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Are you trusting or cynical?

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Cynical to the bone

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By *ucky24Man over a year ago

Glasgow

OP, I would change the last line to read Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I have very good instincts about folk, they are very rarely wrong. If I sense they’re a twit they usually are.

Only one bad experience that has made me cautious.

Self awareness and caution always - safety first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! "
a person can only be what they are when you meet them so my opinion is always based on meeting them and just about all are lovely

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too.

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By *ungBlackTopMan over a year ago

salford

Cynical 100% fab has taught me a lot about the world. I will never trust anyone after seeing what goes on on here.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too. "

Yes I agree.. it’s good to not become too cynical but important to stay a little guarded just in case x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cynical and between my job and here I don't think I will ever trust a guy as long as I live,

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! a person can only be what they are when you meet them so my opinion is always based on meeting them and just about all are lovely

It’s definitely much easier to get a feel for someone in the flesh

(not literally... )

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

If it's to good to be true it usually is.

However a part of me does wonder if the 19year old Swedish nymphonaniac lingerie models and members of the Swedish beach volleyball team triplets really are living in Nigeria with a multi billionaire 99year old dad.

Maybe they really did need my bank details and sort code just to transfer money out of the country to pay for his urgently needed Cancer treatment.

And maybe they were coming to England to thank me in person and treat me to their womanly charms like they promised.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"If it's to good to be true it usually is.

Maybe they really did need my bank details and sort code just to transfer money out of the country to pay for his urgently needed Cancer treatment.

And maybe they were coming to England to thank me in person and treat me to their womanly charms like they promised.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

Take everything with a pinch of salt

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman over a year ago

all loved up

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! "
i used to always try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.. but after recent issues I find myself being very very cynical

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too.

Yes I agree.. it’s good to not become too cynical but important to stay a little guarded just in case x "

I watched Catfish the other day and could not believe how ready some people are to take the things a person on the Internet was saying at face value.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! i used to always try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.. but after recent issues I find myself being very very cynical

That’s rubbish

hope you find some people that restore that faith!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cynical sadly. I have a very good instinct when it comes to people but sometimes you still get it wrong. A lot of people do not know how to be honest in my opinion.

Can’t tell you how many guys in recent weeks from fab I’ve come across on dating sites claiming to be old fashioned, having morals and not doing NSA. Their profiles on here however tell a different story

Not a fan of duplicity I have to say.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too.

Yes I agree.. it’s good to not become too cynical but important to stay a little guarded just in case x

I watched Catfish the other day and could not believe how ready some people are to take the things a person on the Internet was saying at face value. "

Yeah that programme terrifies me!! Some people are nuts on both sides..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength."

I’m more cautious now rather than cynical

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that fab teaches people to be cynical and in the longer term, it does bring about a weary outlook.

Personally I try to trust people on the whole. I'm open to being proven wrong but after being hurt and having my trust broken I feel that trust is an effort right now.

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By *itty9899Man over a year ago

Craggy Island

Trust is earned not given, I will give people a chance as I would expect in return

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too.

Yes I agree.. it’s good to not become too cynical but important to stay a little guarded just in case x

I watched Catfish the other day and could not believe how ready some people are to take the things a person on the Internet was saying at face value.

Yeah that programme terrifies me!! Some people are nuts on both sides.. "

Very true. I like the look of the dark haired guy though. I wonder if he would believe I was a 30 year old super model...

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength."

I agree

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength.

I’m more cautious now rather than cynical "

Is it necessarily being gullible or others being duplicitous? Do we not blame ourselves rather than the other for expecting to be treated how we would?

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I think that fab teaches people to be cynical and in the longer term, it does bring about a weary outlook.

Personally I try to trust people on the whole. I'm open to being proven wrong but after being hurt and having my trust broken I feel that trust is an effort right now. "

Personal experience can very much affect the way we see things in the short term.. I think it’s important though to recognise it as a spell and not tar others with the brush of a weaker person.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I think 80% of people are trustworthy but you need to approach the net as if you're dealing with the 20%. All the things we protect and warn our kids about apply to adults too.

Yes I agree.. it’s good to not become too cynical but important to stay a little guarded just in case x

I watched Catfish the other day and could not believe how ready some people are to take the things a person on the Internet was saying at face value.

Yeah that programme terrifies me!! Some people are nuts on both sides..

Very true. I like the look of the dark haired guy though. I wonder if he would believe I was a 30 year old super model... "

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By *ilth500Man over a year ago

Merseyside

oh im cynical

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By *ucky24Man over a year ago

Glasgow

"Trust is earned not given, I will give people a chance as I would expect in return"

So true.

