interests or mutual exploration.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have to look in her eyes at least once as she cums dunno if id consider it a kink more an obsession it gets me exited for more and more with each one so is her orgasms important to me yes

i get far more from her orgasms than i do my own unless we cum as one

There are a few role plays we done but its not something i have to do i just think it raises her excitement levels

So with those role plays do you indulge them because you want to for you or because it's something S wants and is excited by?"

Its more been an evolution i wanted to fulfil her fantasys best i could but now i love creating that excitement it gets me exited seems im naturally creative and know what will get her hot and bothered

But we dont do that all the time just when we have lots of hours to do different things im much more bothered by spending time with her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"They aren't something I have to do on every meet, for me to want to explore them there needs to be a level of intimacy and trust that rarely happens instantly.

I also think that my kinks are as much as about the actual person I'm with as the act itself if that makes sense?

Absolutely it makes sense - sometimes it's the person that can bring out a particular kink either through their own interests or mutual exploration."

So much this. I wouldn't do watersports with others, yet I do with B. Piss doesn't turn me on but the closeness of our bond when doing it does.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it depends if the kink is something you like or something you are obsessed with.

Personally I can have a perfectly nice time without incorporating any of my kinks in to a meet - rather, every now and then they make a bonus to an already good time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Depends on what they're into. But mostly it puts me off so I wouldn't meet them even if they said they wouldn't do xyz with me.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Depends on what they're into. But mostly it puts me off so I wouldn't meet them even if they said they wouldn't do xyz with me. "

Exactly why I don't discuss this sort of stuff on here.

I do find this kind of thing a bit strange though, if someone said they enjoyed reading, non readers don't book shame them.

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

Not at all anymore.. kink has always been much more about the mutual likes within a really strong connection. There’s nothing that I’m desperate to try that I’ve not already experienced.

It’s much more about a mental attraction these days and that’s more fulfilling than any kink.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I don't think I'd want to indulge in my kinks every single time I have a meet, that would make them seem less of a special treat, so to speak. I think, as others have said, it's about the person you're with, and some things just won't feel right with certain people, but absolutely perfect with others.

So, in answer to your question, no it wouldn't really be a deal breaker if someone wasn't into my kinks

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I wouldn't be prepared to give them up entirely (and I won't step outside my identity), but I'm happy to do them occasionally and play vanilla most of the time. It's about finding people you can trust and have a connection with to do this sort of thing with.

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By *heeky WigglesMan over a year ago

Hayling

I used to mention in my profile that im into bondage.

I wouldnt dream of trying to do this on a meet with anyone !

Im extremely clear about that if it comes up in messages pre meet.

It takes a lot of trust on both sides and that takes more than a few meets to develop.

I mentioned it on my profile incase someome might be looking for meets that include bondage and we could start long term regular meets, develop that trust, and maybe get to it in the future.

So often though when chatting to more 'short term' or 'one off's'

they would suddenly put half a dozen messages in to chatting

..cos thats when they actually bothered to read my profile..

a message saying they are not into bondage so cant meet me.

and im thinking .. it clearly states we wont be doing any bondage and even if you actually wanted to we still wouldnt be doing it yet .

So your not meeting me .. becuase we are NOT going to do.. something that you dont want to do .

Well that makes sense

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By *oney to the beeWoman over a year ago

Manchester

more than one and non are imperative as they are just a little fun from time to time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Depends on what they're into. But mostly it puts me off so I wouldn't meet them even if they said they wouldn't do xyz with me.

Exactly why I don't discuss this sort of stuff on here.

I do find this kind of thing a bit strange though, if someone said they enjoyed reading, non readers don't book shame them. "

How am I shaming them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t indulge mine at all at the moment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm still not quite sure what a kink is. In my mind you engage with someone and shit happens dependent on the connection, energy and partnership between you. And it varies greatly between partners depending on what you bring out in one another. Otherwise you're just wanking up against someone with your individual fantasy...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm still not quite sure what a kink is. In my mind you engage with someone and shit happens dependent on the connection, energy and partnership between you. And it varies greatly between partners depending on what you bring out in one another. Otherwise you're just wanking up against someone with your individual fantasy...

