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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Have you ever experienced this? And if so how have you or do you deal with it? Parent seems to deny it is happening, siblings who cause more problems by their own behaviour yet you are meant to be the back bone of the family, yet when you need their emotional support they just don't get it!
Do you just ignore their behaviour or pulled them up on it?
I will admit, I have done both and still not had an acknowledgment let alone apology so I guess it is never coming, just one of those things you have the accept I suppose, yet the funny thing is my siblings feel I am the favoured child! It's funny how the mind perceives |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Have you ever experienced this? And if so how have you or do you deal with it? Parent seems to deny it is happening, siblings who cause more problems by their own behaviour yet you are meant to be the back bone of the family, yet when you need their emotional support they just don't get it!
Do you just ignore their behaviour or pulled them up on it?
I will admit, I have done both and still not had an acknowledgment let alone apology so I guess it is never coming, just one of those things you have the accept I suppose, yet the funny thing is my siblings feel I am the favoured child! It's funny how the mind perceives "
My actual question was, how do you deal with it and does it ever grind you down? As sometimes I do want to scream FFS I am here as well! |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I had something similar, then a really awful situation unfolded with my brother and I ended up walking away from them all.
Ultimately, as harsh as it sounds, if a situation is toxic and negative for you then why continue? |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
The funny thing is, I seem to have accepted this role, I am the 'to complain about them all' person, yet when I needed support I didn't get it! which surprised me to be honest and really cut to the quick!
Yet my biggest ally was my dad (long story!) And I couldn't have done it without him!
Maybe because I don't have children is the reason why I don't get it, but why do the neediest and harder getting on with kids get all the attention get the back bone one's get thought about ' well, their strong, they'll get over it'?
We all have our weakness at the end of the day and can only take so much, well that is my thought, please leave your own! |
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"truth is family dynamics rarely change. The only thing we can do is make changes individually eg by stopping fulfilling our accepted role or at least refusing to cooperate "
Yes. I've stopped fighting it and disengaged, mostly. Things have improved a lot. At least for me.
If others want things to improve in my family, they know where I am and they know how to treat people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im middle child. Im the disappointment.
my brothers can do no wrong
My parents always relied on me.
I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them
I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling
it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since
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"Im middle child. Im the disappointment.
my brothers can do no wrong
My parents always relied on me.
I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them
I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling
it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since
"
 hugs if you want them |
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"The funny thing is, I seem to have accepted this role, I am the 'to complain about them all' person, yet when I needed support I didn't get it! which surprised me to be honest and really cut to the quick!
Yet my biggest ally was my dad (long story!) And I couldn't have done it without him!
Maybe because I don't have children is the reason why I don't get it, but why do the neediest and harder getting on with kids get all the attention get the back bone one's get thought about ' well, their strong, they'll get over it'?
We all have our weakness at the end of the day and can only take so much, well that is my thought, please leave your own!"
It is because they are the neediest that you may feel that your parents give them more in terms of support or even financially but that doesn't mean that you are thought of any less than them. I have one of these kids. But even so, if you need support they should be there for you also. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im middle child. Im the disappointment.
my brothers can do no wrong
My parents always relied on me.
I was craving their approval so bent over backwards for them
I had counselling a few years ago unrelated to my parents however unravelling my life showed my upbringing/parents played a major part in why I needed the counselling
it was like a light switching on for the first time. I told them to fuck off and haven't spoken to them since
hugs if you want them"
aw thank you. I'm honestly good, best thing I ever did. x |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! |
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"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "
sometimes it's just good to talk and it can be as simple as that. It's good to.pit things into perspective x |
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My mum thinks I can cope with anything and I mostly do although have a great support network around me.
When I was in Tunisia during the terrorist attacks with two of my sons lots of people messaged me to see if I was Ok but my mum took a few days to contact me. Not because she doesn’t care or love me she just knew I would be fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "
Because you needed to vent  .
It’s not going to change OP, a person’s role in the family seems to be fixed. But. It seems to me that your relatives really do need you as both their sounding board and their strength. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly don't know where to go from here, yes I feel used to a certain extent that I am always used as a sounding board or mostly just someone to vent at and I can accept that, hell I have no idea why I created this thread! "
sometimes putting your thoughts or feelings in black & white helps you focus/see things a little clearer x
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