You can accept what people say on their profile and messages but you don't have to trust it.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Trust is earned not given, I will give people a chance as I would expect in return

So true.

You can accept what people say on their profile and messages but you don't have to trust it."

True.. so how do you decide who to trust, if anyone?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength.

I’m more cautious now rather than cynical

Is it necessarily being gullible or others being duplicitous? Do we not blame ourselves rather than the other for expecting to be treated how we would? "

I think in my case it was naïveté and gullibility. I think I would have been wiser to be cautious at the time. However my enthusiasm and innocence in some ways caused me to be blind to signals I should have taken notice of.

In some cases it is simply being betrayed and/or let down by someone you trusted. In that case it isn’t necessarily gullibility of course.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I’m much less trusting than I was. Gullibility is not a strength.

I’m more cautious now rather than cynical

Is it necessarily being gullible or others being duplicitous? Do we not blame ourselves rather than the other for expecting to be treated how we would?

In some cases it is simply being betrayed and/or let down by someone you trusted. In that case it isn’t necessarily gullibility of course. "

Ah that’s tough

it’s a fine line between being open to possibility and open to deception..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! a person can only be what they are when you meet them so my opinion is always based on meeting them and just about all are lovely

It’s definitely much easier to get a feel for someone in the flesh

(not literally... )"
exactly this 'fab' is a meeting point for most, meet and judge on that basis and keep what you do with others to yourself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Glass half full kind of attitude but it's hard to maintain on here!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Increasingly cautious, not cynical, until I start thinking with my pussy and it all goes out the window.

Being single with a high sex drive can be a really unhelpful thing when it comes to making sensible choices.

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By *aven RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I usually take things at face value but find it hard to let my guard down. Each time I do I'm reminded of why I put up barriers to begin with. I suppose I am too trusting and need to learn not to be as it's only me that ends up hurt or wondering why someone has done something x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

More not bothered than either

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By *etite HandfulWoman over a year ago

Chester

50/50 in life though very cynical on here.

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By *ucky24Man over a year ago

Glasgow

"Trust is earned not given, I will give people a chance as I would expect in return

So true.

You can accept what people say on their profile and messages but you don't have to trust it.

True.. so how do you decide who to trust, if anyone?"

Firstly you trust yourself and take your time building up a repore with the other person or persons. I fully understand that a woman needs to regard her safety as the top priority and any man that doesn't is to be avoided. If the other person feels relaxed with you and you with them then it bodes well for future meets and essentially that is what we really are after.

Again until you have that initial meet you really don't know.

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By *rAngleseyMan over a year ago

Anglesey

What`s the worst that can happen?

As long as you stay safe, You can always back out or delete.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I approach people I don't know with the best of intentions and pend towards the same on their part until i'm proven wrong. I'm fortunate in that I can usually read people well and rarely go against what my instincts tell me. I can be somewhat guarded with information about myself until i'm sure the person is decent and trustworthy, but quite open afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Always been trusting,to my detriment this year sadly,not in my nature to change,but this has been sorely tested...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a truster..... but once my trust is broken, it cannot be repaired ....

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By *orthantsblueeyesMan over a year ago

Northampton

I take people at face value and I enjoy getting to know people, whether I meet them or not. I would only meet someone if I was sure about doing so and vice versa.

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By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

From the off expect the worst, but hope for the best.

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By *pitfiremk10Man over a year ago

Gloucester

Joined in may this year, up till then I was always glass half full but having been duped at least 4 times recently by totally believable profiles I'm now very much a cynic. There's usually a clue and I've learnt some of the tactics now. However I'm not complaining but curious as to why people make up false profiles etc I mean what do they get out of it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Complete truster here.

It's had an impact on life and not all in a positive way

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

Rather than cynical I'd say I'm cautious. Generally I'm quite trusting of people and try and place faith in people and what they say. Some experiences should have made me a bit more cynical but life is too short for me to be jaded, I'm just a bit more sensible now. I don't open up to many fully but that's how I am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am always cautious, trust is earned over time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Complete truster here.

It's had an impact on life and not all in a positive way

A little more cautious these days. I try not to be a cynic but at times it can't be helped.

It's the fab effect

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"What`s the worst that can happen?

As long as you stay safe, You can always back out or delete."

True.. that’s my tactic.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Rather than cynical I'd say I'm cautious. Generally I'm quite trusting of people and try and place faith in people and what they say. Some experiences should have made me a bit more cynical but life is too short for me to be jaded, I'm just a bit more sensible now. I don't open up to many fully but that's how I am."

