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Feelings
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? "
Nothing wrong with reflection.
Personally, I let it all boil up trying to remain on top of things, but it always explodes in the end. Seriously trying to work on that and take a healthier route. It's great when people are genuinely supportive and care about you, but I've met alot of fakes recently, so prefer to work on problems alone now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Nothing wrong with reflection.
Personally, I let it all boil up trying to remain on top of things, but it always explodes in the end. Seriously trying to work on that and take a healthier route. It's great when people are genuinely supportive and care about you, but I've met alot of fakes recently, so prefer to work on problems alone now"
Does it tend to explode over something tiny and unrelated? It's weird how that happens. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
It depends on what those negative feelings are concerning. Quite often in the past I'd tackle them there and then if it's nothing too serious. But now I'm allowing myself time to actually think a bit more about why they exist. Properly process and examine my thoughts. As far as if I'm upset goes - if I'm really upset I go quiet and prefer to tackle things alone. If it's something minor I'll share it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need to be left alone. I’m absolutely useless with sympathy. Giving and receiving!"
I laughed at this, I'm quite similar, my friends come to me for advice, they go elsewhere for sympathy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to be left alone. I’m absolutely useless with sympathy. Giving and receiving!
I laughed at this, I'm quite similar, my friends come to me for advice, they go elsewhere for sympathy "
Same  . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If I feel it I say it.. if it gets dismissed or ignored then I eventually blow!
I like to be alone while I’m working stuff out in my own head..
"
That's the thing, your reaction is affected by those around you I think. Especially if they're sharing the experience.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It depends on what those negative feelings are concerning. Quite often in the past I'd tackle them there and then if it's nothing too serious. But now I'm allowing myself time to actually think a bit more about why they exist. Properly process and examine my thoughts. As far as if I'm upset goes - if I'm really upset I go quiet and prefer to tackle things alone. If it's something minor I'll share it."
I think that's really important, sometimes we are so ruled by emotions we forget to sit back and reflect on WHY we feel how we do.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It depends on what those negative feelings are concerning. Quite often in the past I'd tackle them there and then if it's nothing too serious. But now I'm allowing myself time to actually think a bit more about why they exist. Properly process and examine my thoughts. As far as if I'm upset goes - if I'm really upset I go quiet and prefer to tackle things alone. If it's something minor I'll share it.
I think that's really important, sometimes we are so ruled by emotions we forget to sit back and reflect on WHY we feel how we do. "
I don't know how that emoji sneaked in there! |
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"If I feel it I say it.. if it gets dismissed or ignored then I eventually blow!
I like to be alone while I’m working stuff out in my own head..
That's the thing, your reaction is affected by those around you I think. Especially if they're sharing the experience.
Yeah I need to know my reaction is all my own, not others opinions.
"
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? "
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No a lot you can do about other people, you can only manage yourself. So I don't try and stew on others negativity and keep moving forward."
But what if it's a shared experience with someone you care about? If they are upset too it's not easy to not feel some of their emotions too I think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Feelings. They're those things women have, aren't they?
No that's vaginas. "
Damn. I think my foreplay techniques need to be reviewed. Also, my interactions with depressed female co-workers. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"It depends on what those negative feelings are concerning. Quite often in the past I'd tackle them there and then if it's nothing too serious. But now I'm allowing myself time to actually think a bit more about why they exist. Properly process and examine my thoughts. As far as if I'm upset goes - if I'm really upset I go quiet and prefer to tackle things alone. If it's something minor I'll share it.
I think that's really important, sometimes we are so ruled by emotions we forget to sit back and reflect on WHY we feel how we do. "
Yes! A wise HM once taught me that often negativity is more a reflection of a person than the target. So now I try and remember that and think, actually, why do I feel x, y and z and work on addressing those. I think that it's possible to overthink, of course it is. At the same time it's good to challenge those inner thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to hold it all in and be almost passive aggressive. Now I'm much more let it out and deal with the consequences"
I think it's definitely healthier to talk things through and deal with issues. It's mad how repressed feelings can surface at any time and affect your life if you don't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If I feel it I say it.. if it gets dismissed or ignored then I eventually blow!
I like to be alone while I’m working stuff out in my own head..
That's the thing, your reaction is affected by those around you I think. Especially if they're sharing the experience.
Yeah I need to know my reaction is all my own, not others opinions.
