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When your 49yo mate
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"Tells you he's leaving his missus for a 25 year old.... Who you know ain't quite right in the swede....
What do you do?  "
Tell him exactly that. Yes go for it mate. She’s just the right amount of crazy to make the sex good lol
You care for your friend, this is one you just need to step back from.  |
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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
My friend had a rebound from wife number 2.. wife 3 was batshit crazy, (medically and psychiatrically confirmed). When he needed stability she was a rollercoaster while on an LSD trip. He stuck it out for a while before walking away with his clothes in his car.
He is currently on wife number 4..(who has done time for manslaughter)
All you can do is be that friend. People will make their own mistakes. Many dont like being told their judgement is wrong and will dig their heels in and distance themselves. Stay neutral and close. He may need a friend soon. |
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If it was me, as a friend, I would say WTF are you doing ..... but that’s me
Seen too many male friends do this and within 6-10 months wishing they were back with the wife and family, by that time it’s too late and the damage is done
It’s not only the men mind, the women do it to.... |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
I'd be open and honest in my thoughts to him. But that's just the way I am. He cant be happy at home because he wouldn't have gone looking in the first place for whatever reason. The grass is rarely greener it just looks it at the time. But then as a friend you will be there to pick up the pieces. |
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Aaahhhhh, the old grass is greener.....silly silly person....all's you can do is be there to be fair...unfortunately you can't stop him.from making the obvious mistake he is going too as he Wil probably think that its amazing that he and pull the younger model and that she wants him etc....   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wish him well and comfort him when it all goes wrong?
No fool like an old(er) fool!
One of my friends dad ran off with a girl our age (26) within 6 months it all went tits up, she ended up getting back with her ex who was the same age as her and he was trying to get back with my friends mom. She told him where to go!
 |
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Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be."
I agree. I told my pal he was being played by his younger girlfriend, similar situation. All his other 'mates' just took the piss behind his back.
She dumped him yet again. Now just a month after she dumped him she's with another bloke ('old friend') who left his long term girlfriend for her. But my pal's pissed off at me for telling him the truth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be.
I agree. I told my pal he was being played by his younger girlfriend, similar situation. All his other 'mates' just took the piss behind his back.
She dumped him yet again. Now just a month after she dumped him she's with another bloke ('old friend') who left his long term girlfriend for her. But my pal's pissed off at me for telling him the truth. "
I’ve never understood why friends don’t tell each other the truth. What’s the point in being friends? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be.
I agree. I told my pal he was being played by his younger girlfriend, similar situation. All his other 'mates' just took the piss behind his back.
She dumped him yet again. Now just a month after she dumped him she's with another bloke ('old friend') who left his long term girlfriend for her. But my pal's pissed off at me for telling him the truth.
I’ve never understood why friends don’t tell each other the truth. What’s the point in being friends?"
Exactly. |
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"Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be."
Sums it up perfectly..
be honest
be there when it goes wrong
That’s friendship |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Maybe the ones not actively saying “they’d be honest with them and give their opinion” have realised you can tell someone what a big dick they are making of themselves till you are blue in the face. But some folk are just going to do their own sweet thing regardless of your aired opinion, and maybe you’ve been there many times and picked up the pieces and realise it’s a waste of time. Now you just let them get on with it and be there in the end if/when it goes tits up.
Being more verbal in airing your opinion doesn’t make you any better a friend. It just makes you more gobby. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I think that if the situation was reversed I'd expect my friend to tell me their honest thoughts. I may not necessarily like it at the time but I'd respect their honesty and the mutual trust in friendship.
If after it all went south, that friend then told me 'I didn't think it was right for you, but didn't say' I'd wonder what the point was in that friendship.
If you can't be honest and direct, speak your mind and be there for each other, then what's the point in being around each other?
Being a nodding dog on the dashboard of my life is no use to anyone |
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I'm not going to lie, personally, I'd tell him he was being a fucking idiot (but that's just me).