Yeah think that’s me too.. I’ll expect people to be what they say but I’ll only let them within a certain distance..

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Complete truster here.

It's had an impact on life and not all in a positive way

A little more cautious these days. I try not to be a cynic but at times it can't be helped.

It's the fab effect

It can be difficult to not become jaded.. but then we run the risk of missing out on great people.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Joined in may this year, up till then I was always glass half full but having been duped at least 4 times recently by totally believable profiles I'm now very much a cynic. There's usually a clue and I've learnt some of the tactics now. However I'm not complaining but curious as to why people make up false profiles etc I mean what do they get out of it?

I know it’s really sad!! Like you say though it’s about seeing patterns and making sure you’re doing as much due diligence as possible.

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By *izzymonkeyMan over a year ago

Hiding In A Bush

I'm probably too trusting to be fair OP!!

I take people on face value all the time and always see the best in people, probably to my detriment at times!!

Maybe because I'm quite an honest and open person myself!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I usually take things at face value but find it hard to let my guard down. Each time I do I'm reminded of why I put up barriers to begin with. I suppose I am too trusting and need to learn not to be as it's only me that ends up hurt or wondering why someone has done something x"

This is me also. I need to learn to harden up x

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I'm probably too trusting to be fair OP!!

I take people on face value all the time and always see the best in people, probably to my detriment at times!!

Maybe because I'm quite an honest and open person myself!!

I think that’s a lovely quality though! I don’t want to see the worst in people.. but sometimes need to learn to protect myself a bit better.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Complete truster here.

It's had an impact on life and not all in a positive way

A little more cautious these days. I try not to be a cynic but at times it can't be helped.

It's the fab effect

It can be difficult to not become jaded.. but then we run the risk of missing out on great people. "

There is far too much cynicism on here.

Not something I like but then I guess it's a defence mechanism. Especially for the women of fab.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

I don't trust completely things that come out of the mouths of my children, whom I adore, so the thought of trusting an online persona would be inconceivable for me.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I am always cautious, trust is earned over time "

I think that’s a great attitude to it x

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By *ooskiMan over a year ago

south coast

Without doubt cynical until trust is built.......

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman over a year ago

Victoria, London

Super cynical I'm afraid!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Super cynical I'm afraid!

"
nooooooooo i dont believe it

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Cynical and between my job and here I don't think I will ever trust a guy as long as I live,

That’s really sad

having experienced both extremes I’m still of the opinion there are more good people than bad. Sadly experience can have a huge affect x

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By *J GeminiTV/TS over a year ago

Northumberland

Quit cynical at the moment, most couples I speak to here are just the Male looking to chat about a meet, then disappear when it's crunch time. Guess they don't want their wives to know that like TVs,

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By *hunky GentMan over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Trusting, probably a bit too much

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Depends on the situation. Sone times I am highly cynical - I know I'm not in the top 20% of guys here so naturally if I'm approached first I'm suspicious. However if someone engages in a conversation I will try and look for positive signs. I'm not always the best at it but I do try and give people the benefit of the doubt first time round.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I start off cynical, it takes a long time for me to be able to trust someone.

Guess that's why it hurts even more when they let you down

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I start off cynical, it takes a long time for me to be able to trust someone.

Guess that's why it hurts even more when they let you down "

Can empathise with that totally x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i trust all beautiful women

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

Very cynical,even though we both have our own profiles,its rare I'd meet on my own.

Too many liars on here sadly,so i doubt people now.

Miss

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

I take people at face value unless they prove to the contrary.

I have been fortunate in having had only good experiences.

I do not expect them to prove themselves but I do expect them to carry themselves in a certain way.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I don't think people have to choose to be one or the other .....

I'd say i'm cautious.

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By *oney to the beeWoman over a year ago

Manchester

I think anyone who doesn't have an element of caution is just a fool its not about being cynical its more a matter being stupid and trusting people too much till you get to know more about them.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I'm generally very good at reading people and follow my instincts. So I guess i'm a bit of both - a completely closed shop with people that my gut tells me to be wary of, but open and trusting with people that feel right.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman over a year ago

Probably too cynical

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By *onty1971Man over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

Trusting with radar switched on.

My understanding of people has improved a lot from being here. I have learned from the explorers my age and the sugar babes (loads out there now). I have also had some awesome conversations you could not have with friends who don't talk about sex. Not just about sex but relationships etc.

Trust till the radar works it out one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Online is online and usually has some spin on it for self promotion, this and every other thread included...... ......Real world is real world and is all that truly matters. And you only know what you know and no more..... .....Just always ask yourself, what do you really know, try not to assume or think you know because it's what you desire to be true, good and bad, innit......