"
Definitely, people always have an opinion but they haven't always lived the experience and felt how you do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own."
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. |
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By *yes146Man
over a year ago
London / Bournemouth |
What you've got to realise, many of us suffering the same however we all hide and cover over.
Reflection is good, but don't dwell to long as it then becomes an attachment.
Resetting is required sometimes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. "
That's a very interesting perspective. As a natural empath, I often feel the instinct to take people under my wing and look out for them. That's got me involved in some drama lately. Ironically, from an empath's viewpoint, even though I care, maybe I don't fully realise how it can effect others? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I go to the beach on a stormy day to reflect and release."
The beach is my go-to thinking place too, the waves in the sea actual release negative ions into the air which boost our moods. That's pretty awesome I think. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It depends on what those negative feelings are concerning. Quite often in the past I'd tackle them there and then if it's nothing too serious. But now I'm allowing myself time to actually think a bit more about why they exist. Properly process and examine my thoughts. As far as if I'm upset goes - if I'm really upset I go quiet and prefer to tackle things alone. If it's something minor I'll share it.
I think that's really important, sometimes we are so ruled by emotions we forget to sit back and reflect on WHY we feel how we do.
Yes! A wise HM once taught me that often negativity is more a reflection of a person than the target. So now I try and remember that and think, actually, why do I feel x, y and z and work on addressing those. I think that it's possible to overthink, of course it is. At the same time it's good to challenge those inner thoughts."
I agree, it's so easy to just blame the situation or people involved but it's often ourselves we are actually upset with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit."
I totally do this, I'm always the odd ball cracking jokes at the funeral  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What you've got to realise, many of us suffering the same however we all hide and cover over.
Reflection is good, but don't dwell to long as it then becomes an attachment.
Resetting is required sometimes. "
Definitely. We all have our own issues, no one is ever 100% happy.
And yeah, just enough reflection is key, dealing with the emotions or accepting they just are what they are is important but dwelling on them brings a whole new range of issues. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me.
That's a very interesting perspective. As a natural empath, I often feel the instinct to take people under my wing and look out for them. That's got me involved in some drama lately. Ironically, from an empath's viewpoint, even though I care, maybe I don't fully realise how it can effect others?"
I guess it depends on the person. I've been there myself where I've offered support to someone and ended up too involved.
This has actually made me think about how I support others and whether I take into account how they feel about my involvement, people who try to offer me sympathy irritate me, maybe I irritate others  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I brush things under the carpet and try to forget about it.
Can you forget? "
No but sometimes i think the best thing to do is push it all to the back of my mind and get on with life.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I brush things under the carpet and try to forget about it.
Can you forget?
No but sometimes i think the best thing to do is push it all to the back of my mind and get on with life.
"
Does it ever resurface later? Unexpectedly at times? |
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Negative feelings from others I will deal with there and then, I’m not shy to say things back
Negative feelings that I have about myself, I tend to bottle up inside and keep myself to myself. I’m good at listening to others but struggle to talk about me, purely because I hate getting upset, which is normally the outcome
I don’t deal well with others trying to comfort or sympathise with me, as find it patronising and winds me up more, even from family.
So if the bucket overflows then I will keep myself to myself, have a drink or two and try and focus my mind on something else like drawing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Firstly I express how I’m feeling. If that doesn’t resolve anything I either apologise for my part in it, reflect on it more deeply to understand the problem better or let it go if it isn’t that important.
If any of those don’t work I withdraw completely or surrender defeated. The last option has only happened once.
I’m most likely to explode quickly if I’m very hurt by an action. I manage my feelings better than I did when I was younger. I was much more volatile then but I’ve always been and will remain emotionally expressive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me.
That's a very interesting perspective. As a natural empath, I often feel the instinct to take people under my wing and look out for them. That's got me involved in some drama lately. Ironically, from an empath's viewpoint, even though I care, maybe I don't fully realise how it can effect others?
I guess it depends on the person. I've been there myself where I've offered support to someone and ended up too involved.
This has actually made me think about how I support others and whether I take into account how they feel about my involvement, people who try to offer me sympathy irritate me, maybe I irritate others "
Yip, exactly the same boat as me lately. Tis a conundrum |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Negative feelings from others I will deal with there and then, I’m not shy to say things back
Negative feelings that I have about myself, I tend to bottle up inside and keep myself to myself. I’m good at listening to others but struggle to talk about me, purely because I hate getting upset, which is normally the outcome
I don’t deal well with others trying to comfort or sympathise with me, as find it patronising and winds me up more, even from family.