I agree

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s not something I have to indulge in all the time, it’s great when you find someone and build up a connection and trust enough to be able to do that with though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all have them - whether of the extreme variety or relatively mild but how important are they to you?

Are they something you *have* to have as part of any intimate time or can you take or leave them? Maybe dependent on who you are with? Or circumstance?

We often see people say they won't meet someone because they're into x, y or z - but if that person is happy not to indulge their kink does that make a difference?

I've not had any indulgence since my Dom and I split. I don't think I'd have the same experience so would be unfair of me to put any future liasons under any pressure to indulge my kinks.

It's all about the connection between two people, sexually, emotionally and intellectually for me.

Just like the fun at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And of course trust is a big, big part, nsa doesn't afford a good level of trust, well not for me anyway. So I'm disappointed to a certain extent I cannot indulge but I have needs to be met so onwards and upwards.

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"And of course trust is a big, big part, nsa doesn't afford a good level of trust, well not for me anyway. So I'm disappointed to a certain extent I cannot indulge but I have needs to be met so onwards and upwards. "

Very very true and especially when it comes to the BDSM side of life, which does require trust and respect in both directions - it can of course be built over time even in an NSA environment, but takes two people completely on the same page for that to happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not sure I totally agree that in a nsa relationship trust can be built. For me bdsm has to have total trust for my safety and wellbeing, I could play at bdsm roles but then it's not real for me, so wouldn't be a great experience.

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I agree "

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

For some though their kink is overriding and a "must have" (and not *just* fantasy wank fodder either) and that was kind of the point of the question as to how important individuals kinks are to them and whether they are able to forego their kink or if they would be frustrated by not being able to indulge it on some level.

Of course the relationship between two individuals comes into it, and whether you are comfortable to go there, and as has been shown on this thread specific individuals may play into that too, and kinks may develop or be indulged as a result of that too - sex and sexuality is of course about two (or more) individuals exploring and being open with each other and seeing where it leads - but for some a kink can be traced right back to early development or events in their lives too.

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It depends on the nature of that relationship I guess and also how you define NSA - if you see it as completely detached, cold and clinical, meet, get naked, have sex, get dressed, go home - then yes I'd agree, but for me NSA can go beyond that and connection and trust can be built over time without having the commitment of a normal relationship as such, although I'd caveat that by saying a D/s relationship does have an element of commitment attached but I personally think that can be differentiated from a "normal relationship" without the strings having to be too connected.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

I just agreed with what he said as that’s how I think. I don’t usually comment on these threads as I really don’t have a clue about BDSM and kinks and stuff like that. I only tend to get involved in things I know about or have a strong opinion on but his comment is how I see sex in general. There are things I would do and have done with some people that I wouldn’t even want to do with others x

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I agree

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

Absolutely and my post wasn't in any way a dig - more just an expansion on my own thoughts

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By *pider-WomanWoman over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

[Removed by poster at 11/10/19 17:02:08]

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By *pider-WomanWoman over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I dont share on here anything much about the real ME. It's all about time and trust. What's important is that two people are on the same page. Together it can be a very exciting journey.

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By *acavityMan over a year ago

Redditch

Anything outside of married monagamous monotonous missionary position could be considered a 'kink'.

Whilst I enjoy variety in partners positions and practices, I wouldn't refuse to meet people if they said they wouldn't do some of my favourites. Likewise I'm willing to try new things if my partner wants them.

If you NEED something unusual in your sex life, it's a fetish, not a kink.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Anything outside of married monagamous monotonous missionary position could be considered a 'kink'.

If you NEED something unusual in your sex life, it's a fetish, not a kink."

Could be a kinky fetish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dont share on here anything much about the real ME. It's all about time and trust. What's important is that two people are on the same page. Together it can be a very exciting journey.

Same here. I don’t share either. I’ve never even displayed any interests on that bit of the profile. I actually thought I was very vanilla but apparently I’m not at all! That’s the thing, what’s kinky and what isn’t? What’s vanilla and what isn’t? I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to be honest x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Anything outside of married monagamous monotonous missionary position could be considered a 'kink'.