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I'm generally very good at reading people and follow my instincts. So I guess i'm a bit of both - a completely closed shop with people that my gut tells me to be wary of, but open and trusting with people that feel right. "

Yeah that’s a good way to be. Sometimes the guts a wonderful thing and tells you all you need to know about a person. Instinct over words any day x

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Probably too cynical"

It’s a fine line isn’t it...

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I think anyone who doesn't have an element of caution is just a fool its not about being cynical its more a matter being stupid and trusting people too much till you get to know more about them. "

Yes agree an element of self preservation is very important.. hopefully not at the expense of seeing the good in others though.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I take people at face value unless they prove to the contrary.

I have been fortunate in having had only good experiences.

I do not expect them to prove themselves but I do expect them to carry themselves in a certain way."

I think experience definitely affects how people respond to this. Overall I’ve been lucky too.. but it does sometimes seem like many are jaded on here by frustrating experiences.

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

I’ve always been very trusting but after a few years of lies from someone close, I’m cynical now. I don’t believe bullshit anymore.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I’ve always been very trusting but after a few years of lies from someone close, I’m cynical now. I don’t believe bullshit anymore. "

that’s rubbish. Liars don’t factor in how they make others feel in their own selfish bubble. Hopefully someone will restore that faith x

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

"I’ve always been very trusting but after a few years of lies from someone close, I’m cynical now. I don’t believe bullshit anymore.

that’s rubbish. Liars don’t factor in how they make others feel in their own selfish bubble. Hopefully someone will restore that faith x "

Sadly they’ve ruined my trust.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I’ve always been very trusting but after a few years of lies from someone close, I’m cynical now. I don’t believe bullshit anymore.

that’s rubbish. Liars don’t factor in how they make others feel in their own selfish bubble. Hopefully someone will restore that faith x

Sadly they’ve ruined my trust. "

Maybe for now.. time can be a great healer in taking that power back and seeing the best again x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When people start on this journey it is a complete unknown. Had plenty of bad experiences, made few big mistakes along the way and paid a huge price, but having said that I have had some amazing and mind blowing experiences, met the most incredible and amazing guy and look forward to the the continuing journey and adventures together.

So some call it cynicism, others call it caution but ultimately it is navigating this lifestyle with eyes wide open, knowing the scene for what it is good and bad. Choosing your own path and not being taken off course by others

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! "

In fab I trust

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"When people start on this journey it is a complete unknown. Had plenty of bad experiences, made few big mistakes along the way and paid a huge price, but having said that I have had some amazing and mind blowing experiences, met the most incredible and amazing guy and look forward to the the continuing journey and adventures together.

Sums it up perfectly

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By *onty1971Man over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

Spot on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cynical to the bone"

me too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Trust is complicated

Take sex out of it and i trust 5 people you add sex and that goes to 1 person

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By *pider-WomanWoman over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I've learnt that actions speak louder than words. Words are cheap here, quite empty most of the time. I'm very cautious leading towards cynical.

I'm not the person who joined that fly like a butterfly attitude.

I'm far more guarded and walk away at the first signals that someones not on the same page.

People watching over a period of time always brings out the true/real them anyhow.

Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I default to no trust. Trust is earnt over time for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm more cautious then cynical,I usually trust my gut instinct,so far I've only got it wrong the once

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I've learnt that actions speak louder than words. Words are cheap here, quite empty most of the time. I'm very cautious leading towards cynical.

I'm not the person who joined that fly like a butterfly attitude.

I'm far more guarded and walk away at the first signals that someones not on the same page.

People watching over a period of time always brings out the true/real them anyhow.

Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee

Very much so. If someone’s duplicitous they’ve got no place in my life so they’re erased.

But I’d like to think I won’t transfer that to the next person that says hello.. it’s a fine line x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Used to be very trusting. Now I'm cautious as I know how much you can lose - not just money, but faith in people, and how hard it can be to fight your way back to some kind of normal. Still a hopeless romantic at heart. But a wiser one. All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it's a turd that has been spray-painted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've learnt that actions speak louder than words. Words are cheap here, quite empty most of the time. I'm very cautious leading towards cynical.

I'm not the person who joined that fly like a butterfly attitude.

I'm far more guarded and walk away at the first signals that someones not on the same page.

People watching over a period of time always brings out the true/real them anyhow.

Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very trustful when I joined but then experienced a fake 2 weeks in who didn't turn up for a meet then blocked me. I jumped in too quickly. I was naive but thanks to all the advice I've taken on board from fellow fabbers I am more clued in now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Online is online and usually has some spin on it for self promotion, this and every other thread included...... ......"

Ahahahaha seeth harder

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By *uenevereWoman over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I would say I'm a realist. Some may consider that to be cynical

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Online is online and usually has some spin on it for self promotion, this and every other thread included...... ......

Ahahahaha seeth harder

Ditto

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By *ex HolesMan over a year ago

Up North

Guilty until proven innocent so I guess that would translate as cynical

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Trying so hard to trust but it rarely happens, sad

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By *ylvie 888Woman over a year ago

Cleethorpes

Not trusting. Very cynical.

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By *ntrigued32Couple over a year ago

Nottingham

Funny, I was kind of just discussing this.

I believe what people tell me, does that make me trusting or naive?

Truth is yes, majority of the time I trust others.

But there will always be someone who breaks that trust, unfortunately.

It's how we react that matters.

Don't let them steal your hope and faith in humanity.

"Dust yourself off and try again".

Jo.Xx

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Funny, I was kind of just discussing this.

I believe what people tell me, does that make me trusting or naive?

Truth is yes, majority of the time I trust others.

But there will always be someone who breaks that trust, unfortunately.

It's how we react that matters.

Don't let them steal your hope and faith in humanity.

"Dust yourself off and try again".

Jo.Xx "

I think it’s trying to keep being you when others aren’t themselves.. pity them and move on is the best way

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

In person, more trusting. Online, very cynical.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was trusting, even after the shit I went through with my ex I was trusting. I thought I'd been really fucking unlucky to come across someone twisted and the chances of me stumbling upon another monster was slim to non existent.....

And then my eyes were opened to some of the sickening and downright appalling behaviour of others on here, some of whom frequent the forums or are well known on the club scene. The fact that so many stand back and say nothing, do nothing. It's only when a name gets mentioned behind the scenes that people will pipe up "oh man, that person's fucking dangerous stay well away" that you learn just how many people have the same view but are unable to express it other than in a whisper.

Now I'm cynical, now I struggle to trust anyone I've not been in a room with and felt their vibe. There are exceptions. There are people I've connected with and friends I've made whom I absolutely cherish and I've never met them. Thing with me now is, 1 thing out of place and my walls have gone up towards people and any trust I may have had for them is gone. If they say they're 6ft 2 and are 6ft 1.5 I'm done.

So it's made me lack tolerance for slight misdemeanors, coz now I view them as liars and liars don't sit well with me.

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I approach people I don't know with the best of intentions and pend towards the same on their part until i'm proven wrong. I'm fortunate in that I can usually read people well and rarely go against what my instincts tell me. I can be somewhat guarded with information about myself until i'm sure the person is decent and trustworthy, but quite open afterwards."

I tend to be similar to _hillout - I’m pretty perceptive. I can usually define fairly accurately been those I feel are genuine, those who stir the pot (often) and those who would like us to believe they are something they clearly are not!

Bull shitters stick out like a sore thumb amongst the genuine.... just sayin!

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I was trusting, even after the shit I went through with my ex I was trusting. I thought I'd been really fucking unlucky to come across someone twisted and the chances of me stumbling upon another monster was slim to non existent.....

So it's made me lack tolerance for slight misdemeanors, coz now I view them as liars and liars don't sit well with me.

gutted you’ve had this experience. It’s so sad that people like that affect others so badly yet continue to behave this way.

Hope your balance is restored with beautiful nice people slowly but surely x

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I started off all open and trusting. I experienced something that seemed to make me very cynical, questioning and disbelieving things, which is the opposite to how I am generally. I’ve moved on since then and accept that something shook me a little but the course of action I would take was to be guarded enough to protect myself but open enough to enjoy the experiences available. So far, so good

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

Bull shitters stick out like a sore thumb amongst the genuine.... just sayin!"

Think my radars a bit wonky sometimes.. I try to see the best bits in spite of my gut..

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I started off all open and trusting. I experienced something that seemed to make me very cynical, questioning and disbelieving things, which is the opposite to how I am generally. I’ve moved on since then and accept that something shook me a little but the course of action I would take was to be guarded enough to protect myself but open enough to enjoy the experiences available. So far, so good

Finding that balance can be tricky.. when you want to be open to the good.. yet can be blinded to the bad. Guess it’s very much a learning curve that you can only put down to experience...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am a truster. But I have a three step process. Words, actions and patterns. If words and actions don't match then I question the person. I also observe patterns in chat and behaviour. People have little tells. So I can normally spot bullshit quite easily, even if the person denies it, eventually I am proven right.