So if the bucket overflows then I will keep myself to myself, have a drink or two and try and focus my mind on something else like drawing "
It's really surprising how many of us hate sympathy.
Focusing on other things is good, I find often I'm still working through things in the background though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. "
I think if someone is truly empathetic, you’re not consciously aware of it as your sharing a true moment of emotional congruence (it might just be a look or a gesture).
Symapathy on the other hand, just makes me cringe as I find it so awkward to deal with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Firstly I express how I’m feeling. If that doesn’t resolve anything I either apologise for my part in it, reflect on it more deeply to understand the problem better or let it go if it isn’t that important.
If any of those don’t work I withdraw completely or surrender defeated. The last option has only happened once.
I’m most likely to explode quickly if I’m very hurt by an action. I manage my feelings better than I did when I was younger. I was much more volatile then but I’ve always been and will remain emotionally expressive. "
Expressing your emotions is always seen as a good thing. I guess it can go either way though like you said, being volatile and reacting too emotionally can bring it's own issues. |
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By *yes146Man
over a year ago
London / Bournemouth |
Life is a balance of all the elements we treasure. They all fill our bucket of wellness. When we are unable to fit all the elements into the bucket....shit happens.
In my old wise age lol i have come to realise that certain things will not change within myself so why beat myself up, instead use them positively in my life. Its good to have set backs, it teaches resilience. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow a lot of the time I tend to hold things in but ultimately it will result in a blow out and I usually end up a crying mess ha ha "
Over something really stupid? I recently cried because the tab ripped while I was opening some bread |
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"Negative feelings from others I will deal with there and then, I’m not shy to say things back
Negative feelings that I have about myself, I tend to bottle up inside and keep myself to myself. I’m good at listening to others but struggle to talk about me, purely because I hate getting upset, which is normally the outcome
I don’t deal well with others trying to comfort or sympathise with me, as find it patronising and winds me up more, even from family.
So if the bucket overflows then I will keep myself to myself, have a drink or two and try and focus my mind on something else like drawing
It's really surprising how many of us hate sympathy.
Focusing on other things is good, I find often I'm still working through things in the background though. "
Yep I hate sympathy and struggle with it.
Yes you can’t shut it off completely, it still mulls around, but focusing on something else for a while does mask it, and in my case until I can file it away in it’s locked box.
It’s one of the reasons I’m a staff councillor and a mental health first aider at work, helping others blocks out my stuff.
Although I was reminded today with everything going on, that the councillors need counselling and an outlet to, so use Occ Health... my mind instantly went “oh no, not doing that thanks” haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me.
I think if someone is truly empathetic, you’re not consciously aware of it as your sharing a true moment of emotional congruence (it might just be a look or a gesture).
Symapathy on the other hand, just makes me cringe as I find it so awkward to deal with. "
I guess it depends who the person is, just because someone is able to empathise with me it doesn't mean I want them to. I don't want that sharing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit.
I totally do this, I'm always the odd ball cracking jokes at the funeral "
Sometimes that's needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Life is a balance of all the elements we treasure. They all fill our bucket of wellness. When we are unable to fit all the elements into the bucket....shit happens.
In my old wise age lol i have come to realise that certain things will not change within myself so why beat myself up, instead use them positively in my life. Its good to have set backs, it teaches resilience."
Definitely. I sometimes take time to think about negativity in my life but then I realise I like who I am and who I am is everything, without those bits I wouldn't be me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Negative feelings from others I will deal with there and then, I’m not shy to say things back
Negative feelings that I have about myself, I tend to bottle up inside and keep myself to myself. I’m good at listening to others but struggle to talk about me, purely because I hate getting upset, which is normally the outcome
I don’t deal well with others trying to comfort or sympathise with me, as find it patronising and winds me up more, even from family.
So if the bucket overflows then I will keep myself to myself, have a drink or two and try and focus my mind on something else like drawing
It's really surprising how many of us hate sympathy.
Focusing on other things is good, I find often I'm still working through things in the background though.
Yep I hate sympathy and struggle with it.
Yes you can’t shut it off completely, it still mulls around, but focusing on something else for a while does mask it, and in my case until I can file it away in it’s locked box.