If you NEED something unusual in your sex life, it's a fetish, not a kink."
nit picking a bit at the end whats the difference

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Anything outside of married monagamous monotonous missionary position could be considered a 'kink'.

If you NEED something unusual in your sex life, it's a fetish, not a kink.nit picking a bit at the end whats the difference "

Let me know when you find out

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I dont share on here anything much about the real ME. It's all about time and trust. What's important is that two people are on the same page. Together it can be a very exciting journey.

There isn't a definitive answer save the individual one - as I said further up what is "kinky" to one person may be "normal" to another - but there *are* things that may be generally held as "kinky" to most people e.g. spanking, or watersports, or wearing rubber, or D/s or having sex in a paddling pool filled with custard and the point of my question was to try and understand how important peoples "kinks", "likes", "fetishes" (whatever you want to call them) are to them as individuals.

Some people may not be able to forego them completely or at all, others may take a go with the flow "if it happens, it happens" view, others may only indulge with the right person etc

There is no right or wrong answer, we're each different, and attach our own level of importance to our interests and it was *that* I was getting at

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dont share on here anything much about the real ME. It's all about time and trust. What's important is that two people are on the same page. Together it can be a very exciting journey.

Some people may not be able to forego them completely or at all, others may take a go with the flow "if it happens, it happens" view, others may only indulge with the right person etc

There is no right or wrong answer, we're each different, and attach our own level of importance to our interests and it was *that* I was getting at

If there's no right or wrong answer, why do some people get pissed off when someone doesn't want to meet them?

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I dont share on here anything much about the real ME. It's all about time and trust. What's important is that two people are on the same page. Together it can be a very exciting journey.

Some people may not be able to forego them completely or at all, others may take a go with the flow "if it happens, it happens" view, others may only indulge with the right person etc

There is no right or wrong answer, we're each different, and attach our own level of importance to our interests and it was *that* I was getting at

If there's no right or wrong answer, why do some people get pissed off when someone doesn't want to meet them?"

You've been on Fab long enough to know the answer to that one

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

It's not a deal breaker for me. Its not the same if the other person isn't into it too. I even have kinks I partake in only with one play partner that my long term partner isn't into. I couldn't give all of them up completely but I have no plans to go monogamous any time soon so I doubt that's ever going to be an issue, even if I split up with my current partner who shares a lot of my kinks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't you find your kinks change and adapt according to who you're with? It's a two way thing no?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

I agree with what Nora said...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

I agree with what Nora said...

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Don't you find your kinks change and adapt according to who you're with? It's a two way thing no? "

Absolutely. For starters I'm a switch and feel Dominant with some and submissive to others. Rarely I meet someone I can go both ways with.

I have a DDlg relationship with one of my play partners but it would feel weird to do with my long term partner as we don't have that kind of connection.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree

A kink can be anything outside of what is generally held to be "the norm" or even what an individual holds to be "the norm" - one person's "kinky" may well be another's "norm".

I agree with what Nora said...

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By *arvest 84Man over a year ago

SCAWBY, NEAR , BRIGG.

a golden shower from a lady, is one of my big turn ons , i love it in my face. xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My kinks can be interchangeable and left at the door as I know what I like isn't to everyone's taste but on the same point I am a natural submissive I can't switch. I like to worship I can't help that side of me

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By *emini Man OP Man over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Don't you find your kinks change and adapt according to who you're with? It's a two way thing no? "

Of course it can do and may very much be partner specific in some instances - and that is part of the joy of sites like this the adaptability and subtle and not so subtle differences between multiple partners

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

Finding about kink for me was like waking up one evening and finding that you are an ethical vampire.

You cant go back to not needing blood but the blood has to be given consensually. Thankfully there are wonderful women in this world that will from time to time either in a relationship or outside one offer the metaphorical artery.

I separate sex from kink, but if topping I offer the choice of dominance, or sensuality or neutral play.

I find the kink connection whether it is pick up play or in a relationship, deeper more intense and more satisfying than anything vanilla. I think that is why kinksters hang on in there when the kink world seems a lonely desert.

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