FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The trouble with loneliness,
The trouble with loneliness,
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
is that I think it's often confused or conflated with desperation.
It's what has brought me here,and I think there are quite a few members who have a less-than-freewheeling,confidence-filled backstory.
I'm not expecting any replies or commentary. I'm writing this up here only because it might be nice for those others to know that someone else,at least,recognizes this.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We are new here, so possibly not in a position to comment... but Fab seems pretty fickle and we’d worry that anyone hoping for or needing support might end up feeling worse than they already were... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We are new here, so possibly not in a position to comment... but Fab seems pretty fickle and we’d worry that anyone hoping for or needing support might end up feeling worse than they already were..."
I agree. That's a real risk.
As for the poster above: if the criteria don't apply to you then,clearly,it has nothing to say about you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The older I get the more lonely I become , when your younger you go out more , meet more people etc I can go the whole weekend without talking to a soul |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Define lonely? I spend a fair bit of time alone but I really love my own company so I'm quite happy with that and wouldn't change it ??"
Alone and lonely are two totally different things ... you can be alone but not lonely or you can be out with others and very lonely! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There can be different things that can make you feel lonely. Not having people to talk to regarding certain things can bring a sense of loneliness even if you've plenty of people in your life.
Using the forums can be a platform to speak about many many subjects, from books they love in common to trauma in common, knowing there's others out there with that something in common can make a huge difference.
I would say though, that to use fab as your only crutch, ESPECIALLY to alievate physical loneliness may not be the best idea.
P |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm very lonely at times but I don't expect to find the solution to that here.
I think sometimes the feeling of being alone in the world does hit me quite hard. I've no parents,no big extended family and I've been single for 10 years.
I get through it though. I don't allow myself to wallow and just get on with it .
Maybe that makes me strong or stupid I don't know |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Define lonely? I spend a fair bit of time alone but I really love my own company so I'm quite happy with that and wouldn't change it ??
Alone and lonely are two totally different things ... you can be alone but not lonely or you can be out with others and very lonely! "
Very true! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many "
i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "
my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice "
Is crippling anxiety a choice?
P |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xx"
struggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer. "
Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "
Are you saying people choose to struggle?
I had a mental breakdown a few years ago. That was not a choice.
P |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uckymooMan
over a year ago
Mid-Cheshire |
"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
You are spot on
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"is that I think it's often confused or conflated with desperation.
It's what has brought me here,and I think there are quite a few members who have a less-than-freewheeling,confidence-filled backstory.
Lonsliness is a state of mind,it has nothing to do with friends, family, relationships or lack thereof. It's about feeling that you don't fit in, that you can't take that step to meet people, to talk to them, to actually be open about how you feel. Even some of those apparently confident, free wheeling people are actually lonely and covering it with a false front of bravado. Try just saying hello to strangers as you wander through life, often they will talk back. Get a dog, people seem far more willing to talk to you when you have a dog with you.
I'm not expecting any replies or commentary. I'm writing this up here only because it might be nice for those others to know that someone else,at least,recognizes this.
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.
Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad "
I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
"
Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x"
Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Fab has very much been my saviour when I have been ill and maybe not been out for months. Even when I am down the forums can give me a giggle and brighten up my day. So thank you fab x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.
Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad
I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family."
we used to have an older lady next door to us who was very lonely. I would go in once a week but I dreaded it, she was incredibly boring, chain smoked and drank like a fish  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x
Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x "
Me too. Have a little empathy or even if you have nothing nice or productive to say then don't say anything x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When somebody reaches out and says that they are lonely, for whatever reason, a little empathy would be nice.
In an era when we are actively encouraging people to reach out and communicate about how we are feeling rather than struggle alone I’m quite saddened at how people react.
