I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more? |
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"I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more?"
Walk away x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more?"
Yes unless the shit is worth the great sex and that's for both of you to decide.
Not knowing the situation, but can guess then it's time to move one.
There's more great sex to be had in a different corner of fab. |
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You should only make decisions for yourself. If you enjoy it and want it to continue then carry on. If you are afraid of getting hurt then weigh up the pros and cons and do what you think is right.
Let the other person do the same for themselves. What I wouldn't suggest is making their decision for them. I don't think that would be fair.
Be up front with him/her and express your feelings and concerns and each of you can make your own decisions.
Luke |
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"Talk to them. You don't really know what the other person is thinking unless you ask. And if you're right, walk away. "
I think that if I talk it through then I'll be given the answers that I want to hear. Just in writing the post I know I shouldn't go back..but I want to. |
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"I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more?
Yes unless the shit is worth the great sex and that's for both of you to decide.
Not knowing the situation, but can guess then it's time to move one.
There's more great sex to be had in a different corner of fab."
that's the thing I've had good sex, great sex and then there's him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is the sex great for you because of the feelings
Maybe the other party is just enjoying sex
Suppose depends on what you want most
But I think you already know the answer you're seeking x |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"Talk to them. You don't really know what the other person is thinking unless you ask. And if you're right, walk away.
I think that if I talk it through then I'll be given the answers that I want to hear. Just in writing the post I know I shouldn't go back..but I want to."
Exactly that though, you "think" but you don't know for sure. If you walk away the conversation will happen anyway, as he'll want to know why. |
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It depends on whether it's you that is developing these feelings, or him.
If it's you, and you believe these feelings aren't reciprocated, then you have to evaluate where you are and whether you can divorce your emotions from the sex.
If it's him , then you should speak with him and try and rein back the situation.
Either way, talking and honesty are the best answer  |
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"Talk to them. You don't really know what the other person is thinking unless you ask. And if you're right, walk away.
I think that if I talk it through then I'll be given the answers that I want to hear. Just in writing the post I know I shouldn't go back..but I want to.
Exactly that though, you "think" but you don't know for sure. If you walk away the conversation will happen anyway, as he'll want to know why. "
If I walked away he would reasonably want to know why...I don't want to hurt him. |
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"It depends on whether it's you that is developing these feelings, or him.
If it's you, and you believe these feelings aren't reciprocated, then you have to evaluate where you are and whether you can divorce your emotions from the sex.
If it's him , then you should speak with him and try and rein back the situation.
Either way, talking and honesty are the best answer "
'talking and honesty are the best answer' can't argue with that...it just makes me feel bad...it's not all about me though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you've found a fb I don't think it matters which one catches feelings, it's not a good place to be if it's not equal..
Time for an honest chat for me."
Good luck you... |
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"When you've found a fb I don't think it matters which one catches feelings, it's not a good place to be if it's not equal..
Time for an honest chat for me.
Good luck you..."
Thanks...thing is I really like him x |
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"You should only make decisions for yourself. If you enjoy it and want it to continue then carry on. If you are afraid of getting hurt then weigh up the pros and cons and do what you think is right.
Let the other person do the same for themselves. What I wouldn't suggest is making their decision for them. I don't think that would be fair.
Be up front with him/her and express your feelings and concerns and each of you can make your own decisions.
Luke "
That is great advice |
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"Is the sex great for you because of the feelings
Maybe the other party is just enjoying sex
Suppose depends on what you want most
But I think you already know the answer you're seeking x"
Yes..I do x |
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"I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more? Walk away x"
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been having great sex..sooo good that all I want is more. Thing is I can feel that one of us has feelings more than the other. Should you walk away to stop anyone getting hurt before the shit hits the fan or continue to enjoy each other in the best possible way...knowing it would never amount to more?
Yes unless the shit is worth the great sex and that's for both of you to decide.
Not knowing the situation, but can guess then it's time to move one.
There's more great sex to be had in a different corner of fab.
that's the thing I've had good sex, great sex and then there's him."
But.... He's it sounds like he's obviously not able to give you what you're ultimately wanting. Either way one of you can't.
I think you know what you need to do. Best to move out now and have fantastic memories than jeapradising it all which is ultimately what will happen. I've been there and with one I'm still good friends because we stopped at the right time, it was bloody hard for months but time gave us good memories and ultimately a friendship, with another it went pear shape. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he's like most men he'll just use you when convenient for him and not give a shit about your feelings "
So just fuck him and enjoy it. But keep it in mind he could walk away at any point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is possible to catch feelings and it not end up in a massive drama even if those feelings are unrequited.
Who are you protecting? Yourself? Fine go with your instinct. The other person? Shouldn't they have a say?
I say have a chat and as long as you are honest with them and with yourself... |
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The way I see it, it's either 100% a two way match across the board or it's a mismatch. Be it relationships or sex and ground between. Its rare to find that 100% match. Often not all the boxes are ticked (or at least not for both parties). Either way if someone is not 100% right for you or you not them no good comes of trying to change or force something it's not.
If it's not 100% then how you go forward depends a lot on what sort of person you are and how good you are of compartmentalising you are? Maybe you are, just in my opinion lots of people are not. And if you are not the hurt and mess may not be worth the sexual enjoyment you receive. |
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"
It is possible to catch feelings and it not end up in a massive drama even if those feelings are unrequited.
Who are you protecting? Yourself? Fine go with your instinct. The other person? Shouldn't they have a say?
