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Genuine compliments
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I think there's a vulnerability in letting compliments "land". Opening yourself up to caring about other people's opinions, for better or worse.
It's something I struggled with for a long time, and I still have difficulty with. |
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If there’s nothing to be gained by them saying it, it’s easier to accept.
Not being able to take a compliment is quite bad; I know it’s partly a British thing and most of us aren’t good at it but you need to get better.
When we look back on the day we tend to remember the crap bits and not the good bits, because good bits like compliments are dismissed. That’s not a good place to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not great at accepting them.
I think like anything you have to trust your gut. Some feel genuine and that’s lovely but others feel like niceness and trying to tick boxes to get in your pants  . It’s hard to gauge at times -Mrs |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
I tend to take them with a pinch of salt in here. Depending if I know the person or not. I’m terrible at accepting them - if you say thank you they might think you agree with them 
If it’s from someone I like or know I tend to turn it into a joke to try to combat my flusters 
I need to find some self confidence from somewhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a compliment on fab is never easy to accept given the nature of the website. The brain will always think "what are you after" rather than consider it genuine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if they are generic I view them with extreme suspicion. I get loads saying how gorgeous I look - which I find hilarious with a profile pic of 3 inch of thigh on show!
But then I don't value physical beauty that much. I'm far more susceptible to ones that praise something I've said or my outlook on life.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you know when someone is giving you a real compliment (often a problem on here)? Are you good at accepting them? "
Well, accept this compliment (as the likelyhood of me gaining from complimenting you is remote)
You look really great
X |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I find it quite difficult to accept them at times but then I try and remember that by batting them away I'm almost doing the complimenter a disservice? By saying no, it's like oh, your opinion isn't worth that much to me. I know it's more nuanced than that obviously.
I don't tend to get many compliments on a day to day basis, I'm more likely to be the one giving them. If I think someone deserves a compliment I do so from a genuine place and don't allow my filters to stop me from doing so.
On here I just know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t get many. I don’t have long queues to get my pants off.
I assume if someone is giving me a compliment it’s genuine and I’m grateful for it. Similarly I only give them if they are meant. |
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I’m not good with complements at all. It’s something I’m working on at the moment. My self worth is still very low as I still base it on where I was rather than where I am now. Takes time to really understand the change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if it's some one you k ow a friend or some on in the forums and they seem sincere then that's always a good yard stick
Its always nice to have a complement |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"But then I don't value physical beauty that much. I'm far more susceptible to ones that praise something I've said or my outlook on life.
"
 While I do appreciate the aesthetic based ones, the ones that really make me smile and blush are ones commenting on my written word or modicum of intelligence etc. They make me beam. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if they are generic I view them with extreme suspicion. I get loads saying how gorgeous I look - which I find hilarious with a profile pic of 3 inch of thigh on show!
But then I don't value physical beauty that much. I'm far more susceptible to ones that praise something I've said or my outlook on life.
"
That 3 inches of thigh is stunning tho  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t get many. I don’t have long queues to get my pants off.
I assume if someone is giving me a compliment it’s genuine and I’m grateful for it. Similarly I only give them if they are meant."
That said I have had a couple that proved individuals clearly hadn’t read my profile, I suggested that they had better read it. |
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"I’m not good with complements at all. It’s something I’m working on at the moment. My self worth is still very low as I still base it on where I was rather than where I am now. Takes time to really understand the change. "
Oh this resonates so much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to take them with a pinch of salt in here. Depending if I know the person or not. I’m terrible at accepting them - if you say thank you they might think you agree with them
If it’s from someone I like or know I tend to turn it into a joke to try to combat my flusters
I need to find some self confidence from somewhere "
This . I really struggle on the rare occasions it happens in real life. Even simple things like someone saying they like my dress , usually I'll respond with what a bargain it was or something! |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"I tend to take them with a pinch of salt in here. Depending if I know the person or not. I’m terrible at accepting them - if you say thank you they might think you agree with them
If it’s from someone I like or know I tend to turn it into a joke to try to combat my flusters
I need to find some self confidence from somewhere
This . I really struggle on the rare occasions it happens in real life. Even simple things like someone saying they like my dress , usually I'll respond with what a bargain it was or something!"