Well said. Sometimes it can be hard to reach out too. Loneliness isn't a choice. Being alone and liking your own company isn't loneliness. Lots of people have social anxiety and struggle in big group situations, or other issues that make it hard for them x
Exactly! Does my head in when people jump in with sarcastic comments when someone’s just making a post about how they’re feeling x
Me too. Have a little empathy or even if you have nothing nice or productive to say then don't say anything x"
Yup  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs "
As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs "
Hmm, everyone is allowed their own views but when someone is expressing vulnerability is that the time to challenge them? I don't think so, and if you do, expect to be challenged back. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs
As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x"
And I should add that I agree with that too
Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
my mum's carer was telling me that some housebound people can go weeks without seeing anybody but their carer.
Yes especially the elderly without family or family that don't care, that makes me sad
I have a few lovely elderly neighours I go and visit and take shopping and have a natter with them as they have no family.
we used to have an older lady next door to us who was very lonely. I would go in once a week but I dreaded it, she was incredibly boring, chain smoked and drank like a fish "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many "
I would hazard a guess that as it's an emotion, and emotions are reactive (to stimuli), it's never a choice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Obv coz I say that ALL ppl are entitled to post then I MUST be siding with the ppl you don't like. Can't win really so I'll zip it for fear of upsetting the oversensitive on someone else's behalf......
I was defending common sense, not any specific comments or views....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "
Oh dear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs
As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x
And I should add that I agree with that too
Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness "
Suppose it's natural selection at its best then. It's good when true colours are shown through peoples posts x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "
Quite a judgemental approach that says more about you than the people you’re judging. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many i think it is, they choose not to interact with others and that can be for many different reasons but its that persons choice
Not strictly true.
What about people that struggle to communicate for whatever reason? It's not always easy xxstruggling to communicate exactly they are struggling, a choice, when you have a bad tooth and its giving you pain you don't want to pay a dentist £60 to hurt you further and pull it out but you do its same thing you make a choice struggle or communicate "
I’d give it a rest pal - you don’t know what you’re talking about |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make?
No, it isn't a choice for many
I would hazard a guess that as it's an emotion, and emotions are reactive (to stimuli), it's never a choice. "
Agreed, I get periods of melancholy, I wouldn't go as far as calling them depression as I know people close to me with that.
Once I went to a party with my then gf, All laughing & joking with friends but for one moment I looked away & caught my gf's eye.
Later she commented that I was the only person she knew that could be in a room full of friends & yet still look totally alone. She said she could see it plain as day in my eyes. That was a melancholy day & I really didn't want to be there but forced myself.
Its got much better as I've got older, though I still get one or two days a month.
I'd agree with some others though, this is not the place to try & sort it out & will in all likelihood make matters worse IMO.
S
S |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"lonely in a world with millions of people surely is a choice you make? "
Pardon me my dear, but your ignorance is showing. Or maybe it's immaturity?
Loneliness is not a choice and it's completely different to being alone. I'm alone a lot more now than when I had a house full of kids/friends/dogs etc. But I love it. I choose who I see and when. I never thought I would be content as a solo person, but I've proved myself wrong!
Loneliness is a completely different kettle of fish though. And being a GAD disorder sufferer, I get how hard and how daunting every single day can be. Maybe we should all just try a little tenderness and compassion. It costs nothing.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs
As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x
And I should add that I agree with that too
Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness "
I don't think people are saying if you're gonna be a dick, don't comment. They're merely saying that if you are gonna comment, don't be a dick. And honestly the guy who said loneliness is a choice was being very ignorant about it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There have been some knobby comments, and they show themselves up, but the idea of the forum is for everyone to have a say, not just ppl who share the same view. I think it's a sad day when ppl are told to shut up, even if they are knobs
As you said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think it's sad when someone shares their feelings and says about being lonely and others say it's a choice to be that way. In my opinion x
And I should add that I agree with that too
Just let the stupid ppl be stupid, censorship creates a lazy society and we then forget how to debate and combat twattiness
I don't think people are saying if you're gonna be a dick, don't comment. They're merely saying that if you are gonna comment, don't be a dick. And honestly the guy who said loneliness is a choice was being very ignorant about it."
Who knows? I don't think you know any more than I do, but then I DON'T KNOW..... ....Probs best to stick to the original topic than guess....
Hope you get a shag soon, maybe this thread will help |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