It’s one of the reasons I’m a staff councillor and a mental health first aider at work, helping others blocks out my stuff.
Although I was reminded today with everything going on, that the councillors need counselling and an outlet to, so use Occ Health... my mind instantly went “oh no, not doing that thanks” haha "
I guess it's easy to slip into a "role" too, you find it a lot in groups, there has to be that strong person who deals with everyone else's issues but never raises their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I brush things under the carpet and try to forget about it.
Can you forget?
No but sometimes i think the best thing to do is push it all to the back of my mind and get on with life.
Does it ever resurface later? Unexpectedly at times? "
Yes i have my moments |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit.
I totally do this, I'm always the odd ball cracking jokes at the funeral
Sometimes that's needed. "
I think so. My go to response for most things is humour, it masks my own emotions which helps with the "don't give me sympathy" thing and if I'm dealing with others then I want to break their chain of thoughts or make them smile. |
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I turn it inside out - I rationalise why something appears as negative to me and then adopt a different mindset to deal with it.
I know exactly why some behaviours upset me and can also see the irrationality of those feelings.
Once you accept why you see it as negative then it becomes far easier to deal with it and, if I really can't, then I simply remove myself from that particular drama. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly I express how I’m feeling. If that doesn’t resolve anything I either apologise for my part in it, reflect on it more deeply to understand the problem better or let it go if it isn’t that important.
If any of those don’t work I withdraw completely or surrender defeated. The last option has only happened once.
I’m most likely to explode quickly if I’m very hurt by an action. I manage my feelings better than I did when I was younger. I was much more volatile then but I’ve always been and will remain emotionally expressive.
Expressing your emotions is always seen as a good thing. I guess it can go either way though like you said, being volatile and reacting too emotionally can bring it's own issues. "
When I was younger I acted out of my emotions more than I do now. I’m more aware of my emotional state now and deal with them in a healthier way than I did. I can express them more easily without being overwhelmed by the emotion. I’m still learning about it but I’m definitely better.
Things that I’ve bottled up for a long time and repressed I have to deal with differently. Then only a proper cathartic release can help me to deal with it. An understanding friend who knows how to deal with emotions in that way is very helpful at those times. Most of the time I express the emotion or if I don’t want to I might switch it and blow out at the gym instead. Meditation also helps with some unresolved stuff as negative emotions can be transmuted into positive ones through meditation and guided fantasy.
I’m a much better listener and observer now than I used to be because my own shit would get muddled up with theirs frequently and I could easily get hooked into games and dramas. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I turn it inside out - I rationalise why something appears as negative to me and then adopt a different mindset to deal with it.
I know exactly why some behaviours upset me and can also see the irrationality of those feelings.
Once you accept why you see it as negative then it becomes far easier to deal with it and, if I really can't, then I simply remove myself from that particular drama."
I think that's really important, accepting that feelings are not something we can control, we can only control our responses to them and understanding why they are there is key to that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over. "
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I turn it inside out - I rationalise why something appears as negative to me and then adopt a different mindset to deal with it.
I know exactly why some behaviours upset me and can also see the irrationality of those feelings.
Once you accept why you see it as negative then it becomes far easier to deal with it and, if I really can't, then I simply remove myself from that particular drama."
Reframing is a very useful way to deal with these things if you can ‘detach’ from the emotion.  |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see. "
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Firstly I express how I’m feeling. If that doesn’t resolve anything I either apologise for my part in it, reflect on it more deeply to understand the problem better or let it go if it isn’t that important.
If any of those don’t work I withdraw completely or surrender defeated. The last option has only happened once.
I’m most likely to explode quickly if I’m very hurt by an action. I manage my feelings better than I did when I was younger. I was much more volatile then but I’ve always been and will remain emotionally expressive.
Expressing your emotions is always seen as a good thing. I guess it can go either way though like you said, being volatile and reacting too emotionally can bring it's own issues.
When I was younger I acted out of my emotions more than I do now. I’m more aware of my emotional state now and deal with them in a healthier way than I did. I can express them more easily without being overwhelmed by the emotion. I’m still learning about it but I’m definitely better.