A recent event with someone I met here and got to know really well over a long period of time has made me wish I could be more cautious or guarded. But it isn't me. People break your trust, make you feel like shit but you get over it and you hope the next person will treat you as well as you treat them.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I am a truster. But I have a three step process. Words, actions and patterns. If words and actions don't match then I question the person. I also observe patterns in chat and behaviour. People have little tells. So I can normally spot bullshit quite easily, even if the person denies it, eventually I am proven right.

That’s a great attitude

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! "

I don’t trust anyone from here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do trust easily and luckily I’ve not been taken for a fool much in my life. I have a good gut instinct.

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By *onty1971Man over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"I do trust easily and luckily I’ve not been taken for a fool much in my life. I have a good gut instinct. "

This develops the more we message and have Social meets I find.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do trust easily and luckily I’ve not been taken for a fool much in my life. I have a good gut instinct.

This develops the more we message and have Social meets I find."

I’ve been doing the online thing since 2002 so used to it now. I met a husband and two other long term bf’s that way. I’m now with someone I met from here. It did take a few years to find him though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Online is online and usually has some spin on it for self promotion, this and every other thread included...... ......

Ahahahaha seeth harder

Ditto

= seeth

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"We all know online can be a melting pot of really decent, honest people and complete catfish..

So how has your attitude changed towards getting to know strangers?

Do you trust that people are what they say? Does it matter to you what they tell you or omit?

Or do you approach strangers with cynicism and expect there to be a ‘but’ ?

I think I’ve been very lucky to only had a couple of bad experiences and I naively still think and hope that people are telling the truth and not withholding information that would change my mind.

So where do you sit?

Hope for the best... or expect the worst?! "

Cynical as after reading over 2000 messages on fab, i still haven't met anyone....yet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was cynical long before I got to fab..

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By *onty1971Man over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

"I do trust easily and luckily I’ve not been taken for a fool much in my life. I have a good gut instinct.

This develops the more we message and have Social meets I find.

Respect and well done. A Lady I knew from here after her divorce was active and met her current partner. She is happy and no longer active at all here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm very trusting. Probably too much so. But when that trust is broken I will cut people off completely

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do trust easily and luckily I’ve not been taken for a fool much in my life. I have a good gut instinct.

This develops the more we message and have Social meets I find.

Respect and well done. A Lady I knew from here after her divorce was active and met her current partner. She is happy and no longer active at all here."

I’m only here for the forums now. Not sure how long I will stay though.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I am trusting of my own instincts and back them up with getting to know people better - either by talking to them or in the case of things like the forums observing them - thus far they've not been proved wrong as far as Fab is concerned - I've got to know some wonderful people, some of whom I consider as good a friend as any in my regular life regardless of whether I have met them or not.

I temper that with a level of cynicism that if it detects anything awry tends to put the guards up - like PP there are a few who that applies to that may put on one face publically but who show a different side to themselves if you look close enough or have your eyes open to it.

So I guess in summary I'm trusting with a good measure of cynicism on the side.

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By *ullpa72Man over a year ago

Isle of Arran

I must admit I am a little confused by this thread .we are on here to meet stranger's and hopefully have sex with them !The whole point is NSA!? Why on earth would you trust them ? If the meet becomes a regular thing then inevitably friendship can develop and over a period of time can lead to trust .But this takes it to a while different level as we are then emotionally involved.For me it's be friendly and considerate just as we would in "normal" life ,but trust very few earn that .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must admit I am a little confused by this thread .we are on here to meet stranger's and hopefully have sex with them !The whole point is NSA!? Why on earth would you trust them ? If the meet becomes a regular thing then inevitably friendship can develop and over a period of time can lead to trust .But this takes it to a while different level as we are then emotionally involved.For me it's be friendly and considerate just as we would in "normal" life ,but trust very few earn that ."

Who’s We? You’re here for that. Not everyone is.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

Not everyone works that way. You’ll find many people require some form of connection before meeting for anything more than social.

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

"I am trusting of my own instincts and back them up with getting to know people better - either by talking to them or in the case of things like the forums observing them - thus far they've not been proved wrong as far as Fab is concerned - I've got to know some wonderful people, some of whom I consider as good a friend as any in my regular life regardless of whether I have met them or not.

So I guess in summary I'm trusting with a good measure of cynicism on the side."

I need a GM radar assistance

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By *hickennchipsWoman over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

So very cynical!