It's a difficult one to judge since we don't know the full story (what their married relationship is like, is it just the thrill of a younger Woman, etc?), but many men I know, including my own Father, have done this, and then they all try to come crawling back with their tail between their legs in a few weeks/months time.
Hopefully, then, the spouse has moved on and told them to do one.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would speak to him but carefully and say are you sure this is what you really want, what if this happens etc but you will probably find he's made his decision so you just need to be there if it goes wrong. They could turn out to be perfect for each other |
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it is always sad to see a family breaks but at that age, he should be wise enough to make his own decision or when to ask for advice.
Although it is not desirable, I think it is better to make your own mistake rather than living other people's life and then regret.
Just hope that whatever action he takes, it's going to turn out well for him and his loved ones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tells you he's leaving his missus for a 25 year old.... Who you know ain't quite right in the swede....
What do you do? "
If he’s you mate you gotta tell him as it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be more inclined to support the wife and family ... if that's what he wants to do then nothing is going to stop him because I'm sure he's intelligent enough to know what is right for him and hopefully, he cares a little about his family ... though not sure by his behaviour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What makes him think he will love this girl more than his wife who he said his vows to? Once hes used to the sex being there he will probably move on to yet another woman or even back to his wife. Once a cheat always a cheat. Or so they say.  |
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Years ago a friend of mine told me she was going to leave her husband and asked my advice. I just talked it through with her, asked her questions about the guy she was leaving for and her husband, helped her see the value in her marriage etc. She stayed and they both put a lot of work in. BUT this might be the right move for your friend, all you can do is talk to him, listen to him and try not to persuade him one way or another |
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"If he is a friend.. you support his choices. You don't need to agree with them. He will deal with its consequences. Good or bad.. right?"
That's about the long and the short of it. All this talk of mid life crisis is a bit patronising when several people's lives could be hugely affected by this.
Contemplating leaving a long relationship isn't something most people do unless there's more going on than one of the couple having a wobble |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tells you he's leaving his missus for a 25 year old.... Who you know ain't quite right in the swede....
What do you do? "
give him a good slap in the face  |
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"Don't be so meek. Tell him "I think its wrong, I think this girl is crazy".
Are you his mate or his councilor sitting around waiting to help him when he falls down?
Are people so afraid of being alone that they will watch someone make a really bad mistake and say nothing, just hope they can have a friend still at the end of it?
Fuck all that shit, Id rather die alone then spend my life patting someone on the back as they make mistake after mistake and never telling them a true opinion. What a waste of my time being alive that would be.
I agree. I told my pal he was being played by his younger girlfriend, similar situation. All his other 'mates' just took the piss behind his back.
She dumped him yet again. Now just a month after she dumped him she's with another bloke ('old friend') who left his long term girlfriend for her. But my pal's pissed off at me for telling him the truth.
I’ve never understood why friends don’t tell each other the truth. What’s the point in being friends?"
There's none so blind as those who don't want to see |
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"Don't ever give your opinion unless it's asked for.
It's not your call. Your opinion doesn't matter.
If it all goes tits up ....... Don't say ' I knew it' either ......
"
But, but, but people need to be told what I think even if they think they don't  |
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"Don't ever give your opinion unless it's asked for.
It's not your call. Your opinion doesn't matter.
If it all goes tits up ....... Don't say ' I knew it' either ......
But, but, but people need to be told what I think even if they think they don't "
Well yes,,,,,, I'd tell him too. I give sound advice but seldom take it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he is a friend.. you support his choices. You don't need to agree with them. He will deal with its consequences. Good or bad.. right?
That's about the long and the short of it. All this talk of mid life crisis is a bit patronising when several people's lives could be hugely affected by this.
Contemplating leaving a long relationship isn't something most people do unless there's more going on than one of the couple having a wobble"
I agree. Doubt it's something most people decide overnight. Is it shocking because of the age difference? |
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"If he is a friend.. you support his choices. You don't need to agree with them. He will deal with its consequences. Good or bad.. right?