Things that I’ve bottled up for a long time and repressed I have to deal with differently. Then only a proper cathartic release can help me to deal with it. An understanding friend who knows how to deal with emotions in that way is very helpful at those times. Most of the time I express the emotion or if I don’t want to I might switch it and blow out at the gym instead. Meditation also helps with some unresolved stuff as negative emotions can be transmuted into positive ones through meditation and guided fantasy.
I’m a much better listener and observer now than I used to be because my own shit would get muddled up with theirs frequently and I could easily get hooked into games and dramas."
It sounds like you have taken the time to learn the best way to deal with yourself and that's great to hear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit.
I totally do this, I'm always the odd ball cracking jokes at the funeral
Sometimes that's needed.
I think so. My go to response for most things is humour, it masks my own emotions which helps with the "don't give me sympathy" thing and if I'm dealing with others then I want to break their chain of thoughts or make them smile. "
I like that but sometimes people don't understand it. My bestest mates say daft things to break the chain. It's good. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them. "
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them. "
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly I express how I’m feeling. If that doesn’t resolve anything I either apologise for my part in it, reflect on it more deeply to understand the problem better or let it go if it isn’t that important.
If any of those don’t work I withdraw completely or surrender defeated. The last option has only happened once.
I’m most likely to explode quickly if I’m very hurt by an action. I manage my feelings better than I did when I was younger. I was much more volatile then but I’ve always been and will remain emotionally expressive.
Expressing your emotions is always seen as a good thing. I guess it can go either way though like you said, being volatile and reacting too emotionally can bring it's own issues.
When I was younger I acted out of my emotions more than I do now. I’m more aware of my emotional state now and deal with them in a healthier way than I did. I can express them more easily without being overwhelmed by the emotion. I’m still learning about it but I’m definitely better.
Things that I’ve bottled up for a long time and repressed I have to deal with differently. Then only a proper cathartic release can help me to deal with it. An understanding friend who knows how to deal with emotions in that way is very helpful at those times. Most of the time I express the emotion or if I don’t want to I might switch it and blow out at the gym instead. Meditation also helps with some unresolved stuff as negative emotions can be transmuted into positive ones through meditation and guided fantasy.
I’m a much better listener and observer now than I used to be because my own shit would get muddled up with theirs frequently and I could easily get hooked into games and dramas.
It sounds like you have taken the time to learn the best way to deal with yourself and that's great to hear. "
Still learning |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On a serious note, but sort of not, I deal with/hide negative emotions with humour - I was taught "always treat a negative as a positive" - I added the humour bit.
I totally do this, I'm always the odd ball cracking jokes at the funeral
Sometimes that's needed.
I think so. My go to response for most things is humour, it masks my own emotions which helps with the "don't give me sympathy" thing and if I'm dealing with others then I want to break their chain of thoughts or make them smile.
I like that but sometimes people don't understand it. My bestest mates say daft things to break the chain. It's good. "
It's definitely awkward if you crack a joke and get told off for it
It's good you have close friends who get it and react in a way that helps though, I think that's an important part of the bonds we make, supporting each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them.
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb. "
Are they a bit narcissist? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A mixture, depends on the situation pm me an example if you want hun x"
I wasn't really thinking specifically about a situation. I agree though, there can be a range of reactions. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them.
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb.
Are they a bit narcissist? "
A slither, but it would rip their world apart if that was suggested as they’ve suffered at the hands of full narcissism. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them.
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb. "
I'm sorry to hear that. You need to remember to put yourself first though, especially when you're dealing with people who don't value your emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tend to work out my own issues. Not one for asking for help, although I often freely give it."
Its funny how we find it so much easier to give than accept.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them.
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb.
Are they a bit narcissist?
A slither, but it would rip their world apart if that was suggested as they’ve suffered at the hands of full narcissism. "
Then perhaps they are shut down to protect themselves. No reactions towards the narc can become second nature and the reaction may be the same for everyone, not just the narc. Maybe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Smile by Nat King Cole..... if you're literally on the floor crying he still picks you up, let's you realise it's temporary and you can't not smile 
I do find music can help or hinder depending in the problem and the track..... |
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"It’s one of the reasons I’m a staff councillor and a mental health first aider at work, helping others blocks out my stuff.
Although I was reminded today with everything going on, that the councillors need counselling and an outlet to, so use Occ Health... my mind instantly went “oh no, not doing that thanks” haha
I guess it's easy to slip into a "role" too, you find it a lot in groups, there has to be that strong person who deals with everyone else's issues but never raises their own. "
Lol so true... Mama B will be retiring in 11 weeks time |
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"No a lot you can do about other people, you can only manage yourself. So I don't try and stew on others negativity and keep moving forward.