I say have a chat and as long as you are honest with them and with yourself... "
Go advice. The only caveat I'd say is this assumes good emotional maturity, communications skill and good intent. Not everyone has this and could open things up to more miscommunication, mess and general head fuckery. You need to know the person your talking to is playing by the same rules, level of maturity and with honest decent intentions. |
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"The way I see it, it's either 100% a two way match across the board or it's a mismatch. Be it relationships or sex and ground between. Its rare to find that 100% match. Often not all the boxes are ticked (or at least not for both parties). Either way if someone is not 100% right for you or you not them no good comes of trying to change or force something it's not.
If it's not 100% then how you go forward depends a lot on what sort of person you are and how good you are of compartmentalising you are? Maybe you are, just in my opinion lots of people are not. And if you are not the hurt and mess may not be worth the sexual enjoyment you receive."
Personally, I am very good at it. |
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"The way I see it, it's either 100% a two way match across the board or it's a mismatch. Be it relationships or sex and ground between. Its rare to find that 100% match. Often not all the boxes are ticked (or at least not for both parties). Either way if someone is not 100% right for you or you not them no good comes of trying to change or force something it's not.
If it's not 100% then how you go forward depends a lot on what sort of person you are and how good you are of compartmentalising you are? Maybe you are, just in my opinion lots of people are not. And if you are not the hurt and mess may not be worth the sexual enjoyment you receive.
Personally, I am very good at it."
Have stepped back and assessed the extent of the negative effects of the situation. How it makes feel and what effects it has on you finding something more fulfilling across the board?
Sometimes finding nearly right or very right in one category (but not all) is very useful even if it's never going to work out. Because it's kind of like try before you buy. When something doesn't 100% work out you get to know the bits that worked well for you and add them to your must have check list for the future. Life is a learning curve.
So if this isn't right for you and causes anguish then would you be better off focusing on looking for something more? Maybe something that has the things you currently find great, plus your other must haves, plus 100% mutual feelings?
Also as others have said communication is the key. But in my experience be careful. Sometimes people are not honest and do play games. Your honesty and communication can be a vulnerability. For example sometimes people listen to what we have to say and just tell us what we want to hear out selfish desire not to kill the goose or just out of cowardice. I'm not saying don't be honest and open, just be careful and listen to your gut. And be prepared to be the one that takes decisive action for the both of you, some people will just continue the head fuck. |
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"The way I see it, it's either 100% a two way match across the board or it's a mismatch. Be it relationships or sex and ground between. Its rare to find that 100% match. Often not all the boxes are ticked (or at least not for both parties). Either way if someone is not 100% right for you or you not them no good comes of trying to change or force something it's not.
If it's not 100% then how you go forward depends a lot on what sort of person you are and how good you are of compartmentalising you are? Maybe you are, just in my opinion lots of people are not. And if you are not the hurt and mess may not be worth the sexual enjoyment you receive.
Personally, I am very good at it.
Have stepped back and assessed the extent of the negative effects of the situation. How it makes feel and what effects it has on you finding something more fulfilling across the board?
Sometimes finding nearly right or very right in one category (but not all) is very useful even if it's never going to work out. Because it's kind of like try before you buy. When something doesn't 100% work out you get to know the bits that worked well for you and add them to your must have check list for the future. Life is a learning curve.
So if this isn't right for you and causes anguish then would you be better off focusing on looking for something more? Maybe something that has the things you currently find great, plus your other must haves, plus 100% mutual feelings?
Also as others have said communication is the key. But in my experience be careful. Sometimes people are not honest and do play games. Your honesty and communication can be a vulnerability. For example sometimes people listen to what we have to say and just tell us what we want to hear out selfish desire not to kill the goose or just out of cowardice. I'm not saying don't be honest and open, just be careful and listen to your gut. And be prepared to be the one that takes decisive action for the both of you, some people will just continue the head fuck."
I'm not definantly not about the head fuck |
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Personally if it was me and I was playing with someone I knew wanted more than I could give them I would call it off. Even if they tried to convince me otherwise it would ruin things for me as I would be on edge that I was inevitably going to hurt them.
If I developed more feelings than them though I would likely continue simply because I know myself better than I know others. If it was causing me a lot of pain I would end it but I also have quite a few experiences of falling in love with people that I will never end up with and it's been fine. Love itself is unselfish and I don't always feel the need for someone I love to love me back. I've even loved people I know a relationship wouldn't work with. This could be down to my atypical approach to relationships though. Or my cynical view of love as simply a chemical reaction designed to maintain a pairing through co-parenting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally if it was me and I was playing with someone I knew wanted more than I could give them I would call it off. Even if they tried to convince me otherwise it would ruin things for me as I would be on edge that I was inevitably going to hurt them.
If I developed more feelings than them though I would likely continue simply because I know myself better than I know others. If it was causing me a lot of pain I would end it but I also have quite a few experiences of falling in love with people that I will never end up with and it's been fine. Love itself is unselfish and I don't always feel the need for someone I love to love me back. I've even loved people I know a relationship wouldn't work with. This could be down to my atypical approach to relationships though. Or my cynical view of love as simply a chemical reaction designed to maintain a pairing through co-parenting."
Completely agree with this and totally understand you. Not cynical at all but a truer form imo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talk to them. You don't really know what the other person is thinking unless you ask. And if you're right, walk away.
I think that if I talk it through then I'll be given the answers that I want to hear. Just in writing the post I know I shouldn't go back..but I want to."
I'm in this situation, don't mind chatting privately if you want. |
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