FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Putting it on hold !
Putting it on hold !
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Having been on and off fab. I have realised it seems to get more difficult for single guys on here. Especially if you have a Grandad bod like mine 
Recently the past came back into my life and I realised how much I really want her back. Even though the feeling has so far not been reciprocated I have decided to devote my time in trying to win her back.
The positive is she has not been in another relationship or anything sexual since we split. This makes me think I have a chance to turn things around with her. She split because she just wanted to be on her own.
Not actively seeking a meet on here until I know what is to happen between us and if the spark will re-appear for both us  . She makes me happy 
The question is do I change my text from using the word single in my profile ?
And
I would appreciate any ideas I can use to to make her feel the same way as I feel about her.
The flowers thread was really good in helping but she has hay fever so in the end decided to give that plan a miss. I sent her Chocolates and a little Gift instead.
Thank you all in advance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can’t make anyone feel a certain way about you, if she has the feelings you have then great, if not, nothing you can really do.
And I wouldn’t change your profile to not say single yet - as you’re still single |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can’t make anyone feel a certain way about you, if she has the feelings you have then great, if not, nothing you can really do.
And I wouldn’t change your profile to not say single yet - as you’re still single"
 |
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Have a chat with her and find out where she is in her life. Does she still want to be on her own, is she looking for another relationship, has she got feelings for you beyond that of friendship? It always worries me when people ask for strategies to make someone feel a certain way, if your normal every day self and behaviour isn't making them feel the same way then doing things like sending flowers, giving chocolates etc is setting you both up for disappointmentwwhen you revert to your normal self.
The only way to form successful relationships in my opinion is open communication in my opinion. That's the strategy I advise.
Good luck, I hope it works out for the best for both of you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also why are you considering changing your profile? You're jumping the gun, slow down. "
It feels like a form of cheating if I really want to be with her again... |
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"Also why are you considering changing your profile? You're jumping the gun, slow down.
It feels like a form of cheating if I really want to be with her again... "
You can't cheat on someone you aren't with. Why not hide your profile while you and the lady are working on your relationship? |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I’d leave her be and let her come to you, if she wants to. Otherwise she may feel that you’re not taking her “wanting to have time alone” seriously and are pressuring her, and that will just annoy her.
She knows where you are. But don’t put tour life on hold for her. Show her what she is potentially missing out on (the fun stuff, not sexy stuff).
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’d leave her be and let her come to you, if she wants to. Otherwise she may feel that you’re not taking her “wanting to have time alone” seriously and are pressuring her, and that will just annoy her.
She knows where you are. But don’t put tour life on hold for her. Show her what she is potentially missing out on (the fun stuff, not sexy stuff).
"
I tried the 'let her come back to me' approach when we originally split and it just made her grow further apart. She has given me a a bit of a clue that she may be ready for another relationship again. I don't want her to end up with someone else. A bit more of an emotional attachment to this relationship which I prefer to talk about in private.
Just looking at opinions on how I could make her want to be with me. We were very good together which
she admits and says it was Love ... |
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"I’d leave her be and let her come to you, if she wants to. Otherwise she may feel that you’re not taking her “wanting to have time alone” seriously and are pressuring her, and that will just annoy her.
She knows where you are. But don’t put tour life on hold for her. Show her what she is potentially missing out on (the fun stuff, not sexy stuff).
I tried the 'let her come back to me' approach when we originally split and it just made her grow further apart. She has given me a a bit of a clue that she may be ready for another relationship again. I don't want her to end up with someone else. A bit more of an emotional attachment to this relationship which I prefer to talk about in private.
Just looking at opinions on how I could make her want to be with me. We were very good together which
she admits and says it was Love ... "
Have you spoken to her openly about this? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’d leave her be and let her come to you, if she wants to. Otherwise she may feel that you’re not taking her “wanting to have time alone” seriously and are pressuring her, and that will just annoy her.
She knows where you are. But don’t put tour life on hold for her. Show her what she is potentially missing out on (the fun stuff, not sexy stuff).
I tried the 'let her come back to me' approach when we originally split and it just made her grow further apart. She has given me a a bit of a clue that she may be ready for another relationship again. I don't want her to end up with someone else. A bit more of an emotional attachment to this relationship which I prefer to talk about in private.
Just looking at opinions on how I could make her want to be with me. We were very good together which
she admits and says it was Love ...