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Trust comes in many flavours and levels though - purely by agreeing to meet someone you need to trust that they'll turn up, or that they'll be as they present themselves in messages/pics etc, or that they won't have the wrong expectations about the meet or numerous other things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t have sex with someone unless I felt a little bit of trust. That’s how I do things and not all of us are here for just sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ullpa72Man over a year ago

Isle of Arran

So trust comes into it from the moment you decide to send a person a message and with some it may grow to a further level if you carry on meeting, but the whole ethos of the site and indeed NSA is still based on a level of trust from the get go."
Absolutely ,but it is not in a deep meaningful level where our emotional feelings are in danger .It's more on a level of trusting the train to run on time or the alarm clock to go off on time .The first messages or meet is our chance to make a judgement call on how far we wish to travel on this particular path.I would think that we all make these judgement's every day in our normal lives and it is no different here

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By *ullpa72Man over a year ago

Isle of Arran

I wouldn’t have sex with someone unless I felt a little bit of trust. That’s how I do things and not all of us are here for just sex. "
I agree whole heartedly with this I believe that a level of trust needs to be there for meny different reasons .but my point was is the level of trust so deep that if broken it would hurt you deeply ,or simply miff you off !? As for being here simply for sex ,in honesty I would say that it was the first attraction .But I have found that I enjoy the social side as much as Anything and of course the forums are entertaining !! .

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Because i don't want to end up in a body bag just going with any stranger!! Us women have to worry more about our safety.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because i don't want to end up in a body bag just going with any stranger!! Us women have to worry more about our safety."
Chat for a while get to know them and meet in a very public place at least then you get an idea, ive known some women to do some pretty irresponsible things when meeting couples and guys

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

Trust doesn't have to mean being emotionally involved or that it's not NSA, it can be as simple as a woman trusting someone from a safety point of view.

If you're naked and alone with someone in a room I'd say that trust is pretty dam important and even more so from a woman's pov.

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By *ullpa72Man over a year ago

Isle of Arran

Trust doesn't have to mean being emotionally involved or that it's not NSA, it can be as simple as a woman trusting someone from a safety point of view.

If you're naked and alone with someone in a room I'd say that trust is pretty dam important and even more so from a woman's pov."
I totally get this and agree whole heartedly .I simply feel that the level of "emotional"trust that the op seems to be referring to does not seem to fit in with the swinging lifestyle . Surly that level is for something deeper and more long term ? Yes it may be that friendship can develop and with it a greater degree of trust and that's great ,but for say club meets? In the end I think that we all make choices based on our experience sometimes for good some not .ok I have to head to work ,but I will check this thread again ,surly someone must get what I am trying to say !!?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn’t have sex with someone unless I felt a little bit of trust. That’s how I do things and not all of us are here for just sex. I agree whole heartedly with this I believe that a level of trust needs to be there for meny different reasons .but my point was is the level of trust so deep that if broken it would hurt you deeply ,or simply miff you off !? As for being here simply for sex ,in honesty I would say that it was the first attraction .But I have found that I enjoy the social side as much as Anything and of course the forums are entertaining !! ."

From where I'm sitting there does need to be a huge level of trust. If B is meeting someone without me I need to trust that they ain't gonna cause problems. Yes it's meant to be NSA, but unfortunately some people play mind games, see splitting couples up as a power trip. Some people lie, some try to get partners to break rules or start messaging on the sly to meet more often behind their partners back. So yes, there does need to be trust and the emotional devastation could be irreversible.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Absolutely ,but it is not in a deep meaningful level where our emotional feelings are in danger .It's more on a level of trusting the train to run on time or the alarm clock to go off on time .The first messages or meet is our chance to make a judgement call on how far we wish to travel on this particular path.I would think that we all make these judgement's every day in our normal lives and it is no different here"

I don't think the OP was necessarily referring to an emotional level, although that can come into it with repeat meets etc.

And simplifying it to things like will the train run on time takes it to too low a level - what about trusting for personal safety when you meet someone for the first time when all you really have to go on is a few messages and some profile text? That's a fairly big level of trust required right there.

It's very easy for someone determined enough to hide their true self on an internet site, to say all the right things and *seem* to be ok - so again even for NSA there's a level of trust required - it may not be deep and meaningful or on an emotional level but it's still trust.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I prefer the word faith over trust, every time. It's not scientific, its not a guaranteed promise from a person that you can "trust" them and they'll never let you down, its more you putting your faith in someone and taking the risk that yes you don't fully know them and yes maybe they might not be straight with you and yes maybe they'll let you down at some point, but you want to move forward with the process. It's a beautiful thing and it shouldn't be mistaken for a gold plated forever guarantee. I think this is where many ppl struggle to move forward with life, they want guarantees that aren't on offer.