But what if it's a shared experience with someone you care about? If they are upset too it's not easy to not feel some of their emotions too I think? "
Granted my feelings are a bit case specific. I was answering in terms of people general negativity towards me. Also I find it hard to pick up negative vibes (or at least there severity). And have a habit of not detecting passive aggression (although it is a skill I'm learning). So maybe sometimes I can be a bit indifferent to negativity.
As to shared experiences or putting myself in someone's shoes that's different and affects me deeply. Just because I find it hard to read people, I don't lack in empathy. In fact quite the opposite, I am very empathetic (which is a strength and a weakness). Once I understand someone has a situation, it affects me deeply as I naturally can see my self in others shoes and where they are coming from. So often someone's burden is my burden too.
But over the last few years I've learnt some good self aid skills. I learnt to prioritise myself more for one. To realise you can only do so much for others. To be easier on my self. To embrace that sometimes we can't have a 100% victory and to accept you do loses battles sometimes. Life is full of lessons and sometimes these are the unexpected fruits of defeat. And most of all, you can't change the wind, but you can adjust the sail. Resulting in the end a policy of being ok with the bad things and negativity and keep moving forward. As to other people you can't dictate how they handle things. You just have to follow true North. And that's basically how I approach most aspects of life.
Don't get me wrong sometimes life hits you life a freight train and knocks you to the floor. Sometimes it's hard to get back up when your completely broken. But I've always somehow found the strength to get back on my feet and keep moving. The way I see it there is either life or nothingness, so what else can you do but keep moving forward? I'd rather do that however hard it is at times than to fade off into nothingness. Plus there is always hope, there has to be, I'm rather like Monty python's black night. And you are never powerless. Like I said you can't change the winds but you can adjust your sail. Even if the winds are too strong at least you've had a influence on the outcome/destination. So yes I try to look after my self for others sake, because if your down and broken your no use to anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Our emotions are what make us who we are, both positive and negative. Often they are transient, reflecting a particular circumstance or self created by worry or anxiety that's self generated. They our ours alone, and if it how we express them, internally or externally to others will change by the minute or hour, because they are transient.
Personally if I'm feeling negative the cause is usually me, or how or why others see me the way they do. I cant change how they see me, I can only change me or how I deal with life.
Yet we are emotional creatures and while we live we will always be that way.
As I cant change others emotions, then changing how I respond to mine is the only option left.
I can often be quiet reflective and internalise "stuff" and rarely open up to others. Its easier for me to walk in fields sit on a beach or hide in a cave, and try to rationalise my emotions. Yet logic and emotions often conflict and take us in different directions, or just cause more confusion. Yet really the most important part of our life is now, the past gone, the future not yet formed.
To some I am nothing, if I dwell on that I may be sad, to others I am something, if I think of that I may be joyful, yet they are transient moments too.
Im not sure my musings are of much help here, or often to me either, I guess balance is all, and when we lose that balance for whatever reason only we can find it again.
Hope your musings help OP, maybe we all just have to find our own way....
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"I need to be left alone. I’m absolutely useless with sympathy. Giving and receiving!"
spot on, my wife likes to support and console the absolute opposite of what i actually want/need. leave me to stew and clam down for a moment and I'm usually fine
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm incredibly fortunate to be naturally positive. Although things get me down , or knock me down I am able to keep perspective and have a strategy for moving forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I tend to work out my own issues. Not one for asking for help, although I often freely give it.
Its funny how we find it so much easier to give than accept.
"
True. I often find it user to help with others issues. Probably because I am outside the problem so can be more objective and suggest options. |
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It depends on the context, if it's a work thing I speak my mind, if it's a personal/relationship thing I hold it in until it bubbles over. I probably should try it the other way around but I am what I am! |
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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago
Stockport |
Work: Say what I want (with a few meetings with HR)
People: Normally agree with what they want, and don't say what I am feeling, then go find cake and wonder why I don't express my feelings better.
 |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"I find them hard to process with certain people. I have a friend who top trumps everything - I’m not allowed to express any negative feeling (when to do with them) despite feelings not being the same as the actions one chooses to take as a consequence of the feelings. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder what the point of the friendship is. I understand why they do what they do but it begs the question when are they going to process the why and get healthier?
