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Daily Joke

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

What do you call an iguana that cannot change colour

A reptile disfunction

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By *SAchickWoman  over a year ago

Hillside desolate

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By *uciyassMan  over a year ago

sheffield

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

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By *rAitchMan  over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

The Avon Lady is pregnant.

Max Factor.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Bought my girlfriend a water bed for Xmas.

Broke up last week, we'd just drifted apart....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice

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By *uciyassMan  over a year ago

sheffield

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next to you girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How do you know if a single fab guy has been at your house?

The laundry bin has been rooted through and the dog's pregnant.

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By *oeisticsMan  over a year ago

Eastbourne

What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

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By *naquest321Man  over a year ago

Carlisle

My wife asked why I spoke softly in the house. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!

She laughed.

I laughed.

Alexa laugh.

Siri laughed.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?

Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: No problem Alan

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By *uciyassMan  over a year ago

sheffield

What’s the difference between a clitoris and a mobile phone?

Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.

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By *oeisticsMan  over a year ago

Eastbourne

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

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By *uciyassMan  over a year ago

sheffield

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant.

Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

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By *oeisticsMan  over a year ago

Eastbourne

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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By *hechapMan  over a year ago

Derry


"Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.""

Its a wonder the racist pole-ice are not out on duty today.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man  over a year ago

BRIDPORT

A man goes on holiday to Jamaica. His wife is on a business trip and is planning to meet him there the next day. When the man reaches his hotel, he sends his wife a quick e- mail but mistypes the address. The next day the grieving wife of a recently dead preacher checks her e-mail, screams, and drops dead from a heart attack. Her family find a disturbing message on the screen: ‘Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here.’

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

John see’s murphy struggling time carryi a bloody great wardrobe on his back down the street.

He says “ murphy why don’t you get paddy to help”

Murphy says “he is, he’s inside carrying the clothes”

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