Just reading all the comments from ppl arguing above over who is wrong and right with their opinions makes me a little sad. I think you're all right on such a personal issue, as am I. It'd be a beautiful world if ppl were allowed to make a comment without it being disected by a general fab public and them being told they're wrong. Opinion is not fact, so it can never be wrong imho. Have a great day, much love

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

On here? Very cynical

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By *affron40 OP Woman over a year ago

manchester

I don't think the OP was necessarily referring to an emotional level, although that can come into it with repeat meets etc.

Exactly that. Trust and respect have to be in some way earnt

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Many many moons ago when I started using the internet I was in a group of people that used to chat, one of them said he had cancer, everyone made all the right noises including me at the beginning. Then he said something that made my gut scream out that he was lying. It was a tough one as I didn't want to accuse him of lying or discuss with others about me thinking he was a lying toad as I could have got it wrong, but it turned out he was lying but others didn't realise until months later. He had duped a good many people by then

There was my start of taking everything that is ever posted on the internet with a pinch of salt

On here meets wise, we only ever had NSA sex with single men so his life and our lives we didn't discuss so the trusting thing didn't rear it's head as they and us could be whoever we wanted to be. The only thing we trusted was that they would turn up, have fun and have chats about trivial stuff in between.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Many many moons ago when I started using the internet I was in a group of people that used to chat, one of them said he had cancer, everyone made all the right noises including me at the beginning. Then he said something that made my gut scream out that he was lying. It was a tough one as I didn't want to accuse him of lying or discuss with others about me thinking he was a lying toad as I could have got it wrong, but it turned out he was lying but others didn't realise until months later. He had duped a good many people by then

There was my start of taking everything that is ever posted on the internet with a pinch of salt

I'm shaking my head, not because I disbelieve, but because I do believe and that's really sad.

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By *tew008Man over a year ago

edinburgh

"Cynical to the bone"

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

There was my start of taking everything that is ever posted on the internet with a pinch of salt

I had a similar experience. A guy in a forum struggled to get a girlfriend, we all sympathised and gave suggestions. One day he announced he'd met someone, things progressed over a few months and they got engaged. Except the whole thing was fabricated even the bit about struggling to get a girlfriend.

I take everything I read on the net with a huge pinch of salt since then.

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By *lex46TV/TS over a year ago

Near Wells

If somebody I don't know contacts me in real life not fab. My first thought is what do they want from me? Most of the time my first thought is the correct one.

On fab I actually trust every one initially. I've found that it actually doesn't take very long to work out the who's genuine and who isn't. Only a couple of times have I been wrong and its just cost me some time.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There was my start of taking everything that is ever posted on the internet with a pinch of salt

I take everything I read on the net with a huge pinch of salt since then. "

Just to add to the "war stories" of this ilk - 20 odd years ago around the dawn of the internet I used to frequent a chat room where one of the most popular chatters was "Allie" - she was fun, outgoing, very attractive and we got on well - I even invited her to my birthday drinks and she later told me she'd turned up, had seen me laughing and joking with my mates and had bottled it, and gone home. Shortly after I came home to find a copy of the CD of "I Try" by Macy Gray pushed through my door with a note saying the song sent a strong message or similar, it was from Allie (who I'd given my address to for some other reason). Not long after another opportunity for us to meet arose and I got a long and open message from Allie telling me she was in fact John and could no longer keep up the pretence and had just spun herself a more and more intricate web that "she" couldn't get out of. Bizarrely I did agree to meet him and he was a lovely bloke, just very confused and found the popularity he gained as "Allie" he couldn't match as John.

I honestly had no clue at all until he finally revealed himself, but the lesson learned was to be more guarded and aware that all is not necessarily as it seems and I think an excellent lesson to learn very early on.

I dare say there are many "Allies" here too - fortunately people are more aware of them these days, and things like reverse imaging etc allow checks to be made.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/10/19 11:41:23]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ooops

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been strung along before by someone I was emotionally involved with but had never met - hours each day talking on the phone for weeks. But it was all a sham. Worse still I gave her a second (and third) chance. I'm not so naive now though

However I will still say that I see being here as more than just sex and I've made friends on here whom I see on occasion. My FB I talk to daily as we are friends too - I don't want a relationship but it's good to have people to have a natter with as well as have sex with. For that reason I would like to trust them.

I can see different needs on this thread and not everyone wants what I want and vice versa. For that reason the amount of involvement and hence trust required varies.

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