Rant over.
A valid rant I think, dealing with other people's emotions can be hard and frustrating if they don't actually deal with them.
I think we've all had that friend who comes for advice but never takes it but expects emotional support when they get the exact same response as the last time they didn't take the advice!
I wonder what their answer to this thread would be though, often the way we think we deal with things isn't what others see.
Ahh sorry I wasn’t clear. No, it’s someone that won’t ever let me annoyed at them or upset by them (not someone not following advice given). The fact I’m not allowed to have a negative reaction to anything they’ve done means it’s really disabling and makes me feel that my feelings aren’t of importance to them.
Sorry, I get you know I think. You mean they are dismissive of your feelings?
I guess that would make me question the friendship and the inequality. I'm assuming it's not reflective of how you treat them.
This. Yep, it’s dawned on me they’re not really a friend. And that’s heartbreaking to absorb.
Are they a bit narcissist?
A slither, but it would rip their world apart if that was suggested as they’ve suffered at the hands of full narcissism.
Then perhaps they are shut down to protect themselves. No reactions towards the narc can become second nature and the reaction may be the same for everyone, not just the narc. Maybe."
Or maybe it was a case of birds of a feather |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? "
All of the above..it depends what has upset me..if i have been deeply hurt i go very quiet..  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Only just seen this but interesting thread OP
For me if I get negative feelings they don't tend to last long unless they are life changing type of things - I was recently asked if I suffered from depression and my answer to that was that I have my down times but they don't usually last more than a day or so, and that applies to any negativity I feel too.
I'm also not one to hold grudges or resentment, especially if it's a situation I can't do anything about.
I'm also an overthinker and that can be dangerous when I get negative, but I'm also a realist and the objective side of my brain usually keeps me in check and wins out by continually telling me I'm being stupid and seeing things that just aren't there.
My preference when I am feeling negative is to be able to talk things through with someone, ideally the person I'm feeling negative about (where it is person specific) but that is reliant on both people being willing to talk rationally and calmly.
Unfortunately where that is not possible things can come to a head and boil over spectacularly, sometimes at a later date and usually over something totally unrelated and fairly minor, which I know goes against what I said about not holding grudges, but the one time dormant feelings come out for me is during a blow up which is when I tend to get irrational and stuff gets pulled out of the closet to throw. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I need to be left alone. I’m absolutely useless with sympathy. Giving and receiving!"
I’m the same, just get out my space, leave me alone and accept I’m not going to respond to your texts until I want to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got told the other day in work (by someone who has never directly worked with me, and ranks below me)
That she thinks 'I am unapproachable', oh ok, based on what exactly? She went on into this diatribe of certain team not wanting to work with me etc.
I cut her dead with
"so you think I am unapproachable yet you feel comfortable enough to approach me to tell me? Come back without the contradiction"
I tend to shrug off negativity depending on how I am feeling. Other people negativity does not unduly bother me, tend to move along. For it to matter I have to value and respect you in some way shape or form.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? "
it upsets me in the moment sometimes i have to say immediately im upset but mostly i move on  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things? it upsets me in the moment sometimes i have to say immediately im upset but mostly i move on "
Ok |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to work out my own issues. Not one for asking for help, although I often freely give it.
I was like that. It nearly killed me."
Only nearly though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apologies in advance, I'm musing and doing that self reflection thing again.
I was just wondering how you deal with negative feelings? Do you have to deal with them there and then or do you hold them in? Do you stew on them until they explode or do you hide them completely?
If you're upset do you prefer to be left alone or do you want company/sympathy?
Are you an explosive reactor or just quietly get on with things?
Negative feelings, would really depend on what they were and who or what about.
Sympathy I don't need, understanding yes, but I find very few are truly empathetic even if they might like to tell you they are.
I'm used to dealing with things on my own.
I find empathy one of those things that can irritate me if I'm upset, it sits too close to sympathy and I don't want that, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. "
That's what makes it hard for people to open up and discuss any problems that they have. The affect your negativity might have on somebody else.
To feel as though you are fishing for sympathy, or showing signs of weakness, or generating and unexpectedly negative reaction from the person you are opening up to.
Some people are screening for help on the inside, while pushing help away on the outside. I see this a lot on FAB
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