Oh I do that all the time! Oh I’ve had it ages or only £10 from Primani as if you have to counter the compliment with something self depreciating to balance it out and not feel like you sound like you think you’re the bomb. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if they are generic I view them with extreme suspicion. I get loads saying how gorgeous I look - which I find hilarious with a profile pic of 3 inch of thigh on show!
But then I don't value physical beauty that much. I'm far more susceptible to ones that praise something I've said or my outlook on life.
That 3 inches of thigh is stunning tho "
Ooh thank you very much. That's a lovely thing to say! |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
On here I dont think you do know. It's nice to receive a compliment but most of it does straight over my head as I really dont take this place very seriously. In the real world that's different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not one to dish them out if they're not due.
I dont compliment to get people into bed.
So I don't suspect others of doing the same. If they dont know me, or only know me from posts rather than PMs.. then I take it with a pinch of salt.
Someone introducing themselves and making the effort to talk to me is all the compliment I need. |
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It really does depend on who it's from as to how I receive it. The generic "you're gorgeous" opening messages from people I don't know on here are a bit like white noise and don't really register on my consciousness. But I will always accept compliments from those I know as graciously as possible, and always with a smile if in person. |
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I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On here I dont think you do know. It's nice to receive a compliment but most of it does straight over my head as I really dont take this place very seriously. In the real world that's different "
Genuine here! You is fit innit? [ali g voice) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont get that many. When I do I tend to go a bit mumbly and while not brushing them off make light of them, as though in some way they are a little undeserved.....
The ones that mean something to me are usually from someone I know or I know isnt trying to manipulate me, like a rare positive response to something I may have posted in the forums.
It's not just on fab though, even in everyday life, I'm often not sure what to say other than thank the person for their kind thoughts, while wondering whatever they see that I dont....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though."
Big hugs xxxx |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"On here I dont think you do know. It's nice to receive a compliment but most of it does straight over my head as I really dont take this place very seriously. In the real world that's different
Genuine here! You is fit innit? [ali g voice)"
I am fit
But maybe not the one you were thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When receiving compliments I am gracious but I never let them resonate, it took me a long time to find my self esteem and I just never got used to them because for many years they only came from my mother or family and I felt they were obliged to give them anyway.
When I am paying compliments which is more likely the case, I do so from my heart and it feels personal and is always genuine. I've certainly been guilty of over emphasising at times, but meant with only the best intentions.
When it's a "compliment the poster above" thread I try 'not' to get too personal and generally stick to something I like that they've written, or a well taken photo..or boobs, boobs always deserve a compliment. There are no bad boobs. If I've spoken to the person before I might get more personal with my compliment. |
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"I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though.
Big hugs xxxx"
Thank you. I'm good. Just leftover brain worms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though."
So sorry to hear that. Going to pay compliment then but understand it’s difficult to accept....I’ll just fab away at the beautiful pics! |
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"I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though.
So sorry to hear that. Going to pay compliment then but understand it’s difficult to accept....I’ll just fab away at the beautiful pics!"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it's been a personal issue of mine since an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who tried to lead me to believe that having any sense of self worth made me narcissistic and that I thought I was better than everyone. It's something I'm working on. I'm sure you'll get there OP though it's good to recognise that you can't take EVERYONE at face value. Generally most people are well intentioned though.
So sorry to hear that. Going to pay compliment then but understand it’s difficult to accept....I’ll just fab away at the beautiful pics!
Thank you "
Even your feet!! Lol |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm a blustering flusterer when it comes to accepting compliments and get awkward and try and deflect with some self-deprecation even when I know they are genuine and heartfelt or at best I might manage an "awww you " type comment
I'm a little better with people I know but still usually only manage a thank you or look to try and compliment them back as some part of my brain tells me that's the right thing to do.
As a bloke on here I tend to view most compliments as genuine so tend to believe them as such, even though I struggle believing they are true of me |
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