Have you spoken to her openly about this? "
Yes, she is very stubborn in character and she said at the time of our split we would never get back together and probably told a lot of her friends etc.
I think this is stopping her wanting to get back with me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you sure you're not subconsciously seeing this as a challenge instead of a desire to actually be in a relationship with her?
Could it now be more important for you to win rather than lose? |
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"I’d leave her be and let her come to you, if she wants to. Otherwise she may feel that you’re not taking her “wanting to have time alone” seriously and are pressuring her, and that will just annoy her.
She knows where you are. But don’t put tour life on hold for her. Show her what she is potentially missing out on (the fun stuff, not sexy stuff).
I tried the 'let her come back to me' approach when we originally split and it just made her grow further apart. She has given me a a bit of a clue that she may be ready for another relationship again. I don't want her to end up with someone else. A bit more of an emotional attachment to this relationship which I prefer to talk about in private.
Just looking at opinions on how I could make her want to be with me. We were very good together which
she admits and says it was Love ...
Have you spoken to her openly about this?
Yes, she is very stubborn in character and she said at the time of our split we would never get back together and probably told a lot of her friends etc.
I think this is stopping her wanting to get back with me "
Read that back to yourself.
As you probably know I'm not in the business of telling people what they want to hear. She is not being stubborn, she's telling you that nothing has changed. Respect her wishes and just be her friend you're sounding a little bit too insistent that you know what she wants and she doesn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just try being friends otherwise you'll come across as desperate and pushy! If you truly love her as a person then support her in whatever endeavour she decides in her life and be there for support, at the moment it sounds like only you know what's best for her and it has to be you!
The saying is "If you love someone let them go and if they come back to you then they're truly meant to be with you" or summit like that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just try being friends otherwise you'll come across as desperate and pushy! If you truly love her as a person then support her in whatever endeavour she decides in her life and be there for support, at the moment it sounds like only you know what's best for her and it has to be you!
The saying is "If you love someone let them go and if they come back to you then they're truly meant to be with you" or summit like that "
This advice has been the best so far and has struck a cord |
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Honest profile is best, so state single.
Allow her the time to be single and to determine what she wants, whilst you experience being single in full, without keeping yourself in a relationship that does not exist.
She may never want you, so it's important that you claim being single |
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"A lot of you have filters up so can't really express the full nature of why I feel that we should get back together...
I respect all your opinions "
the only person you need to express that to is her surely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A lot of you have filters up so can't really express the full nature of why I feel that we should get back together...
I respect all your opinions
the only person you need to express that to is her surely."
I am trying but as I say it does not seem to be having much effect on her.
Maybe she has grown completely grown apart from me. I will get a better picture soon.
I just dont want to feel I never tried hard enough to get her back.
What will be will be |
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"A lot of you have filters up so can't really express the full nature of why I feel that we should get back together...
I respect all your opinions
the only person you need to express that to is her surely.
I am trying but as I say it does not seem to be having much effect on her.
Maybe she has grown completely grown apart from me. I will get a better picture soon.
I just dont want to feel I never tried hard enough to get her back.
What will be will be "
ok. You must do what you feel is best. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nothing lasts forever, everything is temporary. People's feelings change, people change, people's needs and desires change."
If it was a fab or NSA arrangement then sure I would completely agree with you but in this case a lot more emotion is involved.
Your opinion is very valid and fast becoming the way of the world and I get it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have tried a few gestures to see if we can rekindle the flame. Expressed my feelings completely to her. I am beginning to feel acceptance of a friendship may be the best way forward.
People Change. That's life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having been on and off fab. I have realised it seems to get more difficult for single guys on here. Especially if you have a Grandad bod like mine
Recently the past came back into my life and I realised how much I really want her back. Even though the feeling has so far not been reciprocated I have decided to devote my time in trying to win her back.
The positive is she has not been in another relationship or anything sexual since we split. This makes me think I have a chance to turn things around with her. She split because she just wanted to be on her own.
Not actively seeking a meet on here until I know what is to happen between us and if the spark will re-appear for both us . She makes me happy
The question is do I change my text from using the word single in my profile ?
And
I would appreciate any ideas I can use to to make her feel the same way as I feel about her.
The flowers thread was really good in helping but she has hay fever so in the end decided to give that plan a miss. I sent her Chocolates and a little Gift instead.
Thank you all in advance."
delete your profile concentrate on task ahead |
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