That's about the long and the short of it. All this talk of mid life crisis is a bit patronising when several people's lives could be hugely affected by this.
Contemplating leaving a long relationship isn't something most people do unless there's more going on than one of the couple having a wobble
I agree. Doubt it's something most people decide overnight. Is it shocking because of the age difference?"
I think it's probably considered shocking for that reason, because at his
age he "should know better" and apparently she has a problem with root vegetables. |
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"Give him a short sharp slap and tell him to get a grip. The 25 year old will dump him soon enough and he’ll end up a lonely old git. "
Surely he'll be lonely anyway.... cos he's not going to stay with a woman he doesn't want to be with ...... is he ? And if he does.... he'll be lonely anyway ......
Might as well as have some FUN and LAUGHTER before he dies.... even if it is short lived. |
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"Give him a short sharp slap and tell him to get a grip. The 25 year old will dump him soon enough and he’ll end up a lonely old git.
Surely he'll be lonely anyway.... cos he's not going to stay with a woman he doesn't want to be with ...... is he ? And if he does.... he'll be lonely anyway ......
Might as well as have some FUN and LAUGHTER before he dies.... even if it is short lived."
That's all very well but what about the 25 year olds swede? Surely she'd be better off with a greengrocer. |
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By *hechapMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"Tells you he's leaving his missus for a 25 year old.... Who you know ain't quite right in the swede....
What do you do? "
Best thing to do is to mind your own business and let him get on with it.
I have never heard of a 50yr old man saying
"oh i fell in love and was mad about this 25yr old girl but my mate told me to wise up and i listened to him so i didnt get involved with her but i lived happily ever after"
If he did listen and stays with the wife he will hold it against you everytime they have a squabble or she burns the toast etc.
He will be saying i wish i had moved out and took up with that wee 25yr old instead of listening to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell him to really think about what he's doing and to think of the future there is a 22 year age gap between me and my husband, at the time wrap up in the lust was amazing but now its dull as hell! I feel like I'm stuck In a rut with a child involved I feel guilty to leave him as he gave up so much for me!!! This is only my opinion and don't want to be judged by it!!! |
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"Tell him to really think about what he's doing and to think of the future there is a 22 year age gap between me and my husband, at the time wrap up in the lust was amazing but now its dull as hell! I feel like I'm stuck In a rut with a child involved I feel guilty to leave him as he gave up so much for me!!! This is only my opinion and don't want to be judged by it!!!"
I remember my sister's friend who had married a much older man saying one day she woke up next to an old man and wondered what the heck she was doing. She did leave him in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tells you he's leaving his missus for a 25 year old.... Who you know ain't quite right in the swede....
What do you do? "
Give him a thumbs up and be there when he needs you |
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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago
Deep in the New Forest |
Had this years ago with a mate/boss. He was getting married and I told him I thought he was making the biggest mistake of his life. But he got married anyway.
If hes a close mate you should be able to tell him your concerns. It's up to him to work out what's best for him. What ever he decideds atleast you've made you views clear. |
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"Don't ever give your opinion unless it's asked for.
It's not your call. Your opinion doesn't matter.
If it all goes tits up ....... Don't say ' I knew it' either ......
"
love granny’s advice she knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good friend will give it to you straight if asked for an opinion surely.Even if he/she didn't like your answer they would still know that you had their best interests at heart.A good friend tells you when you are being a dick but will still be there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong... |
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"A good friend will give it to you straight if asked for an opinion surely.Even if he/she didn't like your answer they would still know that you had their best interests at heart.A good friend tells you when you are being a dick but will still be there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong..."
What if they just tell you what they're doing but don't ask for your opinion?
I'm all for friendly concern and questioning what seems to be an unwise decision but in this case the use of language implies to me at least that a judgement has been made without finding out the real circumstances. |
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. Hopefully his Misses does the same.